Fire and Rain (7 page)

“Almost,” Kip told him. He walked over, scooped Isaac into his arms, and blew bubbles on his belly. Isaac laughed at the top of his lungs, and Kip did it again. Isaac continued giggling and squirming. A few seconds later Kip looked up and realized not only were Aaron and Jos looking at him, but half the department was peering in the doorway. “Let’s go find Mr. Donald so we can clean up and get ready to go. Jos and Officer Aaron are going to have a talk, and they don’t really need us.” He carried Isaac into the breakroom, where Donald and Alex were sitting at the table.

“Is he done?” Alex asked.

“Almost.” Isaac practically shook with excitement, then turned to look up at him. “Mama used to take me to get ice cream sometimes, but Jos hasn’t.”

“What was your mama like?” Kip asked. He figured it was better to get Isaac to talk about it than to ignore the fact that his mother was gone.

“Tall—not as tall as you—and pretty. Mama used to dress pretty and go out.” Isaac put his arms around Kip’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder. “I want my mama,” he said softly. “We had fun-ral and she gone, but I want Mama.”

Kip’s heart leaped and wept at the same time. That Isaac would turn to him and trust him with his heartbreak was both sad and amazing. There had been few times in his life when he’d felt as close to someone as he did to Isaac in those few minutes. Isaac’s innocence, and the way he only needed to be cared for, touched something deep inside him.

“You should definitely be a father,” Donald said softly. “You were meant for that.”

“I don’t think so,” Kip said.

“It doesn’t matter one bit, gay or straight, the kind of father we’ll be. I like to think that Carter and I are good fathers.”

“I wish I’d have had someone like you as my father.” The role model he’d had scared the crap out of him when it came to children. Basically Kip thought about what his father would do and then did the exact opposite. “Mine never held me like this. I don’t remember him going to a game or seeing a program at school. I do remember him sitting in his chair, television on, a beer in one hand and the next one ready on the table.” Movement caught his attention, and he turned as Jos leaned against the doorframe. Kip put Isaac on his feet, and he rushed over to Jos.

“Ice cream now?”

“Alex, you and Isaac clean up the Legos, and then we’ll go get some ice cream.” Donald handed Alex the bag, and Isaac hurried over to help put the blocks away.

“Did you tell Aaron what he needed?”

“Yeah. He said if he got the warrant, he’d let me know so I could go over and get my things. He said he was going to say that the apartment contained stolen property. Because it does. Powers stole my stuff from me. He isn’t sure he’ll be able to make the charges stick because he said Powers will say that I just didn’t come back for my things, but hopefully….”

“If you get the papers, it’ll help a lot. You could get replacements, but that takes time you don’t have right now.” Donald pulled Alex up onto his lap, and Jos sat down, letting Isaac climb onto his. The obvious affection between Isaac and Jos was tender and sweet. They even tilted their head the same way when they listened. You could tell they were brothers, although with their age difference, Isaac could be Jos’s son.

“I’ll try.” Jos sighed. “All this is overwhelming, and I can hardly believe you can help me. I half expect all this to end at any second.”

“There are limits to what we can do, but of course we’ll help,” Kip said, stepping behind Jos’s chair. He nearly placed his hands on his shoulders but stopped himself just in time. Jos was someone he was trying to help, not his family or his boyfriend.

“Why would you help me?” Jos said. “I mean, I know you’re helping for Isaac, but I appreciate it.”

Kip knelt next to Jos’s chair. “I’d help even if it was just you. This isn’t just about Isaac.” There would be limited things Donald could do to help if Isaac wasn’t involved, but Kip really wanted to think he’d help Jos even if Isaac wasn’t around. “Now how about we go get that ice cream, and then we can stop at the store so I can do what I promised and get Isaac a real horsey.”

Jos turned to him, smiled slightly, and then nodded. “Okay.”

“Yay!” Isaac said. Kip wasn’t sure if it was about the ice cream or the horsey, maybe both. He had no idea, and it didn’t matter. Isaac was happy, and after a few seconds Jos smiled as well.

“Are you ready?” Kip waited while Jos put Isaac down and took his hand, leading him out of the station. “We’ll follow you,” Kip told Donald, and he helped Isaac get into his seat. Then he waited for Donald to get ready, following him the few blocks to the Bruster’s.

