Fixer-Upper (Spinning Hills Romance 3) (20 page)

“I weigh them daily, and feed the ones who’ve gained the least first. Today that would be Biggie and Milo. Here’s Biggie. He’s the one I’ve bonded with most. There’s definitely no way I’m giving him up.” He handed her the first puppy and showed her how to feed him. It was a difficult task because Marissa smelled soft and feminine, and it was hard not to lean in closer than necessary. “Um, you need to be very careful. I pet them, to calm them down while they feed. If they get too desperate, the vet said they could get aspiration pneumonia or drown.”

Johnny began feeding Milo, and they settled into a comfortable, companionable silence.

“Who should I feed next?” Marissa asked when she was finished with Biggie.

Johnny pointed to a golden pup. “Chico.”

Marissa picked him up and carefully began the process again. “How often do you feed them?” she asked, when he was finished with Pas.

Johnny picked up Pepito. “Every four hours, but they can go six hours without feeding during the night.”

“I’m so sorry!” she gasped, her own puppy-eyes showing surprise and remorse. “I had no idea it would be so much work, but I should have known. I should’ve at least asked. And I should definitely be helping you out. How have you managed?”

Johnny let out a soft chuckle. “You ask about them all the time. Every day, in fact. I told you, Sam and Jake have been helping me out. Sam comes home for lunch, and he feeds them then, often with Dan or Cassie’s help, and Jake can’t wait to feed them in the afternoons when he gets home from school. He’s really bonded with Chico, and Cassie’s going to keep him for him. But we’re keeping them all together for now so they can get socialized. The vet, Tara, has come out to help, too.”

“I’ll bet she has,” Marissa muttered, without looking up. Johnny gave her a sharp look, thinking he’d detected some jealousy there, but he couldn’t see her face and she was probably just teasing him about his messed-up love life, the same as everyone else did.

“Ruby, Sherry, and your grandmother have been checking in on them during the day, since they’re so close by,” he continued. “But they get started on puppy mush next week, so it should get easier.”

“My parents are thinking of taking one. The only thing is they want to travel during the summer months and they’d need someone to take care of it.”

“I could take care of another one during the summers.”

Marissa smiled brightly. “I think that’ll seal the deal.”

They were quiet again and Marissa picked up Pas. “I think I like Pas best.”

“Why?” he asked.

“He’s barely whimpered. He’s just patiently waited his turn, like he doesn’t mind letting everyone else go first. And look at him now, he’s the only one who’s looked at me, and he looks so grateful!”

Kind of like you
, he thought as Marissa smiled down at the puppy, looking head over heels lost in love. Maybe he’d keep Pas, too. So Marissa could visit him when she needed a puppy fix.

“Why do you like Biggie the best?” she asked.

Johnny shrugged. “I think it’s because he gives me the most trouble,” he said, and Marissa laughed. Johnny grinned. “It’s true. He’s the rabble-rouser, always waking the other ones up and trying to get them up to mischief. He’s the runt of the litter, and yet he’s the only one trying to explore and get away. But he’s considerate, too, always cuddling up to whoever’s whimpering the most.”

“In other words, he’s kind of like you.” She smiled and his heart expanded.

Sure, it meant she thought he was a rabble-rousing mischief-maker, but she also thought he was considerate and cuddly. “I thought the same thing about you when you were talking about Pas.”

She looked taken aback by that, but she looked down at Pas with a thoughtful expression. “Maybe. All I know is, you did a really nice thing, taking them in like this. I’ll try to help out more, okay? I’m sorry I haven’t helped at all.”

“Pas and Biggie make a great team, you know,” he couldn’t help adding. “They’re always looking out for each other.”

“Right. Like brother and sister.” She looked at him pointedly and he laughed.

“You always do that,” she mumbled under her breath. “You did it outside and you’re doing it again.”

“Do what?” he asked.

She hesitated. “Use humor as your shield and armor.”

“Um, what?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“No. You can always speak your mind with me, Marissa. I want to hear what you’re thinking. Even if I don’t agree.”

Marissa finished feeding Pas, but she didn’t put her down. Instead, she cuddled her in her lap and petted her with her fingers. Finally, she looked up at him and met his eyes. “A little while ago, you said you were teasing Holly and Cassie about showering, you know.. . naked.” Her eyes flitted away when she said that last word and he had to bite down on his lip to keep from smiling. “What were you all talking about just before you teased them?”

