Finding Home (14 page)

I sighed. He just didn’t get it. ‘For starters, it is, but that’s not the point. You’re Stevie D, the stupid singer. Do you think I like being the kid of some pop star? I hate it! When you used to do local gigs back home, people would always tease me. Can you imagine what would happen if I told anyone about it now that I’m in high school, now that you’re a number one star?’

My voice was raised. I knew I was coming close to making a scene but holding back was really hard. How could he do this to me?

‘I had no idea,’ Dad said, softly. He stirred the drink I’d placed in front of him, looking like someone had just slapped him across his aging face.

‘Because you never asked,’ I said. ‘Did you ever think that when Mum died, perhaps all I wanted was a bit of normality and not to be whisked up in your little life on the road?’ I was so angry. I didn’t realise it was in me, all this this anger that had built up over the years.

Dad sat there awhile in silence. ‘You used to love life on the road,’ he finally said, his eyes looking sad and like they were about to well up. But I couldn’t stop now. How could he honestly be shocked?

‘I didn’t mind when it was the three of us,’ I said. ‘Now, all I do is sit around and watch people ask for your autograph and hope they don’t recognise me. And if you think being banished to this crappy little town is any better, you are so mistaken. Sure, it was okay for a while. But now everyone will know about you. You’ll have ruined my life again.’

Dad sucked in some air. His jaw dropped a little. I threw my head back and poured the double shot with Coke down my throat. What was the point? By Monday, everyone at school would know who I was. Luke would think I was an idiot.

May as well get drunk.

‘Room keys, please,’ I ordered, my monotone voice coming back into play.

‘You’re not going back to Lou’s?’ Dad cocked his head to the side.

‘Look, I need some space right now. You can stay there tonight.’ To my great surprise, he took the keys to his hotel room out of his pocket and handed them over, moving in slow motion like he wasn’t really sure this was happening.

I took the keys and walked away, heading out of the bar and into the hotel next door. I ran through the bright lights of the lobby and into the elevator, pressing the button for the third level repeatedly as the doors slid shut.

When I found the room that matched the number on his key, I opened the door and flew inside, locking it behind me and slumping down to the floor. My hands were running through my long, brown hair. I was shaking like a leaf, but the ground beneath me felt nice and solid. I was glad I’d made the decision to stay in a hotel tonight. What I really needed right now was to be alone and cry.

And to get really, really drunk from the contents of the hotel mini-bar.

* * *

‘Amy, wake up.’

That was Dad’s voice. I squinted my eyes open. He sat next to me where I lay on top of the quilt still wearing last night’s clothing. I glanced around to survey the damage. Only six mini-shots and a packet of crisps. Surely he couldn’t get too mad over that, now, could he?

‘We need to talk about the way you acted last night,’ he said.
Ugh.
It was too early for this. My head was pounding. I could tell that this was going to be the hangover from hell.

‘Sorry,’ I mumbled. I rubbed my eyes and hoped I hadn’t smudge too much of the mascara I’d been wearing.

‘Amy, an apology isn’t going to cut it.’ Dad shook his head in bewilderment. ‘Your behaviour was completely inappropriate.’

‘
I’m
inappropriate?’ I asked in disbelief. ‘You can flirt with women half your age who ask you for your autograph even though you’re married, but I can’t express my disapproval over you acting like a lame pop star and neglecting your daughter?’ How could he be so blind? And why did he have to do this now, after letting one of my classmates find out about him and ruining my reputation? He just didn’t get it.

‘You know I don’t neglect you. I sent you to live with Lou because you needed some routine in life, and you were drinking too much. Only, it looks like nothing’s changed.’ He ran his hand through his hair, that old familiar gesture, and a sprig of grey sprung through his fingers. His eyes were sunken, and he looked old. ‘I respect your mother’s memory. I would never do anything to compromise that, and certainly not with the type of women who’d ask me for autographs.’

He looked serious, but could I believe him? How could I believe the guy who’d sent me away as soon as things had gotten too hard?’

‘Whatever. I have homework. Can I go back to Lou’s?’

He paused, then nodded and we both stood. I wiped my hands over my top, trying to straighten it, and re-did my hair so it would have less of the slept-in look.

