Finding Sky (19 page)

‘Is that a … a threat?’

‘No, just the truth.’ He shook his head, his irritation clear. ‘You can get through this, Sky. Start looking outside yourself—that’ll help you heal.’

At the end of November, I was released from hospital but my parents had decided on the advice of the doctors not to take me straight home.

‘Too many distressing associations in Wrickenridge,’ Dr Peters, my consultant psychiatrist, told them. ‘Sky needs absolute rest and no stress.’ She gave them a recommendation for a convalescent home in Aspen and I was duly registered and assigned my own room, something we could only afford thanks to the generosity of an anonymous benefactor from Vegas who had heard about my case on the news.

‘This is a loony bin, isn’t it?’ I asked Simon bluntly as Sally unpacked my few belongings into the chest of drawers. My room had a view of the snowy gardens. I could see a girl walking round and round the pond, lost in her own world, until a nurse came out to fetch her in.

‘It’s a nursing home,’ Simon corrected me. ‘You’re not fit to go back to school yet and we couldn’t afford to stay in Vegas any longer, so this is the best we could come up with.’

Sally stood up and shoved the drawer closed. ‘We could go back to the UK, Simon. Sky might feel better among her old friends.’

Old friends? I’d kept up with some of them on Facebook but somehow the old closeness had evaporated the longer I was away. It wouldn’t be like going back to how it had been.

Simon gave me a one-armed hug. ‘If that’s what it takes, we’ll do it, but one step at a time, eh?’

‘We’ve got classes we have to teach at the Arts Centre,’ Sally explained. ‘But one of us will be over every day. Do you want to see your friends from Wrickenridge?’

I played with the curtain cord. ‘What have you told them?’

‘That you’ve had a bad reaction to the trauma of your kidnapping. Nothing too serious but you need time to recover.’

‘They’ll think I’m crazy.’

‘They think you’re suffering—and you are—we can see it.’

‘I’d like to see Tina and Zoe. Nelson too if he wants to come.’

‘What about Zed?’

I leant my head against the cool glass. The gesture gave me a sudden flashback—a tall tower, neon signs. I shuddered.

‘What, love?’

‘I’m seeing other stuff now—stuff that makes no sense.’

‘To do with Zed?’

‘No.’ And it wasn’t, I realized. Zed hadn’t been there. And I’d been stalling. I’d promised Victor I would try. Maybe if I saw Zed, it would help get things straight. ‘I’d like to see Zed too—just for a little while.’

Simon smiled. ‘Good. The boy’s been worried sick about you, phoning us every hour of the day and most of the night.’

‘You’ve changed your tune about him,’ I murmured, suddenly remembering clearly the argument we’d had about him a month ago. Hadn’t Zed said he loved me? So why did I feel as if he was my enemy?

‘Well, you can’t help but like someone who walked into a trap to get his girl out.’

‘He did?’

‘Don’t you remember? He was there when you were injured.’

‘Yes, he was, wasn’t he?’

Simon squeezed my shoulder. ‘See, it’s coming back.’

The next day passed quietly. I read my way through a pile of novels, not leaving my room. My carer was a motherly woman from California who had a lot to say on the subject of the Colorado winters. She came in and out all day, but left me largely to my own devices. At around five, just before she went off shift, she knocked on the door.

‘You’ve visitors, honey. Shall I send them up?’

I closed my book, my heart rate accelerating. ‘Who is it?’

She checked her list. ‘Tina Monterey, Zoe Stuart, and Nelson Hoffman.’

‘Oh.’ I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. ‘Sure, send them up.’

Tina put her head round the door first. ‘Hi.’

It felt an age since I’d seen her. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her explosion of ginger brown dreadlocks and her outrageous nails.

‘Come in. There’s not much room but you can sit on the bed.’ I stayed in my chair by the window, knees drawn up to my chest. My smile felt fragile so I didn’t push it too far.

Zoe and Nelson followed her, all looking a bit awkward.

Tina put a pot of pink cyclamen on the bedside table. ‘For you,’ she said.

‘Thanks.’

‘So …’

‘So how are you, guys?’ I asked hurriedly. The very last thing I wanted was to explain my totally messed up brain. ‘How’s school?’

‘Fine. Everyone was worried about you—really shocked. Nothing like this has ever happened in Wrickenridge before.’

My gaze drifted to the window. ‘I don’t suppose it has.’

‘I remember joking with you about that when you first came—I feel awful that you had to find out I was wrong. Are you, you know, OK?’

I gave a hollow laugh. ‘Look around you, Tina: I’m here, aren’t I?’

