Finding My Way (3 page)

“What are you doing, Liam?” she asks, her voice heavy with anticipation. I relish the way she responds to me. She may be my first girlfriend, but I’ve heard enough locker room talk to know that she wants me. When we’re together she’s not a cold fish like some of the guys have described their hook-ups to be. Her body knows my touch and craves me just as much as I crave her. I often ask myself why it took me so long to notice her. Why it took until sophomore year, and for Mason to get me to notice her, before I had the courage to speak to her. The only answer I can come up with is that I was so focused on making varsity and securing my starting spot that I had blinders on. I don’t know what it was about that day I asked her to homecoming, but I knew then that I wanted to be in her life forever.

“You know what I’m doing. I’m giving you a preview of what’s to come.”

Josie’s head hits the front of her locker as she sighs. She turns slowly in my arms, her fingers move along my shoulders and to the base of my neck. I love that my girl is all natural. She doesn’t dye her hair or spend hours tanning her skin under fluorescent lights. Her nails are real and kept short, but just long enough to dig into my skin at the right moment.

“Are you trying to break your self-imposed rules, Liam?”

“No, I’m just showing you what’s to come later tonight. I thought maybe you’d want a little preview before we have to focus on other shit.”

Josie teases my freshly shaved sides with her nails, causing my spine to tingle.

“What I want is for my super sexy boyfriend to go out there tonight and kick some ass so we can celebrate later.” She finishes me off with the lightest, but almost deadly kiss. I hate my life right now.

When she pulls back I look into her blue eyes and know she’s the voice of reason. I need my stamina for the game. I can’t let anything get in the way of the prize. Beaumont needs to win this game to prove we’re still number one and show them that it’s going to take an army to bring us down.

“I love you, Josie.”

“I love you too, QB1.”

M
y hands are resting on the collar of my jersey, pulling it away from my neck. I’ve been standing here watching Josie work a routine for the past twenty minutes. She’s left me with a walking hard-on since early this morning and I’m still hours away from being able to do anything about it.

I turn as Mason slaps me on the shoulder. He stands next to me, eying Katelyn, I’m sure. “Man, our girls are hot.”

I nod in total agreement. We do have the two finest chicks in school on our arms.

“Are you going to show her the eye black that you made?”

“Yeah, just about to put it on and go see her. It will piss coach off, but whatever.”

“All right, I’ll see you in the locker room.” I nod as Mason walks away, unable to take my eyes off my girl. She throws her head back with laughter, her smile bright and happy. I take one last look at her before the rest of the team comes out. I slip my helmet on and run out last. I purposely stop before I get to her and take off my helmet, sneaking up behind her.

“Hey beautiful,” I say, picking her up and spinning her around. She squeals, but laughs so I know she likes it. I set her down on the ground and face her. I watch her eyes as she takes in what’s on my face.

“You know you’re wearing the name ‘Jo’ on your face?”

“Of course I know. It says Jojo.”

“Yes it does.” She laughs, covering her face.

I pull her closer, kissing her deeply in front of everyone. The coach has a strict ‘no fraternization with the cheerleaders on the field’ policy, but I don’t care.

“I love Jojo more than anything,” I profess against her lips.

“You do, huh? Should I be worried?”

I shake my head, holding her face in my hands. “You’re my Jojo. Just mine,” I kiss her again before I turn and run toward the field leaving her on the sidelines ready to cheer for me.

I stop and turn, catching her ogling my ass. I smile and yell, “Hey, Jojo.”

“Yeah?” she yells back.

“I’m going to marry you someday.” Her mouth drops open and her eyes go wide. I wink before pulling the helmet onto my head and run out to meet the rest of the team. I know I’m young and just committed myself for life, but it feels like the first right thing I’ve done all year.

Chapter 5

I’
m twenty-one; at least that’s what my driver’s license is telling the clerk at the store outside of Beaumont. Her attention flicks between me and my license as she inspects it, before she hands it back to me, seemingly satisfied that I’m legal. This is all a game to her. We do this every Friday night and sometimes Saturday. Each week it’s the same silent stare down as she pretends to calculate my birthday in her head.

