Five Go Glamping (14 page)

‘Sounds like a plan.’ said Kirk.

‘Best idea I’ve heard all week.’ said Sinead ‘Though I have another idea too, instead of the four, – sorry five of us if you include Brian Harvey – sitting in this tent, which to be honest is not fit for a family of gnomes, how about we go back to the nice comfortable yurt instead?’

‘Now that
is
a plan.’

I would have liked Brian Harvey to have barked here, but by reading his face, he didn’t seem arsed at all.

Chapter Thirteen

It was nice to wake up in the comfy bed in the yurt without Brian Harvey barnacled to my face. I stretched and automatically began reaching for my phone when I realised there was absolutely no point. I had no schedules to check, no To Do lists to tick off. I could sleep in the whole morning if I wanted to. I closed my eyes and started to drift off but the sound of laughter outside jolted me awake again. Steph was doing her flirty laugh and I heard Weird Beard do his guffawing in response.

I stuck my head out of the yurt, and saw Steph throwing her head back laughing and Sinead sitting cross legged with Crazy Trousers in some kind of meditation pose. He had his eyes shut and so did Sinead, except she kept peeping out of one of hers.

‘Fiona, come and join us, we’re having vegan eggs and cheating bacon,’ said Weird Beard. ‘There’s mushroom sausage as well.’

I didn’t bother responding to that and just hurled myself back on to the bed. Flipping vegan eggs. I couldn’t think of anything less appealing so I got up and pulled on my dress and my Converse so I could wander down to the shop and get some sausages which were made of actual sausage. Once outside, Weird Beard had prepared me a bowl of vegan eggs but I couldn’t work out what the hell it was so I said ‘No thanks, I’m just going to take Brian Harvey for a walk.’

‘I’ll keep it warm for when you get back.’

‘Thanks,’ I said, thinking how revolting it would be when I’d been gone for half an hour. The clock on my phone said it was half eight which was a stupid time to be up on your holidays. I made my way out of the site the way we had come in and followed the road around. I felt uncomfortable not having plans for the rest of the day, but I felt relaxed strolling the country lanes with Brian Harvey. I was aware I was walking towards the pub, but thought Sam wouldn’t be close to being up yet. Thinking about Sam, while it still made me feel excited, made me feel guilty again and I still felt embarrassed at thinking he was going to kiss me. My thoughts turned to Connor and seeing him the day before and how different my feelings were when I was with him, compared to how I felt with Sam. How I’d felt absolutely nothing and he’d felt like a stranger. Maybe it was the strange environment we were in and perhaps I was even feeling a little guilty about flirting with Sam which was why it felt so awkward between us. Whatever it was, I didn’t want to think about it any more.

As I passed the pub I saw the front door was ajar and I could hear shouting and banging from inside. I picked up Brian Harvey and with curiosity getting the better of me went to look, wondering what the hell was going on.

‘Hello?’ I shouted and pushed the door open.

‘Who is it?’ he shouted from the little room behind the bar.

‘It’s Fiona,’ I said, feeling self-conscious.

He poked his head from around the kitchen and said ‘It’s half past eight in the morning. You must be desperate for a drink I’d say.’

‘I was just passing,’ I said. ‘Came to see what all the shouting was about.’

‘I’m seeing if I can do something with the kitchen. Hang on a second,’ he said. He threw a towel over his shoulder and wiped his brow. ‘Come in, you want a cup of tea? I’ve got some sausages on if the little fella’s hungry.’

I nodded.

‘And a sarnie for you, is it?’

I nodded again. ‘Yes please.’

‘It was fun yesterday, eh?’ he said, popping behind into a white tiled room.

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘It was a good laugh. Is it always like that in here?’

‘It was a lot more fun with you here. But yeah, we’re normally that quiet,’ he said.

‘How do you stay open?’ I said.

‘I was hoping this weekend would cover things for a while,’ he said. ‘But I didn’t get anyone to come and do the kitchen and it means I’m going to lose a lot of money. Might have to shut up.’

He stirred a great big mug of builders’ tea and plonked it in front of me and went out the back, where I heard a grill sizzle and the smell of bacon.

‘Can’t you do it yourself?’ I shouted in the back to him.

‘I’ll have a go, that’s for sure, but I won’t be able to feed anyone.’

‘How do you know you are going to be busy? It doesn’t look like anyone ever comes in here.’

