Flavor of the Month (16 page)

“This is important,” Theresa had said to her, over and over, as Theresa made the party preparations while rehearsing Lila. “If we can get Jack Wagner or one of those rat bastards interested. I’ll just move to CBS and start over. Update the concept. Cut back on Candy and Skinny. More skits. Less singing. And bring you on. Wholesome. A family show. Like the Osmonds. No one wants these cops and westerns for their kids.”

Lila liked the idea of cutting out Candy and Skinny. She hated the two puppets. When she’d been a little girl, Lovely Mummie had told her they were real—her real sisters. Now Lila knew they were only puppets, that Mummie made them speak, but even now, at eleven—she was sure she was
eleven
—she sometimes wasn’t certain that the two were not alive. Still, she had done all she could in rehearsing and rehearsing with Mummie and Aunt Robbie to try to take their place, and that night she would do it.

Though all of it happened years ago, Lila would never forget a moment of it. She had left the window and run to the guest room, on the other side of the house, to look out once again at the decorations around the pool. Japanese lanterns were strung between trees, gently swinging in the warm evening breeze. The surface of the pool was dotted with cork disks holding lighted candles in clear glass containers, with scented gardenias floating among them. White-jacketed waiters were already moving through the colorfully dressed crowd. The sound of their chatter urged Lila down the stairs to join the fun, but, instead, she returned to her room to wait to be summoned, as she had been told.

She sat down in her rocker, and looked over at Candy Floss and Skinny Malink sitting at their usual seats at the tea table, both of them smiling like they didn’t have a care in the world. Easy for you, she thought. “I’m the one that’s got to be good tonight,” she told them, part proud, part frightened.

The dummies’ heads were tilted slightly, and Lila could see the place where her mother’s hands went behind the dolls to manipulate their mouths and extremities. She’d never noticed that when she was little. Before, when she was little and stupid, she used to think they were real, that they were really her sisters. But that had been a big fat lie. A joke her mother called it. Ha ha.

Candy Floss and Skinny Malink had been part of her mother’s life long before she had been. “I love these two as much as I love you,” she’d say.

Lila sat and rocked, closed her eyes and tried to remember her lines and the movements her mother and Aunt Robbie had gone to so much trouble to teach her. She was sure she had everything right. She leaned across and arranged Skinny’s and Candy’s dresses just so, then fluffed her pink dress around her, taking care not to lean back too far for fear of crushing the big bow at the rear.

She jumped as she heard her mother, coming down the hall to her room, calling her name. “I’m here,” Lila called.

“Girls, I’ve come to take you down to entertain our guests. Oh, how pretty my little babies look.” Was Lovely Mummie slurring her words again? It made Lila shiver. Mummie patted both dolls’ heads, then turned to Lila. “Let me look at you,” she said, and frowned. Theresa O’Donnell watched as Lila turned slowly in front of her, waiting uneasily for her mother’s comments.

“Lovely, just lovely,” Theresa finally said, her frown dissolving into her TV smile. Lila breathed out and smiled, too. “How do you like my hair, Mummie?” Maybe she could take the stupid bow out. “Estrella put a big bow in it.”

“Perfect,” her mother said, “Exactly the right touch. Now, if only you weren’t so goddamn tall.”

Mummie looked more closely. “But what’s that?” she asked, pointing to a locket. “A necklace? Take it off. Candy and Skinny don’t have necklaces, so that’s not very fair, is it?” Theresa stood and reached over to pat the dummies. “Don’t mind,” she told them. “Lila’s taking it off now. Aren’t you?”

Lila bit the inside of her cheek as she unclasped the locket Aunt Robbie had given her for luck. She put it safely in the top drawer of the bureau. Oh, God, why did Mummie still talk to the dummies? Why did she still pretend like this?

“Lila,” her mother said, becoming very serious. “There are a lot of people here who are
very
important to me. I want you to make Mother proud of her little girl.” Turning to the dummies, she hummed, “And my other two little babies
always
make me proud.” She kissed each doll on its painted wooden cheek and demanded of Lila, “You
are
going to be perfect, aren’t you?” Lila saw her mother take Candy’s hair in her fist and pull very hard, while keeping her eyes on Lila. She could almost feel how that must hurt. For once, Lila felt sorry for Candy, and, unconsciously, she reached up to her own hair. Lila whispered, “Yes, Lovely Mummie.”

Then Theresa released Candy’s hair, and gently patted it back into place.

“Smile, girls, we’re on now,” Theresa said as she took the dummies, each in the crook of an arm, and walked very carefully down the stairs, Lila trailing behind. Please, Mummie, don’t trip again, she thought.

“I hate these fucking stairs,” Lila had heard her mother mutter. “Elegant, my sweet Irish ass. Cross of Christ!”

As they reached the main floor, Theresa paused and took a moment to command the attention of the crowd. “Hi, everyone. Tonight I’d like you all to meet my other little girl, Lila, who will be making her debut right here with us.”

Candy leaned forward and said, “Her debut and retirement in one performance.”

“Candy, that’s not nice,” Theresa scolded the puppet.

“Not nice but true, it seems to me,” said Skinny on the other hand. The crowd laughed, and Lila’s heart quickened at the sharp barbs from the two. This hadn’t been in the rehearsals. She wanted to tell them to shut up, but then she remembered that it was her mother who’d said those things. And it was her mother who’d told her over and over: “Don’t be mean to your sisters, they’re your bread and butter.”

