Finding Ever After (34 page)

           
NightShade
: Damn. I knew it.

           
Kaldricus
: So Jaxyn this is your first time? We’re
not being too rough are we? (Unfortunately I didn’t catch the sexual innuendo
until after I opened my mouth and responded.)

           
SpadeBringer
: I don’t mind it rough. That just makes
it more exciting.

           
KillSwitch
: Fuck Me.

           
Kaldricus
: So you like it rough?

           
NightShade
: Any time you want it rough, I’d be happy
to give it to you that way.

           
At that point Spade took the
mic
away, and told me I
wasn’t allowed to talk on it anymore. But then Marcus and Ace killed several of
them and ended up winning the round. After that they suggested I talk on the
mic
more often since, apparently, I got the other team a
little riled up which served as the distraction the other two needed to
eliminate them. Even after they took the headset away I was sitting close
enough to Ace and Spade that I could hear voices coming in over the
mic
, and thanks to my slip up several of the guys from both
teams were still expressing desires to show me how rough the “game” could be.
One player,
DungeonMaster
, was so explicit that when
I heard his words, my face turned ten shades of crimson. Two seconds later Ace
put a bullet in him.

           
I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to play again. Guys are such
pervs
sometimes. Spade got four new friend requests on his account after that game
and the guys all laughed. It was their fault for forcing me to talk on the
headset anyway, if anyone was to blame for the debacle it was definitely Spade.

           
They shut off the game in favor of finding food. Danny and Chris both came home
not long after, and Bas showed up right behind them to hang out. Spade recounted
my Xbox live lesson for the second time when they came in. Kyden had already
heard all about it, but apparently it was just as amusing hearing it the second
time as it was the first. They were all entertained by my embarrassing chat
session.

           
“I agree
,
we need to just give her a
mic
and let her loose on
em
every
time we play, won’t know what hit
em
.” Chris
completely supported Ace’s suggestion that they use me a distraction tactic. I
didn’t know if I should be offended.

           
“I’m pretty sure half of them were hard just listening to her talk, and then
after she said that, I don’t even think they cared that we were picking them
off like flies.” Ace added.

           
“It’s not like I meant to say that, or, well I didn’t mean it like they took
it. It’s not my fault they’re depraved.” I defended myself.

           
“That’s kind of the point Jazz. You don’t know what half the shit you say does
to guys because you’re too cute and innocent for your own good sometimes.
Couldn’t even tell you how many guys’ faces Chris and I had to get in back in
high school to keep them away from her.”

           
“What?” How did I not know about this? “I don’t remember you having to get in
anyone’s face for me.”

           
“He’s telling the truth Tink. I’m pretty sure I had to threaten most of the
guys on the football team. After practice a lot of them would stand around and
watch you girls finish your soccer practice. I finally had to tell Bas that he
needed to steal all of your damn short shorts when you weren’t paying attention
just because I was afraid I was going to get into a fight if they kept checking
out your legs and ass.”

           
“That’s where all my shorts went?” Bas had a guilty expression on his face. “I
thought Janine was taking them out of my bag because she was mad I made varsity
freshman year and she didn‘t. It totally makes sense now why you kept offering
to loan me your extra shorts every time I said I needed to go buy new ones.”
After freshman year I was used to wearing Bas’ slightly baggy shorts for
practices and just kept some of them.

           
Bas and Chris thought it was a good idea to share more embarrassing stories
from my teenage years, but I put an end to story time by threatening to bust
out my own arsenal of embarrassing stories. They finally shut up when I shared
the time that Lacey Flores dumped her lunch over Chris’ head in the middle of
the cafeteria and then started hitting him with her tray because he slept with
her and then asked someone else to homecoming.

           
I had cheered Lacey on that day when I saw her laying into him. Even if he was
family, guys who pulled that crap had it coming. On the other hand she did give
it up pretty easy so she was partially to blame for letting him use her like
that.

