Finding Gary (The Romanovsky Brothers Book 4) (19 page)

His gaze met hers, and he stopped.  Everything stopped.  His lungs closed.  The rocking of Marcus ceased.  He didn’t even blink, not even when a full minute had passed.

Everything he was feeling spilled out of his eyes, all over his face, and through his body.  Zoey felt everything he was feeling at the same time, twisting her fingers together and gnawing on her bottom lip.  Unable to stop herself, she searched his face, lingering on the bottom lip she used to taste with free reign.  The body she used to claim with wild abandon.  The eyes that, somehow, still left her speechless, forgetting why her mind had put her actions into motion.  Forgetting her own name. 

She’d sworn she’d never allow herself to be this close to him again, and now that she’d broken her own vow, it was abundantly clear why she’d made it in the first place.

Tears instantly came to her eyes, and she lowered them, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing they were there.

“The news this morning… the magazines…” She cleared her throat, waiting for her eyes to dry, and looked back up at him.    He was still watching her like he’d seen a ghost, and she wondered if he’d blinked even once since the moment she’d stepped into the room.  She held up the magazine still wound tightly in her hand.   “They said that you stepped down at Novsky.  That Leo and Roman are the new Co-CEOs.”

Val finally moved, shifting just enough to cause the light fluttering in through the curtains to highlight his gleaming eyes.  “A month ago.  But we just made the announcement this morning.”

Zoey shifted.  “But Novsky is everything to you.”

“No, it isn’t everything to me.”  Upon hearing the tone of his own voice, veering into stormy territory, he lowered it.  “I needed some time away.”

Zoey wrung the magazine tighter.  “The wire transfer you set up last year is still hitting my checking account.”

“And it’ll keep hitting your account.  Especially since we haven’t decided child support.  I don’t even know how you’re making money right now, Zo.”

“I’m freelancing.”  She crossed her arms tight.  “It won’t buy me a penthouse in Tribeca, but it pays the rent.”

“My family and I… We’re all staying at the house in Westchester.  Jessica says it’s safer.  Until the trial ends,” Val said.  “I’d sleep better if you and Marcus—”

“I’d sleep better if Gary hadn’t killed my parents.”

Val’s face collapsed.

“There’s no way in hell…” Zoey said. “I can’t even believe you’d fix your mouth to ask.”

Val looked off, breathing through his nose.  “At least let me move you to a building with better security.  You’re not safe here.  You don’t even have a doorman.”

“I have Taj,” Zoey quipped, jutting her leg out.

Val closed his eyes, appeared to be counting, and then let them slowly open.  “I don’t want to fight, Zo.  Please.”

“I hope you didn’t step down from Novsky as some play to free up your busy life, so you can go to the judge and request more time with Marcus.”

“
Zoey
.”

She hugged her arms around her chest.

Val, once again, made an effort to lower his voice.  “I want to see my son as much as possible.  I want to see him every day.  Whenever I’m not holding him, I’m daydreaming about the next time I’m holding him.  To the point that I can’t focus.  Can’t function.  Can’t be trusted with my own company.  I want him desperately. I want him all the time…” He took a moment.  “But I won’t force more visitation if you’re not ready.  I won’t force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“You forced these supervised visits on me.  I wasn’t comfortable with that, but that sure as hell didn’t stop you.”

“You weren’t going to allow me to see him at all.  You wouldn’t speak to me.  To this day, you won’t let me explain.”  When his voice rose against his will, he lowered his eyes.  They stayed down, lingering on her bare legs, which were on full display in the breezy dress.  His gaze traveled up her calves, her shapely thighs.  “You weren’t going to let me see my son.  And that… that, I couldn’t live with.  That, I couldn’t accept.  You can be angry with me for the rest of your life, you can hate me with all your heart, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.  I will never forgive myself.  But I’ll understand.”  He cradled Marcus’ head closer while shaking his own.  “What I’m not going to do is allow Marcus to grow up without me.  I will never allow him to believe I don’t love him with all my heart. No matter how much you hate me, he’s half of me, and he deserves to know who I am, and how much I love him.”

Zoey swallowed, letting her eyes fall.  “I’ll give you your time,” she said, turning to go back to her bedroom.

“Wait…”

She stopped in her tracks, contemplated ignoring his call, and then turned to him before she could think it through.  The look on his face devastated her because it mirrored everything ripping her up inside.