Nelson got up abruptly. ‘Sky, if I could get the guys who did this to you, I’d kill them!’

‘I think they might be dead already. At least, that’s what the police think.’

Tina hauled Nelson back down on the bed. ‘Don’t, Nelson. Remember, we promised not to upset her.’

‘Sorry, Sky.’ Nelson put his arm round Tina and kissed the top of her head. ‘Thanks.’

What was this? I couldn’t help but grin—my first genuine smile in a very long while. ‘Hey, are you two …?’

Zoe rolled her eyes and offered me a stick of bubblegum. ‘Yeah, they so are. Driving me crazy, the pair of them. You’ve got to get straightened out, Sky, and keep me sane at school.’ Thank God for Zoe making fun of the madness—it made me feel a lot more normal.

‘When, how?’ I mimicked one of Tina’s favourite gestures—a pale imitation of her long-nailed beckon but it was something. ‘Give me the details, sister.’

Tina looked down, a little embarrassed. ‘When you were, you know,
taken
, Nelson was really great. Stopped me losing it big time. I thought it was my fault—what with the car and everything.’

Nelson rubbed her forearm. ‘Yeah, Tina saw my good side for once.’

‘I’m so pleased—for you both. You deserve each other,’ I said.

Tina laughed. ‘Is that, like, a Chinese curse?’

‘No, you dweeb,’ I threw my cushion at her, ‘it’s a compliment.’

They stayed for about an hour. As long as we kept off the subject of my abduction, I felt fine. I had no problem remembering things about school, no pain, no confusion. I began to feel like my old self.

Tina checked her watch and gave the others a nod. ‘We’d best go. Your next visitor is due at six.’

I gave them each a hug. ‘Thanks for coming to see the poor crazy girl.’

‘Nothing wrong with you that a little time won’t put right, Sky. We’ll be back the day after tomorrow. Sally said she thought you’d be here at least until the end of the week.’

I shrugged. Time didn’t seem to mean so much to me. I’d stepped out of my normal routines. ‘I expect so. See you then.’

They left, exchanging greetings with someone in the hall. I went to the window to watch them go but I couldn’t spot the car park from my room.

There was a soft knock at the door.

I turned, expecting to see Sally. ‘Come in.’

The door opened and Zed stepped over the threshold. He paused, unsure of his welcome.

‘Hi.’

My throat seized. ‘H … hi.’

He pulled a massive gold box tied with a red satin ribbon from behind his back. ‘I come bearing chocolate.’

‘In that case, you’d better sit down.’ I sounded calm but inside my emotions were tossing like palm trees in advance of a hurricane. That tidal surge of feeling was coming back.

He didn’t sit. He put the box on the bed then came to stand beside me at the window.

‘Nice view.’

I clenched my teeth, keeping the door in my head firmly shut against the surge. ‘Yeah. We crazy people get to go out earlier in the day. I’m told there’s a snowman down in the orchard that looks like the head nurse.’ My fingers were shaking as I rested my hands on the sill.

A warm hand moved to cover mine, stilling the trembling. ‘You’re not crazy.’

I tried to laugh but it came out wrong. I quickly wiped away a tear. ‘That’s what everyone keeps telling me but my brain feels like cold scrambled egg.’

‘You’re still in shock.’

I shook my head. ‘No, Zed, it’s more than that. I see things that I don’t think happened. I’ve got all these terrible images in my head—stuff about you and Xav. But you’re not like that—part of me knows this. And I think I shot you both. I wake up in a cold sweat dreaming there’s a gun in my hand. I haven’t even touched a gun in my life so how do I know what it feels like to shoot one?’

‘Come here.’ He tugged me towards him, but I held back.

‘No, Zed, you don’t want to touch me. I’m … I’m broken.’

I don’t want her broken, not yet.
Oh God, who had said that?

He refused to listen to me and pulled me firmly into his arms.

‘You’re not broken, Sky. Even if you were, I’d still want you, but you’re not. I don’t know why you see those things, but if you do, there’s a reason for it. Perhaps that dead savant messed with your mind somehow? Whatever it takes, we’ll find out and we’ll help you.’ He sighed. ‘But Xav and I, we weren’t anywhere near you until we found you in the warehouse. Do you believe that?’

I nodded against his chest. ‘I think I do.’

He ran his hands up and down my back, kneading out the knots from my muscles. ‘I thought I’d lost you. I can’t tell you what it means to me to hold you like this.’

‘You came for me even though you knew they might shoot you.’ I remembered that much, thanks to Simon.

