Finding My Way (26 page)

I shake my head. This is too much to handle. “I can’t go back there.”

“That’s fine. I’ll send someone over to pack your clothes and you can stay at Harrison’s tonight.”

I shake my head. I can’t do this without her support. She’s the reason I’m where I’m at today.

“I can’t go on tour.”

Sam sighs next to me. “Listen, Liam, I spent all of yesterday with your grandmother. She’s so proud of you. She wanted to be in the front row while you performed instead of being back stage – that tells me something about a person. She’s a remarkable woman and she’d want you to go out on tour and live your dream. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I understand what you’re going through because I’ve never lost someone close to me before. I understand the importance of family and that’s what I’m here for. I can’t take the place of your grandma, but I can help you live out her memory and I can be your friend.

“She wouldn’t want you passing up your dreams like this. You can hold her in your heart when you can’t hold her in your hands, Liam. I’m not trying to pressure you, but I’ve seen this before with my father’s clients. Everyone has their own way of working out how they cope with grief. I’m just asking you not to let down Harrison and Way with your decision.”

I think more about Harrison than I do Way. He’s been around the block before and he’s just along for the ride, but Harrison’s a different story. For years he’s been nothing but the house band drummer that helps people develop their sound. I helped make this happen for him. Once again, I’m letting someone down with my decision. Seems like no matter what I do, that’s always how things are going to be. If I bail this time, I’m letting myself down too.

“I’ll go, but I can’t go back to the house, not now, not ever. Sell it or donate it, I don’t care.”

“And what about her belongings?”

“Put it in a storage unit, I guess, until I can find a place to live.”

Sam nods and has her phone out before she’s out of her seat. She’s all business and for that I’m thankful.

Chapter 38

T
here isn’t a playbook or a call sheet that prepares for what life is like on a tour bus. There’s no one on the sidelines yelling calls out to you and there’s no one to pick you up if you fall down. When you see reports of an artist entering rehab and the cause is exhaustion – they’re not lying. Rehab is the only place where people can’t bug you twenty-four seven and you can sleep. Believe me, I’ve thought about it.

I haven’t fallen, but I feel like it sometimes.

Sam is a Godsend. If it wasn’t for her we wouldn’t have clean clothes, food on the bus or even know which way we’re heading. Disorientation is my sixth sense. I’m always disoriented. Is it night or day? Am I north or south? It doesn’t matter because Sam is there to make sure I’m where I need to be, when I need to be.

Life on a tour bus, not gonna lie, it sucks. Yes we have all modern day amenities, but the constant movement is jarring. The first three days, I was sicker than a dog and thankful we were only performing five songs because anything more and I would’ve hurled onto the fans. ‘
There, take that for standing in the front row with your barely there tank top on
’.

Sam, Harrison and Way have been like a family to me. We’ve been on the road for a month now and despite the fact that I had reservations, I’m happy I didn’t give up on this and that they didn’t give up on me. I could’ve turned into a
has been
before I was even a
been
. What a joke that would’ve made me.

I miss my grandmother though and I don’t think that feeling is going to go away, not as long as I’m Liam Page. She’s so much a part of me, a part of who I am and who I’m becoming, that I can’t let go. The sleepless nights and writer’s block, I blame on her. I try to channel her thoughts into my lyrics and just when I think I have her lifeless body flashes before my eyes and I’m back to square one again.

I finish the last verse and hold the note longer than usual. The crowd erupts and as much as I want, an encore isn’t happening. It’s not allowed. There’s another act after us and the stage has to be set up for them. We rush off and the roadies start to break down our set. Sam meets us in our dressing room with bottles of water and fresh fruit. She’s not very strict about any underage drinking on my part, she reminds me daily that she’s not my mother. But she does protect me and for that I’m grateful. She’s kept me away from a few sticky situations and her intuition is usually spot on.

“There’s an after party tonight that we need to attend.”

Harrison and Way both roll their eyes. Way is likely not to attend, but Harrison and I will because we want to stay in the good graces of
Blaze
.

