Fireflies (29 page)

‘Because I didn’t want to offend you’ cried Simon desperately. ‘I didn’t want to risk the great times we were having. Mitch, I can’t believe we could’ve spent all this time together and been happy’.

‘You’re right’ said Mitch. ’It’s come as a bit of a shock to me too’.

‘She destroyed everything we could’ve had’.

‘Didn’t you ever meet anyone else?’

‘No’ said Simon. ‘I’m not one of those people who gets their broken heart mended, Mitch. Life doesn’t do happy endings for me’.

‘Oh Christ, Simon, I’m so, so sorry’.

‘It isn’t your fault’ said Simon. ‘But it sounds like life put your heart back together again?’

‘Paul? Well yeah, we’ve been together for about eight years now and I have to say we are very happy’.

Simon just couldn’t get over this. ‘I don’t know what to say, Mitch’.

‘Simon, I really wish it hadn’t turned out this way. I really mean that’.

‘Yeah, well it has’ said Simon who took a deep breath and knew what he had to do.

‘Let me take you home’ said Mitch.

‘I haven’t got a home. I’m living in a b and b. I lost my
job, I got into money troubles and had to go bankrupt. If I declare myself homeless they’ll put me in a hostel with drug addicts and alcoholics. But don’t worry about me when you’re tucking into your wedding cake and no doubt jetting off on some romantic honeymoon’.

‘I can understand why you feel bitter’.

‘Bitter? Oh bitter doesn’t even begin to cover it’.

‘Simon, if I’d have known how you felt it might’ve been us getting married’.

‘Oh please just don’t say anymore! I really can’t stand anymore of what might’ve been’.

‘But all this trouble you’re in. Is there anything I can do?’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know’ said Mitch, helplessly. ‘Give you some money?’

‘I’m not taking your money as some sort of consolation prize, Mitch, and besides, even if your cash got me out of trouble then I’d still be left with a heart that’s beyond broken’.

‘Simon, I can’t end it with Paul’ Mitch pleaded. ‘Despite how conflicted I feel now about you and me I can’t break his heart’.

‘But life is happy enough to break mine’ said Simon. ‘Whenever the universe needs a heart to break I’m always number one on the list. I suppose it’s consistent’.

‘We’ve built a life together, Simon’ said Mitch.

‘I’m sure you have’.

‘Simon, I’m worried about you’.

‘Well don’t be’ said Simon who’d calmed down a little and was trying to be as dignified as he could. ‘I’m not your responsibility’. He stood up and made to leave.

‘Simon
… ?’

‘ … I’m sorry, Mitch but I’ve got to go’ Simon pleaded. ‘Our moment was taken away from us but at least you’ve had the chance to make it all better. I hope you enjoy your wedding day and I really do hope Paul makes you as happy as I would’ve done’.

‘Simon, please?’

‘What is there left to say? You’re happy and I’m not but that’s just life. Now I really can’t stand this any longer so please just let me go’.

Simon and Mitch’s sister Dawn had been friends for several years before they shared a house together. Simon had sold his place but hadn’t been able to find another one. Dawn had split up from her then boyfriend and needed to make a new start. It was an arrangement that they’d intended to last only six months or so but they ended up getting on so well and having so much fun that before they knew it they’d been sharing the house for almost two years. Then Dawn met Adrian to whom she got married and Simon bought the house that he’d recently been evicted from.

Although they’d grown close during that time Simon was always aware that Dawn was the kind of person who liked to get one up on even her friends. She always liked to be the one to be envied. Looking back there were several signs he should’ve read about her. She was little Miss can’t do wrong. She was never in the wrong even when she quite clearly was. Most of Simon’s other friends had never liked Dawn. They were nice enough to her face but behind her back they all warned Simon that one day she’d let him down over something. And she had. She’d let him down big time. She’d let him down in just about the most heartbreaking way she could. With one act of deception she’d helped bring him to this state of misery and pain. Well she wasn’t going to get away with it. It just wasn’t fair.

He vaguely remembered her address even though they hadn’t been in contact for years. He spent half of what remained of his weekly budget, such as it was, on the bus fare getting to the part of town where she lived which just happened to be the most exclusive suburb. Houses round there go for at least half a million and that’s at the bottom end of the market.  

‘Oh? Hello?’

‘Hello Dawn’ said Simon as calmly as he could. ‘It’s been a long time’. She looked uncomfortable. ‘How’ve you been?’

‘Fine’ she answered. ‘Just fine’.

‘It’s a shame we lost touch’.

‘It sometimes happens. Life moves on’.

‘Well I was thinking of you so I thought I’d drop by’.

‘Well it’s a … it’s a good surprise. I heard on the grapevine you’ve been in financial difficulties?’

‘To put it mildly’ said Simon. ‘Look, are you going to ask me in?’

‘Oh yeah, sorry, of course, come in and I’ll put the kettle on’.  

Simon followed Dawn into her well appointed kitchen. She’d married well. Her husband was a top commercial lawyer with a nationwide reputation. She obviously led a good life. She probably had nothing to worry about. Simon had enjoyed her company once and he’d invested a lot in their friendship. 

‘I was thinking about when we shared that house together’ said Simon as cheerfully as he could considering the anger he felt towards her. The right time would come for him to fire his gun.

‘Happy days, eh?’

‘Oh we had some good times there alright’ Simon agreed. ‘Remember that party we had?’

