Finding Ever After (28 page)

           
“
Mmm
, will you marry me Rainbow?” Confused, I stopped
halfway to the island where Spade was sitting with Bas, Chris and
Vi
.

           
“Excuse me?” I asked him

           
“These muffins and cookies are the shit. I’ll hand over all my credit cards and
bank info and buy you any diamond you want, if you promise to bake for me every
day for the rest of my life.” I just shook my head and laughed. “Was that a
yes?” He asked between bites of muffin.

           
“No.”

           
“Well, was it a no?”

           
“No.” I answered, teasing him with a big smile.

           
“So you’ll think about it?” He reached into the container for another muffin.

           
“Hey you better have saved some of those for me dickhead.” Ace appeared from
the living room and raided the Tupperware for his own muffins. Maybe I should
have made a bigger batch. I would try to remember to bake for them more often
if it made them this happy.

           
“Hey, get the fuck away from my muffins. You already had four cookies.” Spade
barked out and snatched one of the muffins right out of Ace’s grasp.

           
“I’ll just grab another one dumbass.” Ace turned to reach for replacement
muffin, but Spade shoved him in the opposite direction. Ace responded by trying
to get Spade in a headlock. That resulted in them wrestling throughout the
kitchen. While they were both distracted Bas and Chris took the opportunity to
grab muffins, but as stealthy as they thought they were being
,
their actions didn’t go unnoticed.

           
“Hey
douchebags
those are our fucking muffins.” Ace
stopped trying to tackle Spade to the ground and glared at Bas and Chris. He
and Spade both completely forgot about the all-out brawl they were having ten
seconds ago and were now united against the muffin snatching brothers.

           
“Hey guys, I can just bake more for you to take home with you.” I interrupted
before it turned into a tag team match. Guys could be so ridiculous sometimes.

           
“Really?”
They both looked at me like I just offered
them sexual
favors,
in fact I’m not even sure they
would have looked quite
that
excited if I had.

           
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal.”

           
“Actually, Princess, it is. We’ve got plans today. Sorry guys, she’s not going
to have any time to bake for you.” They groaned their disappointment and went
back to squabbling over what remained of the cookies and muffins.

           
“Plans?
You and me?”
Nobody
seemed to find this strange either, as if they hadn’t witnessed him humiliating
me yesterday. I shot Bas a questioning look, but he just brushed it off and
tried to hide his smile by taking a bite out of the muffin he had in his hand,
but I still caught it.

           
“Not just you and me, so sit down.” I was curious, but he wouldn’t tell me
more. He pulled out a stool at the bar for me and then set a tray of fresh
fruit, yogurt, granola and . . . “Peanut butter?” I looked at him, surprised.

           
“Yeah, I thought it sounded weird as hell, but Bas said I needed to put it on
there.” I picked up a slice of mango and dipped it into the thick spread. I
savored the sweet and salty combination in my mouth, while Kyden watched me,
his face a mixture of amusement and disgust.

           
“You eat strange shit Princess.” He went over to the fridge, pulled out the
orange juice and poured me a glass.

           
“Thank you.” I mumbled, still trying to figure out what he was playing at this
morning. Instead of sitting down or getting his own food he stood there
watching me eat. It was a little unnerving, and I suddenly felt self-conscious
eating in front of him.

           
“Aren’t you going to eat something?” I asked him, hoping he would take the hint
and quit standing over me. He reached his hand down, plucked strawberry off my
plate and dipped it in the peanut butter and then the granola. I was impressed
that he was actually willing to give it a try but then, instead of bringing it
up to his own mouth like I thought he would do, he touched the strawberry to my
lips and held it there until I opened and bit into the juicy berry. I don’t
know what made my heart rate pick up more, him feeding me, or when he put his
mouth around the remaining half of the berry, where my lips had just been.

           
“Tasty, Princess.”
I coughed, trying not to choke on
the bite I was swallowing. Two words and I
was
ready
to put on a ridiculous outfit, fan him with a palm frond and hand feed him
grapes all day if he asked.

           
If I stared at his mouth any longer, my traitorous body would betray the
appearance of indifference I was trying to maintain. I quickly diverted my gaze
from his lips, but wasn’t any more comforted by what I saw when I looked away.
So much for hoping no one noticed my embarrassment. Bas and everyone else
was
watching us intently. Bas wasn’t trying to hide his grin
this time and I really, really wanted to wipe it off his face.

