Fire and Rain (14 page)

“I should go back to Isaac,” Jos said.

“Stay. We’ll hear Isaac if he wakes up, but that isn’t likely now.” Kip tightened his hold slightly, his warmth encircling Jos.

“Are you sure?” Jos asked. “I can just go back to my bed, and we can forget this happened, if you want. I mean….”

Kip released him. “You need to explain.”

Jos sighed. “This was wonderful, but you don’t need to saddle yourself with a guy like me. You deserve better, that’s all.” Jos didn’t move, but he also didn’t reach out to touch Kip. “I’m not good enough for you. Every time I make a decision, it’s the wrong one.”

“So you’re saying that you know more about what I want than I do?”

“No,” Jos said and rolled over. “I’m saying I don’t know anything, and you deserve someone better than a guy who can’t hold a job or manage to keep a roof over his and his brother’s head. You’re a wonderful guy. Not many people would take in Isaac and me. They’d call child services, and he’d disappear into the foster care system, and I’d spend all my time trying to jump through whatever hoops they set up in order to get him back.”

“Hey, I know what I want and what will make me happy,” Kip snapped. “I don’t sleep with guys just because they’re convenient.” Kip pulled away and rolled onto his back. “Did you think this was some sort of requirement? Was it your way of paying me back because I took you in?”

“That’s not what it was for me,” Jos said, knowing he was blowing everything. That wasn’t what he’d meant. He wasn’t a whore, and he didn’t sell himself. “I just didn’t want you to think….”

“How about we worry less about what the other is thinking or might think and just say what we want? Okay? If you don’t want to stay with me, then you don’t have to. I won’t force you to do anything.” The hurt in Kip’s voice went straight to Jos’s heart. He hadn’t meant to hurt him. He’d only wanted to give Kip a way out.

“You didn’t force me, and I know you never would. You don’t ask for anything.”

“I didn’t think I had the right. You need to be able to make your own decisions about what you want.” Kip stared up at the ceiling. “You keep saying that you don’t think you’re good enough, but what if I’m the one who isn’t good enough?”

Jos giggled a little. “How is that possible? You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Jos rolled over and slid his hands across Kip’s chest and around to his side. Then he moved in closer and rested his head on his shoulder. “You’re my hero.”

“I’m just a guy, the same as you. People can hurt me the same as they can you. Hell, my mother wanted to drink and blame me for what happened to my sister more than she ever loved me.”

“She was selfish,” Jos said. “My mom was too. She made sure she got what she wanted and needed. I had to fend for myself, and I know that if she’d have lived, eventually she would have treated Isaac the same way.” Jos grew quiet for a few minutes, thinking. “Maybe that’s the whole issue. We’re used to the people in our lives being selfish, so when we encounter someone who isn’t, we don’t know how to handle it.”

“Maybe. You met Jeffrey.”

“Was he your usual kind of boyfriend?” Jos asked. Kip deserved so much better than anyone like Jeffrey.

“I guess so. He was nice enough to start out with, and then he got demanding and bossy.” Kip smiled. “Yeah, selfish. Maybe I have this ability to pick people who aren’t good for me. I have this instinct at work. I know when people are lying and when I can trust them. But in my personal life, I tend to pick losers.”

“Well…,” Jos began quietly. “Maybe that’s why I should go back to my own bed.”

“Now, don’t start that again. You aren’t a loser.”

“How do you know? I ended up on the street trying to find a shelter for Isaac and me. That doesn’t sound like someone with a successful future ahead of them.”

“The guys I dated were all successful. They had these great jobs. Jeffrey is a lawyer, and I swear Shakespeare had guys like him in mind when he said to kill all of them. But they were still selfish. You aren’t. I know that because you always put Isaac first, the way you should. So how about you stay where you are and stop putting yourself down.” Kip wrapped him in his arms. He was so strong and yet so gentle, at least with him.

“Okay,” Jos answered and got comfortable. “You know, you make a good pillow. I really like it.” Jos patted Kip’s chest a few times. “It doesn’t fluff very well, though.” He felt Kip tense his muscles.