Johnny sat back and tried to remember. “They were worried and fussing about me staying here.”

“And you deflected their worries with humor. See?”

Johnny considered what she was saying and shrugged. “I like people to feel comfortable around me, and I like seeing them happy. My teasing got Cassie and Holly to quit fussing over me, and it got you to stop feeling awkward.”

“But just now, you did it because I was saying something nice about you.”

“Maybe. But you have trouble accepting compliments, too, you know,” he pointed out. Not to get even, but because it was a good moment to speak up. “You always deflect them by shining the spotlight on someone or something else.”

“I know,” she said. “I have a hard time with attention. It makes my skin crawl.” She sent him a lopsided grin before concentrating on petting Pas again. “But it’s different with you . . .”

“Go on,” he said. He could see her throat work as she gathered courage. Though he knew he didn’t want to hear what she had to say, he felt the need to consider it.

“You don’t have to fix every awkward situation you come across. It’s okay to let people worry or feel bad sometimes, or even to allow some situations to explode. It’s uncomfortable, but people learn from the explosions and uncomfortable feelings, too. To be fair, I never see you do it with the students, but you’ve always done it with your peers. When you don’t trust that someone will be fine on their own, you underestimate them. I know, because I think that’s what we did with Melinda.”

Johnny’s heart was pounding fast. “How long have you thought this about me?”

Marissa looked back down at the puppy. “Marty would come home sometimes with nutty stories about you and girls, and my mind would always go back to Ana Maria, and all the what-ifs would come back . . .” She was silent for a while. “I never saw you flirt with her or treat her any differently from the way you treated me. But you used humor when things got uncomfortable, and I can see how someone might take that as flirting. You also try to make people feel good about themselves, even when you’re turning them down. And you’re an attractive guy. You add it all up, and you’re a nice, funny, attractive guy who’s showering others with attention. That feels good, and it’s hard for girls to let go of, especially if other things in their lives aren’t going their way.”

Everything Marty said the day they’d argued came back to him, including what he’d said about his mom, and he got it then, more fully than he’d gotten it before. He sat back, feeling as if he’d just run a very fast race and was now slowing down. So Marissa and Marty had had him figured out all long. Maybe a lot of people did, and that was why they’d let him get away with it for so long. The tension and guilt in his house over how his mom treated Dan had been stifling and unbearable. A crushing weight. His sense of humor helped, and for a long time, his family had come to depend upon him for it. Making others feel good and helping them avoid unpleasant feelings had started to feel like his responsibility at some point.

He turned to her. “Nine years of psychology classes and mandatory psychoanalysis by renowned professors, and you had me figured out all along. If you hadn’t stopped speaking to me all those years, I’d be cured by now,” he teased.

She rolled her eyes and sing-songed, “You’re doing it again.”

“I know, I know.”

Marissa laughed, put a sleepy Pas back in the whelping box, and stood up. He pushed to his feet, too. “Thanks for helping.”

She studied him for a long moment. “I feel as if I should hug you good-bye, because you took the puppies on and you’ve done such a great job, and you feel like a friend again, but . . .”

“You’re afraid I’ll get the wrong idea?”

“No, more like it’ll be awkward. We have a strange history together, I guess.”

Johnny smiled. “Well, you said yourself it’s okay to let people feel uncomfortable.” He tugged her into an embrace, and hugged her closer and longer than necessary, wondering if there was any hope she felt the same keen, bittersweet pangs of longing and deep affection.

 

Marissa took a quick step back, feeling too much, as if she never wanted to leave that musty, foul-smelling, run-down world. There was magic in it.

Gratitude. It was all gratitude. That’s what it was. There was both magic and reality in kindness, and Johnny had done the kids and the puppies a kindness that had led him here to this house. She turned to leave.

“Aren’t you going to stay for the tour?” he asked.

“Is there anything else to see?”

“Not really, no.” He laughed. “You still think I’m crazy?”

She looked around. “No. I think it’s perfect,” she said without thinking.

“Perfect?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Now I’m worried you’re the one who’s crazy.”

She laughed and it eased her misgivings. She’d call Brian on the way home, and tell him all about the run-down place and the puppies and nutty Johnny for taking on both the house and the pups. “I guess I thought this place would feel cursed, but it doesn’t.”

“Enlighten me. What would
cursed
feel like?”

