Finding Evan (16 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

NESS

Melted snow drips to the floor in the entrance hall when we get back to the house. Now that we’re apart, I shiver in my damp, cold clothes, and I start to regret lying in the snow kissing Evan for so long.

I peel off my gloves, shaking snow on the floor, and Evan does the same. Christmas carols filter from the kitchen, and the happy Christmas glow flows back into me.

Pushing a tendril of damp hair behind my cold ear, Evan kisses me softly. “I like
this
Ness.”

I don’t respond, but I know what he means. Happy and relaxed. Allowing him close; trusting he loves me.

“I’m going to shower and get ready for Christmas lunch,” I tell Evan, unzipping my coat.

His eyes widen. “Can I come?” I raise an eyebrow. “Okay, wishful thinking.”

We pad across the hallway and upstairs, where I pause and kiss him. “Get changed. I’ll be down in about fifteen minutes.”

“Hurry up,” he whispers.

“My parents aren’t that scary!”

Evan smiles. “I know. I just want to spend every moment with you.”

***

EVAN

This is a different world, but one I could get used to. Like we’re back in Europe, but with snow instead of sun. Real life is distant, and we’re living in a cocooned happy place again. Okay, with her parents on the edges of the world, but it’s me and her, and a snowy English Christmas village. How much more cliché romance could I fit into one week?

As I peel off my soggy clothes, I grin, remembering the combination of the playful Ness and sexy Ness.
Sexiness
. She hates when I call her those names, but being able to add -ness to words winds her up. And amuses me.

Staring at the shirt and trousers hung over the wardrobe, I rub an eyebrow. I need to suit up. On Christmas Day. The strange world isn’t just the white one outside.

Shivering, I grab a towel and head for the ensuite. Ensuite? We have one bathroom. Ness’s house must have at least three. Yep. Different world.

My phone rings.

I wander over and look down; whoever’s calling can wait. Lucy. Who else would it be? I groan; I know she’s pissed off about me missing Christmas at home, but I promised I’d call when I got a chance. Refusing to answer, I head for the shower.

After ten minutes of fighting images of Ness in the shower from my mind, and how inappropriate it’d be acting on those thoughts in her parents’ shower, I wrap myself in a towel and head for the day’s unwanted uniform. Part of me wishes tacky jumpers were the dress code. At least I’d be comfortable.

The phone rings again and Lucy’s name flashes on the screen. I sit on the bed and pick the phone up, waiting for it to stop ringing. I’ll call her when it suits me. The call ends and the screen lights up: eighteen missed calls and ten messages. In the last two hours. Lucy’s number.

Worlds collide again. No. Lucy can’t do this.

And I can’t ignore it.

Annoyed at my shaking hands, I dress quickly, then dial Lucy’s number. I don’t hear the phone ring before Lucy’s voice sounds.

“Evan?”

When I call or speak to Lucy, there’s certain tones I
recognize. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out this one. Panic. I switch into ‘calm-Lucy-the-fuck-down mode’.

“I know you’re desperate to wish me a Happy Christmas, but…”

“I need your help.”

Four words. Four fucking words Lucy hits me with. Again. I suck a breath through my teeth. “With what? I’m free in a few days. I said I’d come over between Christmas and New Year.”

“I came to see Faye, and our brother and sister, and then I got here and he’s here on his own, and the house is cold, and she’s not here, an
d
fuck
…
he was on his own, Evan! And then Jade came and she said her mum hasn’t been home for two days, and I was going to take them to Dad’s, and then my car won’t start, so I’m here.”

The room lurches as my brain scrambles to keep up with Lucy’s incoherence.

“Start again. What’s happening? Where are you?”

Lucy huffs a breath and slows down. “I came to Sheffield to bring them Christmas presents. I found Brandon alone in the house. And Jade says she doesn’t know where Mum…Faye...is.”

“I don’t get what you’re telling me.”

“Your three-year-old brother was alone in a cold house on Christmas Day!” Lucy’s voice cracks.

“Where is she? Faye?”

“I just said, no one knows!”

“Where are you?”

She snorts. “McDonalds.”

“Why?”

“Evan, are you listening to me? I couldn’t leave him alone in the house; the place was freezing. Honestly, ice on the inside of the windows. And his mum left him - he was alone on Christmas Day. What sort of mum does that?”

I want to yell ‘our mum’ because this situation shocks but doesn’t surprise me. “So what do you want me to do? I’m more than two hours away, Lucy!”

“I was going to take them home - to Lancaster - but my car won’t start now. The snow, I think; I don’t know. So I brought them here where it’s warm. Who else can I ask to help us, Evan?”

Deja vu. Deja fucking vu. Lucy wants something and I’m torn in two.

“Dad?”

“So, you think telling him about mum and everything is a good idea? Not the best way for him to find out.”

“If you’re taking them to Lancaster, there’s a sm
all possibility he might notice,” I say sarcastically.

“Dad’s probably already drunk. You know he starts early on Christmas day. So I can’t ask him.”

No, you’re asking me. Pulling me out of my happy Evan and Ness bubble. Again.

I change tack. “I don’t think abducting someone’s kids is a good idea!”

“I have Faye’s number. I tried calling…a lot.
”
Yeah, you’re good at that
.
“We can’t stay here. We’ll take them somewhere safe. Just for tonight, or until I get in touch with Faye.”

“You should get in touch with fucking social services, or the police, or whoever deals with this shit on Christmas Day, Lucy. Don’t get involved.”

But in my mind’s eye is the little boy I met at Faye’s house. And the little boy in the photo on Lucy’s bedroom wall. And he’s alone.

Lucy’s crying; I can hear the familiar sniffling.

“Are they okay? Brandon and Jade?” I ask.