‘Do I ever? It was the luckiest night of my life. That was the night I met my Adrian’.

‘Oh yes of course it was’.

‘It’s our tenth anniversary next week’ said Dawn, beaming. ‘We’re still as happy as that night we met’.

‘Well congratulations’.

‘Thank you’.

‘Your brother Mitch was supposed to have stayed for the party but he suddenly upped and left that morning. Can you remember why?’

‘Well it was ten years ago, Simon’.

‘Did he and his wife Debbie stay together?’

‘Oh yes, they’re really happy’.

Simon paused and then said ‘How could I ever have called such a blatant and manipulative liar like you a friend of mine?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Oh I get it all now. Our friendship was based on your need to feel superior. You had to be the happy one whilst I had to stay miserable’.

‘Do you normally walk into someone’s home after ten years and start insulting them?’

‘Only when they turned the luckiest night of their life into the unluckiest night of mine’.

‘You really will have to explain’.

‘Oh don’t be so bloody cute. I stood in the kitchen at the end of that night we had the party with only a bottle of wine for company while you were making out with Adrian in the living room. And now I know that I could’ve been doing the same with the love of my life but you put a stop to it with your lies. I bumped into your brother Mitch today. He told me the truth. I expect he’ll be back soon. I know he’s staying with you’.

‘Look, Simon, I’ll make you that tea but then I really need to get on’ said Dawn avoiding his comments.

‘Oh no you don’t!’ said Simon as he lunged forward and grabbed Dawn’s arm making her turn round and face him. The red mists were almost blinding him as he walloped her across the face with the back of his hand. ‘You lying bitch!’

Dawn tried to compose herself before saying ‘Get out of my house’

Simon slapped her across the face again. He’d never been a violent man but it was all he could think of as he looked at her. ‘Why did you do it?’

‘I don’t have to answer to you’ Dawn sneered, trying not to look scared but feeling terrified. She rubbed the side of her face that he’d now struck twice. She could see the fury in his eyes but she could also see the pitiful hurt and pain. What could she say? She had lied. And to get out of it she’d probably have to lie some more.

‘Yes you fucking well do! I could’ve been happy with your brother. He was everything to me and you knew that but instead you chose to lie to us both and keep us apart. All these years I’ve spent being lonely when I need not have been. Now I want to know why you did that to me, why you did that to your own brother for God’s sake?’

‘I had to accept that my big brother was gay even though I didn’t like it’.

‘Oh so you don’t mind people being gay as long as it’s not your own brother?’

‘Something like that’ she admitted. ‘But if that wasn’t enough he was in love with you. I had to put a stop to it. You weren’t suitable for him. You’re pathetic and I wasn’t going to let my brother be saddled with the likes of you. And yes, I had to be the lucky one whilst you remained the unlucky one. That’s how friendship works for me’.

Simon felt a tightening in his chest and his breathing became heavy. ‘You’re evil’.

‘Oh get over it’ she snapped. ‘Some people were born lucky but you weren’t one of them’.

‘I was a different person when I was with Mitch. I loved him and I now know that he loved me. I could’ve known happiness in my life if it wasn’t for you’.

‘You didn’t deserve someone like Mitch. His partner Paul is ten times the man you are. He has his own business, a dealership selling BMW’s and they have a wonderful house on the banks of the river. It took me a long time to accept the way things are but now Mitch and Paul and Adrian and I have some wonderful times together and you see, you just wouldn’t have been able to fit into Mitch’s world and it would’ve been cruel of me to let you try. I was really doing you a
favour. You’d have been so out of your depth’. 

Simon’s eyes widened as he leaned into Dawn forcing her to back up against the unit next to the sink. Their faces were almost touching and Dawn’s face became etched in fear once again. ‘I can’t believe how callous and smug you are. Well let me tell you, you are nothing. Do you understand me? You are nothing! You are nothing except a piece of lying, cheating, scheming, nasty, viscous, lowlife,
self-serving scum!’

Dawn picked up a knife from on top of the kitchen unit and held it up in front of Simon’s face.

‘Going to stab me?’ Simon goaded. ‘Going to kill me? Go on, you may as well. I’ve been dead all my life and you finished me off the day you destroyed my one and only ever chance to come alive with Mitch. Thanks to you I’ve got to think of Mitch being married to Paul and I can’t stand that. So go on, make my day and you’ll be saving me the job because I’ve got nothing and nobody to live for now. But I’ll know that the consequences of you doing it will mean that in a roundabout way you’ll pay for the rest of your life because of what you did to me and your brother’.

‘You’re crazy’.

‘No, I’m not. I just want you to pay for destroying my chance of happiness’.

Simon reached for another knife and got the reaction he wanted. Fearing she needed to defend herself Dawn stabbed him. He felt the knife pierce his side and he immediately gasped for air. He reached down with his hand and felt that the blade had gone almost all the way in. He saw the shock in Dawn’s eyes and then she started shaking as she watched Simon stumble and try to keep
himself upright. But then his legs gave way and he fell to the ground as the shock was replaced by the most agonizing pain. He could feel himself beginning to lose consciousness. Dawn didn’t know what to do. She’d stabbed the stupid little bastard. But he’d driven her to it. He’d goaded her and tormented her and driven her to it.

‘Thank you’ Simon whispered. He tried to smile but it was too late.

The last thing that Simon heard before he left this world was the sound of Dawn screaming. It made him feel the most incredible sense of peace.