“I don’t know . . . ominous? Evil? Haunted by dark spirits? Don’t tell me you’ve never had a feeling about a person or a place that you just couldn’t explain. When I last came here, it felt sad and neglected, but not cursed. Now it feels peaceful and right.”

He looked around, as if considering her words. “What would you do to it?” he asked.

Marissa headed toward the door and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not good at that stuff. I don’t have preferences for things like cabinets, fixtures, or countertops. Brian and I have been looking at houses, and I’ve discovered that while I don’t want to live in a cookie-cutter house or subdivision, or anywhere too vanilla, and that I want some color, that’s all I care about. I don’t mind letting Brian choose the details that’ll make him happy as long as the house feels right.”

“It sounds like you need something cheerful, lovely, and a little overwrought. Just like you.”

“Gee. Thanks.” Marissa half-rolled her eyes and got into her car, and Johnny waved from the door. She waved, too, and began backing up, all the way down the driveway, only stopping when she was just out of sight to bang her head on the steering wheel.

She wished he’d never said he loved her. It made everything feel loaded, from their friendly hug to their mild chatter . . . even to their waving good-bye. Even though she didn’t really believe he loved her. She wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, like Melinda, and she didn’t excel at everything she set her mind to, like Marty. And it wasn’t like Johnny needed someone to take care of him and always be there for him and support him. That was what she was great at, and that was what she liked to do. Some people might need someone like that, but not Johnny.

T
he next day, when Marissa drove into the parking lot, she saw there were at least two dozen kids gathered on the front steps, along with Amy, Mrs. Simmons, and Harold. They began pointing and waving excitedly when they saw her car. She glanced at the clock on her dashboard and frowned. School didn’t start for half an hour.

She parked and quickly walked over to them. The school looked great—fresh paint and freshly mowed grass did wonders. “You’re all here bright and early,” she called.

“Do you get news?” Azra asked, pointing at Marissa’s phone.

Marissa’s heart soared. They had gathered early to see if she had any news. That was how excited they were. But a moment later, her heart settled with a
thud
and she was almost afraid to check her e-mail in front of them. Last week’s message had arrived in her in-box at seven thirty on the dot. What if she received bad news in front of them? They all looked so hopeful. But then she remembered what she’d told Johnny about underestimating people.

If they hadn’t made it through to the final round, it would be a hard day, but they’d deal with it. No matter what, they’d learn a great deal. And they’d still get to finish and perform the musical.

Marissa set her tote down, took out her phone out, held her breath, and checked her e-mail. “Um . . . no news yet. Remember they’re two hours behind us there. It’s only five a.m. there, and I don’t know who’d get up at five—oh wait.” A message from the Mosaic Marathon popped up just as she was speaking. “There it is.” Her heart stopped. Everyone went silent. Marissa looked up at their expectant, nervous expressions, then licked her lips before looking down again. Feeling as if she was peeling off a Band-Aid, she opened the message and quickly scanned it. The phone slipped out of her hand and hit the steps with an ominous
crack
, but she didn’t care. “We’re in the finals,” she announced. It was barely a whisper, but they all heard. Squeals and shouts filled the air. The kids started jumping, hugging, and high-fiving each other. Amy and Marissa hugged, but her nerves were tingling. They were so close!

And where was Johnny? Somehow she knew he’d help her put things into perspective in a way that would make all the unproductive fluttering in her stomach go away. But after chiding him for always trying to make people feel better, and telling him people also needed to learn how to deal with things on their own, it felt hypocritical and unfair to need him right then. It also gave her pause, that Johnny was the first person she thought of when she needed comfort. Two people with too much heart. That’s what they were, and she’d always known it. He’d get her, but she didn’t need to be gotten. She needed to be told to stop being so silly.

 

The sun was in Johnny’s eyes as he turned east toward the school. He flipped the visor down and quickly glanced down at the sleeping puppies. He’d promised the kids he’d bring them in, and Mrs. Simmons had said it was okay. He figured he’d keep them at the school only about half an hour, so they wouldn’t became too much of a distraction.

Johnny exhaled, thinking of the busy day ahead. He’d drive the puppies over to Amador Construction after the kids had gotten some playtime. The pups would get started on mush that day. Johnny would take care of the first feeding, then wait to make sure their tummies were handling the mush okay before returning to the school. Sam and Dan would be in and out of the office all day and would help with the puppy-sitting.