She doesn’t tell me the total, she just holds out her hand for the cash. I hand her the wad that was waiting for me after the game and smile. She shakes her head as she bags up the cases of beer.

“Are you ever going to tell me your name so I can thank you properly?”

“Nah. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. This way when you get busted I can deny everything.”

I nod and gather the four bags that she’s given me to hide the beer. No one needs to fill me in on the consequences I’d suffer if I got caught; it’s the reason I volunteer. I want to see just how far this town is willing to go to protect their
golden boy
. How far will Sterling go to make sure the local police turn a blind eye? I have a feeling I could rob a bank and would walk out of the police station with nothing but a slap on the wrist. Sterling Westbury owns this town and it disgusts me.

I set the bags in the back and hop into my truck. It’s the only thing I own, besides my guitar, that’s mine. No, that’s not even correct. Sterling owns this truck, because I’m too young to have any assets of value. He just wants me under this thumb, wants me to be dependent on him. I am. I don’t have a choice. I’m a two-sport varsity athlete. I could quit playing baseball and get a job, but my father won’t let me. No one is going to hire me to work during the winter and summer. That doesn’t make me very dependable. He likes to monitor my cash flow and I know he hates that I spend the majority of it on Josie. Knowing that pisses him off just means I’m going to spend more.

I pull into the field where our water tower is located. Only a few cars and trucks are lined up, most with their lights on to give us enough light to party. Music is low so people can talk without yelling and a bonfire has been started. I see a few couples walking off into the dark. No need to try to figure out what they’re going to do. From the looks it, we’ll be here a while. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I
need
some time with Josie. I have this ache that I can’t describe, but know that she’s the reason for it.

The second I throw my truck into park, Mason is there to get the beer. He pulls a bottle out, pops the top and downs the beer before I’m even out of the truck. Like I said, it’s going to be a long night. He had a good game, but it wasn’t enough to make much headway on his goal. Their defense was constantly blitzing and my offensive line kept missing tackle assignments. I’m lucky my ass didn’t get sacked a few times. The constant blitzing was enough to keep me on my toes.

My passes were weak and not as hard as they should be and Mason’s running game was only as good as the blockers allowed. It took him a while to find his groove. I can’t make too many excuses, everyone had a bad game and we won so I should be happy, but it’s not enough. It’s not enough for Mason or Sterling. Both have goals that I need to meet.

I grab a beer out of the bag before Mason takes off with them and look for Josie. It doesn’t take me long to find her. I can find her in any crowd. That’s how well I know her. Her presence makes the hair on my neck stand up. My body tingles when she’s looking at me. I don’t pretend to understand how love works, but I feel it. She’s in my bones. I need her to survive. I have no doubt when I’m on the field and she’s in the stands I’ll know exactly where she is. I know I’ll be able to look into the crowd and see her, feel her watching me.

In my Home Economics class we were asked to write a paper about what we’d be if our goals were different. As I looked around my class I saw people who didn’t have a clue about what they wanted to do once they graduated. I mean, seriously, we’re seventeen/eighteen years old and we’re told from the time we enter high school to start thinking about our future. What if you don’t know? What if you make it to your senior year and haven’t figured it out yet? Where do you go? What do you do?

These are the questions that I have and don’t know the answer to. I don’t need to, technically. My path is chosen. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and now it’s just a matter of waiting for the right offer to come in. Nothing but the best for Liam Westbury, that’s the motto I’ve lived by. I’ll have my pick of all the top schools that want to provide me with a stellar education. And all they want from me is to run their offense and win. I’ll do my four years and enter the NFL draft. Once I’m drafted, I’m asking Josie to marry me. I want her to finish college and make sure that my path is her path as well. I’m all she’s known. My fear is that she gets to college and meets someone else and realizes I’m not the man she wants. She could find someone whose parents accept her for who she is and not by the amount of zeros that are in her bank account. What if I don’t want to play football in college and become a number cruncher?

