Finding Ever After (8 page)

           
“That’s not who I am. I don’t do hook ups and random sex. I want to be in love
and married before
I
. . . you know?” She should
understand why this mattered so much to me. “I’m the result of a hook up, you
get that right? The guys I date may not make my blood sizzle and my heart skip
a beat, but they do call, and they treat me with respect, and they also don’t
instigate fights with my best friend.”

           
“Wait, what, a fight?
Kyden and Sebastian?”

           
“Yeah, he was coming onto me last night, provoking Bas and he wouldn‘t back
off. I thought Bas was going to tear him apart right there in the kitchen.”

           
“I’m not so sure he could’ve. Kyden also has a reputation for fighting. I heard
he’s taken down some really big guys who have gotten in his face.”

           
“Yet another reason for me to steer clear of him.” Personal experience told me
the last thing I needed in my life was another violent alpha male.

           
“I know what you’re thinking, and he’s not Connor babe.”

           
“Just drop it, okay. We’re not
gonna
go there, and
I’m not interested in having anything to do with Kyden, so let it go.”

           
“Okay okay, I will. I just want you to be happy here. I don’t want you to leave
again.”

           
“I’m not
gonna
leave any time soon. This is home, and
if I do decide to leave again, it won’t be like last time, I promise.” I meant
it too. I was just going to have to prove to them I wasn’t going to run away
anymore, and the only way I could do that was over time.

           
She kept her word and didn’t bring him up again. We finished our breakfasts
while I grilled her about school, and her relationship with Jake and all the
little details I had missed hearing about. She told me about rushing her
sorority and how much she enjoyed being a part of the Greek system. I wasn’t
surprised to hear that, she was such a social butterfly,
it
suited her.

           
She of course asked about my time away, wanting to know about the places I
visited and people I met. Mostly I told her about my time in Portland, since
that’s where I stayed the longest. It was the only place during those three
years that even came close to feeling like a home. I had a job I enjoyed there
and actually met some really great people that became good friends.

           
After spending the majority of the morning catching up,
Vi
dropped me back at the house and we made plans to connect later that evening. I
was hoping Bas would join us as well. It would even be great if he could bring
Lissa. I wasn’t ever close with her in school, so I really needed to get to
know the girl Bas was planning on marrying.

           
It was strange to think about Bas being married. I didn’t feel like we were at
that age, but maybe that was just because I’d never had
nay
one in my life I could see a future with. For some reason I couldn’t stop my
mind from wandering back to the night before and picturing that smug grin and
those intense eyes peering down at me from on stage. I didn’t know what it was
about him, but there was something pulling me in.

I had several hours before
Vi
and I were meeting up again and nothing else to do all day which meant there
was no reason for me to keep putting off unpacking and going through the house.
There was a lot to be done to get settled in to the house. I decided it wasn’t
practical to stay in the princess room, which left the master bedroom or I
would have to empty out the craft room.

           
Before coming home I wasn’t sure which room I would want. I knew my old room
wouldn‘t work for more than a night now that I was over five foot and playing
Barbies
wasn’t my favorite thing to do. I could redo the
room, but since finding out about Isabelle I thought it would be a great room
for her if she ever came to stay with me, and I didn’t have the heart to paint
over the princess decorations.

           
I didn’t think I’d have it in me to take Mom’s room either, and figured I would
probably end up moving a bed into the craft room. Now that I was here though,
the thought of being in her room wasn’t nearly as weird as I thought it would
be. Instead of making me sad, it was actually comforting and after
Vi
dropped me off I started carrying my stuff up the stairs
and stacking it just inside her room.
        

           
Once I had everything I needed in there I paused and took a minute to really
look around at what was left of her room. During the last few weeks that she
was alive, we went through a lot of her things, deciding what I wanted saved
and what would be better off donated. She didn’t want me to have to do it
alone, after she was gone.

           
Most of her clothes and shoes had been boxed up and given to a local women’s
shelter which left plenty of room in the closets and dressers to put my things.
Her furniture was still arranged just how she’d had it and her jewelry box,
picture frames, old books and everything that meant something to her was left
in place as well. While arranging my things and adding my possessions to hers,
I was glad I hadn’t let anyone box her stuff up. As painful as it was to miss
her, there was something extremely comfortable about seeing my things mixed in
with hers, like a piece of her was here with me.