           
 I could tell today was going to be one of those days I wished I had just
stayed in bed. The jury was still out on whether or not this new friendship
with Kyden was going to be a good thing. I was going to get whiplash trying to
keep up with the different facets of his personality. I never knew what was
coming next.

           
My embarrassment only grew when Ace and Spade started mockingly serving bits of
muffin into each other’s mouths. My cheeks were sufficiently reddened. Kyden
abruptly pulled away from me and went about fixing his own food. Seemed I
wasn’t the only one embarrassed about being observed, or maybe he just realized
hand feeding wasn’t something ‘just friends’ usually did for each other.

           
“When you’re done, grab a jacket and your book. We’re going out on the water.”
He casually informed me. I almost argued. The stubborn part of me didn’t like
being told what to do. What if I wanted to do something else today? I didn’t.
Since it was our last day here I did really want to spend some time out on the
boat, but he didn’t know that. If this was going to work, though, he would have
to learn to check that domineering attitude. I didn’t take orders well, even if
his intent was to do something nice for me. Chalk it up to daddy issues, but I
didn’t argue with him.
This time.

           
Bas finished his food and disappeared from the kitchen. I popped one last
strawberry in my mouth and got up to follow him.

           
“Can I trust him Bas?” The apology was fine and I was ready to forgive and move
on, really give this friendship a chance, but even though I didn’t want to
admit it, I wasn’t objective when it came to Kyden. I knew Bas would be honest
with me.

           
“Trust him how?” Bas always saw more than I wanted him to. “He cares about you
Jazz. That’s obvious to every single one of us, but he’s still got a lot of his
own stuff to work through.”

           
“That’s not what I meant. There’s nothing going on between us. He just wants to
be friends. That’s all I want too. I just want to make sure he’s not going to
lose it again. Am I making a mistake being friends with him? I can’t deal with
anyone else I care about hurting me like that again.”

           
“Yeah, sure Jazz.”
I knew he didn’t completely buy it.
I didn’t even buy it entirely. He didn’t push though. “He knows he blew it big
time last night, but that’s not who he is. There’s a lot about him you don’t
know, but he really is a good friend. You’re not making a mistake giving him a
chance. He’s not the easiest person in the world but yeah, you can trust him.”

           
It’d been way too long since I was out on the water. There’s nothing like
skimming the waves, feeling the ocean breeze on your face while the sun shines
down on you. We stayed out there the rest of the morning and into the
afternoon. Bas,
Vi
and Jake went with us and we were
all reluctant to return to shore. The ocean is a wild and unpredictable force
of nature, but there’s also something so peaceful and relaxing about it. I
could have read out there all day.

           
It was after two o’clock when we pulled the boat back into the cove. The four
guys were lounging around on the dock when Bas steered it over to the launch
area. Kyden helped
Vi
and I hop out while Jake ran to
grab the trailer and truck so they could get the boat back into the shed. Chris
and Ace came over to help with the boat. The breeze coming off the water had
died down and it was definitely the hottest we’d seen yet. All I wanted to do
was launch myself off the dock into the cool, tempting water.

           
“Go get your suit on.”
Vi
read my mind. She was
already pulling off the tank she had on over her bikini top. I ran in the house
and up the stairs to my room. I dug the one piece swimsuit I’d packed out of
the drawer I stuffed it in the first day and stripped off my clothes. I pulled
the suit on, then slipped back into my shorts and slid my feet into a pair of
flip flops before racing back out the door.

           
The hot sun beat down on my bare shoulders as I made my way back over to the
dock. The guys had finished storing the boat and were all out on the dock or in
the water. When I got there Kyden’s back was to me, swim trunks hanging low on
his hips and his shirt discarded somewhere. All that tanned, smooth skin was
much too enticing, even from behind, especially the ink that covered two thirds
of his back. It wasn’t the first time I’d caught a glimpse of the impressive
art work, but it was the first chance I’d had to really admire it.

           
The tattoo was of a man down on one knee, with his arms folded across his
chest, situated on top of the knee that was up. His head was bowed and resting
against his arms so that the face wasn’t visible. The man was completely naked,
but shadows kept the image from being obscene. The part of the tattoo that drew
most of my attention wasn’t the man himself, but the giant pair of wings that
extended from his back and over his shoulders. They wrapped around him,
providing a shelter. It was obviously an angel, but the impression it gave was
dark and grim, rather than heavenly. I could almost feel the brokenness and
pain that it emanated. Fallen angel, that’s what I would call it.