As much as I want to go to her and take her away from her friends, I don’t. I climb the ladder leading to the top. This tower has been here for years, but no one knows if it’s still working. As soon as I could drive we started coming here. At first it was just me so I could get away from Sterling. Then I brought Mason and a few of the other guys. The next time I brought Josie here.

I sit down next to Mason and heave my beer bottle over the edge, watching it fly down to my truck and shattering in the back.

“I love that sound.”

“How can you hear it over the music?” Nick Ashford butts in. I close my eyes and wish he’d go away. He’s dense and thinks he’s better than me. I see him staring at my girl all the time and it pisses me off.

“I just can.”

“Look at Katelyn,” Mason changes the subject to avoid any confrontation from starting and brings his current bottle to his lips.

“What about her?”

“I love her.”

“And she loves you,” I reply against my better judgment. I love Mason, but sometimes when he’s been drinking he gets so girly that I have to watch what I say. If I’m not careful, he’ll cry on my shoulder and tell me how much he loves me for being his QB1 and I don’t want to hear it right now.

I twist the top off my beer and take a long pull as I survey the crowd. The cops should be here busting this up, but they won’t come. If they bust us, our winning streak goes out the door and they’d be the most hated people in town. They’d likely get fired. Beaumont takes their football a bit too seriously if you ask me, but whatever, it’s allowing me to drink out in the open and fuck my girl in my truck without getting busted.

“Mase, come down here. I’m lonely,” Katelyn yells up at him.

The laughter between the girls and us is just enough to keep a constant flow of noise in the air.

“I love you, baby,” Mason yells through cupped hands. “I’m going to marry that girl and make beautiful babies with her.” We start laughing, but I know it’s true. Katelyn walks on water where Mason is concerned. I know the feeling. I look down and see the silhouette of my girl standing by my truck, my letterman jacket making me jealous because it’s wrapped around her. But this is tradition, being here after a game.

“I know man,” I say, patting him on the back.

“Double wedding,” he shouts as I spew my beer out of into the open air.

“Dude, you’re a dude. You aren’t supposed to be talking about weddings and shit.” Jerad says before chugging his beer.

Mason shrugs. “When you love someone, you just know.”

His words keep me silent because he’s right. I know I love Josie and want to be with her. I told her this much tonight. I see her as my wife of fifteen/twenty years and I’m confident that she sees me as her husband, but is it enough?

“Do you ever think about knocking her up so she has to stay with you?” I turn slowly at Mason and he meets my eyes.

“What?” I ask as utter confusion runs through me.

“I don’t know. The thought of college away from Katelyn scares me and sometimes I think if I got her pregnant she’d follow me wherever I go.”

I turn away and look at Josie.

My girl.

My Jojo.

I can’t even begin to think like Mason.

“Nah,” I say, taking a swig of my beer before tossing it to the bed of my truck.

Chapter 6

M
ondays. I hate them. They’re literally the worst day of the week. Not only are most of us tired, but teachers come to work in a bad mood. None of them are chipper or happy go lucky. They’re pissed off and sucking down cups of coffee to keep themselves awake. You’d think that after our win on Friday night they’d be happy, but no, they’ll save that for Friday when they can “pretend” to teach by way of talking football.

I set my books down on my desk and wait for class to start. Ms. Barnes walks in with bags under her eyes. Rough weekend for her, I’m gathering. A few of the guys snicker in class probably making assumptions about what she did, but I can’t be bothered. My eyes are focused on the courtyard next to my class. My girl is out there with her P.E. class doing yoga and slowly killing me. I don’t know what
dog facing forward
is but if that’s what she’s doing, we need to find some time to practice it together.

“Mr. Westbury, do you plan on joining us today?”

I turn at the sound of my name and find Ms. Barnes standing just to the side of me. She’s leaning toward me, her cleavage prevalent in my face. I guess I don’t have to assume why she has bags under her eyes. I smirk and shake my head before turning my gaze back out the window to watch Josie.

“Mr. Westbury, eyes forward please,” she commands as she walks away from me. I roll my eyes and keep my focus on the outside. It’s more entertaining and far more educational than whatever Ms. Barnes is going to teach us about globalization.