‘I was wearing a bulletproof vest.’

‘You still could’ve been killed. They could’ve taken a head shot.’

He cradled my face in his hand, rubbing his thumb over the dip in my chin. ‘Price worth paying. Without you, I’d become the coldest, most cynical tough nut on the planet, worse even than the guys who took you.’

‘I don’t believe that.’

‘It’s true. You are my anchor, keeping me on the right side of wrong. I’ve been drifting since you shut me out.’

Guilt swamped me. ‘Victor told me.’

Zed frowned. ‘I told him to leave you alone.’

‘He’s worried about you.’

‘But you come first.’

‘I’m sorry I wouldn’t let you visit. I was so ashamed of myself.’

‘You’ve nothing to be ashamed of.’

‘I left you to suffer.’

‘I’m a big boy—I can take it.’

‘You got in a fight.’

‘I’m also stupid.’

I smiled, rubbing my nose against the cotton of his shirt. ‘You’re not stupid; you were hurting.’

‘It’s still stupid to take that out on a couple of Frat boys for looking at me the wrong way.’ Zed sighed at his own behaviour, then gave up the subject. ‘I know you’re confused about a lot right now, Sky, but I want you to know one thing for sure: I love you and would give my life for yours if it meant I could save you.’

Tears, always near the surface at the moment, brimmed in my eyes. ‘I know. I felt it. I could read your emotions. That’s what told me my mind was lying to me.’

He kissed my forehead.

‘And I think,’ I continued, ‘that under all this, when I find myself again, I will also find that I love you too.’

‘That’s good to know.’

And so we stood, watching the stars come out, both praying that the explanation for why I was so messed up would not be long delayed.

 

Sally and Simon took me home a few days into December. Some early celebrators had already strung up their Christmas lights. Mrs Hoffman’s house was a blaze of colour, enough to be worth a detour off the highway. Our home was dark, not a candle or a bauble in sight.

Simon opened the door. ‘Now you’re back, Sky, we can get decorating.’

‘So, do we go for tasteful Olde England or brash new world?’ asked Sally too cheerfully.

I played along, knowing they wanted to think I was better than I was. ‘If we do, can I have an inflatable Santa hanging out of my window.’

‘Absolutely, as long as I can have flashing reindeer on the roof.’

Flashing lights—a palm tree, rollercoaster rides.

‘What is it, love?’ Simon put his arm round me.

This was happening all the time now: I’d see glimpses of things—a chair, a jet plane, a bed—none of which I understood.

‘Nothing. Just having one of my moments.’

I dumped my case on my bed and sat down, staring at the walls. Turquoise. I’d quite forgotten to practise shielding. I must be leaking thoughts and feelings to Zed all the time but he’d been too kind to tell me. Somehow I didn’t have the energy to pick up where I left off. He’d told me I’d contacted him while I was being held by my mystery kidnappers. I’d claimed to be in Las Vegas, which he’d found hard to believe until I turned up in the warehouse. He thought I’d tried to tell him exactly where I was but he had missed most of my message. The Benedicts had acted on what I’d managed to say and travelled to Vegas because the city was Daniel Kelly’s powerbase—the coincidence was too much to be ignored. They still believed there was a link: Gator, the man who had died in the warehouse, had been employed by Kelly’s corporation, but the police had been unable to connect the kidnapping back to the head man.

Victor was feeling pretty steamed about the whole thing. To add insult to injury, the two Kellys the Benedicts helped put away had slipped out of jail a few weeks ago; no one quite knew how they did it.

‘Sky, supper’s on the table!’ Sally called.

I went down and pretended to have a greater appetite than I did. Sally had cooked my favourite pasta and bought in a tub of special ice cream. We were all making an effort to make the evening a success.

I toyed with the spaghetti. ‘Do you think I should go back to school?’

Simon topped up Sally’s wine then poured himself a glass. ‘Not just yet, love. Actually, I’ve … er … been wondering.’

‘Hmm?’ Sally looked up, hearing the cautious note in his voice.

‘I heard from this lady from Las Vegas today—Mrs Toscana. She runs one of those casino hotels. Turns out she was behind the secret donation that paid for the convalescent home.’

‘Oh, how kind of her.’

‘That’s what I told her. Anyway, she heard about the kidnapping and has seen our portfolio on the web; she wondered if we might consider a new contract advising on the art acquisitions made by the hotel chain. They’ve got hotels all over—Rome, Milan, Madrid, Tokyo, London, as well as throughout the States. It would last longer than a year and allow Sky to finish her schooling in one place. She mentioned there were some excellent high schools in Vegas. She even recommended a few.’