           
The entire piece stretched from shoulder to shoulder, and the wings came down
to his lower back. It was beautiful and tragic at the same time. I wondered
about the story behind that specific piece, why Kyden had chosen it. I was more
curious than ever about his past and I desperately wanted to be someone that he
would confide in, someone that he would trust with his secrets, his fears and
his dreams. I wanted to know him from the inside out. My face flushed with the
intimate thoughts I was having. Heat stroke, that’s what it was. The sun was
messing with my head. Can you get heat stroke after only five minutes?

           
“No Princess.” For a second I thought Kyden was answering my thoughts, but that
was impossible. While I was lost in my head, he had turned around and was looking
at me in a disapproving manner. I was confused as to what I could have done too
earn that look.

           
“No, what?”
I asked with all of the uncertainty and
hesitation that I felt.

           
“No more hiding.” His voice was hard
and resolute, but his eyes were soft as they penetrated my defenses. They
flitted briefly to my torso before coming back up to my face and I knew what he
was saying. He was asking too much of me though. I looked down and away from
his demanding gaze.

           
“Look at me Princess.” When I refused he stepped forward and used his fingers
to lift my chin. “You’re fucking
perfect,
a couple of
scars don’t change that.”

           
“But they’re hideous.” I choked out.

           
“Nothing about you could ever be hideous.” I felt the wetness trying to leave
my eyes. There was so much sincerity and tenderness in his voice that I wanted
to wrap myself in it. “You don’t have to show the world, but here, with us, no
hiding.”

           
“I can’t.”

           
“Yes you can.”

           
“I mean I didn’t bring . . . This is all I have.”

           
“Come on.” He took my hand and led me back into the house.

           
“I’m not going out there in my underwear.” He just chuckled as we stepped
through the door.

           
“I’m not asking you to.” He reached for a bag that was sitting on the entryway
bench. “
Here.
” He handed me the small bag. Inside was
as simple but cute, sea green bikini. I looked back up at him surprised.

           
“When did you get this?”

           
“That first morning.
After I saw them and took off I
ended up in town. I was pissed and I’ll admit a little crazy. I saw it inside
one of the shops and I knew you had lied about why you wouldn’t wear a
swimsuit. It was either buy it for you or put my fist through something.”

           
It was a little crazy, but mostly it was sweet and thoughtful. I pulled the
swim suit from the bag and held it up. The thought of putting it on and baring
everything had my stomach in knots, but I would do it because I believed him
when he told me he didn’t think my scars were ugly. I would do it because when
he looked at me, with hopefulness in his eyes, I didn’t want to disappoint him.
More than that, I trusted him.

           
I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom staring at the scars that were on
display. The small scraps of fabric weren’t much better than underwear. It was
actually modest for a bikini, but that wasn’t saying much. Nobody had seen me
this exposed in a very long time. I didn’t know if I really had the guts to walk
out there.

           
Even the scars that came up the inside of my thighs were visible. I hated
looking at my body and usually avoided it when I dressed. I was disfigured and
I couldn’t imagine anyone thinking my body was beautiful after seeing these scars,
but maybe I was wrong. Kyden gave me hope that I was, so I slipped my flip
flops back on and once again made my way outside to the water.

           
When I first stepped out onto the dock all eyes turned to me and I saw the
struggle on their faces, to hang on to their composure, especially once they
spotted the lower scars. I wanted to run back in the house, or grab a towel and
cover up, but I didn’t and after their initial reaction, none of them made me
feel awkward or uncomfortable. It was difficult to be so exposed in front of
them, but not as bad as I thought it would be.

           
“Stunning Rainbow.
Love the tat, glad I finally got
the chance to see it.” He eyes the piece of art that went up the right side of
my stomach. It was a ship, with the words “I am not afraid of storms, for I am
learning how to sail my ship.” I got it six months after moving to Portland.
I’d started self defense classes and had finally opened up to Sadie. For the
first time up to that point, I finally felt in control of my life, like I
wasn’t just surviving.

           
“I vote that you walk around like that all the time from now on.” Spade winked.

           
“I’ll second that.” Ace agreed, just before shoving Spade off the dock. He came
up sputtering and threatening Ace, who just laughed and then jumped in himself.
I wasn’t about to be tossed in this time, so I followed after Ace and jumped in
on my own. Being in the water helped relieve the remaining anxiety I felt. It
didn’t take long before everyone was in the water enjoying the reprieve from
the heat and I wasn’t thinking about my scars anymore.