           
One more reason I wasn’t going to give in to my feelings. I had no desire to
end up in her shoes, humiliated and shamed. I’d seen too many of those girls in
Chris’ past, and had now seen a few of them since getting to know the rest of
these guys. I loved them all, but almost every one of them engaged in casual
and then blew the girls off after a few dates at the most.

           
I was genuinely surprised none of them had permanent indentations on their
faces in the shape of handprints from just the number of times I had seen them
get slapped. I had to admit that most of those girls should have expected it.
They portray themselves as sex objects and then get treated like one. Every
girl deserves better than that, but they can’t expect it if they don’t demand
it.

           
I understood what it was to be tempted though. Kyden made it so enticing, but I
didn’t want the cheap imitation of love that the world sells. It’s not ‘just
sex’ and it will never be ‘just sex.’ I don’t have many examples of the real
thing in my life but I still know the difference.

           
Maybe it’s silly and childish to believe that there is one special someone, not
five or ten different
someones
, out there for me, but
I do. I can wait for him. I’m convinced that what I’ll have with him will be a
thousand times better than anything I could ever find or feel in something
purely physical and entirely temporary. First I had to convince my heart to
give up its obsession with Kyden.

           
“I asked you to bring me something cute to wear. Were you in a freaking tunnel
or something and you misheard me and thought I said slutty? If so you should
have asked me to repeat myself because in what reality would I ever ask you to
bring me something slutty?”
Vi
stood in front of me
holding a scarf, yes I say scarf because there wasn’t near enough fabric for
that thing to be a dress.

           
“Would you just put it on already?” She tossed it at me.

           
“No! I can’t wear this out there.” I hissed and threw it on the bed. “I
wouldn’t even wear that clubbing, and this is just a house party. I would look
so inappropriate.” I wasn’t tall by any means but that scrap would barely cover
my butt. The back was completely missing except for the tiny halter straps, and
it was so stretchy it looked like it belonged on hooker Barbie, not a real
person.

           
The guys were having a party. They’d decided that after two weeks of spending
their nights just hanging out at home, they needed to unwind and let loose so
they invited a bunch of people over. I hadn’t brought a lot of clothing with
me, aside from work clothes and stuff for lounging around the house so I’d
asked
Vi
to bring me something, which was obviously a
mistake.

           
“Vi. I really can’t wear that.” I groaned, disappointed that I was going to
have to dig through my pile of pencil skirts and dress pants to try and find
something. Nothing could happen between Kyden and
I
,
but I was still shallow enough to want to look good.

           
“Fine then, I guess you can wear this.” She smiled and pulled more clothes from
her bag. I sighed with relief when it appeared to be at least three times the
fabric that made up the scarf dress. “I just wanted to see if I could actually
get you into that dress.” She rolled her eyes when I practically ripped the
second outfit from her hands. “Just think of what Kyden would say if he saw you
in it.” She teased.

           
“I know exactly what he and everyone else would think, that’s the problem.
Whore isn’t really the look I had in mind for tonight, or ever.” I started
slipping out of the yoga pants and sweatshirt that I had on and changed into
the much more appropriate outfit
Vi
provided.

           
The skinny jeans, emphasis on the skinny, looked like they were painted on, but
were still better than the first option. The purple top hugged my curves almost
as snugly as the jeans. It was cute though, and covered everything important so
I didn’t complain. I let
Vi
work my hair into some
fancy side braid twist that fell over my shoulder and with a little bit of kohl
around the eyes I was ready to join the party. If the noise level outside the
room was any indication, it was in full swing.

           
Turned out that dress might not have been so out of place
after all.
It would have covered more than what a couple of the
strippers, I mean girls, were wearing, but I guess they weren’t invited for
their shining personalities. The cute little red head glued to Marcus’ side was
the exception. She must be the girl from one of his study groups that he’d been
talking about for weeks.

           
I was happy for him and impressed. Somehow, despite living with a house full of
debauched musicians, he remained sweet, and lovable, if not a little awkward.
He was used to the scene around him, but red, I think Marcy or Maysie was her
name, looked out of place. She was clutching Marcus like she was terrified he
would let go of her hand. I hoped she wouldn’t be scared off by it all.