KIP WAS
happy, Isaac was full and asleep in the backseat, holding the blond stuffed horse Kip got him at Walmart, and even Jos seemed content as they pulled up in front of Kip’s house. As soon as Kip recognized the car parked across the street, he got out. Jeffrey did the same and walked over to him.

“I thought I’d give you some time to cool off and think,” Jeffrey said.

“About what?” Kip asked. “Quitting my job so my life fits your schedule?”

Jos got out of the car and helped Isaac.

Jeffrey’s expression turned icy. “I see you found someone else.” Jeffrey stepped closer. “I see you like them young…. Jailbait, even.” He glared at Jos.

“That’s enough. Jos is a friend who needs a little help, so he and Isaac are staying with me.”

“How close is he staying?” Jeffrey sneered.

“Remember, you were the one who picked a fight and then left. Now you’re back and acting pissy. Well, you have no reason to. You were the one who wasn’t happy, and yet here you are. But nothing has changed. I still work odd hours, and I won’t be able to be available all the time. That’s what you wanted.” Jeffrey showing up was the last thing he’d have expected.

Jeffrey looked at Jos and then steered Kip away from the car and down the sidewalk. “I had a chance to think about things, and I realized I wasn’t being fair. I came into town, and I expected you to change everything because I was here. That wasn’t right. We have a lot in common, and we’ve had some special times together, so I was thinking I would try to get a job here again, and then we could be together.” Jeffrey smiled his million-watt smile, the one Kip had come to know as the deal-maker.

“That’s nice, but get a job here for you, not for me. I don’t want you to change your life because of me. I wouldn’t for you,” Kip said, staring clear-eyed at Jeffrey, whose lips curled upward in what Kip thought was a smile, but which quickly darkened into a sneer and then a grimace. “I’m not quitting my job, and I can’t ask you to do the same.”

“Damn you, Kip. I came all this way back because I thought we had something, that you cared.”

“I do.”

“But not enough. Is that it?” Jeffrey asked, his voice getting louder.

“Enough for what? To stop living my life so you can be happy? That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to stop what I love, stop being a police officer and find some other work that will mean that I’ll be home when you want me.” Kip caught himself before he began to yell. “I won’t do that. I am a police officer—it’s an important part of my life, and I’m not going to give that up. I told you that before, and nothing has changed. I can’t give up what I love.”

“I thought you loved me,” Jeffrey said.

Kip glanced back to where Jos and Isaac stood by the car, little Isaac holding the stuffed horse Kip had bought for him, Jos biting his lower lip nervously.

“Are you paying attention to what I’m saying?” Jeffrey said. “I thought you loved me!” He took a step back. “But I guess you didn’t love me enough.”

“For what? To give up my life and myself for you? Love means building a life together based around what both people want. It isn’t about putting your wants ahead of others, but about figuring out what’s best for both. You were never interested in that. After you graduated from Dickinson, all you wanted was for me to bend to what you wanted. I tried doing that for a while, and it didn’t work.” Kip tried to explain as best he could, but he wasn’t sure if his meaning was coming across. It was apparent from Jeffrey’s expression that he either wasn’t listening or didn’t care enough to actually give any thought to Kip’s feelings.

“So now I’m the selfish one. I drove hours the other day to see you, and I thought you’d trade shifts or whatever, so we could have some time together. But you didn’t. We had a fight. So what? People fight sometimes. They don’t move on in a few days and decide to play house.” Jeffrey motioned toward Jos and Isaac.

Up until then, Kip had been fine letting Jeffrey rant on, but that got under his skin. “They’re friends, and that’s enough!” he snapped. He saw Isaac flinch and grip his horse tighter. “You don’t have any right to tell me how to live my life, any more than I do yours. You live in Pittsburgh, three hours away, and we were friends first and became something more, but you know as well as I do that all this drama is just that—as false as anything on the stage. It isn’t backed by any deep feeling for me. You got your ego bruised, and you came back to see if you could soothe it and get a little satisfaction.”

“Now you think you’re Freud,” Jeffrey said sarcastically. “Don’t try to analyze me—you hardly have the brain power for it.”

“That’s enough, Jeffrey. Now please get back in your car and go. This conversation is over.”

“Or what?” Jeffrey stepped even closer. “What are you going to do? Call the police?” He grinned. “I bet your friends would like to hear about the big bad cop having to call for reinforcements.”

“You’re making a fool of yourself,” Kip said, not rising to Jeffrey’s bait. That was how he worked. It had taken a while before Kip realized that when Jeffrey was losing he always tried to turn his opponent’s strength into a weakness somehow.