“I thought we could go to dinner first,” Sam says, as she hands us clean clothes. She starts to leave but turns back. “We’re almost done guys and let me just say, it’s been worth it. I think you’ll like the new contract that
Moreno
has drawn up and if you don’t, we can market elsewhere.” She shuts the door, leaving us to change.

“Did she say new contract?” Harrison asks, as he slips a new shirt on.

“Yeah, could it be we’re already done with our first one already?” I shrug because I can’t remember what we signed. I know Sam is our manager for at least three years. “I’ll ask her at dinner.”

D
inner is a quiet affair in a small Italian restaurant. Sam has made sure all our meals are balanced, no fast food and nothing that is going to weigh us down or make us sick. One stipulation that Harrison asked for is that he be able to run each day and she’s made that happen. She says it won’t always be easy so we should enjoy it while he can. She’s right about the easy part. About a week ago I ventured out with one of the guitarist from
Blaze
to the mall for clothes shopping. She was spotted immediately and all hell broke loose. Needless to say, our adventure was cut short.

“Sam, can I ask what you meant earlier about a new contract?”

She sets down her fork and raises her napkin to her mouth wiping away nothing. She’s the most impeccable eater I’ve ever seen, nothing like Harrison and I who shovel things in our mouths constantly.

“If you remember correctly,
Moreno Entertainment
agreed to cut one EP, which we’ve done. Now I’ve told you before, we can look for a record deal with another company or you can stay with
ME
. It’s your choice.”

I nod, remembering the conversation.

“We’ll want to look at the new contract before we make a decision,” Harrison adds.

“Of course, Harrison, I’m not saying you have to sign it and we can shop around and see what offers I can pull in. Either way, we’ll be cutting a new record when we get back to Los Angeles. Hopefully that has you excited.”

“I’m excited,” I tell her. My fear was that this tour wouldn’t go so well, but it’s exceeding my expectations. I think that’s easy when you don’t know what to expect, but every time I think something is going to fail or completely fall apart, it doesn’t. The road crew that is on the tour with us is fast and efficient. They take care of our equipment as if it’s their own. Each stop has been a thrill ride and
Blaze
and
The Saplings
(yes, they named themselves after baby trees) who come on after us, have been amazing to work with. On our nights off we get together and jam in the parking lots where we stay.

The tour bus isn’t that bad either. At first I hated it, but we have our own space, a kitchen to cook in, a table to sit at and a television to watch. There’s a small seating area that we can gather in for a pre-show game plan, but Sam usually holds those meetings in our dressing room. She likes to walk around and wave her hands wildly when she speaks.

We finish dinner and Sam pays our bill. We’re not naive in thinking she’s covering the tab; we know we are footing the bill for everything she does. Way says we’ll be lucky to break even. I’m not in this to make money, just music and right now she’s helping me do that.

Our walk to the nightclub where the party is being held takes us all of five minutes. Sam informs the bouncer who we are and we’re let in right away. This is something else to get used to, the VIP treatment. I’ve yet to be accosted by a fan and I won’t lie, I’m sort of waiting for that moment just so I can say it’s happened to me.

I’m eating the words as soon as I think them when I’m almost bowled over with arms and legs wrapped around me. The intense shrill of screaming in my ear immediately makes me go stiff. I gently put my hands on my assaulter’s hips and push her off of me. But one look at the red hair and I know.

“Layla!”

I pick her back up and twirl her around. When I set her back down her lips are on me in an instant and as much as I don’t want to, I give in. I admit it, I’m lonely. I never thought I’d feel it until now.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

I run my hand through my hair and look for Harrison who is at the bar chatting up a blond. I look around for Way and Sam, but they’re nowhere to be found.

“Harrison and I are on tour with
Blaze
, we just performed. This is their after party.”

“Holy shit, Liam, I knew you’d make it.” She steps back and shakes her head. “Wow, look at you. Maybe I should be pissed that you dumped me. I should’ve tried harder.”

Her words make me blush, but I know deep in my heart things would’ve never worked for us.

“You’re looking good, Layla. Come on, let’s find a table.”

