Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (23 page)

           
“Thanks for coming.” Luke said while
he shrugged on his coat.

           
“Still haven’t heard from her?” Sam
asked worriedly.

           
Luke shook his head quickly before
he stepped around them. “Ava’s in the living room.”

He
said, jogging towards his truck, the snow heavy as it fell around him. Sam
sighed heavily and walked into the house, leaving Nick standing in the doorway
watching after Luke, wondering if he’d ever quit chasing away everyone else’s
problems.

* * * * *

           
Cara made her way back to Riverdale.
An hour ride turned into three due to the weather conditions. Yet she made it
back in one piece and now she sat in the basement of the Saint Bernard’s church
reciting the Serenity prayer along with her peers that battle addiction every
day. Some were strangers, others were familiar faces she had seen at previous
meetings.

           
“God grant us the serenity to accept
the things we cannot change; Courage to change the things we can; And wisdom to
know the difference.” They prayed in unison before the group leader who was
also a minister spoke.

           
“Before we begin I’d like to take a
moment to congratulate Cynthia on one hundred and eighty days of sobriety.” He
stood and walked over to her handing her a pin to commemorate her
accomplishment. Everyone, including Cara, clapped proudly.

           
Cynthia stood up after hugging the
minister and looked around the small group of people. “One hundred and eighty
days may seem like nothing to some people, but it has been an eternity for me.
There were good days like today, today is a really good day. And there were bad
days, but I found the courage to make it through those days. I want to be clean
because for the first time in my life I am dreaming. Dreaming of all the things
I can be and that I can have. I’m determined not to let drugs take my dreams
from me. My dreams are too important to throw away and I learned that with the
help of my sponsor. I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out because
I don’t and I don’t know if I ever will. But I recommend for anyone who is
struggling with addiction to have a sponsor. I don’t know where I’d be without
mine.”

           
Cara listened to Cynthia intently
and then watched as she sat down. She was greeted with more applause and then
she walked over to who Cara assumed was her sponsor and hugged the older
gentleman.

           
“Do we have any volunteers to start
us off this evening?” The minister asked once Cynthia found her seat.

           
Cara found herself raising her hand
and the minister’s eyes fell onto her.
 
He nodded encouragingly.

           
“My name is Cara and I am an addict.
I’m 93 days clean.” She said with a small smile and then looked down at her
hands that sat in her lap. “But tonight I almost gave into my demons.” She
glanced up and saw she had everyone’s undivided attention. “I drove into Pine
Bush to buy my boyfriend a Christmas present.” She paused for a moment,
allowing the fact that she had called Luke her boyfriend, for the first time,
to settle in. “The girl who rang me up was polite and stayed open until I
finished my purchase, even though her dad was waiting outside to drive her
home. There was something familiar about her eyes, but I couldn’t place it.
Then I was getting into my car and I watched as her dad helped her pull the
gate down to the store. He turned around and I stared at him. I stared at my
father, whom I hadn’t seen in fifteen years. The man who couldn’t pick up the
pieces of his life, when his wife died, leaving him to be a single parent. He
took away my childhood, he broke me, and he beat me and when I left, he never
even looked for me.” She wiped at her eyes. “There he was standing across the
street being the perfect dad to another girl. The pain cut me like a knife
slicing open every wound I thought was closed. And the only thing I wanted to
do was erase the pain and the only way I knew how was to pop as many pain
killers as I could.” She lifted her gaze and met the minister’s. “I drove here
instead.”

           
“You made a good decision Cara, you
didn’t give in.” The minister said.

           
“I didn’t want to. I wanted to get
high. It was my first instinct.” Cara said confused.

           
“And it may always be but you have
to find your way to overcome that instinct.” He said.

           
“I’m sober four years and it’s still
my first instinct when something goes wrong.” This came a dark hair young man
sitting in the back, Cara turned to face him as he spoke.
 
“But it’s easier now to choose my sobriety
over shooting heroin.”

           
“If you don’t have one already you
should really try to find a sponsor. It makes it so much easier to talk to
someone who has been there, done that, you know?” Cynthia added.

           
“And you might want to reach out to
your father. If you resolve the issue, it can’t tear you down anymore.” The
minister offered.