“Am I?”

“Yes. You certainly are. I’m sorry you drove all this way, but you should have called first. We could have talked on the phone and saved you a trip.” Kip pointed to the car and waited. “You might as well go. You aren’t going to get me to back down, and throwing a hissy fit isn’t going to help either.” Kip stood firm, staring Jeffrey down until he turned and took the first steps toward his car.

“You’re going to be sorry.”

“Oh, please. I know I’m not, and you sound like a bad movie.” He watched as Jeffrey finally got in his car and zoomed out of his parking spot, leaving a trail of black behind him. Kip thought about calling the department and having them track and stop him for his driving, but he wanted him gone as quickly as possible.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else,” Jos said. “I don’t want to come between you and your boyfriend.”

Kip shook his head. “He isn’t my boyfriend, and he never was. He was…. I don’t know what he was.” He walked back to where Isaac and Jos stood next to the car. “Why don’t we go inside.”

“That man yelled,” Isaac said. “He was mean and it made his face all scrunchy.” Isaac tried to imitate Jeffrey, and Kip laughed because he did a good job.

“Yes, he was a scrunchy-face. But he’s gone now, probably for good.”

“Are you sorry he’s gone?” Jos asked, and Kip shook his head. Jos turned away. “Is it always that easy for you to let people go?”

“No,” Kip said. “But it was easy to let Jeffrey go. He and I had a thing. But it was a long-distance, mostly physical thing and little more.”

“But he said…,” Jos began.

“Jeffrey will say just about anything to get his own way. You saw the car he drives. It costs more than I make in two years. It was a gift from his father, as was much of what Jeffrey has. He’s used to being given what he wants, and I wasn’t going to be one of those gifts.” Kip didn’t want to go into this in front of Isaac. “So what are you going to name your horse?” Kip asked Isaac to change the subject.

“Um….” Isaac put his finger in his mouth. “Ice Cream.”

“Is that really what you want to name him? Because you can name him anything you want.”

“Then Spist…. That ice cream you had.”

“Pistachio,” Kip said.

“Yeah. That’s his name. Spistachio,” Isaac said, hugging the horse tight. “Can I play?”

“Sure,” Jos said.

“Why don’t you play with Pistachio on the porch? That way he won’t get too dirty,” Kip suggested. “I can get some lemonade, and we can all sit outside for a while.” Fresh air would definitely do him good. He led the way, and Isaac went right to one of the wicker lounges, declaring it a corral for “Spistachio.” Jos sat rigidly in one of the chairs while Kip went inside. He made up some frozen lemonade and brought a pitcher and cups on a tray out to the porch.

“This is probably going to be one of the last truly nice days of the year,” Kip said. “Around here it’s like someone flips a switch and spring is here, and then the switch gets flipped again in the fall and winter is upon us.”

“I know,” Jos said and sat back in his chair, cradling the cup in both hands. He drank every now and then, watched Isaac, and said nothing at all. Kip watched Isaac play for a while, but his gaze kept traveling back to Jos. He was chewing on something. Kip could almost see the wheels in his mind turning something over and over again. He’d sat quietly with people and been perfectly comfortable. This was not one of those times. It seemed like the pressure inside Jos was building by the second.

“What is it?” Kip eventually asked.

“I keep thinking we should go,” Jos replied.

Kip sighed. “Where are you going to go? To a shelter? Back on the streets?” It wasn’t as though he had a lot of options, but Kip stopped because Jos looked as though he’d hit him. “Dammit, I didn’t mean it like that. If I think you need to leave, then I’ll tell you. Jeffrey and I were done before I met you, and you didn’t break anything up or ruin a relationship, because the one we had was over. He didn’t want to accept it. Nothing more. So don’t worry.”

“But what—”

“Are you scared?” Kip asked. “You look like a rabbit ready to run.”

“I’m always scared. I have been for weeks. Mom died and suddenly I’m a parent to a four-year-old. That threw me for a loop, but just as I was getting things under control, everything fell apart with the job and the apartment. Not that I was going to be able to stay in the apartment for very long unless I got a job, but I even had day care for Isaac because they had a small center at work. Since then I’ve been moving from shelter to shelter. I don’t know where our next meal is coming from, I have people telling me that Isaac would be better off with strangers in foster care, and finally you come along and I don’t know what the hell to think, because you and Donald are the first people who’ve really tried to help me other than filling a plate and telling me to move along.”