           
“Come on Vi.” I tugged her along behind me on my way over to where Marcus and
the girl were standing with his brother and cousin as well as a few people I
didn’t know.

           
“Hey Marcus.”
I caught his attention. “Introduce us to
your friend.” She looked
Vi
and I up and down, and
whatever she saw must have relieved her because some of the tension I saw,
melted away. I imagine the harpies weren’t being all that friendly.

           
“Jaxyn,
Violette
, this is Maysie, a friend from
school.” It was so cute, his cheeks turned pink. He liked this girl.
Really, really liked this girl.

           
“It’s nice to meet you Maysie. We’re going to the kitchen to find something to
drink, want to tag along?” She looked a little unsure of my invitation, but
must have decided we were harmless because she agreed to join us.

           
“We didn’t mean to take you away from your boy there, but we figured it would
do you some good to see that not all of us are superficial tramps.”
Vi
reassured her on our way to the kitchen. “The guys’
parties can be a little overwhelming if you’re not used to it.”

           
“Yeah.”
She admitted. “I knew his brother was in a
band, and he warned me that sometimes they can get a little out of hand, but I
really wanted to come anyway.” This time it was her turn to get a little red in
the cheeks. I was glad to see that her feelings seemed to match Marcus’. It
would be really good for him to end up with someone nice like Maysie, before he
was swayed to the dark side of commitment phobic one night stands.

           
We snagged our beverages, nonalcoholic for
myself
and
Maysie, she was only nineteen and definitely not a rule breaking, rebel child.
Then we bumped into Bas and Lissa. They were, well Bas and Lissa again, the one
bright spot in what had been an otherwise an awful day. Not surprisingly I
hadn’t seen too much of Bas all week. They were still making up and since Lissa
was all smiles, I’d say it was going well. We stole her as well for our girl
bonding. Bas didn’t want to let her go, but he’d get over it.

           
We decided to take our little four person party to the deck out back, away from
the drinking game going on in the kitchen and the girls fawning all over Spade
and his guitar in the living room. Lissa was already a little tipsy and giggly
so the fresh air would do her good. On our way out the back door we bumped into
Kyden and Kaylie coming inside.

           
The butterflies and jealousy hit me full force and I couldn’t stop it. I felt
his eyes on me as we passed by them, but I didn’t look up to meet his gaze. The
two of them together was the reminder I needed after a week of having him to
myself. He wasn’t mine. He couldn’t be mine. I followed the girls out the door
and brushed the run in aside.
Vi
didn’t say anything
but she kept sneaking glances in my direction.

           
Twenty minutes later I needed to use the bathroom and got up to go inside.
Kaylie was standing just outside the bathroom door, but this time she was
alone. I almost turned around but decided I wouldn’t give her that much power.

           
“You know, you can move in here and play this damsel in distress to get his
attention, but it’s not going to take long for him to see you for what you are,
just pathetic. It’s sad really, that you think he’d even want you.”

           
“It’s even sadder that you keep coming back for more and acting like a jealous
girlfriend, but last time I checked you were just one of many girls, so clearly
I’m not the only one he doesn’t want.” Hatred and pain flashed in her eyes but
it quickly turned to anger and she didn’t back down.

           
“Except it’s not going to be some other girl in his bed
tonight.”
She gloated. “You might want to sleep somewhere else tonight.
Kyden gets pretty wild and we tend to be loud.
Wouldn’t want
you to have to hear that.”

           
“You expect me to be jealous that you’re his sex toy? Sorry, go wave your slut
flag elsewhere. Someone in the kitchen might actually care.” I meant it too, I
really didn’t care anymore. She could say whatever she wanted. It didn’t
matter, I was done listening.

           
By that time I had forgotten why I was even standing there. I turned to go back
outside and heard her storm off in a huff behind me. That was one of the
meanest things I’d ever said to anyone and I might have felt bad if I wasn’t so
hurt myself. I couldn’t deny that tight feeling in my chest at having her throw
their physical relationship in my face. Not because I wanted it. That’s what I
finally realized during our little encounter. I didn’t need to be jealous of
her. She didn’t actually have anything I wanted. All she had was his body. What
I wanted so badly was the one thing he wasn’t willing to give.
His heart.
That’s the reason my own was hurting.

