Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (13 page)

“Anything
you say.” He kisses me softly and walks outside to join the others.

I
stare at the people outside chatting, but my attention keeps falling on Haden.
I walk over to stand with them and he looks at me, causing my pulse to quicken.
He glances at his watch and whispers “fifty-seven more minutes.”

* * *

Anyone who says they love
high school must be out of their damn mind.

Over
the last hour I’ve seen two almost fights, three people kicked out by Mr.
Jameson for bringing drugs, and countless tears from different girls who either
caught a boyfriend cheating or was dumped before getting here. All of this
drama, and in six months we’ll be over it. These will all be a distant memory.
But right now, in the thick of it, it’s life and death.
At
least for them.

“One
hour,” Haden announces, breaking me from my trance of
people-watching
.

“I’m
ready, let’s go.” I jump off the counter and make a break for the exit. “I’ll
text the guys later.”

“What
about Bailey?” he asks.

“She’s
staying at my house. Mom and Dad are expecting her.”

“Let’s
go, we won’t be gone too long,” Haden says as he threads his fingers through
mine. We open the front door to leave and run into Kasey waiting on the other
side.

“Ah,
if it isn’t the loser and the burnout,” she sneers.

I
look around and notice that she’s alone.

“Um,
Kasey, who invited you?” I ask, not at all kindly.

She’s
one of the popular girls, so I guess it stands to chance that she is automatically
invited anywhere she wants to go. Still, I enjoy watching her mouth agape in
shock.

“That’s
what I thought. I think you should go,” I finish and hear the chuckle escape
Haden.

“Braxton
invited me,” she defends.

“Oh,
okay, hold on,” I turn toward the kitchen and call for Braxton, who comes to
the door and stands behind me. “Brax, Kasey said you invited her.”

“Nope,”
he says quickly with a shake of his head.

“That’s
what I thought,” I say, and look at Kasey, who is mortified.

“But
Braxton, I thought you wanted me here,” she says flirtatiously.

“No
offense, Kasey, but this is Laila’s birthday and we all know that you aren’t
her biggest fan. So no, I don’t want you here,” Brax says dryly.

She
glares at me before storming off in a huff. The three of us watch her make her
way down the street and disappear into the darkness.

“Sorry
about that, Lai,” he says before addressing Haden and me. “Y’all leaving?”

“We’ll
be back,” I tell him before he rejoins the party.

Haden
closes the door behind us and we make our way toward his car.

“So
where are we going?” I ask, smiling at him.

“How
do you do that?” he asks in awe.

“Do
what?”

“Let
it roll off.”

“What
am I supposed to do? Break? The way I see it, I’m going to graduate and leave
this town. There’s a huge world out there and I want my chance to make the most
of it. I’m not going to let someone like Kasey ruin it for me.”

He
leans over and places a soft kiss to my lips. “You’re amazing.”

“Are
you ever going to tell me where we’re going?”

“It’s
a surprise.”

We continue walking down the street and
end up passing his car as we go. I look back at it to question, but realize
exactly where we’re going.

“You’re
not very original, are you?” I tease.

“Who
said I was trying to be?”

“The
way you swept me out of there, I figured there was some top secret location all
magical and stuff. Then again, we could sit in the garage all night and I’d be
happy.” I shrug, holding onto his hand tighter.

“Did
you have fun?”

“I
always have fun with you guys, you know that. But the party part, I think I was
ready to leave when the first guest arrived.”

“Yeah,
I could see by the look on your face.” He lets go of my hand and tucks me close
to his side protectively. “We knew after the first day when word started
spreading that the party wasn’t a good idea. I think Bailey must have said
something to Joey about it because he said we needed to do something with just
us.”

“I’m
liking Bailey more and more,” I say when I look up into his eyes.

We
get to the edge of the woods, the same woods we’ve gone through thousands of
times before, and make our way to the opening of the path we’ve created over
the years. Haden walks ahead of me with his arm stretched behind him so he can
hold my hand. It’s a haunting quiet, neither of us saying a word, nor looking
to fill it either. Haden’s always been the silent one and I’ve never
minded—I still don’t.

Every
once in a while I hear him mutter something or offer a simple, one-word warning
about an object up ahead, and I find it adorable. The path to the quarry is
easy to maneuver during the day, but at night we have to go by memory.

“I
think we’re almost there,” he finally says over his shoulder.

“I
hope so. Otherwise your sense of direction is way off.” I smile, even though he
can’t see me.

“You’re
the one with terrible direction,” he counters as we finally step through to the
clearing. The moonlight reflects on the water and provides enough light that I
know where our rocks are and I can see the shy smile on Haden’s face.

“I’ve
never had a problem finding this or anyplace else,” I argue as I follow him to
our usual spots, but he stops before we get there.