           
Cara took in their words of advice
and listened on as they encouraged her to fight for her sobriety. She was her
own hero, now, had it inked to her skin and all. She just needed to believe
those words. The hour flew by and before she knew it, she had exchanged phone
numbers with Cynthia and her sponsor, he had someone for her to meet who may be
interesting in being a sponsor. To her surprise as the meeting broke, she began
to feel better. She would make it through she just needed to focus on the
positive things in her life and learn to stop letting her shitty past drag her
down. She was going to hook up with a sponsor and maybe make a call to her
therapist at Lakeview in the morning. She stepped out into the blistering cold.
It was really coming down, making it barely visible to see three feet in front
of her, yet there was no mistaking the figure that leaned against the railing
of the church steps.

           
Luke glanced upward and pushed off
the bannister. He stood straight and she watched his shoulders slump in relief
the minute his eyes found hers. She broke their stare when someone called
goodbye to her. She returned the gesture and then walked down the steps to
Luke. When she approached the last step she was eye level with him and went to
open her mouth to speak but he cut her off immediately.

           
“You ever do that to me again, I’m
done, Cara, just done.” He said his eyes locking onto hers, his lips a thin
line and his voice gruff and struggling for control. He was at his limit.

           
“Luke…” She started not sure what to
say.

           
“Get in the car and for the love of
God, do not fight with me. We’ll get your car tomorrow.”
 
He turned around not waiting for her and
started for his truck.

           
She chose not to argue and followed
him down the path to his truck. He didn’t bother to open the door for her, and
that was completely not in his character. She knew then he was pissed and
seriously pissed at her. He shook the snow off himself before he climbed into
his truck. The engine purred to life and he pulled out of the spot. They were about
two blocks down when she found her voice.

           
“Okay, I get your mad, but…” She
said with a sigh. She should’ve called when she got to the church.

           
“Mad? You think I’m mad?” He shifted
the car into park in the middle of the snowy road and turned to face her. She
raised an eyebrow as she looked at him. “Three hours.” He gripped the steering
wheel before he slammed his fist into it. “Three hours.” He growled.

           
“Luke…”

           
“No Cara, you don’t get it.” He
turned and pierced her with a steady look. “I understand this is your battle
with addiction and not mine. But I have seen you through every step of your
recovery. You don’t get to tell me you need a pill and then I don’t hear from
you for three hours. You might not like what I’m about to say and you might not
be ready to listen to it, but it’s high time I said it. You became my
responsibility the moment I peeled you off of Jake’s lifeless body. You became
my second chance the day you asked me for help. You became mine the day you
made amends at Lakeview. You became mine to love the night you kissed me in my
truck. You became mine, Cara. I look after what’s mine. I worry about what’s
mine. I love what’s mine. I cherish what is mine with every fiber of my being.”
He swallowed and watched as she absorbed his words. “The last three hours have
been the longest three hours of my fucking life.” He said hoarsely. “Now I’m
taking you home to my house and I don’t care if you don’t say a word to me all
night. You are staying with me. You’re sleeping in my bed, with my arms wrapped
around you, and for completely selfish reasons. So that I know you’re safe and
that you’re mine.”

           
Cara stared at him. Her voice
unfounded as she reeled from his words. She was his, his to love. Luke loved
her? He cherished her? A sad reality loomed over her. Everyone who loved her,
she lost. Everything she loved died.

           
Luke pulled into his snow covered
driveway and shifted the car into park, turning it off, he glanced at Cara.
They hadn’t uttered a word to one another on the drive back to his house. He
blew out a breath when she pushed open her door and climbed out of the truck,
slamming the door behind her. It was safe to say that his little show outside
the church ticked her off. Rightfully so, after the day she had. He sighed and
got out of his truck. She was waiting at the door for him and he wondered for a
moment, why she didn’t use her own key.

           
He went to shove his key into the
lock when the door swung open by Nick who was chomping away on an apple.

           
“Look babe, the snow bunnies are
home safe and sound.” He said as he chewed. Cara rolled her eyes and brushed
past Nick. He turned and watched as Luke took off his coat. “Was it something I
said?”

           
“More like something I said.” Luke
replied and looked at his friend. “Don’t ask.”

           
“You know there’s no fun in that.”
Nick said, taking another chunk out of his apple.

           
“Where’s Ava?” Luke said, ignoring
him.

           
“She fell asleep about twenty
minutes ago.” He studied Luke for a moment. “So you’re really not going to give
me any gossip.”

           
“You’re really becoming too in touch
with your feminine side.” Luke said flatly and walked into the living room. No
Cara. He walked towards the kitchen and stopped short when he heard her talking
to Sam.

           
“I’m sorry he called you guys over
here. I know you probably have a ton of shit to do before you leave tomorrow
night.” Cara said softly.

           
“Are you kidding me? It’s no big
deal, I’m just glad you’re okay. Luke was really bent out of shape when he
called. He was worried.”