           
“You okay?” I hadn’t realized that anyone had witnessed our verbal sparring
match, but Ace was standing there, having overheard us once again.

           
“Yeah, I’m fine.”

           
“You should tell him.” I started to protest, but he stopped me. “I know he’s an
ass but he wouldn’t let her treat you like that. She might be in his bed, but
it doesn’t mean he’d choose her.” Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t either. I would be
better off just avoiding her from now on.

           
“I can handle her. I shouldn’t have even let her get to me. She and Kyden are,
well, whatever they are. Kyden and I aren’t anything.”

           
“Do you even believe yourself?” He asked.

           
“No, but I’m hoping if I say it enough, I’ll start to.” I confessed. “I know
I’m pretty lame, falling for the bad boy. Could I be any more cliché?”

           
“You’re not lame. In the beginning I would have said it was a bad idea, but
there is something between you two. He cares more than he’ll admit. I’m not
saying that to encourage you, because I don’t want you to get hurt, but I think
if there was ever a girl he would do anything to avoid hurting, it’d be you. I
think that’s why she’s here. He’s trying to push you away and using her to do
it, but if you really want him, you could take him. We all see it, and she
knows it as well. You just have to decide what you’re going to do about it.”
Nothing, because even if I did take him, I didn’t know what it
would mean, if it would mean anything.
I wouldn’t be her replacement,
but I also wouldn’t stay here and let him use her to keep me away, if that’s
really what he was doing. I’d find somewhere else to stay.

           
From the look in Kyden’s eyes when he came around the corner toward us, it
needed to be sooner rather than later. He was fuming and his sights were set on
me. I tensed up and Ace noticed my reaction. He turned to see what had set me
on edge and narrowed his eyes when he saw Kyden gunning for me.

           
“I know you’re not Kaylie’s biggest fan, but could you keep the jealousy
bullshit to yourself. You’ve had a tough week, but did you really need to start
shit with her tonight? If you want something from me let’s just go in the
bedroom and work it out and leave her the fuck out of it.”
Really?
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Actually I could, he was a jerk, a
complete jerk. I knew it and yet every time he showed his real colors I was
caught off guard.

           
“Are you being serious right now man?” Ace was pissed, and I knew there was no
way he wasn’t going to set Kyden straight.
So much for
handling it myself.
Honestly I would have been fine just walking away
and letting him believe whatever he wanted. It would actually make it easier
for me to distance myself from him, but Ace wasn’t willing to let it go.

           
“Yes I’m being fucking serious. I’m tired of this hot and cold.” He glared at
me. “One minute you’re looking at me like you want to jump my bones and the
next you’re acting like you don’t want anything to do with me, but calling
everyone who does a slut. I’m done with it. Either let’s just fuck and get it
over with, or restrain
yourself
when it comes to
Kaylie.”

           
“You don’t know what the hell you’re saying Ky. It’s your bitch who needs to be
restrained, and if either one of you says one more thing to Jax, I will knock
you on your ass.”

           
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kyden looked seriously surprised by
Ace’s reaction.

           
“I don’t know what that
skank
told you, but she’s the
one who attacked Jax, and it wasn’t the first time it’s happened. You should
have heard the shit she said about Jaxyn’s mom when you brought her to the
house to pick me up that morning. She’s lucky I don’t hit girls.”

           
“Princess?”
I hated that all he had to do was say that
one word and my outrage dissipated. The way he said ‘Princess’ made it sound
like he cared, but how could he have believed her if that were true? I just
stared at my feet, afraid if I looked into his eyes I would lose all of my
resolve and just let him walk all over me.

           
“Look at me.” His tone was demanding and made it clear he wasn’t going to
tolerate being ignored. I finally looked up to meet his gaze, and what I saw
was slightly startling. His eyes held even more fire and fury than they had
moments ago when he was tearing into me. His expression softened slightly when
our eyes locked.