Finding My Way (8 page)

“Speaking of football,” Mason starts. “We have one game left Westbury, and I need one hundred yards. I’m going to get it, right? I mean I’m getting some decent looks and all, but I think that record just sets the bar a little higher…” I zone him out. Because the pressure of everyone’s expectations resting on my shoulders that I’ve been feeling every day, where my head is about to explode, is now back. I want one night with my friends where the word football isn’t discussed. I want one night where I can just be Liam, boyfriend to Josie and best friend to Mason, instead of Liam, QB1 of Beaumont High about to play for an unprecedented fourth state title.

I know it’s probably too much to ask, but it’s what I want. I smile at Mason and nod. “You’ll get it man. It’s just a hundred yards, no biggie.”

Josie beams at me and leans in for a kiss. “You’re the best, you know that, right?” I nod, but don’t feel that way. I want her to tell me I’m the best because she loves me for me, not for what I’m about to do for Mason.

Chapter 14

H
orns are honking. Kids are yelling. I know the minute I appear at my window, I’ll have to go down there and join them. My teammates are outside, pumped for today’s game. This has become tradition, showing up at each other’s houses at the crack of dawn. The whole town is ready for tonight. So am I. This is what I dreamed of when I was in middle school and now this is my chance to play for my fourth title. It doesn’t mean anything less, that this is my fourth, if anything it means more. This will be my last night taking the helm behind center in a Beaumont uniform. My last night taking a snap under the Friday night lights and I’m ready.

I open my blinds and the yelling gets louder. Some of the guys are in my yard, putting up a sign and the others are standing in the back of Mason’s truck, all wearing their jerseys. The cheerleaders are in front of and behind them in trucks, singing our school fight song. I wave, letting them know that I’ll be down. I grab my jersey from my bed and slip it on before heading down the stairs. I jump down the last three, much like I used to do when I was younger.

“Where are you going so early?”

I freeze at the sound of Sterling’s voice coming from behind me.

“It’s game day,” I answer curtly, without turning around so he can’t see the look of annoyance on my face. I really wish he’d just stay in his office and not talk to me. If he did that, my life would be a little bit less stressful. “We’ve been doing it this way since my freshman year.”

Sterling huffs. “Tomorrow things change around here. Hal sent me the team’s workout; you’ll be starting that first thing.”

I close my eyes and count to ten. It’s the only way I’ll stay calm. “I’m not going to Auburn,” I say, weakly.

“What’d you say, boy? I don’t think I heard you.”

Trying to keep my breathing normal and not lose my temper, I turn slowly to face my father. He’s standing there with his hands on his hips like an authoritarian. He won’t be paying for my college, yet no doubt he’s forgotten this fact. I’ve secured my future at any school I want because of my ability. Yes, he may have helped me achieve said ability, but I am where I am because of
me
. He’s not out night after night taking a pounding. He’s not busting his balls on the field to make sure his team is taken care of. That’s all me.

I clear my throat and look him in the eyes. “I’m not going to Auburn,
sir
.” Sir was added for emphasis because he demands respect, which I never give him.

“And you came up with this decision on your own, smart ass?”

“Yes, I did. They don’t have a program I want to study.”

“You’re going to the NFL, Liam. That’s the plan. Don’t you dare deviate now because you’re getting a little pussy and she wants you to stay around. Once you get to college the chicks will be spreading their legs every day for you if that’s what you want.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. When I open them again, he’s glaring at me. “This has nothing to do with Josie. I want to go to a school that is right for me, not you. Why can’t you understand that? Why can’t you support me? Everything I’ve done, I’ve done because you made me. I’m not going to Auburn.”

Sterling storms toward me, but I hold my ground. “In February, you will pick Auburn if you know what’s good for you.” He stalks away before I have a chance to say anything in rebuttal. I bang my fist against my head in frustration. Why can’t shit just be easy? It’s a fucking school for God sakes, nothing more, nothing less. Going to Auburn isn’t going to make or break my career in the NFL. Why can’t he see that?