           
I placed the few pieces of jewelry I owned in the box next to hers. I was about
to shut it when the string of pearls in the bottom drawer caught my eye. I
remembered her wearing them on special occasions and a few times she even let
me wear them when I played dress up. I felt like such a princess with them on,
walking around in frilly dresses and her
much
too big,
high heels as well.

           
After I finished unpacking the things I wanted in the bedroom, I moved on to
the bathroom, unloading my makeup and bath products. I would to pick up some
toilet paper and soap for both bathrooms. I started a list on my phone and
added to it as I came across things I needed to get.

           
I also made a list of phone calls I needed to make to get the house in order.
My mom’s life insurance left behind enough money for me that I’d been able to
keep power and water turned on at the house so that I always had the option of
coming back, but I would have to call a cable company to get internet and
tv
. I also needed to find out
about garbage
pick up
and a hundred other little
things.

           
There wasn’t much to be done in the other rooms. Everything was clean and I
didn’t have many other belongings; just a few paintings and pictures to hang
and some dishes to put in the kitchen. It wasn’t long before all I had left was
a pile of empty boxes and a long grocery shopping/to do list. I was
Googling
the phone numbers I needed for the internet and
garbage company, when my phone went off in my hand.

           
“Hey Sadie.”
I chirped.

           
Sadie was one of the amazing people I met in Portland. She was a few years
older than me and lived in the apartment across the hall from the one I had
lived in. She’s one of the sweetest most nurturing people I know. I think
that’s what drew me to her in the beginning. She was genuinely interested in
people and would drop everything to help a friend out. She saw me struggling up
the flight of stairs with some of my heavier boxes when I moved in, and had
come out to help me. Afterward she invited me over to her place for dinner so
that I wouldn’t have to order in. After a little over a year of being away from
Boston, living in three different places and not connecting with anyone, Sadie
was a ray of light.

We hit it off right away and she even got me a job at
the music store where she worked. Unlike me, Sadie was insanely talented at all
things musical. That had been what prompted me to take the guitar lessons which
failed miserably, seeing as I was about as musically inclined as a chair.
Definitely wasn’t what I was meant to do. Needless to say I only worked there
for about two months before I got hired on at a local art gallery, but Sadie
and I stayed close.

           
“Hey girly, how are you? Getting settled in?” She asked.

           
“Yeah, I just finished unpacking everything. I’m getting ready to head to the
store to pick up some groceries and stuff I need for around the house.”

           
“And how is it being back, are you okay being in the house?” I could tell she
really was worried about me, and I loved her for it. She knew about my mom, and
how hard it was for me to even talk about her.

           
“It’s actually good. It’s not nearly as painful as I was expecting. It still
hurts to walk in to a room and picture her in there, reading or baking cookies,
but mostly the memories are more comforting than anything now.”

           
“That’s
good,
it means you really have done a lot of
healing. Have you seen anyone yet?”

           
“I ran into Bas’ dad when I first arrived. He still lives next door and that
was somewhat emotional, but not nearly as emotional as when I surprised Bas by
showing up at the bar where he was last night.”

           
“Oh, how did that go?” Sadie was the only friend I had made there that I felt
close enough with to really share my life from before. She knew how scared I
was about coming back and facing Bas. She knew almost everything. I left out
some about who my dad is, but she knew I was running from some pretty awful
stuff.

           
“We yelled, we cried, we hugged and he threatened me if I ever left like that
again.
Pretty much what I expected, but we’re good now.”
I recapped. “He’s got this whole new life though. He’s going to get engaged and
I’m not quite sure where my place is, or how I’m supposed to fit into it.” I
admitted.

           
“You’ll figure it out. From everything you’ve told me, it sounds like your
guys’ friendship will make it through this and I’m here for you if you need
anything.”

           
“I know, and thank you for that. You’ve been amazing. You’re a big part of the
reason that I’ve been doing so much better and felt ready to come back here.” I
was suffering from a pretty bad depression, and wasn’t handling the loneliness
well at all before I went to Portland. Her friendship really changed things for
me and she pushed me to open up and work through my issues. She shared with me
her own story, which was
was
pretty heartbreaking.
She knew all about loss and grief and pushing through it, and like me she was
pretty much on her own.

           
“That’s what friends do for each other. You’ve been there for me as well. I
already miss you and I was
gonna
let it be a
surprise, but I’m trying to get time off sometime this summer to visit you.”