“Here,
just wait right here,” he instructs with his hands halting my forward movement.

When
I stop, he stands in front of me for a second to make sure I don’t move before
he jogs off to the side, where he disappears from view.

“You
know, this is the time when some axe murderer jumps out from the trees and
kills me,” I yell loud enough so he can hear.

He
doesn’t answer and I cross my arms protectively across my chest while I wait.

“Or
better yet,” I turn my back to the water and face where he left, “I stand here
for like ten minutes waiting, and when you don’t show up I walk over all pissed
and stuff—yelling because you left me—and then I find your body
hanging up in the trees.”

“You
have a warped brain,” he says from behind me, causing me to jump and let out a
yelp.

“I
hate you,” I declare through a laugh. “Where did you come from?” I look around
because I watched him go in, but it’s not where he came out.

“I
came from a small town outside of Houston,” he laughs and I push at his
shoulder in annoyance. “I’m just kidding. I had to get something and I knew you
were watching me. It’s funny when you get scared because you start rambling
with insane ideas.”

“I
do not. Besides, you guys have made me watch so many horror movies, nothing
scares me,” I lie.

“By
the way,” he says as he reaches for my hand, “you don’t hate me.”

“Yeah,
yeah,” I mutter, holding onto his hand. “I’ll let you know in a few minutes
when my heart rate gets back to normal how I really feel.”

He
holds onto my hand and leads me to a relatively flat area and sets a bag down
that I didn’t realize he was carrying.

“You
already know,” he says when we stop moving.

Haden
begins to pull things out of the bag, but in the darkness I can’t make much of
it out. I can see the blanket that he removes from the bottom because in one
fluid motion, he opens it and spreads it along the ground, kicking up some dust
in the process.

“Very
smooth,” I tease.

“What
can I say, I’m good.”

He
pats the ground and extends his hand to help me sit down next to him. The night
air is chilly and I’m thankful for the coat that I put on with the outfit, even
if it is a little too dressy to wear while sitting on the ground.

Haden
leans back and rests his weight on his elbows; one leg is stretched out in
front of him and the other is bent in a relaxed manner. I am sitting upright, my
knees tucked to my chest and arms wrapped protectively around them to help warm
my body. As if sensing my coldness, Haden sits up and reaches for something and
I’m instantly warmed.

“You
are
good,” I finally say when he has
us both wrapped in another blanket.

“I
told you: you don’t hate me.” He kisses the top of my head and I close my eyes
as I lean into his shoulder.

“Never
could,” I agree. “So what’re we doing out here?”

“I
have a present for you, but I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone.”

“Oh,”
I sigh nervously. “So what is it?”

“First
off, a few things, okay?”

“If
you must,” I laugh to lighten the mood.

“You
have to wait about thirty minutes until I can give you your gift.”

I
open my mouth to speak but he silences me with a gentle kiss, but doesn’t move
away when he speaks again. “Next, you can’t talk. I know that’s hard for you,
but no talking.”

A
simple nod is all I can give him and he smiles before kissing me again.

“Last,
I’m going to give you a flashlight in a second. This isn’t really part of your
gift, but I wanted to give it to you anyway.”

He
reaches into the bag and hands over the aforementioned flashlight that I click
on and hold under my face so I can make a weird face. Haden turns to face me
with some paper in his hands but laughs and rolls his eyes at the game I’m
playing.

“Maybe
another time,” he says as he starts to fold the paper, but I grab it from him
before he has a chance to get rid of it.

“Now,”
I whisper as I unfold it and straighten it over my thigh.

“I’m
gonna go—over…
.there
.” He points nervously at
any direction that is away from me and scoffs as he walks off.

I
watch as he seems to be muttering something to himself and I find it amusing,
and it also makes me incredibly eager to see what has him all worked up. I direct
the small flashlight to the paper and find Haden’s handwriting staring up at
me.

Laila,

I can’t tell you how many
times I’ve written this letter and thrown it away. I thought the first time you
saw the drawings I did of you that you would freak out and think I was insane.
But that, the art, was easy for me because I can put everything into it and
never have to say a word. It’s the one place that I know where I
stand—people may or may not like what I’ve done, but I do it for me. We
both know that I’m somewhat on the shy side and speaking up isn’t exactly one
of my strong points.

But this is different. This
is for you. Anything I say here can change everything. I can’t help but wonder
if this is the right thing to do, but if I don’t, I’ll always regret it.

For so many years, I’ve
watched you and cared for you. You barreled your way into our group and changed
it for the better. I’ve always liked how you can help each of us in a way that
is unique to you. You’re best friend, partner, support, pseudo-girlfriend, and
fill-in—and you’ve never asked for anything in return. While all the
other girls around are clawing and beating each other to be noticed, you are
happy to stay in the background away from the spotlight—unseen.