Again he poked his head around the door.

‘Yeah, well today’s different.’

‘How?’ I said.

‘Today is day three of the festival.’ He leant against the doorway, his arms folded. ‘On day one people don’t even think about food, everyone’s too busy having a good time. We’ll get the odd festival goer in here who stumbles upon it by accident or late arrivals or someone maybe sneaking in for a lock in. A couple of people will even realise they can get a nice pint in a real glass for a lot less than a plastic cup of cider so we’ll have a few wander up.’

‘Okay,’ I said ‘So what happens on day three?’

He waved a finger to stop me saying anything further. ‘Next we have day two. On day two of the festival, most people are hungover, waking up in their tents, feeling a bit worse for wear. They won’t stray too far and they won’t want to miss the bands or feel like they are missing out.’

‘And then day three?’ I said

‘Yeah, day three. Today.’ he said, ducking back inside the kitchen. ‘People are hungover but without any of the initial buzz of excitement. Word has got out there’s a cosy little pub up the road, they come seeking a nice pint and some pub food. Best day of the year usually, the takings cover me for a few months.’

‘A few months?’ I said, unable to imagine the place being at all full.

‘Yeah. So do you fancy it?’

‘What?’

‘The job?’ He returned from the kitchen and placed a plate in front of me.

‘What? I can’t. I’ve already got a job and I don’t live here.’ Or at least, I did have a job, I thought.

‘Not a permanent job,’ he said laughing ‘Just helping me out for the day. Are you too busy? Can you cook?’

I wasn’t sure if he was mocking me or not. Brian Harvey looked up at me waiting for a response. I considered Sam’s question about whether I was busy or not. What exactly would I be doing the rest of the day? Wondering what Connor was up to? Checking my phone every few minutes to see if he had texted me? Changing my mind about my future every few minutes and eating mung bean soup, whilst doing yoga and some bullshit meditation?

‘No,’ I said before I could stop the words coming out of my mouth ‘I’m not busy and I’d love to help.’

‘You sure?’ he said, ‘I mean, I can’t pay you much, but I’ll pay you the usual plus, say twenty per cent of the takings?’

‘Yeah, why not?’ I said, thinking what a genius idea this was, and took a bite of the crispiest bacon sandwich on the softest white bloomer bread I ever tasted.

‘Okay then,’ he said. ‘Well, finish your breakfast off and we’ll get started.’

Maybe Sinead was right, if you wanted opportunities to come your way, you had to make room for them – and what could be better than spending a day doing what I loved. Cooking for all those people. I beamed at the thought of it. And I would get to spend the day with Sam as well. I told myself I was sensible enough not to let this attraction I felt towards him get in the way of anything.

‘Cool,’ I said with my mouth full and Brian Harvey gave an appropriately timed approving little woof. He was getting good at this.

Brian Harvey jumped up onto one of the armchairs by the fire and snuggled down, making himself comfortable as Sam opened the hatch of the bar and led me through into the kitchen.

‘What the bloody hell is this?’ I said, unable to believe my eyes when I saw the state of the place. ‘Did you actually cook me that sandwich in here? It’s absolutely bloody filthy!’

Sam shrugged and carried on chewing on his bacon sandwich. ‘It’s fine. The hot plate is clean.’

I reached out a hand to touch one of the surfaces but thought better of it. It had a greasy yellow film over it, but at least the hotplate did look like it was clean.

‘How am I meant to cook anything in here?’ I said, in horror. ‘And it’s so tiny. It’s…’

‘It needs a bit of a wipe down is all.’

‘I’m surprised you haven’t been shut down, no wonder you don’t have any customers. Has it always been like this?’

‘It will only take ten minutes to give it a scrub,’ he said.

‘Ten minutes? You’re flipping joking aren’t you? This place is disgusting. Look at it. This is going to take us ages.’

‘Nah, it will be fine,’ he said. ‘You’ll be done in no time.’

‘You cheeky…’ I was about to have a go at him when I realised that whilst he was a lot easier on the eye than Juliet and Doris, he was still my employer for the day. I wondered if it had always been like this. How long had he been living here – in this scruffy pub, going nowhere, not bothered whether he succeeded or failed? Not to mention his scruffy clothes, which I noticed as I glanced over he was starting to remove. He pulled his Farmer Giles jumper over his head, revealing a long sleeved white T-shirt. His T-shirt lifted a little and I caught a glimpse of his torso which made me go red again.

