Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1)
Read Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) Online
Authors: K. J. Love
Finding
Peace
Book 1 in the Finding series
By
K.J. Love
© K. J. Love 2014
© K. J. Love, 2014
This book is a work of fiction, Names, characters, places, and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locale is entirely coincidental.
All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages for review purposes only.
Cover Designer: P.J. Belden
Cover Model: Whitney Jackson
Photographer: Mechelle Jackson
This book is dedicated to all those people that have found themselves in a situation that they didn’t want to be in. To those who have always tried to please everyone else, even if they had to sacrifice their own happiness. I hope that you finally see that always pleasing others and sacrificing yourself to do so will never bring you happiness or peace.
To My daughter, Whitney. You make me so proud to be your mother. For the meals you cooked while I was writing, for all the help you gave and your opinion on where the story should go next, I can never thank you enough. I love you.
My son, Brandon, who I think thought at times I was losing my mind while I was writing. Thank you for putting up with your mother’s craziness. I love you.
Landon Nana loves you so much. Your smile brings me happiness every day.
To my BFF Tammy. Thank you for always being there for me and letting me bounce ideas off of you and for your patience when at times all I could talk about was this book and getting it finished. I love you.
To my Mama for cheering me on and reading as I wrote this story, giving me feedback and always telling me how talented she always that I was. Of course that’s a mom’s job right? I love you.
To my new friend/soul sister Author P. J. Belden I can’t thank you enough for all of your guidance and help in the world of writing. Without your help I never would have been able to navigate through all of it. You are an amazing friend and author. You encouraged me and praised my writing style that I at times had a hard time accepting. You never let me give up. I love you. Thank you so much.
To my family and friends. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. You will never know how much it means to me. You know who you are and I love you all.
And last but definitely not least. To my real life Blake, my husband, Keith. We found each other at a time that I was sacrificing my happiness to make others happy and you saved me. I can’t thank you enough for loving me and being my forever. I’d do it all again. Thank you for supporting me and overlooking all the late meals and unwashed clothes that were always piling up and for the meals you went out to get and bring home while I was writing. Your support means so much to me and I couldn’t have done it without you. I love you beyond words.
I love all of you and I thank God that I have you.
To my Love’s Beta Beauties…
Thank you for everything. Your help was unbelievable and I couldn’t have done this without you.
Emma Clifton, Antoinette Avon, Carrie Ann, Mary Bounds, Author P. J. Belden, Bethany Cimler, and Jodie Pickler
Please keep in mind that this story takes place before the availability of cell phones and GPS or any other modern technology that we have available today to help speed up the process of communication between one another. Snail mail and pricy long distance phone calls were all there was available.
Kayla
My name is Kayla Jameson. I am a product of a union I don’t believe I will ever really know about. My mother was a seventeen year old girl, who decided the best thing she could do for me was give me up for adoption. I completely agree with her. I’m seventeen now and I know at this age that I would lack the skills it takes to be a great mother. Could I do it? Sure, if forced to, but I understand her decision and would never think badly of her.
My adoptive parents never hid the fact that I was adopted. They made me fully aware of it at a very early age. It’s all I ever knew. I didn’t think anything of it until I started kindergarten and learned that this was not normal for every family. My father was a soldier in the Army and my mother was a homemaker. He was gone a lot, but my mother and I pressed on and did our duty to our country by keeping the home front under control. My father was always so proud of us.
I love my adoptive parents with all of my heart. The love they have for me has been overwhelming at times. I was six when my world was turned upside down. All I can remember is hearing the yelling. The non-stop yelling and my mother crying so hard she couldn’t breathe.
I try to console her. I put my small hand in hers and say over and over. “Mommy, it’s okay. Are you hurt? Do you need me to go get Daddy?” She just cries harder and wraps me in her arms and squeezes me so hard I think she is going to crush me.
Just then, my daddy walks into the room with a suitcase and makes his way to the front door. There are tears running down his face. I run to him. I cling to his leg asking “Dad…dy, wh…ere are you going?” I can barely understand myself through the sobs that wreck my small trembling body. Daddy kneels down and looks over my shoulder at my mommy who turns her head from him. She is broken. This I know. And so is Daddy.