His eyes lowered, heat tingeing his cheeks.  “We were just going to have lunch and watch cartoons.  He loves Disney Channel.”  Val bounced him, taking a deep breath.  His voice began to shake.  “Stay.  Please stay.”  He met her eyes and tried to smile.   “He isn’t the only one I daydream about…”

Zoey’s gaze hit the floor.  “I can’t.”  She didn’t look up but felt his eyes boring into her none-the-less.  As she turned and hurried away, she caught sight of Taj watching her go from the kitchen; his face pulled into a tight frown. 

***

“Spy Bear is ready and raring.” Taj adjusted the stuffed bear on the bookshelf in Marcus’ nursery, making sure the camera, hidden inside the bear’s beady black eyeball was situated so it caught the entire room.  “Wi-Fi enabled, crystal clear audio and video with pan, tilt and zoom capabilities.  Every room in this house is officially stuffed to the gills with enough cameras to survey a casino in Vegas.”  He finished adjusting the bear and turned to the crib, clapping his hands together.

“You think I’m neurotic,” Zoey accused, shooting him a look from where she was leaning on Marcus’ crib.

“I think you’re a new mom in a very unorthodox situation, who just wants to ensure her son is safe.”  Taj approached the crib and leaned next to her.

“Maybe Val was right,” she said, staring down at Marcus, sleeping below them.  “Maybe I’m being selfish to keep him in this building.  All it takes to get in is a little time and patience.  People downstairs hold the doors open for each other all the time.”

“Could we be in a safer building?  Sure.  But, regardless what building we’re in, I’m here.  And as long as I’m here, nothing is going to happen to either of you.”  He nudged her with his shoulder.  “I promise.”

“What did he say to you? In the hallway?” Zoey asked.

Taj frowned in confusion.

“After his first visit with Marcus, when Val saw you and I hugging in the kitchen, you pulled him into the hallway.  What did he say to you?”

Taj looked down with a blush, followed by a bashful smile.

Zoey leaned over, nudging his shoulder with hers.  “Tell me…” When the silence went on, she reached up and took hold of his long ponytail, shaking it back and forth.

“Hey,” he laughed softly, biceps flexing when he brushed her off.

“He didn’t threaten you or anything?” Zoey looked at him from under her eyelids.

Taj took hold of the crib, leaning forward.  “Nah…”

Zoey watched his biceps flex tighter, and released his ponytail, letting the silky strands glide through her fingers and come to a stop in the middle of his back.

“He was just feeling a touch overprotective of his son, and the woman he still loves.” Taj risked a look at her.  He held her gaze in the dim room, peeking over his broad shoulder, the musical mobile above Marcus’s crib illuminating his blue eyes and darkening them, again.  “He threatened me in every which way he could without being put under arrest.”

“Yeah, his father taught him well.”

Taj’s eyes fell to her lips.  “He loves you a lot.”

Zoey took her own hold on the crib this time, curling her fingers around the wood.  “He’s also hurt me a lot.  An awful lot.”

“I know he hurt you.”  Taj lifted his head and folded his arms on the edge of the crib, looking down at Marcus.  “And if he ever finds us in the position he found us in that day, again, I might be next.”

“He’d never lay a finger on you.”

“Wouldn’t be so sure.”  He laughed.  “I know I would…” He took a moment, and then looked at her again.  “If I lost a woman like you.”

Zoey exhaled, and this time, her fingers tightened around the crib for an entirely different reason.  “Regardless.  He can’t just stomp into my home and pull rank, leaving his piss in every corner, harassing my friends and guests like he owns the place.  We’re not together anymore.”

“I’m not sure he knows that.  And I’m not a friend or a guest.  I’m a federal employee.”

“You’re a federal employee, but you’re also my friend, Taj.  My son adores you, and honestly; if you weren’t here?  I’d be going out of my damn mind right now.  You’re the only reason I’m still maintaining even a shred of sanity and dignity right now.  Honestly.”

“He still calls you his fiancé.”

“He can call me whatever he pleases, but he and I both know what’s real.  It’s over.”  She shrugged.  “And just because he’s crazy enough to think you’re trying to take his old spot, doesn’t give him the right to stomp in here and try to throw you around.”

“What if he’s right?” Taj lifted his eyebrows.

Zoey’s mouth fell open, but she had no words.

Taj licked his lips. “What if I do want his old spot?”