We walked to the elevator in silence and watched the numbers count up to our floor. Then, once we’d stepped inside, we watched them count down. I had my arms folded. I just wanted some greasy food and then bed.

The doors pinged open, and we walked out into the lobby. It was sparse and ugly, a big white room with a long beige counter and blinking fluorescent lights that gave the area a surreal white glow. And there, sitting behind the front desk, was Jade.
Of course someone from school would work at the local hotel. Just my luck.

‘Hi, Amy.’ Jade smiled, extending a hand over the desk and giving me a little wave. I steeled myself, ready for an onslaught of teasing, but it didn’t come. Maybe our friendship ran deeper than that.

‘Dad, can I meet you in the car?’ I asked hopefully. He nodded and walked out, not bothering to ask for an explanation. I could see I’d exhausted him.

‘Jade, hi.’ I walked up to her, resting my hands on the ugly beige counter. She grinned at me.

‘Big night, hey?’ Her eyes had lit up with amusement. She jerked her head in the direction of the door my dad had just walked through.

‘Look, about that,’ I said. ‘I was trying to keep that part of my life a secret. Could you maybe, please, just keep it to yourself?’

‘Sure thing, chick!’ Jade agreed, drawing an imaginary cross over her heart. ‘Scout’s honour!’

‘Cool, thanks a bunch.’ I smiled, ignoring the fact that there were no female scouts. I didn’t really care what she swore on because all I wanted was her secrecy. ‘See ya Monday.’

I waved, heading for the door. I didn’t even wait for her to say goodbye before I was out of there.

If only I can get to Nick before he tells someone.
Maybe then there would be a chance my reputation could still be saved.

‘Amy, are you coming to lunch with me?’ As Lou talked, I sat at the breakfast bar, slowly stirring my spoon around in my cereal.

‘No,’ I replied. I was on autopilot. Even Panadol hadn’t numbed the hangover that was raging its war inside my head. It felt like my brains were pressing against my skull, trying to get out.

‘Amy, Lou asked you to go to lunch.’ Dad sighed.

I rolled my eyes, focusing on my food. Lou walked over, pushing my bowl to the side and leaning in front of me. I raised my head to meet her steady gaze.

‘You don’t have to go to lunch if you don’t want to,’ she said, ‘but I’d really like it if you did.’

‘No, she
does
have to go.’ Dad stalked over to me from the other side of the room. ‘You need to snap out of it, kid.’

‘Kid?’ I spat. I didn’t have the energy to turn this into a fight, but he was being a jerk and I couldn’t let it slide.

‘Your father didn’t mean to say that, he just —’

‘Lou, I can fight my own battles,’ Dad said, interrupting her. ‘And, Amy, you do have to go to lunch.’

‘Or what? Or you’ll ignore me until I decide to kill myself?’

That accusation might have been a little unfair, but I didn’t care. I’d had enough of pretending like everything was okay between us. It wasn’t. It wasn’t at
all
.

‘Get in the car. You’re going to lunch.’ Dad’s voice came out in a guttural growl. I could tell he was furious. He started clenching and unclenching his fists.

‘Amy is not going to lunch!’ Lou yelled, her shrill voice a direct contrast to my father’s. I was shocked by her outburst. Why was she on my side? It was her I didn’t want to go to lunch with.

‘Look, I don’t have time for this.’ Dad ran his hands through his hair, checking his watch on the way down. ‘Amy, you’re going to lunch and that’s final. I’m leaving. Goodbye.’

He turned around and stormed across the room, picking up his overnight bag that lay sitting next to the doorway. He took one brief look back and slammed the door. The sound echoed throughout the house.

I put my spoon down. I was so not hungry anymore. I walked upstairs to my room. What I needed was to lie on my bed for a while.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes it was after two in the afternoon. I rolled over to check my phone, brushing the hair out of my eyes. Two new messages.

I’ve gone to the club for lunch. You don’t have to come, but if you need me, call me. Lou x

Come over this arvo. Kyle and Jade are here already. See ya soon
. That one was from Lily.

It was hardly a tough decision. I sprang off the bed and walked to the bathroom, splashing water over my face and checking to see if any signs of a hangover were still evident on my face.

The sleep must have done me good; my eyes were no longer red and my skin looked less pale. Definitely presentable enough for a trip to Lily’s, I decided.

