First (Wrong) Impressions: A Modern Pride & Prejudice (14 page)

“Yes.” Mr. Owens said. “He’s gay.”

It was Lizzy’s turn to be a statue. Melissa, sensing diplomacy was needed, interjected, “We don’t discuss the sexual orientation of our employees.”

“Well, he’s a homosexual, and we cannot give money to a place that encourages homosexuals to engage in sin.”

“How are we encouraging anyone to engage in sin?” Melissa kept her tone neutral.

“He’s practicing.”

Lizzy knew what Mr. Owens was getting at, but she wanted to force him to say the words out loud. “Practicing what?”

“Homosexuality! He’s a practicing gay!” Mr. Owens shook his head. “Frankly, I’m surprised at you, Melissa. There are teenagers who come here and you’re letting them near a homosexual.”

Lizzy put her palms flat on the table to try to quell their involuntary shaking. “Has Pastor Liam done something to one of the teens?”

“His presence is doing more than enough damage. I’m surprised at you, too, Lizzy,” Mr. Owens turned to her. “You are very concerned about keeping these children safe, yet you let a homosexual roam free.”

Lizzy slammed her hand down on the table so hard that her water glass sloshed over. “Being gay does not make a person a pedophile.”

“Lizzy!” Melissa warned.

“What harms the teens I have coming here isn’t a gay man who reenacts musicals for them and makes everyone laugh. What harms the teens is small-minded assholes like you!”

“Lizzy!” Melissa shouted.

But Lizzy could not control the rage in her belly. “Half of the kids who come here are gay! Do you hear me? They already caught ‘the gay.’ They are on the streets because their good, Christian parents kicked them out because of who they are. They see Pastor Liam and they see someone like them. They see hope. They see a gay man accepted. And if
he
can be accepted here, then maybe someone will one day accept them, too.”

Mr. Owens pointed his finger and said, “Liam Collins is encouraging them to sin. I’ve heard it with my own ears. Any homosexual man who hangs around teenagers is looking for—”

“Do not finish that statement,” Lizzy growled.

“We’re getting off-topic,” Melissa said. “We cannot, legally, terminate someone for being gay. Pastor Collins is here on a short-term contract while we try having a chaplain on staff. He’s planning to leave in two months, so any issue you have with him will be moot by then.”

“Then we will withdraw our funding until he’s gone.”

“You might as well keep it until Luke leaves, then, because he’s gay, too.”

“Lizzy!” Luke gasped.

Lizzy lowered her head and let out a breath. She should not have said that. Oh, Lord in Heaven, she should not have said that.

“Um, what Lizzy is saying, is, erm, since Luke is a single man, it’s possible he could…”

“Melissa, it’s fine.” Luke pushed out his chair. “What Lizzy is saying is that I am the gay man who has been dating Pastor Liam.”

Lizzy looked at Luke, who was ashen. She’d outed him, not only to the people in that room, but also to the volunteers who were staring from the corridor. She’s shouted to the entire building that Luke was gay. And she did it to the one person who could influence a lot of money coming into their agency. She’d betrayed her best friend and every single homeless person who relied on her, for the sake of her anger. She closed her eyes and bowed her head.

She did not hear the rest of the exchange, but it was brief. Mr. Owens stormed out. Melissa said something about trying to control the fallout, and Luke just stood next to her. Liam, sensing what was happening, had the good sense to close the door.

“Oh, God, Luke. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t you dare. How could you do that to me?”

Tears welled up in Lizzy’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll have to leave now, you know that, right?”

She looked up at him through blurry eyes. His were tightly shut. “No, Luke. Stay.”

“You don’t understand, do you?” He looked at her. “He belongs to the church that my aunt goes to. She’s going to hear about this.”

“Your family knows you’re gay.”

“My
parents
know I’m gay.”

“I thought…I’d just assumed they told everyone.”

“You knew I wasn’t completely out yet. Why did you do that? I wasn’t ready.”

“I’m so sorry.” It was all she could say, this time in a whisper.

“We’re going to lose all our funding now, if I stay here. Jesus Christ, Lizzy. What the hell are we going to do now?”

A knock came at the door, and Pastor Liam looked inside. “Everything all right?”

No one answered him.

