Finding Ever After (4 page)

           
“What you went through would change anyone. Why didn’t you talk to me before it
got that bad, or hell even after it got that bad, I could’ve . . .”

           
“Could’ve what Bas?”

           
“I don’t know, done something. I would’ve done anything to make it better for
you.”

           
“I know Bas, and that’s exactly why I couldn’t. You were always saving me,
trying to protect me and keep anything bad from coming at me, and I love you
for that Bas, I do. You and your dad and Chris were all I had left after Mom,
but by trying to keep all the bad away and shelter me, I never faced any of it.
That didn’t mean it wasn’t still all there. You couldn’t keep stuff that bad
away. I just hid behind you.

“I know you didn’t mean for it to happen, but by
treating me like a fragile china doll, that’s exactly what I became. I was
timid and I gave in, I quit living and just went through the motions. You can’t
imagine what it was like to look in the mirror senior year and realize I hadn’t
even participated in my own life, to not be able to find any trace of the
vibrant girl I used to be. I looked back on those four years, and really every
year since I lost Mom, and realized it was just a blur, one big canvas tinged
with loneliness, confusion and apathy. I wouldn’t have even gone out for the
soccer team if you hadn’t forced me to be there at the beginning of every
season.”

           
Every year I told him I was done, that it would be my last season. He wouldn’t
say a word, but then he would be outside my house every morning all summer
long, making me run and conditioning me, so that I would be ready when he
dragged my butt to the first day of practices just before school started back
up.

           
“I know you tried Bas, you did everything you could to keep me going, and you
were my rock, but nobody could force me to want more out of life. Not even you
could make me change if I didn’t want it myself, and I didn’t know how to want
it anymore, or where to even start the healing, but I knew it wasn’t going to
happen in Boston. My father wouldn’t let it. I was so scared of who I would
become if I continued on like that, I couldn’t let myself turn into him, I just
couldn’t. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you guys I was leaving or where I was
going or even say goodbye, but I knew if I tried, I wouldn’t be strong enough
to go, and I had to go.”

           
“If I had known that’s how you felt I wouldn’t have tried to make you stay, but
I could’ve gone with you so you weren’t completely alone out there.”

           
“I know you would’ve, and I was so tempted to ask you to come with me, but I
couldn’t let myself be that weak. I couldn’t do that to you, you were so
excited about starting B U, you had your plan all mapped out and you were going
after your dream. I couldn’t ask you to change that or put it on hold without
hating myself more than I already did.”

           
“Fuck.” He breathed out. “I guess I get why you had to go, but I don’t
understand why you couldn’t have called once you got where you were going.”

           
“I would’ve come home the second I heard your voice. I wasn’t in the best
place, alone with my thoughts and nightmares most of the time. Just about every
day that was almost enough to send me running back to what was familiar and
comfortable. I don’t know how to make it make sense for you, but I had to learn
how to be okay with just me. I needed time to figure out who that even was
before I could ever hope to work through my issues.”

           
“It makes sense, I still don’t like it, but I do understand. I wish things
could’ve been different, maybe if I had been a better friend I could’ve seen
what it was doing to you.”

           
“Don’t you dare
Bas.
It was never about you so don‘t
even think about taking the blame for this. Without you, I might not even be
here. Without you I would have given up a long time ago. I know how much you
love me and that there wasn’t anything you wouldn’t have done for me, but I
needed to be able to love myself again.” He smiled, but there was still sadness
in his eyes.

           
“You’re good now though? You did your soul searching and you came back here
with your newfound sense of self oh wise, Obi Wan?" I couldn’t help but
smile back at him and roll my eyes, which earned me a real Sebastian smile.

           
“Ha, not quite, I’m still a long way from good, but I‘m a lot closer to
figuring out who I want to be, but more importantly I know where I want to be,
and that’s here, home.”

           
“So you had to leave to realize you wanted to be home? That’s some logic you‘ve
got there.” It was nice to have him joking again instead of biting my head off.

           
“Yes. Shut up, it makes sense to me.” I shoved him playfully.

           
“Come here.” He pulled me into his chest, and whispered against my hair. “I
probably should’ve said this first, but damn I missed you Jazz. I’m glad you’re
back.” I stayed tucked in at his side as we headed back inside. “You better
never do that again.”

           
“Don’t
worry,
I won’t be leaving anytime soon. Besides
I’m
gonna
have to be here for you when, whoever the
poor girl is you think you’re
gonna
convince to marry
you, comes to her senses and you’re left a blubbering mess.”

           
“Very funny, how the hell do you know I’m proposing to Lissa?”

           
“I saw your dad when I stopped by the house, but hold up did you say Lissa?
Lissa
fricken
Dawson?”

           
“Yeah, Lissa Dawson.
I‘m offended that you’re so
shocked.”

           
“I’m just shocked you finally got the balls to ask her out. You had it bad for
her all through high school, you used to stare at her like she was she was a
burrito from El
Pelon
, and you hadn’t eaten in a
week.”

           
“Did you just compare my girlfriend to a burrito?”

           
“You know their burritos are freaking delicious. In fact I want one right now.”

           
“I really missed your stupid, ridiculous ass.”

           
“My butt is fine, not ridiculous.”

           
“I don’t know
,
it kind of looks like you let yourself
go while you were gone. I’m not sure you need any burritos.”

           
“That’s
bull,
I was running every day and even took
yoga classes.”

           
“You did yoga?” He chuckled. “You have the grace of an elephant.”