“My sweet, sweet baby girl; I’m so sorry, but daddy has to go. I promise I will see you soon. Take care of mommy and be daddy’s good girl. I love you.”
I grab him around the neck and won’t let him go. He looks to my mommy for help as he tries to break my hold on him. I look into his light green eyes and I see my own. Even though he isn’t my biological daddy, our eyes are almost identical. People comment on it all the time.
“I thought you didn’t have to leave again. I thought your job changed and you can stay at Fort Bragg and be with me and mommy. Don’t leave me, Daddy! I’ll go with you. Who will take care of you if me and mommy aren’t with you? Please, Daddy. PLEASE! Don’t go.”
I plead with all my heart. I don’t understand and no one will explain what is happening.
“I’m not leaving to go on a mission, Kayla. I’ll still be in North Carolina. You have to go take care of Mommy now. I will call you tonight. I promise.”
“But Daddy, who will tuck me in and sing my song to me? You always sing to me until I go to sleep. You can’t leave, you just can’t”
“Kayla, baby, please don’t make this any harder. I will sing to you over the phone, I promise. I promise, sweet girl. I’ll always sing to you.”
Mommy walks up behind me and wraps me in her arms. She roughly pulls me away from my daddy. I try to pull away from her, but she is too big and I am too small. My light blonde hair sticks to my face due to my tears and sweat, where I tried so hard to hold on to him. I scrub at my face so hard it hurts. My eyes hurt. My chest hurts. I don’t know why, but I know this is different. He isn’t just leaving for work, I know he’s not.
Daddy stands and looks at mommy with a look of hurt on his face. “I do love you, Paige. I always will.”
My mother’s sobs grow louder and she falls to the floor, holding me in her lap. He turns and walks out the door and out of our lives.
My mother did her best, but depression overtook her and she turned to drugs and alcohol to help ease her pain. Things got worse each day. She stopped taking care of me. I did everything on my own. I fixed my own food and got my own clothes for school. She couldn’t see past her own sorrow. My father kept his promise. He called me every night and sang to me when I was ready for bed
.
“Hi, Daddy, I miss you.”
“I miss you too, baby girl. How was your day?”
This is now our routine. I am always careful not to tell Daddy about Mommy, I don’t want her to be mad at me or for him to be mad at her.
“Are you in bed and ready for your song?”
“Yes, Daddy, I’m ready.”
“Ok, snuggle into your covers and close those beautiful green eyes.” I listen to his soothing voice over the phone. “Daddy’s girl you’ll always be. Never a day that I don’t dream, of the person that, you’ll grow up to be. All the things that you have to offer… all your sweetness that you share… Daddy’s girl… Daddy’s girl…. Never a day that I don’t wish I could give you, your every wish… Daddy’s girl…. You’re Daddy’s girl…. Your beautiful green eyes… they pierce my soul… you’re daddy’s girl…. Daddy’s girl…. One day you will know… You’re daddy’s girl…. Daddy’s girl…..” I think I hear Daddy crying, but I’m not sure. “I love you, sweet girl. Go to sleep. I’ll see you soon.”
I whisper “I love you, too, Daddy.”
My father’s parents basically tricked him into signing over his parental rights. He had been called back to active duty and his parents took care of everything for him. So, when they told him to sign, he did. At the time, he thought they were looking out for him and for me. This ensured that they got full custody of me. My mother didn’t fight them. Honestly, she knew she wasn't in any shape to take care of me. With her anti-depressants and other things, she was barely able to take care of herself. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't pull herself out of the downward spiral she was in. I now believe that her having to take care of me reminded her of my father too much and she just couldn’t do it at that time.
My grandparents thought they were doing what was best for me. They loved me dearly and showed it every day. Never have I ever felt unloved, but I just never understood why I couldn't be with either of my parents. I rarely got to see my mother and my father was gone a lot. After my grandparents took custody of me, my father decided to start going on missions again. I didn’t fully understand, but I knew enough to always be afraid for him. He did his best to keep his promise to me, but there were times that he couldn’t make his nightly call and eventually they stopped. Maybe I had just gotten too old. By the time I was twelve, my father and I hardly ever spoke.