Sally swirled her wine in the glass. ‘I don’t know, Simon. If we move anywhere, I’d prefer to go back to England. I don’t think our American adventure has been a great success. And Vegas—well, the memories aren’t pleasant.’

Simon twisted the spaghetti expertly around his fork. ‘I didn’t commit us. She suggested that we talked more about it, explored the possibilities before rejecting the idea. She invited us down for a weekend—Sky too.’ He took a bite. ‘I must say the salary she mentioned far exceeded my expectations.’

‘Sky? What do you think?’ Sally asked.

‘Huh? Oh, I wasn’t really listening.’

‘Do you need a change from Wrickenridge?’

‘I don’t think I want to move again just now.’

‘Can you face school here knowing that everyone is aware what happened to you? We wouldn’t blame you if you wanted a fresh start somewhere else.’

‘Can you let me think about this?’

Simon nodded. ‘Of course. We can go take a look without making any commitments. It’ll help you decide. After all, you didn’t really get to see Vegas, just the hospital and that … that warehouse. You might enjoy the city.’

‘Maybe.’ I shelved that for the moment, my mind too caught up with getting used to being home again to think about moving.

Karla and Saul Benedict came to call on Saturday morning. I’d never felt at ease with Zed’s mother since our first meeting, but she was on her best behaviour today, giving no sign that she was reading me. Ironically, I wouldn’t have minded someone telling me what was going on in my head as I hadn’t a clue. I remembered the conversation I’d had with Saul about my relationship with their son; would they still be so keen on having me in their family now they knew I’d cracked up in Vegas?

Sally and Simon sat with me as we entertained the Benedicts in the kitchen. There was none of the zany fun I’d had in the Benedict home when I’d gone there. They exchanged a few stilted pleasantries, talking about the concerts planned for Christmas and the busy season on the slopes. I felt sad that I wasn’t taking part in the music as I had planned to do. Rehearsals would be going on at school without me. Finally, Saul turned to me, coming to the point of the visit.

‘Sky, it’s good to see you back in Wrickenridge.’

‘Thanks, Mr Benedict.’

‘Zed’s told us what you said to him about having false memories.’

I looked down at my hands.

‘We think we can help you.’

Simon cleared his throat. ‘Now, Mr Benedict, I appreciate you coming here, but we’ve got Sky an excellent doctor. She’s seeing to her treatment. I don’t think we should mess around with it.’

‘That would be all very well in the normal course of things,’ said Karla, her tone betraying an edge of impatience, ‘but we believe Sky’s problem might lie out of the realms of normal medicine.’

The look Sally and Simon exchanged was clear. They were hostile to any suggestions out of their control; the Benedicts were not the only family who knew how to circle the wagons.

‘That may be so, but she’s our daughter and we will decide with her what’s best.’ Simon stood, signalling that as far as he was concerned this friendly visit was at an end.

Saul kept his eyes on me. ‘We would like you to spend some time with our family, Sky. When we get together, there are things we can do to help someone in your situation.’

The prospect terrified me—but I also knew I wasn’t getting anywhere under the doctor’s methods for all Sally’s and Simon’s optimism.

‘It is time spent with your family that got Sky into the fix she’s in now!’ Simon no longer bothered to hide his anger. ‘Look, Mr Benedict—’

‘Please, call me Saul. We’ve been through too much together to still be so formal.’

Simon sighed, wind taken out of his sails. ‘Saul, we like Zed—he’s a fine boy—but Sky’s not likely to be around much longer to spend this time you’re talking about. Please, just leave us alone now. Sky’s had enough to put up with in her short life; don’t add to the stress she’s already under by making claims on her.’

Sally knitted her fingers together, clenching them tightly. ‘We’ve always known, since she was a little girl, that Sky’s mental condition is delicate. It’s not your fault, but it’s turned out that the association with your family with its exceptional problems has upset that balance. Please, leave her alone now.’

The argument was carrying on over my head. It was almost as if I wasn’t there.

‘Sally, please.’

‘It’s all right, Sky. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.’

‘Your daughter needs us,’ said Mrs Benedict.

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t agree.’ Sally joined Simon by the door, body language crystal clear. ‘We know what’s best for Sky. She’s been ours six years now and I think we know her rather better than you do.’

‘Stop it, all of you, please.’ I felt like a bone being quarrelled over by a pack of dogs. Everyone was so busy telling me they knew best, I couldn’t decide what that might be for myself.

