First Love (Love Nibbles Book 2) (5 page)

*

On Wednesday Rachael was gathering eggs in the coop when Joe again scared her by popping up in the window. “Hey!”

Her heart raced with delight and fear. She rushed to the window. “You have to stop coming here!”

“I know, but I couldn’t wait ’til Sunday to see you again. Come out here.”

She obeyed, brushing her hands over her apron and straightening her cap as she flew out the door and around the back side of the building.

Joe seized her arms and pulled her to him. “Hi.”

He looked into her eyes for a moment, and she smiled up at him.

He kissed her chastely at first then harder and hungrier, slipping his tongue around hers. He pressed her body against the side of the building, hands braced on either side of her head.

Rachael wrapped her arms around his neck and held him to her, hard wood at her back, hard body in her embrace. He lifted her up with his hands under her bottom and stood between her legs, pressing into her. Again she felt that hard ridge between her legs.

Hampered by her dress, her legs couldn’t go around him far, but she embraced his hips with her clenching thighs. The ache between her legs throbbed and Joe’s grinding was the only thing that could relieve it. She whimpered and clung to him for several moments, then abruptly pushed against his shoulders. “Wait. Stop.”

Joe’s glazed eyes focused on her and he let out a long whistling breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what gets into me around you. I only came to talk to you for a few minutes, honestly. I just wanted to see you again. Sunday is so far away.”

He set her on her feet and stepped back. “So, what have you done this week?”

Rachael went through a mental inventory. There was nothing exciting to tell. “Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, tending the animals, gardening, playing games in the evening with Mattie.”

“Your little sister.” Joe smiled. “What kind of games do you play?”

“Catch. She loves baseball. She uses Daniel’s old mitt and wants to practice every day. Sometimes we skip rope or play with her dolls or capture fireflies.”

He reached to straighten Rachael’s cap, laying the ties neatly on either side of her face and down onto her breasts. His hands lingered there. “I always wanted a younger brother or sister, but there’s only me.”

“Trust me, it’s annoying having a younger sibling. They always want you to do something with them or for them.”

His hands drifted from her breasts down to her waist. He swayed her back and forth as he hummed a tune. “I wish I could take you dancing. You’d love it.”

“That girl Darlene seemed anxious to go, maybe you should invite her.” Rachael lifted an eyebrow.

He clicked his tongue and scoffed. “Darlene.” Then he slid his hands around her back and pulled her close again. “What would happen if... How bad would it be if your parents found out about us?”

Rachael cringed at the very thought. “I’m not a baptized member of the church so I wouldn’t be shunned, but there would be lectures from my parents, the deacon, the minister, maybe even the bishop. And I might have to confess my error before the congregation. It wouldn’t be...” She shuddered.

“I’m sorry. This is really dangerous for you.” He rested his forehead against hers. “My parents wouldn’t be thrilled, but there’s not a lot they could do. They’d have to get used to the idea.” He kissed her mouth. “I wish I could tell everyone we’re dating.”

Dating.
The term was frightening. They could never be a real couple. There was no future for them. And yet, right now, Joe was all she could see or hear or think about. He filled her mind and heart completely. He’d taken possession of her completely.

Rachael let herself relax into his embrace, resting her head on his chest and breathing in the freshly laundered scent of his T-shirt.

“Me too,” she whispered.

*

“How could you forget about the Zook’s barn raising? You’ve been so preoccupied lately. Today I want you to have fun with your friends and try not to think so hard.” Her mother held Rachael’s face between her hands and kissed her forehead. “Have some fun.”

Rachael smiled. Funny that her mother, who’d pressed her to search her soul, now told her she was too serious. She wandered off across the yard to look for Ruth Zook.

The frame of the barn rose dark against the blue sky. Boards were already being nailed in place on one side. Men in black pants, blue shirts and suspenders crawled over the scaffolding like ants. This was the Zook’s second barn, built on young Jacob’s portion of the property. The Zook’s farm was prosperous enough to sustain not only the parents but three sons, their wives and children.

Rachael’s friend Ruth had married Jacob last November at age eighteen. The cheerful, gregarious girl had been one of Rachael’s best friends growing up, but since Ruth’s marriage they’d seen little of one another.

“There you are! I was beginning to wonder if you were coming.” Ruth set a casserole on a food-laden table and came to greet Rachael. “You look different. Older somehow. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen you in so long.”

For a moment Rachael had to bite her tongue not to confide her secret to Ruth. Full of the excitement and mystery of her romance, she needed to talk to a friend. But even though she loved Ruth, she knew the girl couldn’t keep a confidence, especially one as huge as this. She would tell Jacob, who would tell someone else and soon the whole community would know.

“I’ve been pretty busy,” Rachael said vaguely. “But not as busy as you. Tell me all about married life What’s it like living with the Zooks?”

Ruth gave an exaggerated shudder. “I’d rather we’d built a new house for us than another barn. I don’t know how much longer I can live with my mother-in-law.”

As her friend rattled on about her new family, new husband, new life, Rachael’s attention wandered. She looked around at the happy, busy workers, people she’d known her whole life and cared for deeply and wondered what was wrong with her. Why couldn’t she be happy with what she had? Why couldn’t she choose someone like Amos Bieler who was watching her from over the lumber pile? If she wanted him to eat dinner with her later, she knew he would.

“Rachael, are you even listening to me?” Ruth demanded.

“I’m sorry. I was thinking of something.”

“Something or some
one
?” Ruth grinned. “You’re still interested in Amos, aren’t you? He would court you if you wanted. All you have to do is give the word and I’ll put a bug in his ear.”