           
Most of my thoughts were stuck on the devastatingly gorgeous male who continued
to surprise me, making it harder and harder to keep my thoughts from straying
beyond the boundaries of friendship. He, on the other hand, was really was
sticking to his promise to be just my friend. He was considerate and respectful
and didn’t flirt with me once. It was nice. I hated it.

           
I was relieved when he returned to the city that evening with Ace, Danny and
Spade. I needed some space from him and that devilish smile. The rest of us
would be going back in the morning, so that I would have time to pick up my car
and get ready for my interview in the afternoon.

           
“Hey.” I looked up from my book.
Vi
was leaning
against the door frame, but she stepped out onto the deck and joined me on the
hammock. “Scoot over.” I closed my book and tried to shift closer to the edge
without falling out while
Vi
maneuvered herself next
to me. Once we had it balanced so neither of us would end up being dumped onto
the ground, we rested our heads together.

           
“What’s up?” I asked her. She had that look in her eye and I knew she had a
reason for being out here.

           
“Just wanted to check on you.
See how you’re holding
up. This was supposed to be a break from the crazy, but it’s been a pretty
trying couple days for you.”

           
“I’m fine.” I tried to reassure her, but she wasn’t having it.

           
“Don’t give me that ‘I’m fine’ bull shit.
Talk to me.
Last night I thought I was ready to commit murder after Bas told me what
happened. Then the guys pulled an intervention on him before the show and now
you two have kissed and made up.” I lifted my head and shot her a look. “Well
except for the kiss part, but maybe you’d have preferred the kiss?”

           
“What do you mean? We’re finally friends and that’s it.” I insisted.

           
“I know, but I also remember the nice chat we had on the dock. You admitted to
having feelings for him. Then he went all asshole, and you didn’t want anything
to do with him and now you guys are supposed to be friends again. Come on, I’ve
got a head ache just thinking about it. You have to be dizzy from it all. I
would understand if you didn’t know how to feel about it all, about him.” Dizzy
was an understatement if I was really being honest.

           
“I know how I should feel, how I want to feel. There’s no future for the two of
us except friendship. We finally have an understanding and agree on that, but I
can’t help but feel . . .”

           
“Disappointed?”

           
“Yeah.”
I sighed. “I know it doesn’t make any sense.
I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mind.”

           
“We all lose our minds over a guy at some point or another.” She reasoned, but
it didn’t do all that much to comfort me. I didn’t want to lose my mind over
him or any guy for that matter.

           
“I just want someone . . . who won’t hurt me. I want to feel safe and loved.”

           
“That’s all any of us want.”

           
“It wouldn’t hurt if he was gorgeous and funny and rich. I mean is that too
much to ask?” I joked. “Prince Charming, that’s all I want.” The hammock shook
with our laughter.

           
“No, that’s not too much at all.” Her sarcasm wasn’t reassuring. “Kyden
definitely doesn’t fit the Prince Charming mold, that’s for sure.”

           
“No, he’s
Charming’s
wicked cousin.”
Wicked and dangerous to girls with fairy tale dreams.
He
wouldn’t swoop in on a white horse. He’d speed off on a black motorcycle.

           
“Maybe you should ask him if he has any hot cousins.” We both broke out in
another fit of giggles.

           
“That would go over well, I’m sure.”

           
“You’re right. Probably shouldn’t do that. He’s out there though Jax,
somewhere.”

           
Somewhere.

           
Lord, wherever he is, please
watch
over him. Help
me to become the person who’s going to be worthy of him. Please show me what to
do, so I don’t give my heart to someone who isn’t worthy of it.

           
“He is worthy.”
My heart whispered, refusing to give up or let go.

           
“I think I’m in trouble
Vi
.” I confided.

           
“Sweetheart, the entire female population as a whole was in trouble the day
that boy was born.” That was the truth and part of the problem. I was just one
of hundreds of, if not more, girls who found Kyden McCabe irresistible. I
needed to work harder at resisting. “It will all work out though, if anyone
deserves to find a happily ever after, it’s you.”

           
“Thanks. I really want to believe that.” More than anything I wanted her words
to be true.

           
“Then believe
it,
and no matter what I’m going to be
here.” I didn’t know what I’d do without her. There were some things that no matter
how close Bas and I were, he would never understand as well as
Vi
because he wasn’t a girl. He didn’t know what it was like
to be one, to hurt like one.