But I see you; I always
have.

I think I fell for you that
day in eighth grade when you told Caarly off. I hated that girl, but that day I
loved that she brought out what I hoped was jealousy in you. But when it was
all said and done, you showed no signs of returning my feelings and the rest of
the guys were against any of us dating you.

I hated every time you
dated someone else. God, I wanted to strangle the last three because they
didn’t deserve you. It was so hard to play neutral and let myself believe that
it was for the best, but in the end, I don’t regret a single thing because I
have loved having you as my best friend.

My dad gave me a lot of
advice at the end. One thing that sticks with me the most was one of the
afternoons that you showed up at the hospital to sit with him. It had been a
long day and I was exhausted. You knew how much I wanted to be there and have
time with my dad, but I kept dozing off so you told me to lay down so you could
visit with him. Dad gave me a nod and I slept in that chair even though I was
worried my dad would tell you how I felt.

When I woke up, he was
writing something down and you were nowhere to be found. For a second, I
thought he’d told you everything but when he saw the look on my face, he called
me over. He grabbed my hand and said, ‘be patient with her. I know she loves
you, even if she doesn’t realize it yet. Be what she needs and someday, she’s
going to see in you what you want her to.’

That’s what I have spent
the last three years doing: waiting. And maybe he’s looking down on me now and shaking
his head, but I’d like to think he’s cheering me on for going after you and
telling you what I feel.

I
turn the page over to read more of his words, wiping a tear from my eye in the
process, but it’s blank. There’s nothing else. I look up to see Haden sitting
at the edge of the rocks staring into the distance and stand up with the
blanket around my shoulders so I can join him.

“It
just ends,” I say when I sit next to him. I hold the paper up and show him the
back, as if he didn’t write it and already know this fact. “You stopped when it
was getting good.”

He
looks at me and cups my cheek in his hand looking younger than his age of
eighteen. “Some things you have to hear.”

“Like
what?” I ask with nervousness coursing through my veins.

“Like
you are the only girl I’ve ever wanted.” He leans his forehead to mine and
closes his eyes. “And that there isn’t another person in this world I will ever
want.”

“Haden,”
I say as I place my hand over his to pull it off my face. “We’re practically
kids. You can’t know that.”

“My
dad knew,” he says simply. “He knew the first time he saw my mom. I know that
for as long as I live, there’s no way I will ever see anyone else the way I see
you.”

“How
can you be so sure?” I ask, fighting the lump forming in my throat.

“Because
there’s no room in here.” He holds my hand over his heart. “I will never love
anyone as much as I love you.”

“You
know I love you,” I say in return, but he knows I’m saying it the way I always
have and nods his head.

“Yeah,
I know. But I also know that if you think about it—really think about
it—you know you feel the same way.”

He
kisses my hand and releases it before he stands up, leaving me alone on the
edge.

I’m on the edge in more
ways than one.

Haden
walks back to the blanket that he spread out and sits, leaving me to my
thoughts.

Of
course I love him—I always have. It’s too soon to admit to him that I’m
in love with him, that I’ve always loved him as more than my friend. We’re
graduating and more than likely ending up at different schools. The long-distance
thing will kill any relationship and we’ll end up resenting each other in the
end. But if I keep it inside, there’s a chance I’ll regret that for the rest of
my life.

“Searle,”
I call over my shoulder before standing up and walking to him.

Standing
at the edge of the blanket, I stare down at him, his face glowing in the
moonlight and throw my hands up in annoyance.

“This
is just like you. You never say anything, then take today—my damn
birthday—and throw everything off! What are you thinking?”

“I
was —” he starts as he moves to stand up, but I stop him.

“It
was rhetorical. You had your chance to speak, and I’m not finished.”

“Fine.”
He waves his hand and leans back on his elbows.

“You
don’t just go around telling a girl what she does or doesn’t feel. You let her
decide if she’s ready to say these things.” I start to pace as I reprimand him.
“Of course I love you, you’re one of my best friends, but for you to assume you
know what’s going on inside of my heart is a bit presumptuous. I mean, sure I’m
in love with you, but I’m not ready to just go and tell you that. It’s been a
month, Haden.
One. Month
. I get all
girly and think about what will happen in six months when we go off to college
and how the long-distance thing will work, because I hate the idea of losing
you. What if you get to school and meet some artsy girl who shares your
interests and you fall for her? Where does that leave me? I’ll tell you where:
it leaves me crying—and you know how much I hate that—over my first
love because I’m so madly in love with him and he broke my heart. But for you
to just tell me what I feel, that’s a dick move.”