The last two weeks had gone by quickly, and everything was only now starting to catch up with him. He’d barely slept the night before. Too many thoughts about too many things had kept him up. Melinda’s welcome home party, starting his internship, running into Marissa, adopting puppies, buying a house, getting to know the kids and his coworkers, getting caught up in the excitement of the musical, fixing up the school, and moving into the Cursed Lover.

Last night had been a turning point for him. Having Marissa in his odd little house, talking with him, laughing with him, chiding him, and loving the puppies with him had showed him what real life would feel like if it was wrapped up in his dreams. There was something inside him that refused to let go of the idea that they were meant for one another. That she belonged in that house with him. That a long, happy life awaited them both if she would only open her mind to the possibility.

But reality was also starting to set in, and with it an anxiety like he’d never known. Marissa and Brian were moving toward the future. They were looking at houses and planning their wedding. Everyone else thought Brian was good for Marissa. The idea that he could soon be facing a taken, married Marissa made him feel as if his heart were drowning in a bottomless pit.

When she’d left his home last night, he’d ached in ways he never had before. It was all new, and too much of it hurt. But he relished it, too, in a way. It was an experience he’d never had—an experience that would bring him closer to the kids and to other people who’d been in love and suffered for it.

And now here he was, about to face another challenging week, without much sleep. Today they’d find out whether they’d made it to the finals. Dan and Holly were getting married on Sunday, and the bachelor and bachelorette parties were on Saturday.

Johnny cracked a reluctant smile. Dan had no clue what was in store for him on Saturday . . .

He pulled into the school’s parking lot with that happy thought, and his mood lifted further when he saw more than two dozen people whooping and shouting on the front steps. “I think they made it to the semifinals, boys,” he said to the puppies, who were buckled up and in a travel crate in the seat beside him. Everything seemed to be going their way.

It wasn’t too hard to figure out what Johnny was carrying in the pet crate, and the excited energy surrounding the kids grew when they saw him walking toward them. They ran up to him, but Johnny had them sit and calm down before he opened the door to the crate. Everyone was talking to him at once. They had, indeed, made it to the semifinals.

The kids exclaimed over how much the puppies had grown, and how plump and content they seemed. “Mr. A make good father to four children,” Veronica said. Johnny laughed.

“Four children?” Mrs. Simmons repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Miss Medina gonna also have four children.” Veronica giggled. “The cowrie shells no lie.”

“Cowrie shells?” Amy looked from Marissa to Johnny and back again.

“It was a game they were playing on Saturday. Half the shells were top-heavy,” a pink-cheeked Marissa tried to explain.

Johnny gave the kids a quelling look. “I’m sure Miss Medina and her fiancé have already discussed how many kids they want to have.” He walked past Marissa and avoided looking into her eyes. If the kids were matchmaking, it meant he had to be careful. Isaac had taught him something important that day in his office.

Not looking into Marissa’s eyes turned out to be a highly effective, weeklong coping mechanism. He could help out in her classroom, talk at length about school-related things, and even have lunch with her in a group, as long as he remained fully on topic and only looked
at
her eyes when necessary, but never
into
them. There was a difference. It was like putting up a wall. The yearning behind his wall remained the same, but he wouldn’t allow new pain inside.

He knew something was up with her, and it went against the grain for him not to go to her and ask her what was bothering her and then do everything in his power to make her feel better. But it wasn’t his job to take care of her needs.

That was part of Brian’s job description.

 

Friday evening, Marissa was still at the school, firing off e-mails. Brian would be home in about an hour, and she wouldn’t leave work until she knew he was almost there. Brian would keep her mind focused on the two of them. They’d talk about their wedding, the houses they’d looked at, and the future, and her mind would not get completely stuck on things she couldn’t control . . .

But the thought of another round of house-hunting, and another meeting with the wedding planner, didn’t make her feel better.

She closed her eyes and breathed in and out. The kids
deserved
to make it into the finals. They’d been working so hard and so well. She’d watched them learn and grow. But life wasn’t always fair, and people didn’t always get what they deserved. What bothered Marissa was that most of her kids already knew that. They needed a new lesson: that life rewarded hard work, and that sometimes it was rewarded with amazing, life-changing moments.

Although she had great hope they would make it, she’d been working late each day, researching local festivals and venues, and contacting organizers and managers. She owed her kids a Plan B, just in case. If the kids didn’t make it into the finals, Marissa would make sure they performed their musical in every festival and venue in the area that would have them.