I take a deep breath and walk out the house, pasting a ridiculous smile on my face. As soon as I step out, Josie is on the ground, running to me. I catch her mid-stride and bring her into my arms, burying my head in her neck. I hold her to me, with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms over my shoulders.

“I heard him yelling,” she says, her voice muffled.

“Don’t worry about him,” I tell her as I put her down. As soon as I look into her eyes, I can see that it’s bothering her and it should. For all I know she’ll reconsider marrying me because of him. Fuck, I would. Who wants to marry someone whose family doesn’t accept you?

I hold her face in my hands, pressing my forehead against hers. “You can’t listen to him, Jojo. Promise me that you’ll never listen to a single thing that man says.”

“I promise, Liam.”

“D
o you hear that crowd?” Mason yells at me before we leave the tunnel. This is it, our last game ever in high school. Mason is so close to breaking the state record for rushing yards. It’s going to happen in this game. It has to. I already broke the record for passing earlier, days after my
Sports Illustrated
cover came out
.

“Yeah man, I hear it. Crazy, right?”

“There have to be more people than last year.”

We aren’t supposed to be out of the locker room yet but I needed to see things one last time before I slip my helmet on. I want to take it all in because this is it. After tonight, win or lose, it’s done and my life changes. I wish I could go back and make time stop. Makes everything slow down, but I can’t.

The smell of popcorn and hot dogs wafts through the air, making me hungry even though we had dinner already. We ate as a team, our last meal together. For some, we’ll never play together again, but for others they’ll move onto basketball and even baseball.

The band becomes louder as the clock ticks down. In just a few minutes I’ll be running out of this tunnel and will either make history tonight or go home with a second place trophy. Sadly, for the other team, second place isn’t going to cut it.

I slap my girl’s ass as she passes by with her white, gold and red cheerleading skirt flipping up as she runs. She turns around and saunters up to me with that look in her eye. I know what she’s expecting and I plan to deliver, both on and off the field. Josie is everything I could ever want in partner, I just hate that I’m going to have to leave her. Not once have I considered schools close to home, mostly because of their coaching staff and records. I want to win when I’m at college. I want to be someone. If I stay close to home though, I can be with Josie. See her on the weekends once the season is over. Have her on campus with me. But my choice won’t keep me close to her. My only hope is that she’ll come with me wherever I go.

“You know how sexy I think you are when you bite your lip? You have this look in your eyes, Liam. Do you have plans for us later?” she whispers into my ear, pulling on my earlobe. My focus is now solely on her instead of the game as her hand sneaks under my t-shirt. There is nothing better than her skin against mine.

“Knock it off you two,” Mason teases us as he slaps me in the back of the head. “If you give him a stiffy during the game, some linebacker is going to break his pecker.”

We all start laughing. She kisses me goodbye, telling me to kick ass. She’s never, in the years we’ve been together, wished me good luck, just to kick ass.

I slip on my helmet just as we’re signaled to take the field. We run through the cheerleaders and the student body with pom poms in our face and hands slapping our backs. They’re pumped and ready for victory. Parents and fans are on their feet in the stands, yelling loudly.

Mason and I go off to the side and warm-up. We’ve done it this way for as long as I can remember, always together. We have a routine and we aren’t about to break it now. As we throw the ball back and forth, my chest tightens. It’s almost over and it hasn’t even begun yet.

Captains are called to center field for the coin toss. The other team wins, electing to defend first. Whatever they want, I’ll give it to them.

When the whistle blows, I take center with Mason on my left. The play is for him. He needs only one hundred yards to break the state record for rushing and I’m going to make sure that happens tonight. I have to make sure it happens for him. Our first play is a hand-off to him; he breaks the first tackle for a thirty-yard gain. I look at his dad and nod. I called him last night and asked that he help me keep track of Mason and he said he will after he thanked me for making sure his son gets the record. Mason’s my best friend. He deserves it.

Every play in the first half goes to Mason. We do this over and over until his dad holds up a sign showing 100 and I know. I call a time-out and hand Mason the ball and watch him jog it over to his dad. They hug and the fans go nuts because Mason Powell just set the state’s all-time leading rushing record with nine thousand five hundred and two. I dare anyone to try to break it.