I take her hand in mine and lead her through the crowd until I find an empty table with the words
Reserved
and Sam’s name on it. I let her slide into the booth before me. I place my arm on the back of the pleather seat and lean in so I can hear her.

“So what’s new?”

“Not much,” she starts. “My manager is a douche and I need to hire a lawyer to get out of my contract. He’s a total creep and only wanted to get in my pants.”

I want to ask her if she let him, but that’s none of my business. Sam appears at the table with drinks in her hand.

“Is this your girlfriend? She’s beautiful, Liam.” I make eye contact with Sam when Layla asks me that and notice that Sam’s blushing. She looks down at the drinks and back at Layla, avoiding eye contact with me.

“This is Sam, my manager.” Not correcting Layla about Sam not being my girlfriend seems like the proper thing to do. There was something in the way Sam looked that told me I’d hurt her feelings if I explained any further.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Layla.”

“Nice to meet you as well, Layla. How do you know Liam?”

“We met at
Metro
, hooked up and the next day he ditched me. You know classic groupie addiction.”

Sam looks at me suspiciously. I shake my head, telling her that it’s not true. She once asked me for skeletons in my closet and I told her no. I honestly thought I’d never see Layla again.

I glance back at Layla who is staring at Sam. For some reason there’s tension between them and I don’t understand why. I pick up my drink, a rum and coke courtesy of my manager, and chug it down. I think I’m going to need a lot of liquid courage to get through tonight. I have a feeling Layla wants to hook up and Sam isn’t going to leave my side.

The night moves on fluidly. I have blinders on I admit it. Each time my drink is empty, Sam refills it, but before long Layla pulls me out on to the dance floor for some tension release. This time when she shows me her little white pill I pull it out of her mouth and toss it on the ground. If I’m going to be with her and that’s a big if, I want to remember the whole night.

I let her kiss me because it feels good and my body craves the attention. The feeling of her pressed against me gives my body the attention it needs and I didn’t realize it was missing. She’s pointing out the obvious. I’m lonely. She feels amazing pressed against my body and it seems my body agrees. My senses are heightened with her in my arms and I love it and hate it all at once. I don’t want to feel this way with anyone else, but I can’t help it. I lead her back to the table where Sam is sitting. Harrison is long gone and Way retired hours earlier. Sitting there waiting for me is another rum and coke, which I knock back, not bothering to nurse it or even slow down. I’m sweating enough on the dance floor to keep my wits about me.

“Layla!” she turns and drops her hand from mine. “What the fuck?” the guy behind me roars.

I turn in time to have his fist connect with my lip. I stumble back into the table and hear Layla yelling beside. Sam is by my side immediately with a napkin wiping the blood that is gushing from my lip.

“What the fuck?” I exclaim, taken off guard at the sudden contact. Sam’s eyes are wild and I feel sorry for whoever is on the receiving end of the verbal barrage she’s about to let loose.

“I can explain,” Layla says as she looks at me sheepishly. Her hand is pushing on the man’s chest, keeping him away from me.

“Let’s hear it.”

“Remember when I said earlier about my manager?”

I nod, not willing to add to the conversation.

“I married him.”

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Are you shitting me, Layla?”

She hangs her shaking head.

I pick up whatever Sam was drinking and down hers, along with Layla’s and walk away. I know Sam is hot on my tail, but I don’t care. I need to get away. I can’t believe I got into this mess with her. She was trouble the first time I was with her when she gave me her little magic drug, I should’ve known better. Harrison warned me that she was loco, but I had no idea until now just how crazy she really is.

“Fuck,” I yell when I’m outside the club. Just when I think I’m on the path to something good, it gets all fucked up. I lean against the brick wall and hold my head in my hands. Sam’s next to me, her hand rubbing my shoulder.

“You didn’t know?”

I shake my head. “I’m not about to mess up someone’s marriage whether they’re happy or not. I’m fucking nineteen for God’s sake, I don’t need the drama.”

“I know you don’t, come on. Let’s go back to the bus. Way and Harrison are both off with whoever they picked up you’ll have it to yourself tonight.”