She sent out the last e-mail, closed her laptop, and stared out the window for a while. Johnny’s pickup was the only other car in the staff parking lot. Things had gotten intense in both classrooms, and they’d barely spoken all week. The evening they’d spent at the Cursed Lover seemed far away and covered in a hazy mist.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was heading to Johnny’s office. Maybe he’d have some Plan B suggestions of his own.

She knocked on the glass door. He looked up from his laptop and motioned her inside. “’Sup?” he asked, in a great imitation of the kids.

Marissa grinned. “I wanted to run some ideas for the musical by you . . . but I don’t want to interrupt you. We can talk next week if you’re too busy.”

Johnny closed his laptop. “We can talk now. I’m just looking up everything I can find on social media and kids. I feel like I should be treating it like an addiction,” he said, only half-kidding, before sitting back to hear what Marissa wanted to talk about.

She was wearing a long turquoise skirt and a white top that made the gold highlights in her wavy hair stand out. The sun had deepened her tan, and she looked more like a mermaid who should be bathing out in the sun than a hardworking teacher holed up in a school late on a Friday afternoon. “I’m thinking we should close up and meet outside. I’m tired of being cooped up,” he added without thinking.

Marissa agreed, and ten minutes later, they were sitting outside on the grass under the sun, and Johnny realized he’d made a big mistake. Marissa outside on the grass and under the sun looked prettier than he’d ever seen her. He looked off into the distance and focused not only on what she was saying about her alternate plans for the kids, but on everything she wasn’t saying, as well, and soon he was unable to hold back a smile.

“Why are you smiling like that?” she asked.

“I’m reading between the lines.” He tossed her a sympathetic look. “You’re such a worrywart, Miss M.”

“I know . . .” She twisted her mouth. Her dark eyes always seemed to glitter with hope, no matter what was going on behind them. “Is it that obvious? Grounded optimism can be a roller coaster. The anticipation is killing me. I’m trying to keep my nerves at bay by planning alternatives.” She began splitting pieces of grass in two, over and over again.

“Anticipating outcomes and planning alternatives is good, and the kids are lucky to have someone like you on their side”—he reached out and put his hand over hers, to stop her from murdering the grass—“as long as you don’t let the anticipation kill you. That would pretty much ruin the whole thing for all of us, you know.”

Marissa laughed a little at that. “I’m a neurotic nut. I swear I don’t know how Amy and the kids put up with me.” She shook her head.

“We’re all a little nuts, Marissa, but I think most of us mean well. The kids know you mean well.”

Marissa looked up and studied him for a beat. “That’s important to you, isn’t it? Motives. Intentions.”

Johnny hesitated. “I used to think it was enough. Now I think it’s more important to step back and look at the big picture before acting on even the best intentions. I mean, what good are the best intentions if you keep messing up and hurting people? At least when it comes to the kids, I think we’ve both always felt our responsibility deeply, and we’ve both stepped back and tried to see that big picture. They’ve taught me a lot. They’ve taught me I need to do that in my personal life, too, and stop playing the role I assigned myself years ago.”

Marissa smiled. “So . . . we’re all a little nuts, and we’ve all hurt others, but as long as we mean well, and step back to look at the entire picture before we act, then at least we’re on our way?”

Johnny chuckled. “Something like that. See? I think we just proved we both have good heads on our shoulders. Between the two of us, we’ve almost got life figured out.”

Marissa sighed. “Good heads on our shoulders? Look at us, Johnny.” She spread her arms. “It’s a Friday evening, and where are we? Still at work.”

“We have important jobs, and we love what we do. What’s wrong with that?” Johnny shook his head and looked away. “Forget it. I remember. You want to be pulled out and into another reality. You’re afraid to lose yourself in this one.”

“
Nobody
likes to get lost. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want to spend most of their time in the reality that makes them happiest—it just means they need to leave before they take the people who trust them down so many winding roads, no one knows the way back.”

“Happiest? Do even hear yourself?
That’s
what’s wrong with your big picture. Not the fact that we’re still at work, but the fact that you’re afraid of what makes you the happiest. You’re so afraid to mess it up, you won’t commit to it heart and soul.”

Marissa scrambled up. “Excuse me? I
am
committed to the kids heart and soul! How dare you say I’m not!”