“I’ll show you fluff.” The happy gruffness in Kip’s voice made Jos smile, and he closed his eyes, yawning before he could stop it. “Okay, well, maybe I’ll show you tomorrow.” Kip pulled up the blankets, and they both got comfortable. “Night, sweetheart,” Kip said and kissed him. Jos wasn’t sure what made him warmer, the kiss, the blankets, Kip next to him, or the endearment. Maybe for now it didn’t matter.

KIP FINISHED
his shift and breathed a sigh of relief. The last few days he’d been running nonstop. He would have thought it was still summer with the number of calls he was answering about pranks and mischief from the kids in the high school. Apparently one of the clubs at school had devised a new initiation. The Chevy dealership in town had a tall fence around their back lot, and the initiation involved breaking into one of the cars from the front lot and driving it through the gate into the back lot.

“Good job apprehending that kid. That should put a stop to that,” Red told him as he left the station. The kids had so far ruined five cars.

“Yeah. He thought he was really tough until I took him through the jail. He cracked fast when the whistling and catcalls began. Gave up all his buddies, and now we have all the kids responsible.” Kip was pretty proud of himself. “Say, I was going to dinner….”

Red checked his watch. “Terry is at the pool already.”

“Then why don’t you join me? I’m heading to pick up Isaac at day care, and then I thought I’d surprise Jos by stopping at Café Belgie. He started there three days ago, and by all accounts is doing great.” The smile burst onto his face with no effort at all. “I can meet you there in half an hour if that works?”

“Great,” Red said, and they left the station and got into their cars. Kip drove right to the day care. Because of Jos’s work hours, it cost more to keep Isaac there until later in the day. Kip hadn’t told Jos that part and had simply paid them the extra for the first month so Jos wouldn’t have to worry. When he pulled up in front, Isaac raced out and into his arms.

“Uncle Kip, look what I drawed,” Isaac said, jumping up and down. Kip took the page and stared at the various blotches of color. He knew better than to try to guess what they were. Instead he knelt down and let Isaac tell him. “That’s Spistachio, and he’s in his own stable with his horsey friends, Vanilla and Chocolate.”

“He seems fixated on food,” Carrie, one of the caregivers, said as she came out to meet him. She always did that, and he thought she might have eyes for him. “Today he insisted the colors weren’t colors, but flavors of ice cream. Red was raspberry and blue was blueberry, brown was chocolate and yellow was lemon. Thankfully, orange was orange, and he got that one right.” She smiled with concern behind her eyes.

Kip had noticed that as well. He tended to associate other things with food. “He and his brother have had a tough time of it. But things are getting better. Just humor him and make corrections gently. We’re hoping it will dissipate on its own. It isn’t just ice cream. When I got out a saucepan yesterday, he asked if we were having wacamoni and scheese,” he said with a grin. “That was the pan I had made macaroni and cheese in the last time.” Kip hoped having enough food on a regular basis would make that go away. “Say good-bye to Miss Carrie,” he told Isaac, and Isaac waved and took Kip’s hand, leading him to the car.

Once Isaac was strapped in, Kip drove right home and hurried inside. He settled Isaac in front of the television and raced upstairs to get out of his uniform and into clothes for dinner. When he came back down, Isaac met him at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m hungry,” he said quietly, sticking out his belly and rubbing. “It keeps talking.”

Kip got Isaac a cheese stick from the refrigerator and handed it to him. Isaac tore open the package and ate it quickly. “We’re going to get some more to eat where Jos works. So can you turn off the television, and we’ll go feed your talking tummy.”

Isaac raced away, and Kip disposed of the wrapping. He caught up with Isaac as he came out of the living room and led him out to the car.

The drive to the restaurant took less than five minutes. He got lucky and found a place to park nearby. Red was already at a table inside, so they joined him. “Jos already took my drink order, but he’s really nervous because you’re coming.”

“Hi, Jos,” Isaac called, waving and grinning when he saw his brother. Jos brought Red’s beer, and Kip ordered one and asked him to get whatever Isaac would like.

“I love this place. Terry wants to go to Europe, and I said we would after the Olympics.”

“Sounds like fun. I never really thought about traveling much.” It had never been on his radar. Maybe he would someday, though.

“What about you?” Kip asked Jos when he brought the drinks. “Have you ever wanted to travel?”

“I used to dream about going all sorts of places. Now my hopes are a lot smaller and closer to home.” He said hello to Isaac and gave him a raspberry kiss on the cheek. “Have you decided?”