“No!” Rachael said sharply. “I mean, no. Ruth. I like him, but not in that way. I wouldn’t want to encourage him. I’m not ready to make that kind of commitment.”

Ruth heaved a sigh. “If you don’t mind my asking, what are you waiting for? You’re nineteen now. It’s time to grow up.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Well, your mother’s right.” Ruth took Rachael’s arm and led her away from eaves-dropping ears. “Listen. I’m going to tell you something. You know when we went through
rumspringa
I got a little wild, staying out late, watching the boys race their buggies, drinking sometimes, making my parents upset. When Jacob and I were bundling, I cut a slit in the bag so Jacob could… Well, let’s say, I wasn’t exactly a virgin at my wedding.”

Rachael’s eyes widened. She wasn’t shocked that Ruth and Jacob had fooled around. She was shocked that Ruth had managed to keep the secret from her all this time.

“My point is once you join the church and then get married, all of that childish foolishness seems…well, foolish. Doubts drop away and everything falls into place. Trust me.”

Rachael frowned. “Did my mother ask you to talk to me?”

There was a long silence that answered her question better than words. The girls exchanged a look and both of them began to laugh.

“Maybe she did,” Ruth said. “But she isn’t wrong. Besides, you could do worse than Amos Bielere.”

“I know. He’s a good person. It’s nothing to do with him. It’s me. I look around at all of this,” she gestured at the work party surrounding them, “and I feel like I want something
more
, something different. Do you understand?”

Ruth frowned. “But, Rachael, this is your life. As I said, your doubts will all fade away once you decide to embrace the faith and take a husband. Honestly they will.”

She spoke with such confidence and a new-found maturity that Rachael felt more confused than ever. Maybe she
was
simply acting like a willful child. Maybe it was time to put away her daydreams and accept real life.

She would keep her date with Joe tomorrow, but only to tell him they must end their dangerous flirtation.

Chapter Seven

Sunday morning Rachael was beside herself with nerves. When she told her mother her stomach hurt and she had a headache, she wasn’t lying.

She waited until the black buggy disappeared from sight, not only from the driveway but down the road. She didn’t want to take any chance her family would turn back for something forgotten. Rachael looked at her reflection in the polished metal of the coffeepot. Her image was rounded so that her nose stuck out frighteningly and her eyes looked crazy.
“Mein Gott
,” she whispered.

She put down the pot and went outside. This time she beat Joe to their meeting place, waiting in the shade behind the coop for almost fifteen minutes before she saw him coming.

He walked quickly along the edge of the field and when he spotted her, he broke into a run.

“Sorry,” he called as he drew near. “My dad almost decided to stay home too. He wanted to go fishing and Ma had to practically beat him over the head to get him to go to church with her. They’ll be back in a couple of hours, but I don’t care if they find me gone. I’m nineteen. I can skip damn church if I want to.”

“Mine will be gone most of the day.” Rachael took his outstretched hand. He looked very handsome in a white cotton shirt and navy dress pants. She’d never seen him in anything but every day clothes.

“Have you eaten breakfast yet? I could cook for you,” she offered shyly, forgetting completely that she was supposed to send him away for good.

“Yeah, I did but I can always eat again.” He grinned and her heart filled her throat.

It felt so strange leading him across the yard and into her house. As she moved around the kitchen preparing a meal for both of them, it was like playing at being a woman with a home of her own. “Would you like bacon and eggs?”

“Bacon, eggs, pancakes, sausage, toast. I’ll eat anything you put in front of me.”

He sat at the kitchen table and looked around the room. She tried to imagine what the kitchen looked like through his eyes, but didn’t know how it compared to his own. She’d only been in an English house once when her mother bought an old treadle sewing machine from a woman. Rachael tried to picture electronic appliances like she’d seen in catalogs and at the store in Joe’s house.

He caught her watching him. “Nice house. Very homey.”

“You mean plain.” She put the skillet on the burner and lit the gas.

“No. Quaint.” He walked across the kitchen toward the stove. “Sweet and cute. Like you.”

She rolled her eyes and turned away from him to melt butter in the skillet. He grabbed her from behind and buried his face in her neck, tickling her with his kisses. “Charming. Love your eyes, your nose, your lips, and your adorable accent.”

She wiggled in his embrace and laughed.

“And I love your hair.” He removed her cap and unpinned the thick coils. Her hair tumbled down long and he combed his fingers through it. “A beautiful shade of brown. Not plain at all.”

He kissed her neck again until she closed her eyes and forgot about the frying pan.

“One of us is going to get burned if you do that while I’m cooking.” She raised her spatula to drive him back.

He laughed and leaned against the counter to watch her work.

They talked about their families, their daily lives, their impatience with parents who loved them well but controlled too much.

They continued to talk while they ate and cleaned the kitchen and after that, they faced each other across the room with nothing else to be said.

Joe walked toward her. Rachael took a deep breath. He put his hands on her waist and swayed her back and forth, dancing her slowly around the kitchen as he hummed a tune. She recognized one of the songs she’d heard on the radio the other night. The lovely one that went
Only you can make this world seem right. Only you can fill the lonely night.

She moved in the circle of Joe’s arms and imagined this was their life every day, sharing a house with no one to come between them. She lifted her chin and looked up at him. “Do you want to see the rest of the house?”

His eyes were solemn as he nodded.

She took his hand and led him through the living room and upstairs to the bedrooms.

Joe’s big, rangy body filled her and Mattie’s little room under the slanting eaves, like a big dog in a small kennel. Turning too fast, he rapped his elbow sharply on the bureau. “Ow! Damn.”

Rachael smoothed her hand over the quilt covering the bed and flicked away an imaginary thread. He sat down at the foot and moved her body between his knees, then he