He stepped in and closed the door. He pulled the blinds down to cover the giant picture window, pulled up a chair and sat across from them. Luke was still standing and Lizzy was staring at her hands on the table.

“I will call their pastor tomorrow and tell him that you were mistaken, Lizzy,” Liam said quietly. “I’ll tell him you assumed the ‘Luke’ I had been dating was this Luke. Then I’ll resign. I can’t let you lose your funding.’

Lizzy tried to speak, but so many words and thoughts jumbled together that her mouth hung open.

“No,” Luke said in a small voice.

Lizzy looked up at him. “Luke, if Liam wants to do that…”

“No,” he said again, stronger. “The genie doesn’t go back in the bottle, Lizzy. You know that.”

He walked out and Lizzy couldn’t think of anything to make him stay. She looked at Liam. “I’m sorry.”

Liam gave a small smile. “I better go with him.”

She sat in the small meeting room and stared at her hands in complete disbelief. She’d ruined everything.

Chapter 16

October 24

As far as bad weeks went, the last seven days were near the top of the Most Shittiest. First, George. Then Charles. Then Liam. And now Luke’s resignation. Lizzy stared at the two sheets of paper in her hand. The first was the formal resignation that would go in his file. Addressed to Melissa, it thanked The Faith for the last decade he’d worked there and wished them all the best. Standard blah blah resignation.

The other one, though. That one stung.

Lizzy,

I’ve decided to take the coward’s way out and write this, as opposed to calling you. After last week, I don’t feel comfortable coming back. Ed is going to pack up my desk for me tomorrow, so if you can let him in to do that, I’d appreciate it. He’s going to drop it off for me.

I always knew I’d eventually come out, but I never thought it would be like this. My family isn’t speaking to me and I’ve lost my job. I know that you and Melissa wouldn’t force me to leave, but there’s no way I can come back.

Liam is heading back to Vancouver and I’ve decided to go with him. I didn’t want anyone to know about us. I didn’t know how you’d react. You’d said such horrible things about Liam and I wasn’t sure if you really would be supportive. I know you joked about it, but I didn’t know.

I’ve been hiding this for such a long time. Then Liam. He’s out and, well, it’s been nice to be myself. Finally.

Liam doesn’t want me to be angry at you, and I think I’ll stop being angry. Right now, though, I can’t even talk to my own parents. This wasn’t what I wanted at all.

Luke

“Damn,” Lizzy whispered.

“Yup,” Melissa agreed, when she showed it to her.

“Have you seen him? He’s not been returning my calls.”

Melissa nodded and leaned back in her chair. “We went out for coffee last night. He’s leaving for Vancouver today.”

“I can’t believe I did that. I feel so awful.” Lizzy’s voice cracked. “I was so angry and I didn’t even think before I spoke. I guess I should resign, too, huh?”

Melissa shook her head. “You’re going to stay and clean up the mess you’ve created.”

Lizzy swallowed hard, “What do you need me to do?”

“Until the New Year, nothing. Do your job. I was thinking about asking Ed to help with some of Luke’s tasks.”

“Ed would be good. He’s the most experienced person here, beyond us.”

Melissa nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do. You’re going to keep your mouth shut and we’re going to ride it out until the New Year. You have a new kitchen to oversee and donations are going to increase as we get closer to Christmas. We should have enough cash from that to float us. Plus, the Lighthouse is going to give us a hand if we run short. So let’s just get to the end of the year.”

“Then what?”

“Then the two of us are going to do a fundraising blitz, once Ed is trained up enough. Kelly from the Lighthouse and I have been talking and we’re going to do an exchange. She’s going to come up here to help me fundraise, and then we’re both going to go to Calgary for a few weeks to help her fundraise.”

Lizzy pursed her lips. Luke was better at those things. She was better with the homeless and development services. But, there was no Luke anymore.

“Do you have a problem with that?”

Lizzy was quiet for a moment. “No. I can do it.”

“You’re damn right you can do it. Look, Lizzy, if you’re not going to pull your weight on this, tell me now. We need to raise funds. We’re struggling and the Lighthouse is, too. We need a steady influx of money to keep the doors open. We need more staff, and we can’t even pay them right now. If it wasn’t for Luke leaving, we wouldn’t be able to pay our bills. We’ve lost a lot of money because of you.”

Lizzy took a deep breath. “Cut my pay.”