“What would Isaac like?” Kip asked Jos.

“Chicken bingers,” Isaac pronounced, like he was king of the booster seat. Jos nodded, and both Kip and Red ordered the steak frites. Kip figured he could share his fries with Isaac. Jos went to put in their orders, and Kip watched him go.

“You got it bad,” Red told him with a slight snicker.

“Got what?” Isaac asked. “Is he sick?” Isaac reached toward Kip’s head, and he thought the little guy was trying to take his temperature the way Kip had when Jos was sick.

“No, little man,” Red answered. “I was just teasing him.” Red made one of those faces like he had to keep an eye on everything he said. Kip nodded.

“He’s really smart and picks up on everything,” Kip said with a hint of pride. He knew he shouldn’t become too attached to Isaac, but he was finding it hard to keep his distance. The longer Jos and Isaac stayed in his house, the more he liked it and the less he wanted them to leave. But he wasn’t Jos’s family, and once Jos was on his feet, Kip figured he’d find his own place and get on with his life.

“Don’t know what that frown’s for,” Red commented as he followed Kip’s gaze. “You need to talk about how you feel toward him.”

“That’s the problem. I can tell Jos what I want, but he isn’t going to believe me. He’s had too much hardship for him to believe anything. You know the situation. He still thinks he’s some sort of charity case. We just talked about it again last night, and I swear whenever I ask to talk to him, I can see the fear well up that I’m about to tell him and Isaac to leave.”

Yesterday he’d wanted to talk about getting Isaac more comfortable in the room he was using and having Jos stay with him. Jos had seemed scared to death, and then he’d only nodded toward the end of the conversation. Kip had told him he could sleep in the bed with Isaac or with him, wherever he wanted. “No pressure,” he said over and over again. By the end of the night, he’d been more confused than ever. In the end, Jos came to him, and Kip held him all night. Having Jos in his arms was amazing, and they hadn’t done anything more than sleep. He didn’t want Jos to think he had to have sex with him or even that he had to sleep with him. That wasn’t a requirement, but the more he tried to tell Jos that, the more confused Jos seemed to get.

“You have to give him time. Have you wondered if maybe you’re rushing things? You’ve known Jos a week. Let him decide what he wants to do and set the pace.” Red smiled. Kip had never really seen Red’s scars. Sure, they’d always been there, especially the one on his cheek. They made him look tough, but when he smiled, the scars completely receded and the man inside shone through clearly. Terry truly was a lucky man. Both he and Red were.

“I suppose you’re right. Instead of pushing for answers….” He trailed off when Isaac pulled on his sleeve.

“My belly’s talking again,” he said, pulling up his shirt. “It says it’s hungry.”

Jos returned to the table with some bread, and Kip buttered part of a roll for Isaac and handed it to him. “How was work?” Jos asked as he filled the water glasses.

“It was a busy day, but it’s much better now.” Kip flashed Jos a smile and got one in return.

“Kip here busted that ring of kids who kept messing with the car lot. It was pretty awesome,” Red said.

“And Isaac had a great day at school. He drew a great picture that’s at home. How is it going here?”

Jos’s serious expression gave way to a grin. “I had a large party that left just before you came in, and they gave me a hundred-dollar tip. They were celebrating something, and I think they wanted me to join in. Billy said they’re from a law firm here in town, and whenever they win a big case, they come in. He helped me with the table but said the tip was all mine.” Jos excused himself and practically floated to the next table to check in with them. Then he went back to the kitchen.

“Like I said, you got it bad,” Red said.

“I like that he’s happy,” Kip said absently as he watched Jos. The spring in his step was incredible to see.

Jos returned with their orders. “The plate and chicken fingers are hot, so be sure to blow on them, okay?” he told Isaac, and Kip helped Isaac by cutting them up. He also put a few french fries on his plate, and Isaac dug right in, checking that each bite was cool enough before shoving it into his mouth.

Kip kept an eye on Isaac as he began eating his own meal. He was doing well. Sure, there was some spillage, but Isaac didn’t let much of his food get away.

“He has a good appetite,” the older lady at the next table said. “I have a grandson about his age, and he’s so picky about everything he eats.”

“Isaac is an eater, there’s no way around that,” Kip told her. “He’s a great little boy.”

“Is he your son?” she asked.