           
“I get it but he takes things to the
extreme.” Cara said. “My phone died.”

           
Sam bit down on her lip, hesitating
for the slightest moment. “Cara did Luke ever bring up Marie to you?”

           
Cara drew her eyebrows together
while shaking her head. “No, why?”

           
“Well, it’s just you guys are
getting close and I figured he would’ve mentioned…” She was cut off by the
swinging door. Luke stepped into the kitchen and his eyes shot to Cara.

           
“Babe, you ready?” Nick asked from
behind Luke. “The snow tapered off, I say we blow this popsicle stand before we
get stuck with Grumpy over here.” He said pointing his thumb at Luke.

           
“I’m not grumpy.” Luke mumbled
miserably.

           
Cara looked at Nick. “Do you mind
dropping me off on the way?” She turned to Luke. “I can’t stay here and leave
Benny by himself.”

           
“I picked up Benny hours ago.” Luke
said flatly. He had picked up Benny when he first went in search for Cara,
hoping he would catch her at her apartment.

           
“Benny is upstairs. He followed Nick
when he carried Ava to bed.” Sam offered, watching Luke’s face falter.

           
“Oh.” Cara said as the intensity in
Luke’s eyes ripped through her.

           
Sam stood up and walked over to
Cara, giving her a tight hug. Sensing the tension between Luke and Cara she
leaned into her ear.

           
“Give him a break.” Sam whispered
pulling back and turning to her brother. She kissed his cheek.

           
“Thanks for coming.” He said
roughly.

           
“Anytime, we’ll call you tomorrow
before we leave.” She said with a smile.

           
“Cara, glad to see you’re in one
piece.” Nick said with a nod before turning to Luke. “Pull the stick out of
your ass, Grumpy.”

           
Luke ignored Nick while keeping his
gaze steady on Cara. A few moments later he heard the front door close and knew
they were alone.

           
“You mind explaining why you’re
angry with me? He said as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against
the doorway of the kitchen.”

           
“I don’t know Luke, let’s see, I saw
my old man who I haven’t seen in what? Fifteen years? The man I despise more
than anything, the man who was supposed to raise me and nurture me not beat the
shit out of me and verbally abuse me. There he was being the ideal father to
another young girl. Seeing him and her, my sister…” She said the words as if
they were venom on the tip of her tongue. “It made me remember how weak, I am…
and how I can’t face a goddamn problem on my own without any sort of aide. I
wanted to get high, so bad and just forget I ever saw them but I didn’t. I
drove myself to a meeting. I’m standing in front of you right now and I’m clean
and I’m not ignoring that I was thrown for a loop today and that it cut me
deep. I needed to be able to do that for myself.” She swallowed and watched him
drop his hands to his side. “My phone died. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring
you. I wasn’t trying to drive you crazy with worry. I was just trying not to
fuck up my sobriety and that was my number one concern.” She paused and looked
away. “You deserve better than me Luke. You deserve someone who you can rely on
because the entire fucking world relies on you. You deserve someone who can put
you first because you’ve put everyone else first. I can’t be that person right
now. I don’t know if I can ever put you before my sobriety and the struggle to
hold onto it.” She ran her fingers through her hair roughly.

           
He blinked. “What are you saying
right now?” His heart was in his throat.

           
Her shoulders slumped as she drew
out a breath. “I’m saying I’m sorry.” She stepped closer to him. “Luke, I’m so
scared of everything right now. I’m scared of what I saw today, of how I felt
and most of all, after listening to you at the church, I’m scared of losing
you.”

           
“I’m not going anywhere.” He said in
that gruff tone of his before he let out a sigh of relief. He understood that
she was dealing with a lot and one minute she felt one way and the next
another, but the push and pull of it all was driving him mad. He wasn’t used to
not being in control of a situation and then he realized he hadn’t been in
control over anything since Jake passed away. Not saving him. Not honoring his
promise. Not falling for Cara. Not a damn thing.

           
“Maybe not now,” She realized sadly.

           
He lifted her chin with his
forefinger and shook his head when her eyes met his. “Not ever. I am not going
anywhere.” He cupped her face in the palms of his hand and bent his knees to be
level with her mouth and pressed his against hers softly. He placed his lips to
hers in a series of featherlike kisses and then pulled back and searched her
eyes.

           
“There are things about your past,
like things with your father that I don’t know the whole story about. I don’t
know the magnitude of what he’s done to you. I wasn’t paying attention back
then, but I am now.”