           
“Are you serious? That would be amazing.” I squealed. I missed her too and had
even tried to talk her into coming with me. Aside from her job she had nothing
tying her to Oregon.

           
We talked for another fifteen minutes making plans for when she came to visit.
She was determined to meet the guys after I made the mistake of mentioning the
merry band of playboys that I’d met. Somehow I felt prompted to tell her about
Kyden as well. I really don’t know why I did that but she seemed especially
interested in meeting the guy who had me so flustered. It had taken her about
as long as it had
Vi
to get me to spill all the
details from the night before. When she was satisfied I hadn’t left any details
out we said goodbye and I promised to text her later. Once I was off the phone
I tackled my lists.

           
Several phone calls and a trip to the store later I was back home and making
lunch for myself. Once I was finished with my gourmet peanut butter and jelly
sandwich I gathered up all of the empty boxes and duffels from unpacking and
took them to the craft room. It also served for storing random things that
didn’t have a place. It used to be full of half completed knitting projects,
hand painted ceramics, partially painted canvases and boxes of ribbon and
buttons and various other craft supplies. Mom collected hobbies like some
people collected antiques. She also had the tendency to lose her enthusiasm and
motivation for a project part way in, but that never stopped her form starting
them.

           
The craft room was another room we had weeded through before she passed. We
spent a lot of late nights in here finishing some of the projects together and
tossing the ones that were hopeless. One that Mom really got into near the end
was
scrap
booking. There on the work table was the
album we had been working on when she died and a stack of photos. There were a
lot of tears and laughter on those nights, while we cut and pasted pictures,
remembering all of the good times. She might’ve been a single parent, but she
loved me enough for two. Even during the early years, when we didn’t have much
money, she gave me the best childhood. I never really felt like I was missing
anything.

           
I set the empty boxes down and picked up the book. It was almost finished but
for the last few pages. I took it back to my mom’s
room,
or my room now. It would probably be a while before I could get used to calling
it my room. I still thought of my room as the one with bright pink paint,
princess curtains and the mural of a fairy tale castle painted on the wall, one
of the few art projects she did start to finish when we first moved in.

           
I sat down on the bed and began flipping through the pages of baby pictures and
dress up, camping trips, and my first day of school. Some pictures were just
me, or me and Bas. In other’s my Mom’s beautiful face smiled back at me. I fell
asleep with the scrap book spread out beside me and dreams of my childhood
playing in my head.

           
“Mommy, I
wanna
go back to the old house, I don’t
want to live here.” I didn’t want to move. I was not going to get out of the
car. I liked my old bedroom, I liked my old school and I liked Mrs. Curtis, who
lived next door. She would watch me when Mommy had to work and she was really
nice. She played games with me and baked me cookies. I didn’t know anybody in
these houses, they were probably all cranky and mean.

           
“I know Princess, but you’ll see that is going to be so much better than the
old house. It’s bigger, and it’s closer to Mommy’s new job. Look at how big the
yard is
sweetie,
you’ll actually be able to play in
it.”

           
The yard was pretty big. I bet
is was
big enough for a
slip n’ slide, but I still didn’t want to live here. I wouldn’t know any kids
at my new school. What if they didn’t like me?

           
“When I was here yesterday moving furniture in, I saw a couple little boys
playing outside the house next door. I’m sure you’ll be friends in no time, and
then you’ll have kids to play with.” I looked out the window and there was a
red Spiderman bike and two scooters in the yard next door. I wondered if they
would play with me. Maybe they went to my new school and would be my friends. I
hoped there was a girl too. Boys are pretty weird.

           
“Come on sweetheart. Please just come inside and see the house. I promise
you’ll love it. Your room is even bigger than your old one, and we’ll decorate
it special, just for you princess.” I guess I could go in and see it, for
Mommy.

           
The house was bigger than the old one and prettier too. The paint wasn’t
peeling off and there were flowers all around it. I like flowers. There wasn’t
anywhere to plant flowers at the old house.

           
Inside was pretty too, and it had stairs. Our old house didn’t have an
upstairs. Mommy said our bedrooms were up there. I followed her up and into the
room she said was mine. The walls were plain white, but Mommy said we would
paint them. I wanted them to be pink. My bed was already put together and my
favorite blankets and stuffed animals were already on it. There was a big
closet too, for all my toys. My Barbie house was there and so was my toy box.

           
“Do you like it?” I nodded my head.

           
“Can we make it pink?” She smiled.