“Upset. But okay. Evan, please. Just take us back to Lancaster, and then you can go back to Ness. I’m not asking for any more than that.”

Anymore? She’s asking me to drag myself into the car crash surrounding Faye. And today. Christmas Day. Ness’s precious Christmas Day. I mentally calculate: over two hours to Sheffield, and two more to Lancaster. Four hours to get back here. If the weather holds and I don’t get stuck in snow. I’d have to stay in Lancaster until tomorrow.

I prepared myself for this - for Lucy’s attempt to blackmail me into returning to Lancaster for Christmas. Ness hinted at the possibility too. Since the argument between them at Ness’s the other week, she’s cagier about Lucy again. Which makes
the situation worse than usual.

But Ness will understand? About the kids? Still on the phone with Lucy, I stop talking and walk to the window. Outside, the snow sparkles as sun burns away the grey snow clouds from last night. Mine and Ness’s footprints stretch down her driveway into the fields beyond.

What the fuck do I do?

***

NESS

Towel drying my hair, I step out of the ensuite into my bedroom. Next to the clothes I laid out to wear on the bed is Evan. I halt.

“Evan!” I hiss.

Something’s wrong. There’s no mischievous Evan aura to him in response to my semi-nakedness; he’s sitting with hands tensed on his knees and watching me guardedly. This Evan isn’t sneaking in for sex.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Can’t this wait until I get dressed?” I throw the towel over a chair and tighten my robe. There isn’t the tiniest suggestive look or response from Evan; his eyes remain warily on mine.

“I have to go, Ness.”

The words crack me across the face. “Go? Where?” The answer jumps into my mind and out of my mouth. “Lucy.”

“No. Well, yes, but no.”

He always does this. Struggles to be honest around the Lucy situations. I slump onto the chair my damp towel is resting on. “Please don’t tell me you mean now, Evan.”

“I have to. She’s stuck.”

“
Stuc
k
? That’s a new one!”

His eyes widen at the hostility tingeing my voice. “I know you won’t be happy about this…”

Frustration of the return to a couple of weeks ago crashes into my head, and before I realize, I’m shouting. “Not happy? You can’t just leave on Christmas Day. We’ve got plans; today is for us, with my family. How fucking rude of you to walk out when people have organized so much!”

“Ness…”

Tears follow the words, and I gulp back the sob. This is special. Important. He knows how much this day means to me. “One day! I thought you could give me one fucking day! Go and see her tomorrow. Surely she's well enough to wait a day?"

“Things aren’t that simple; she’s stuck and…”

I don't listen. Don't want to hear. “I’m stuck! Stuck believing I mean more to you than she does. Fuck, all this is worse than you two-timing me!”

“You do mean a lot to me,” says Evan quietly, standing to approach me.

I fix my eyes on him, forcing him to look into my tears and anger. “Then stay.”

Evan can’t hold my look. He glances away and doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. Heart thumping, I pray he’s about to change his mind. But the length of time it’s taking him to respond, I doubt he will.

“What’s so important?” I demand. “Did she snap her fingers? Or is there some new sob story about how she needs you and no one else can help?”

“Ness! That’s not fair.”

I stand and look up at him. “Always her. Every single fucking time!”

Evan steps back, face changing, his features melding into the inscrutable, closed-down Evan. “Don’t be like this…”

My mind flashes further into the point of no return. I didn’t expect to say this so soon after our truce the other week, but I’m done. Maybe I'm too selfish, but I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. “Me or her, Evan.”

“What?”

“I can’t do this anymore. If you’re willing to walk away from something so important to me – to us – then go. And don’t fucking come back!”

“Jeez, Ness, it’s only a day. I’ll come back tomorrow…”

I grab at my hair rather than lash out at him. “That proves you don’t understand me at all if you can’t appreciate how important this is, what it means to me to spend Christmas Day with you. I can’t explain; I feel like you’re rejecting being part of my life. Again.”

Evan stares at me, mouth hard. “I’ll make things up to you.”

“No, you won’t. This is pretty much the most important day of the year to me.”

“You’re being stupid!” As soon as the words come out, his face registers what he’s said wrong.

“Stupid!” I shriek. “Yeah, obviously I am. Stupid thinking you’d ever give yourself to me over your fucking sister!”

“It’s not just about her…” Evan pushes a hand into his hair and grips, the way he does when he’s about to give up communicating. “Okay, forget it. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. Not if you won’t listen to me.”

He steps towards the bedroom door.

“Where are you going?” I demand.

“To pack.”

My backside hits the chair again. He’s making the choice. And the choice isn’t me. “Yeah, forget it! And I mean it! If you can walk away from me today after everything we spoke about, then don’t fucking coming back! Ever!”

He pauses and looks at me; I will him to say something, but he turns and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

For a couple of minutes, I stare at the door, tears halted by the numb shock of him walking away from this. Then they begin to fall, and I don’t think I can stop them.

Because I can’t stop him.

***

EVAN

I leave around an hour later, and Ness doesn’t speak to me. Explaining to her parents is excruciating; I just about manage a mumbled excuse about having to help my sister. I don’t go into details with them either.

In a daze, I follow the motorway to Sheffield, relieved the roads are clear. Ness’s reaction turns over in my thoughts. When I waited for Ness to get out of the shower, I wanted to tell her exactly why I had to go. But her reaction knocked me sideways. I didn’t get a chance to tell her I’d be back again, or about the kids, because she turned into some kind of psycho. Yeah, Ness can shout, and I’ve recently been on the receiving end, but never like this. I could’ve given her the whole story, but as soon as she started yelling, I did what I always do when I can’t cope with how people are reacting to me: I shut her out. Perhaps she’s right; maybe I don’t get her. After what she said about not coming back, I think I’ve fucked things up for good this time.