Saul rose from the table. ‘Karla, we’re distressing Sky. We’d better go.’ He darted a glance at me. ‘The offer stands, Sky. Just think about it. For Zed’s sake, as well as yours.’

The Benedicts left with a slamming of car doors and strained goodbyes at the front gate. I remained behind in the living room, running my fingers over the piano keyboard. Was it my imagination, or did it sound out of tune too?

‘Well, really,’ said Sally, coming back into the house in a huff. ‘Is there nobody in Wrickenridge who doesn’t think they know better than us?’

‘Sorry you had to sit through that, love.’ Simon ruffled my hair. ‘I think they mean well.’

‘Right now Las Vegas is looking very tempting,’ added Sally.

Simon’s eyes glinted, like a driver seeing a gap in the rush hour traffic, knowing he could make a break for it. ‘Then I’ll give Mrs Toscana a ring, see what we can fix up.’

I didn’t want this attitude of full steam ahead to a new life; I wanted time to adjust to the one I’d been making for myself here. I wanted time to find out what there was between Zed and me. And for all this I needed my head back in the right place.

I closed the piano lid. ‘Can we not just think for a minute about what Mr and Mrs Benedict said? Maybe they can help.’

‘Sorry, Sky, but once bitten, twice shy.’ Simon flipped through the business cards until he found the one for the hotel in Vegas. ‘Getting tangled up in that family’s business has been a disaster. We don’t mind you seeing Zed here, but you’re not to go over to his house. You’re making progress, we don’t want any setbacks. I’ll just make this call.’

I had little energy for a fight at the moment so I made no promises, just got up, saying I was off to bed. I could hear Simon talking animatedly to his new contact, mentioning what weekends we had free and how much we were looking forward to visiting. I had no desire to go back to Vegas; why would I? Everything I wanted was here.

I sat at the end of my bed looking out of the window long after my parents had retired for the night. The sky was clear, moon shadows turning the snow a bruised blue. Winter had set in, the snow packed down, prepared to stay till spring. The thermometer was well below freezing, the icicles dripping from the eaves, lengthening daily. I scratched at my arms. I couldn’t bear this. I wanted to scream, pummel my head until it was back in shape. I was trying hard to pretend I was getting better but in fact I felt I was getting worse. I clung on to sanity, stepping lightly on the thin ice protecting my mind, but I feared that this was an illusion: I had already plunged through the cracks.

I stood up abruptly and walked to the window, fists clenched. I had to do something. There was only one place I could think of to go to prevent the damage spreading. Grabbing my dressing gown, I shoved open the casement. I knew what I was contemplating was mad, but then again I thought I was crazy, so what the hell. Regretting that my snow boots were downstairs—I didn’t want to risk alerting my parents to my plan—I climbed on to the porch roof, slid down to the edge and dropped to the ground. My soft shoes were immediately soaked but I now felt too driven by the belief that this was my one last hope to care.

I started to run down the road, feet crunching in the powder snow. I travelled from shivering cold to not feeling. Passing our car parked in the garage, I spared a wish that I had taken the opportunity of Coloradan laws letting sixteen year olds behind the wheel—Zed had once said he’d give me lessons but we’d never got to it. Never mind, it was only a couple of miles across town. I could make it.

I was walking by the time I turned into the steep road behind the ski lodges that led up to the cable car. The snow here was stamped down, freezing in icy ridges. When I looked at my toes, I realized the soles of my shoes were in shreds and my feet bleeding. Oddly, I couldn’t bring myself to care too much. I approached the Benedict house cautiously, wondering what security they had installed. They’d been expecting an attack and wouldn’t have let down their guard yet. A hundred yards out, I did feel a barrier—not a physical one but a sensation of unwillingness and fear compelling me to turn back. Slamming up my shield, I pushed on through, my determination to reach Zed far stronger than this counter-instinct. When I broke free, I sensed that I’d tripped some kind of alarm. Lights went on in the house ahead, first upstairs in the bedrooms, then down on the porch.

What was I thinking? I was planning to go knocking on their door in the middle of the night? This was gun-toting America, not England: I’d probably get shot before they realized who it was. My certainty that this was a good idea evaporated. I stood irresolutely on the path, considering if I had the energy to turn round and go home.

‘Stop right there. Put your hands up where we can see them.’ A man’s voice—one I didn’t recognize.

I was frozen to the spot—too cold to move, to think.

There came the unmistakable sound of a rifle bolt being slid—something I’d only ever heard in the movies. Images spun:
Bugsy Malone—
‘come out with your hands up’. I swallowed a hysterical gulp of laughter.