           
“Yeah I did. That stuff’s real big there, but I didn’t say I was good at it. I
tried quite a few things that would probably surprise you while I was off soul
searching as you put it.”

           
“Like what, don’t tell me you were a stripper?” He knew me well enough to know
that there wasn’t any universe in which that would ever happen.

           
“Very funny, but no.
I took a pottery class”

           
“How did that go? And before you try to lie to me remember I saw the clay pot
and the turtle you made in junior high.”

           
“Yeah, I was about as successful at the pottery as I was at the yoga and
learning to play guitar.” He
laughed,
full on, from
the belly laughter.

           
“I feel sorry for the poor fool who tried to teach you to play an instrument. I
could’ve saved you that money and told
ya
that you
don’t have the patience for it.”

           
“I’ll have you know I did awesome in the painting class and the kickboxing
class though.”

           
“Okay the painting I can see. You can’t sculpt for shit but you’ve always been
able to draw well, but kickboxing? No way! You’re about as ferocious as a
kitten.” He was barely able to contain his amusement but it was wiped away when
I got serious again.

           
“I wanted to learn some kind of self defense. I didn’t ever want to feel so
helpless again
.“
I could see in his eyes that his pain
at being reminded of that night was almost as strong as my own. I immediately
regretted bringing it up, and tried to lighten the mood again. “Let’s see if
you’re still cracking jokes when I knock you out, Chuckles. I’m actually pretty
good” My ridiculous threat broke through his somber demeanor and he cracked a
grin once again.

           
“The only person you could knock out is yourself Shorty.”

           
“I’m not short, you’re just freakishly tall,
Gigantor
.
That’s not going to stop me from kicking you in your face.” This only caused
him to snicker harder, and I couldn’t help but giggle myself. I admit that all
my 125 pounds was less than a match for his six feet and four inches of lean
muscle.

           
We were both still teasing and trading insults as we neared the table where we
left the guys. In our absence they’d been joined by a couple of girls. A tiny
blonde thing was sitting on Spade’s lap with her lips attached to his neck, he
didn’t seem to mind. The other was a curvy redhead who was pressed up against
Ace. His attention wasn’t on her, but the intense debate going on between him
and Danny over the outcome of a battle between Iron Man and Batman. Stupid
argument really, Batman, hands down. Another reason I knew I would get along
with Ace just fine.

           
Red
who was looking extremely displeased at being
ignored, snapped her head up in an instant as a newcomer approached just in
front of us. Her entire face beamed as he pulled up a stool next to Spade and
his tongue wrestling partner, just as Bas and I were coming up behind him.

           
Even from the back I could tell he must be attractive; broad shoulders, narrow
waist; lean but not skinny. He stood over the table and his presence demanded
everyone’s attention, like he was a magnet drawing people in
..
He was at least six foot, probably a couple inches over, with snug fitting
jeans hanging low on his hips, accentuating a very nice bottom. Yeah I peaked
at it before he slid onto the stool. I couldn’t help myself. If that wasn’t
enough to convince me he was hot, the “do me” eyes Red was giving him would’ve
done it. Even Blondie peeled her lips from Spade long enough to give the new
guy an appreciative glance.

           
Bas and I moved up right beside him, and just as my gaze was met by the most
gorgeous emerald eyes I’d ever seen, I felt a shove from behind and fell right
into the lap of their owner. Sprawled out over him, I could feel the hard
muscles he had in all the places a guy should; strong thighs and well defined
abs. The fitted tee he wore showed off strong
pecs
and thick biceps as well. His left arm was completely inked all the way down
making a full sleeve, and his right hand rested on my hip where he caught
me. 

           
As my scrutiny reached his face, and I was finally able to get a good look, I
realized this guy wasn’t just hot, he was stunning. His jaw was slightly
squared with just enough facial hair to give him a more rugged masculinity and
the way he was playing with the ring in his lip did things to me that sent a
blush straight to my cheeks. His dark hair fell haphazardly across his
forehead, in that strategically messy way and I wanted to run my fingers
through it.

           
I couldn’t believe that I was having this sort of reaction to a
guy,
I think I was swooning, actually swooning. I hated
that. My gaze dropped back to his and I could see those sharp green eyes were
now lit with amusement. He was aware of the affect he had on me. I was
determined to find something wrong with him, some flaw or imperfection that
would restore my senses, only there wasn’t one. Then he opened his mouth.

           
“Not that I mind beautiful, but I should probably know you’re name before you
start getting frisky.” I stiffened. His voice was just as alluring as the rest
of him.

           
“That’s Sebastian’s unicorn, turns out she’s real.” Spade had a
cheshire
grin on his face. It seemed he too observed my
blatant ogling. This caused my blush to deepen and I quickly changed my look
from one of admiration to one of annoyance to cover up my embarrassment at
being caught checking out the dark haired Adonis I was still draped over.

           
“I’m not a unicorn, I’m a girl.” I jerked myself off his lap trying not to let
them see how flustered I was. Mr.
Gorgeous,
raked his
gaze down my body in a slow, sensual perusal. He lingered briefly on certain
areas before locking his eyes on mine, pinning me in place and sending a shiver
down my spine that had nothing to do with the room
temp.           

           
“Oh I can tell Princess. You are most definitely all
girl
.”
I’m sure I was blushing twenty shades of red at this point and it only made him
grin harder.

           
“My name is Jaxyn not Princess.” Why did he call me Princess?

           
“Oh I know your name Princess. We’ve all been hearing it for over a year. Now I
get why Sebastian was keeping you hidden. I‘d like to take you away and keep
you locked up myself.”