“I don’t know.” Zoey sputtered.   Do you?”

His face grew solemn.  “I don’t know.”

They held each other’s eyes across the crib, and when the silence felt like it had gone on forever, Taj was the first to look away.

“I uh…” He took a moment and then went into his back pocket.  “I got something for Marcus the other day…”

Zoey’s mouth fell open when Taj held his hand up, revealing a tiny baby bracelet swinging down from his pointer finger—an ultra-thin silver chain with Marcus’ birthstone in the middle.

“Taj, that’s really sweet.  You didn’t have to do that.”

Taj reached into the crib and clasped the bracelet around Marcus’ wrist.  “Does that mean you like it?”

Zoey waited until he finished putting it on, checking to make sure it wasn’t too snug or too tight.  When their eyes met, she lunged for him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I love it,” she whispered.

Taj embraced her in return, just tight enough to let her know she was welcome to settle in if she chose.

Zoey felt her eyes fluttering shut, and the warmth of his breath on the top of her head.

“Promise me you’ll never take it off him,” Taj said.

“Of course not.” She pulled back, meeting his eyes.  “I just told you I loved it.  It’s his first official gift from anyone but me.  I’ll keep it on his wrist until he gets too big and it pops off.”

Taj hesitated, and then held out his pinky, raising his eyebrows.

Zoey rolled her eyes with a scoff, doing everything she could to show her disapproval, but then, with a grin, she reached up and locked her pinky around his.

Taj held on.

They both breathed in deep, at the same time, before they released their pinkies and leaned back on the crib, their eyes instinctively falling to Marcus as he stirred softly in his sleep.

16

“So, how long until King hires someone to drive up to this cliff and put a bullet in our heads?”

Reggie laughed, and the vibrations in his abs tickled the back of Gary’s head.  “Too many eyes on him.  The media is parked outside his house 24/7.  He won’t try it.  At least not now.”

“So why does Jessica have protective detail outside my family’s house?”

“Because you’re her assets.  She has to be paranoid about keeping you safe.  That’s her job.”

Gary made a noise but didn’t press.  “The protective detail is useless, anyway.  This is the second time I’ve left the house without them noticing.”

“Are you afraid?”

Gary thought on that and then answered honestly.  “Not even a little.”

Reggie raked his fingers through Gary’s hair as they gazed up at the stars from the hood of the Mercedes.  Reggie’s long legs were stretched out and crossed at the ankle, and Gary’s long limbs were bent, his bare feet resting on the hood and hands clasped on his bare stomach.  Every time Reggie stroked a particularly sensitive spot on his skull, Gary’s eyes fluttered.  It was a weeknight, so Cedar’s cliff was quiet that evening.  Most of the kids who frequented the area had already turned in for the night.  They’d taken advantage of the quiet by removing each other’s clothes as quickly as their greedy hands would allow, and fucking on the hood until they’d created a dent that would surely stay around for a while.

But Gary didn’t care.

When Reggie stopped massaging his curls, Gary craned his neck and gave him puppy eyes.

“When are you going to tell your family about us?” Reggie asked.

Gary’s eyes fell.  “Not today.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Hell no.  Not tomorrow, either.”

“Ever?”

“Ten years ago, it would’ve been an easier conversation to have with them.  Now… you might not make it out alive.”

“So I’ve been sucking your dick, daily, since the night you met me up here, but I’m not good enough to meet your family?”

“Are we going to lie here and pretend I don’t suck your dick every night, too?  And you’ve already met my family.”

“Never as your boyfriend.”  When no response came, Reggie went on.  “So I’m just going to be your side hoe… forever?” His deep laugh filled the air when Gary reached up and shoved him.  “The one you hide away during birthdays and holidays?  Are you going to have a more family-friendly boyfriend that you dust off for Christmas and Thanksgiving while you leave me at home like some leper?”  Reggie lowered his voice.  “Will it even be a man, at all?”

Gary sighed.

“Do they know you’re gay?” Reggie asked.

“Does your father know you’re gay?”

“You heard my testimony.  He’s known I was gay since fourteen, and even though he beat the shit out of me when he found that photo of you, I know he was secretly happy.  Just another reason to add to the never-ending list of reasons why I deserved to get the shit beat out of me every night.  Why I deserved to feel unworthy of him and his love.  Of course he knew.  He always knew.”

“My family doesn’t know.  They never have.”