As the clock ticks down, I stand behind center and look out over the field. I look to my right then left. My teammates all wait for the call. We’ve won this game. The other team can’t catch up. I squat and call out my cadence. When the ball touches my hand I drop back, one step, two step, three and take a knee. The second my knee touches the ground I’m tackled by everyone. I hold the ball to my chest. It’s my prized possession.

I’m hoisted onto shoulders and paraded around the field. The band is playing so loudly that they drown out the fans. I hold the ball high, pumping my fist into the night air. When I’m let down, I catch a five-foot nine brunette cheerleader in my arms. I drop my helmet, but not this pigskin, as I wrap her tightly in my arms.

“I’m so proud of you, Liam.”

I nod because in this moment I
am
proud even with all my misgivings. Maybe I just need some time away from football to get my head straight. Maybe it was just the pressure of the season that got to me and maybe Auburn isn’t such a bad choice after all.

“Next stop the NFL, Westbury,” someone says behind me, breaking my moment. The pressure never goes away, does it? It just stops for a brief moment.

I look at Josie and smile, knowing it’s not legit. If I can’t have a night without pressure about my future at least I can have my girl in my arms.

Chapter 15

I
wish I could say the past month has been stress free, but the truth of the matter is, it hasn’t. Sterling is on my case every day about school. If it’s not Auburn, it’s another SEC school that’s willing to bend the rules while they discuss business on the golf course. I thought that after winning the state title and Mason getting his record, things would cool down for a bit. But they haven’t. If anything, they’ve gotten worse. The expectations are there, even if people aren’t intending them to be. Just one day, I want to go to school and not be asked where I’m going to play football. If they’re not careful I’m going to tell them nowhere and become a hobo.

As soon as the day is over, it’s Christmas break and I plan to spend most of it with my girl. My parents left this morning for a cruise, one I conveniently forgot about and acted all distraught about being home by myself for three weeks. Of course, Sterling took those pretend moments to remind me of my looming decision and how wise it would be to have it done by the time he returned. His words went through one ear and out the other while I was counting off how many hours of freedom I’d have.

This morning, after they left, I played my guitar and I played it loudly. I sang at the top of my lungs because no one was home and no one was going to barge in on me and tell me that I’m wrong for wanting to play. Freedom. That’s what I had this morning and I loved it.

As soon as the bell rings, I’m up and out the door making my way down the hall. There are parties being planned, get togethers arranged, all places Josie and I will end up, but not tonight. Tonight we’re going to celebrate our own Christmas, in my house. This will be the first time Josie’s been over in years. I’ve kept her away for obvious reasons, but tonight and any night thereafter that she’s allowed to come over while my parents are away, she’ll be with me.

With her hand in mine we walk to my truck. She doesn’t have a clue about my plans. She just knows that I’m bringing her to my house. I can tell she’s apprehensive, nervous. I don’t blame her. It’s usually how I feel when I’m at home.

“Are you sure we won’t get into trouble?” She whispers, clearly afraid that someone might hear her. I hate that she feels like this. I just shake my head as I pull her through the garage and into the house. I grab two bottles of water from the refrigerator before taking her by the hand and leading her upstairs to my room.

“Hold these,” I say, stopping in front of my door. I pull the silk scarf she’s wearing and come up behind her. Her neck is exposed, vulnerable and taking my attention away from the task at hand. I have to touch her, my lips burn when they touch her skin. I’m going to take a risk, live on the edge so when I feel her breathing pause as I tie her scarf over her eyes, I get excited knowing that she’s welcoming my attempts.

“What are you doing?” she asks, still keeping her voice low.

“Trust me,” I say against the back of her neck. I hold her hips in my hands, my fingers under her shirt, with her pressed against me. Her body sags against mine, ready for whatever I’m going to do to her. I open my door and guide her into my room. She jumps when my door slams shut. Even though my parents aren’t home, I’m not taking any chances on someone walking in. I plan to have her naked and saying my name over and over again until the sun comes up. That thought alone increases my breathing. I want to take her now, but I have a plan. One that I’ve worked incredibly hard on since I found out the ‘rents were leaving the country.