I walked to her house, listening to my iPod on the way. As soon as the strains of an Elton John song came on, I pressed the skip button. No point getting caught up in all that sentimental shit.

‘Hello?’ I called out as I got to the front door. It was wide open, so I walked down the hallway and turned in to the lounge room. Lily, Jade and Kyle were all sitting there, controllers in hand, eyes glued to the screen as they fought to see whose car would take out the championship in some sort of a racing game.

‘Hey, Amy,’ Lily murmured, eyes focused on the prize in front of her. I shifted my weight to my other foot. I hoped Jade wasn’t going to say anything about our encounter this morning. She’d seemed cool then, but I barely knew the girl. How was I supposed to tell if she was actually as good as her word?

‘Grab a seat,’ Jade said, jerking her head in the direction of a big, suede armchair on the border of the room, never taking her eyes off the screen.

‘While you’re up, wanna bring out some beers?’ Kyle asked. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes, it was hard to work out what Lily saw in him.

I turned and headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge. It was completely stocked with beer, wine and soft drink.
Paula is so understanding of Lily. Maybe if Dad was more relaxed, I wouldn’t feel like I needed to sneak booze in when I wanted it.

Sixpack in hand, I went back to the lounge room and placed one drink down in front of each of the players.

‘Wanna join?’ Kyle asked.

‘No, I’m fine, thanks.’ I’d never really played any sort of game console. As an only child — a girl, at that — who hadn’t really had a proper home for the past four years, I was lucky to have a laptop, let alone something that hooked up to the television.

Instead, I sat and watched them play, round after round. Occasionally, I’d join in their banter, cheering on Lily or Jade — but never Kyle — and fetching more beers for everyone.

It was nice hanging out like this, doing nothing. It felt so normal, especially in light of the events of the evening prior. I had come so close to having moments like this destroyed. No one would want to hang out with me once they knew I was Stevie D’s daughter.

The sky darkened, and the players decided to call it a day. I was extremely tired, finding it hard to keep my eyes open. My head was spinning a little, too. It looked like the night before had finally started to catch up with me. We started packing up, transferring the empty chip packets and beer bottles into the bin in the kitchen.

‘Wow, Amy,’ Kyle said, collecting the empties near my seat. ‘You can really knock ‘em back!’

‘Are these all yours?’ Lily asked, looking at the empty bottles and then at me. I glanced at the garbage in Kyle’s hands. I’d only gotten one for myself when I’d grabbed one for someone else; but I guess, since Kyle drank faster than Lily and Jade drank slower, that it meant I was having three beers to their one.

‘Sorry,’ I said, staring shamefully at my feet. ‘Do you want some cash or something?’

‘Nah, it’s fine,’ Lily replied. ‘You just — you sure can put ‘em away.’

I blushed. I tried to count the bottles, but they were all a little blurry and concentrating made my head hurt.
Maybe I have drank too much
.

‘She only had six.’ Kyle drew his eyebrows together at Lily. ‘It’s just a lot for a girl her size.’

‘For a Sunday afternoon, six is heaps for anybody!’

I’d had enough. This was all getting a little weird. It was bad enough discussing my drinking habits with my Dad and Lou, but what I definitely didn’t need was to discuss them with anyone else.

‘I’m gonna go,’ I said, grabbing the couch to steady myself and walking out of the house towards Lou’s place. I’d had a nice afternoon with some friends, and tomorrow I’d go to school and see Luke. Maybe he’d finally ended it with Coral over the weekend. I couldn’t wait to find out.

Waking up on Monday was not pleasant. I felt a rock of dread rolling inside of me — part-nerves and part-hangover.

I sat up, fighting my lethargic body, and dragged myself into the shower. I had to get to school and convince Nick not to tell anyone about Stevie D before he started to blab. I’d also decided that it was time to tell Luke my secret. If we were ever going to stand a chance of having a serious relationship together, he’d have to know about my dad. I might as well tell him now and get it out of the way.

As I walked through the school gates, Nick was one of the first people I saw, standing in a group of guys that included Ashley and a heap of others I didn’t recognise.
Thank God for small mercies
. The boys were speaking enthusiastically about something, all hands and intensity. Nick certainly wasn’t the centre of attention, and he didn’t look like he was recounting the story of the pop star and his daughter. Well, not yet, anyway.