“Is that why you were so hell-bent on not testifying at first?  You’re afraid of them finding out?  Let me tell you something Gary, any family that would take me in the way yours did, icing black eyes, kissing my swollen cheeks and giving me a bed to sleep in when I was too afraid to go home?  That is the kind of family that is going to love their real family—their blood—unconditionally.  How can you not see that?”

“I grew up in a police officer’s house.  You know how it is.  Constantly surrounded by his loud, idiotic, sexist co-workers and friends.  Hearing them call each other faggot like it was the worst insult on the planet.  The lowest a man could go.  If I’d told my father I was gay, would he have stopped feeding me?  No.  Would he have kicked me out?  No.  Would he have kicked my ass?  No, probably not.  But he would look at me differently.  He would never look at me and see Gary again.”

Reggie’s eyebrows pulled.  “If he doesn’t know you’re gay, how could he possibly look at you and see Gary
now
?”

Gary blinked, stunned by that question.

“Does your father really see you?  All of you?  Or just the parts you want him to?”  Reggie asked.  “Maybe I could live with my father hating me all these years because at least he hated the most honest version of me.  He hated the real me.  Is the love your father’s always shown you really felt, deep down, when there’s a huge part of you he doesn’t know exists?”

Gary’s eyes fell.  He entwined their fingers.

“I understand why you’re not ready for them to know about me.  I’ve done a lot to earn your family’s contempt, and I know even testifying against my father may not be enough to reverse the pain I’ve caused them.  So they can’t know about me right now.  Cool.  But when do they get to know you?” Reggie pressed his knuckles to Gary’s heart.  “All of you?”

Gary lifted his eyes, holding Reggie’s gaze as his fingers ran up his chest and softly trickled over his parted lips.  “What if they can’t love that part of me?” he whispered.

Reggie frowned again, shrugging.  “But what if they can?”

Gary let that question linger, tightening their entwined fingers before leaning up and covering Reggie’s lips with his.  They breathed into the kiss, letting the rest of the word fade away before Gary pulled back with a smack.

“Next Sunday,” he whispered.

Reggie yanked his head back, cocking his lip.  “Huh?”

“You’re coming to family dinner with me next Sunday, and I’m going to tell them.  I’m going to tell them we’re together.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?  I mean, I know that speech I just gave you was inspiring, but perhaps some baby steps are in order here.  We don’t want to bulldoze your family with too much at once.”

“You just got done telling me that you didn’t want to be the side chick, now I’m offering you a seat at the dinner table, and you’re pulling back.  You sure you’re not a woman?”

Reggie shoved him, matching his laugh.  “Why don’t we wait until the trial is over?  Maybe if my dad is convicted, your brothers will be less inclined to come for my head the moment I sit down at the table.”

“Conviction or no conviction, I guarantee you,” Gary said.  “They’re all coming for your head.”

***

The next morning, Gary’s gruff scream was muffled in the back of Reggie’s head as he gave one last thrust, digging his fingers into the porcelain sink on either side of his body.  As the remnants of his orgasm raced through him, making his bones twitch, he smiled into Reggie’s trimmed hair and then laughed.  His heart warmed when Reggie’s chuckle mixed with his in the courthouse’s empty restroom.  Gary placed a hand on the small of Reggie’s back and pulled out as slowly as he could, careful not to hurt him.  The sunlight beaming through the window on the ceiling made the cum on Gary’s cock glisten.

He cursed as his hardness left the tight vise, lifting his chin when Reggie turned to face him, still clutching the bathroom sink, his chest heaving with just as much power as Gary’s.

Sharing quiet smiles, they pulled themselves together, their breathing coming back down to a normal level. 

Gary buckled his belt, wetting his lips before trying to close them over his teeth, failing because he was smiling too wide.  When he felt heat creeping to his cheeks, he lowered his eyes.

“Damn, Romanovsky,” Reggie whispered, still collecting himself, breathing as if he’d run a mile.  “I’ve got to get you in public restrooms more often.”

Gary’s eyes went to the door of the bathroom, which they’d dead-bolted, a deep laugh leaving his lips.

“You feel better?” Reggie asked.

Gary shot him a look.  “How could I not, after that?”

Reggie finished straightening his pants and the rest of his gray suit, before crossing the bathroom and taking the back of Gary’s neck in his hand.  He kissed him softly, lingering long enough to brush the tips of their noses together.