“Lizzy, that’s not what I’m asking.”

“I know. Cut it in half until after the Calgary fundraisers. If I’m only speaking to the secular side, I’ll be fine. I never do well at churches. Promise I’ll only speak at businesses and secular groups, and I’ll be able to bring in some solid donations.”

Melissa thought for a moment. “I wasn’t planning on having you speak to a church ever again. I won’t cut your salary, though. I need you focused, not worrying about how you’re living off your credit cards.”

Lizzy snorted. “I work non-profit. I already live off my credit cards.”

That broke the tension a little and Melissa chuckled. “For what it’s worth, Lizzy, I know you care a lot about the people upstairs. I don’t think for a moment that you would do anything, intentionally, to hurt them.”

More tears formed in Lizzy’s eyes as she stared up at the ground-level window that skimmed the top of her walls. “No, I wouldn’t.”

****

By mid-afternoon, it was clear that Lizzy was coming down with a cold and she was promptly sent home by Melissa. There was a strict no-working-when-sick rule for floor staff and Lizzy did spend a fair amount of time on the main floor with the community. She needed to be healthy. She rarely got sick, having been exposed to way too many viruses to count, but the stress of the last week had done her in.

So Lizzy packed up her work and headed home to the comfort of her pajamas and hot tea. She thought about doing paperwork, but her head was already filling up and cloudy, so she pulled out her sewing machine. Mom had three wedding dress orders for Christmas weddings, and was too busy to make the geek apparel messenger bags for an upcoming fantasy convention with a big named author attending. With only a month to go, and the bags their biggest seller, Lizzie had promised Dad she’d make as many as she could to help him out.

Her parents were always good about paying for her time, too. She would do it anyway, but her father insisted on paying her a commission on anything she made. Lizzy had little tags made that said Made in Canada by Lizzy B. and she took gleeful pride in attaching them to all of her designs.

She started on a dozen with two twenty-sided dice stitched into the bag’s flap, each with a different slogan. She also added an eight-sided die attached to a keychain as the zipper puller.

She knew her Dad’s customers.

The side door opened and closed and Jane stared at Lizzy in surprise. “What are you doing home?”

“Contagious.”

Jane used her cane to help herself up the stairs and into the house.

“You okay?”

“Lizzy, we need to talk.”

“Uh-oh,” Lizzy replied, but put her fabric to one side and turned off the sewing machine and iron. “What’s up?”

Jane pulled up a chair and sat at the table. “I’ve been thinking about Charles a lot lately.”

“Oh, Jane.” Lizzy squeezed her sister’s hand, “He’s such a jerk.”

“I don’t think he is,” Jane said, with sadness in her voice. “But that’s not what I’ve been thinking about.”

“What then?”

She took a deep breath, “What he saw in me.”

“Oh, Jane,” Lizzy said. “You’re wonderful.”

Jane smiled and leaned back in the chair. “When I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize myself. I sleep with a bat now, because if someone breaks into the house, I can’t even run away.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I will never skate again.”

Lizzy’s breath hitched in her throat.

“I’ve been so depressed.”

Lizzy’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, Jane. If I could have changed that night, I wouldn’t have called you.”

“See, that’s what I realized. Back then, if I’d known what would happen to me, I still would have gotten in the car to pick you up.” Jane smiled.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think it’s time. I don’t blame Mary for wanting to celebrate her eighteenth birthday at a bar. I don’t blame you for going with her. I don’t blame the two of you for getting drunk.” Jane drew in a breath. “And I don’t blame you for calling me to come pick you up.”

Tears spilled out of Lizzy’s eyes. “I’m so, so very sorry, Jane.”

Jane shook her head. “No, see, you have nothing to be sorry about. How were you supposed to know that I’d get into an accident? I’ve realized that my leg and my skating are a small price to pay for your lives. It’s taken me a long time to realize that, but I wouldn’t change anything about that night.”

“Jane…”

“No, Lizzy, listen to me. Mary has forgiven herself. You haven’t.” Jane looked down at her leg. “It’s time you stop wanting to change that night.”

“If I had—”

“No. No. No. You did
not
cause that guy to run the red light. You didn’t know, when I didn’t show up, that I was unconscious in a car. You didn’t know, when you took the taxi home and sneaked into the house with Mary that everyone was at the hospital. You didn’t know.”