‘I’m only joking,’ he said and winked at me. ‘I’ll give you a hand. He rolled the T-shirt up as far as he could over his forearms .He was definitely a lot easier on the eye than Doris and nowhere near as miserable.

‘Come on then. Let’s get going,’ he pulled a metal bucket out from under the sink and lifted it easily, then cracked open a bottle of bleach. Then he wiped his brow with the inside of his arm like he was in some very bizarre diet coke break ad but one set in a scruffy pub.

This was going to take ages was my final thought. And then I rolled my sleeves up and got on with it.

I had to give it to Sam, he was certainly laidback but he was showing himself to be hard working as he got really stuck into the cleaning. We took half of the small kitchen each – me cleaning down the shelves and the storage areas and Sam taking the grill, the wall tiles and the extractor hood. He had four microwave ovens that he soon had sparkling, and he seemed to think that was the most important part. At first in the confined space, we had been profusely apologising every time we accidentally brushed past each other, but by the end of the first hour, we were so used to practically sitting on top of each other that we’d gotten over the whole embarrassment of the close proximity. We got to know each other a lot more intimately than some couples probably ever did and I can’t say I minded.

‘Right, that should do it,’ I said, feeling proud and surveying my work. Sam wiped down the last of the surfaces on his side and tossed the dishcloth into the sink. It was satisfying to do some physical work, to transform that horror of a kitchen into something sparkling and fresh. It was such a change from moving figures from one software package to another and answering calls and emails and messages from unsatisfied customers. I felt thrilled when I thought about how I could end this day with customers who were satisfied, rather than complaining, and my thoughts turned to wondering what I could create for them. There was a hint of nerves as I wondered what I would cook up. I was used to planning my own meals so far in advance, how on earth was I going to sort out what could be hundreds of meals for tons of people with only a few hours to go?

‘Right then, now all we need is some food,’ Sam said as if reading my mind.

Chapter Fourteen

Within minutes we were heading towards Sam’s rickety car with Brian Harvey in tow.

‘How did you let the kitchen get into that state?’ I asked.

‘It wasn’t always like that. When I wasn’t on my own,’ he said but he didn’t add more. It was so easy and comfortable talking to him, but I didn’t want to pry.

We drove away from the pub towards the sea. While I was daunted by the task ahead and apprehensive about hungry festival crowds, I was enjoying the surroundings and today I felt more like I had been on holiday than I had in the last few days, even though technically I was having a day at work. I wished I could spend all my working days like this.

‘Do you want to stop for a coffee or something?’ Sam said as we sped down a winding country lane so narrow the bushes hit the car on both sides.

‘Do we have time for that? It’s getting on for ten. We haven’t even bought the food yet. How long is it going to take to cook? We haven’t even sorted out a menu…’

He interrupted me by laughing. ‘Are you always like this?’

‘Like what?’ I said

‘Doing everything at a hundred miles an hour, so… fast paced. Wanting to plan every last little detail. Relax, there will be plenty of time. Let’s stop and get a coffee. What’s the worst that could happen?’

‘We could end up with queues out the door because we’re not ready.’

‘That’s a good thing. We’ll sell more drink while they are waiting.’

I supposed he was right. I hadn’t thought about it like that.

‘And what if people leave because they are fed up of waiting. It could get a bit stressful.’

‘How do you know what’s going to happen? How do you know that it’s not all going to be fine.’

‘I don’t.’ I said. ‘It might be.’

‘It will be. And if it’s not, well then that will be fine too. That’s the trouble with too much planning. You don’t know what’s going to happen so it’s pointless planning for anything.’

It was uncomfortable to admit to myself, but he was right and the same applied to all the planning I did. I thought I was planning for the future, when all I was really planning for was to prevent a worse outcome. My Five Year Happiness Plan was nothing to do with planning for happiness. It was all about avoiding terrible things. All of it. Applying for Doris’s job was all because I was scared of not having a job at all, and all the saving up to buy a place was because I was scared of being in a place where I had no stability, so security. As for Connor, it wasn’t that I was scared of being alone, it was more that he represented security and stability too. It was frightening to me to consider ending things with Connor, so I tried to put it to the back of my head. I wasn’t even sure if I did feel anything like stability being with Connor and I thought I wanted to be in a relationship where I’d be made to feel safe.