“You got this,” Reggie said.  “Every day this trial moves forward is another day we’re one step closer to moving past this.”

Their lips met once more before they gave each other’s suits a few final touches and left the bathroom. 

The courthouse hallway was quieter than it had been before they’d disappeared into the bathroom with hard-ons refusing to go ignored.   The trial was set to resume in less than five minutes, so everyone was surely seated in the courtroom waiting for Gary to arrive. 

Just as the door to the men’s restroom was closing behind Reggie and Gary, both of them still straightening each other’s ties, the door to the women’s restroom swung open.

Still sharing shy smiles, Reggie and Gary both gave the door a lazy look as it squeaked open.  When Gary caught eyes with Zoey, they both gasped.  The grip he had on Reggie’s tie doubled in ferocity to the point that he was nearly choking him.

Clutching a paper towel in her hand, Zoey’s eyes went wide, and she gasped so loudly she nearly screamed, pushing back into the doorsill of the bathroom.

Gary’s eyes fell to the paper towel in her hand, and he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  He’d always teased her about being an irredeemable hypochondriac.  She never opened a bathroom door with her bare hands, only with a paper towel to serve as a barrier.  And that was just one of the million ways she was overly paranoid in public places.  It was something he used to find highly amusing, something he teased her mercilessly about, but at that moment, all he could feel was pain.

Seeing the horror in her eyes, directed right at him, hurt him so badly, he felt like his skin was being torn from the bone.

He dropped Reggie’s tie and stepped forward, whispering her name.

That simple action caused her to push back against the door, holding her hand out to him with her fingers spread wide. 

“Don’t,” she begged.  “Don’t come a fucking step closer.”

“Zoey, I…” Gary frowned, holding out his hands.  “I would never hurt you.  I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Her eyebrows shot up high, and then she laughed.  It made her face come alive but in the worst possible way.  She didn’t even bother to respond, holding his eyes as she stomped across the courtroom hallway.  She never broke their gaze, not even as she yanked open the door to the courtroom and disappeared inside.

Gary watched her go.  Behind him, he felt Reggie rubbing his arm soothingly, but for the first time, it didn’t make him feel better.

***

“Your Honor, I’d like to call Gary Romanovsky back to the stand.”

Gary had known this day was coming.  He’d been both looking forward to and dreading it.  A part of him yearned to get it over with, but as he stood from his seat at the prosecution table, turned and locked eyes with Zoey, another part of him wasn’t ready.  He wasn’t ready to see the look on her face when he sat on that witness stand and solidified the truth she already knew.  The truth that had driven her to not just remove herself from him and his family’s lives, but her child, as well.

He felt each member of his family squeezing his arm reassuringly as he circled the table, but didn’t have the stomach to look at them.  He kept his eyes riveted to the floor until he’d taken his seat behind the witness stand.

After Gary was sworn in, Jack approached him with a patient smile; his fingers clasped together.   “Gary…” Jack came to a stop a few feet away from him and motioned to his eye.  “What is that red ring around your left eye?”

“It’s a bruise.”

“How did you get it?”

“I was attacked in my bedroom, a few weeks back.”

“Did you see the person who attacked you?”

“No, but it was a man wearing a black mask.  All I could see were his eyes.  About the same height and build as me. And a lot stronger.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

Gary’s eyes moved to the defense table.  “He said that, if I talked, my entire family would die.”

“Who do you think sent that man to your house?”

“Victor King, without question—”

Before Gary could even finish, the defense attorney had flown to her feet, so quickly it was a wonder she didn’t pull something.  “Objection!  Calls for a speculation!”

“Sustained.  Jury, please disregard.”  The judge called for a strike from the record before giving Jack a look of warning.

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” Jack said, in a tone of voice that implied he wasn’t sorry, at all.

Gary found himself amazed at Jack.  In the weeks they’d spent going over this testimony, Jack had planned everything, all the way down to the loops in Gary’s shoelaces.  During their preparations, Jack had anticipated the very objection that had just been shouted from the defense table.  “You can’t un-say what’s already been said,” Jack had told him.  “And you can’t un-hear what’s already been heard.” Jack’s only goal was to get the words he wanted into the jury’s ears, because even if those words were objected to, psychologically, they would always remain in their minds.

“When Reggie came to your house that night, Gary, after his father beat him bloody, what did the two of you do next?”