           
“Well to be fair, I didn’t pay much
attention to you either.” She said with a hint of a smile. “But I’m willing to listen…
now.” She raised an eyebrow towards him, Sam’s lingering words about Marie,
playing over in her mind.

           
He tilted his head to the side and
tried not to laugh. “If you are curious about something, just ask.” He said
simply.

           
“Well, Marie was kind of a closed
topic with Jake. Aside from death threats he never spoke her name.” She said
seriously, but saw the smile creep along Luke’s face at the mention of Jake and
the way he despised Marie.

           
“You know he liked her at one
point.” He said thoughtfully and took her hand leading her into the living
room. They sat together on the couch and he turned his body to her.

           
“Maybe so, but not after she did you
and Ava dirty… Christ he loathed her. There were few people on his hate list,
but Marie and my dad were front-runners for the top of the list.”

 
Luke spread his arm across the back of the
couch and settled into the crook of the couch.

           
“What I told you before, outside the
church? I meant. I take care of what’s mine. Marie was mine. I really thought
she and I could do it, you know? We weren’t kids when she got pregnant. I mean,
sure it probably wasn’t the perfect time to have a baby. Nick had left for
Seattle and I had no choice but to start Lanza Automotive up on my own, but I
knew at the end of the day it would be okay. I could do it on my own and now I
had even more of a reason to get my act together. I was going to be a dad.” He
smiled and remembered being a young guy just starting out in life and being
told he was going to be a dad. It didn’t scare him half as much as he thought
it would. “I took extra classes in trade school and finished just as Marie was
approaching her due date. She was excited throughout the pregnancy.”

           
“I remember you guys didn’t want to
know the sex of the baby.” Cara said as a memory hit her. She and Jake were in
the Lanza kitchen when Luke came home one night with the latest sonogram photo.
She remembered Jake beamed at his brother and ask if he was going to be an
Uncle or an Aunt. She laughed out loud and Luke looked at her curiously. “I
remembered one night you came home, me and Jake were in your mom’s kitchen. I
think you had just come home from seeing Marie and you showed Jake the sonogram
photo and he asked if he was going to be an Uncle or an Aunt?”

           
Luke smiled and bit back a chuckle
trying to remember that night, he faintly did. “I didn’t want to know and come
to think of it, she didn’t care either way. I guess that should’ve been a red
flag, but I was just happy she allowed me one of life’s few surprises.”

           
“That’s sweet.” Cara said, squeezing
his thigh affectionately. He glanced down at her hand on his thigh and watched
her fingertips trail inside his thigh. “So everything was going fine, what
changed?” She asked and he looked up at her confused for a moment until he
remembered what they were talking about.

           
“I asked her to marry me.” He said
flatly.

           
“What?” Cara said wide-eyed. How
could she not have known that Luke was engaged?

           
“She said no. She said that we were
having a baby and that was enough. Our life was complicated as it was without
adding to it. I didn’t like that answer and told her I wasn’t going to be a
part time dad. I wanted her to move in with me, be my wife, and raise our kid
together. I thought that’s what she wanted too.” He shook his head. “Before she
went into labor, she told me she couldn’t be the woman I needed.” He stared at
Cara and wondered if she made the parallel.

           
“The funny thing is I didn’t know
what I needed back then.” He shrugged his shoulders.

           
“Do you know now?” Cara whispered.

           
“I don’t need much to make me happy
Cara. I need someone in my life that wants to be there as much as I want her to
be. I need someone who doesn’t look at Ava as my child, but someone who could
one day look at her as hers too.”

           
“That’s all that you need in this
world?”

           
“The love of a good woman is all any
man really needs, isn’t it?”

           
“I’m not a man, I wouldn’t know.”
She winked.

           
“I noticed.” He said with a smirk as
his eyes traveled to her chest. She laughed and hit his leg playfully.

           
“Go on…” She urged and repositioned
herself on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her.

           
He sighed, trying to tear his eyes
from her chest. “I was angry with her. The last few weeks of her pregnancy, we
barely spoke. She had a doctor’s appointment every week and, other than taking
her to and from the appointment, she wanted nothing to do with me. I honestly
remember being scared she wouldn’t call when she went into labor but she did.
Her aunt took her to the hospital and I met them there.”

           
“Where were her parents?”

           
“Her parents moved down to Florida
when we first started dating. She didn’t want to leave New York and stayed with
her Aunt Vicky. Anyhow, she had a rough delivery.”

           
“That I remember. I was at the
hospital.” She smiled as she remembered waiting in the waiting room with the
Lanza’s.