“She wouldn’t be Theresa O’Donnell’s daughter if she couldn’t sing and dance with dummies, would she?” Mummie said. Everyone laughed again and looked at Aunt Robbie Lymon, Mummie’s stooge on the TV show. “No, no, everyone, not
that
dummy,” she laughed. “Now, please, come with us into the ballroom.”

Lila walked up to the raised platform at one end of the room and was helped up by Aunt Robbie, who whispered to her: “Hey, kid, don’t worry about anything. Just do it like we rehearsed.”

Sitting on a small chair next to her mother, Lila waited until Aunt Robbie finished playing the introduction. Candy and Skinny each sat on one of her mother’s knees, their heads turning, scanning the crowd. The music stopped, and Theresa spoke.

“Skinny, Candy, who’s that other pretty little girl sitting on the stage? Is she with you?”

Skinny and Candy looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. “I don’t see any pretty girl on the stage,” Candy said. “Do you, Skinny?”

“Nope,” Skinny said. “I just see you and me pretty little girls, but I don’t see no
other
pretty little girl.”

Lila’s toes tingled cold in her shoes. This wasn’t the opening to the act. Mummie had forgotten the opening. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Aunt Robbie had told her what to do if her mother forgot her lines.

“Well,” Lila said, “I see
one
pretty little girl and
two
dummies.”

Both of the dolls turned their heads to Theresa at the same time, then toward Lila. She was aware of the laughter from the audience and was surprised at how good that made her feel. She noticed how her voice sounded in the big room, and made a point of remembering to speak to the back of the crowd, just like Aunt Robbie had taught her.

“Excuse her, folks,” said Skinny. “
She’s
hoping for a notice in
Variety
.”

“
I’m
not the one whose acting is wooden,” said Lila. The crowd laughed again. Lila preened. But Lovely Mummie looked flustered.

As the routine continued, more or less according to the script, her mother forgot some lines, but Lila filled in. She got caught up in her interchange with Candy and Skinny. She remembered to hold her head just like dolls did, just as she had imitated so many times while sitting in front of the television set. She moved her jaw just like Candy, and kept her arms immobile like Skinny, while reciting her lines. Then, at last, it was over, and all she had to do was sit there while her mother sang her famous song.

When Aunt Robbie began to play the music for Mummie’s song, Mummie just kept on smiling. It was a strange smile. The audience murmured, a sound like wind in the orange trees. Why wasn’t Mummie singing? She was supposed to sing her song, “The Loveliest Girl in the World.” Aunt Robbie began the intro again, and Lila understood what he was trying to say to her. So, desperate, Lila began to sing her mother’s closing song. She sang so hard, she didn’t notice that the whole room had grown quiet, and every face was on her, even her mother’s. She sang with all her heart the famous final words of the song. Lila had never rehearsed it, but she had watched her mom’s movie
Birth of a Star
so many, many times that she knew it perfectly. When it came time for the last bar, for the high note, she closed her eyes and made it easily.

When she opened her eyes and looked at Aunt Robbie, he was standing at the piano, applauding. The audience suddenly came alive, shouting, clapping, and whistling. I did it! she thought. I remembered every word and motion and then, when I had to, I even remembered Lovely Mummie’s song. And they like me. She looked toward her mother, a smile of achievement on her face. Her mother looked back at her without expression, holding Candy and Skinny down by her sides…like dolls. She
never
did that. Lila was confused, but continued to bow to the audience and accept their applause.

Then, at last, Mummie stepped forward, stood next to Lila, smiled broadly, and bowed. She led Lila off the stage, turned, and took the last bow alone, holding Candy and Skinny in her arms like infants. Ignoring the cries of the crowd for an encore, she said, “Thank you, everyone. It’s past the girls’ bedtime. But you will be seeing us again.” Floating on a cloud, Lila waved as her mother led the way through the crowd.

Mr. Wagner put his hand on Theresa’s arm as she was passing, and the audience stopped chattering to listen. “Jack, darling, how nice of you to come,” Lovely Mummie said so everyone could hear, kissing him on the cheek. “What did you think of our little family entertainment?”

“A perfect performance. It gives me an idea for a TV show. Interested?”

Theresa smiled broadly at Mr. Wagner. “We’re always interested in television, Jack. We’d love to do another show, wouldn’t we, girls?”

Lila’s heart jumped. Did he mean
her
, too?

“I mean Lila, Theresa. The kid’s a natural. We’d start her with a half-hour after school, see where it goes.” He leaned down toward Lila. “How about it, kid? Want to have a television show?”

“Oh, yes, Mr. Wagner”—remembering to say his name. Then she saw the expression on Lovely Mummie’s face, and knew that something was wrong. “I mean, I don’t know. I’ll have to ask my mother.” She just knew that she had better get away from Mr. Wagner, and not hear any more about a television show. She could tell that Lovely Mummie didn’t think it was such a good idea.

Her mother closed the door of Lila’s room behind her and leaned against it, Candy and Skinny dropped in a heap like dirty laundry at her feet. Lila looked at her, apprehensive.

“Just who do you think you are?” Lovely Mummie growled.

“What do you mean, Mummie?”

“You humiliated me tonight, before everyone who means anything in this town. And in front of Mr. Wagner, of all people. ‘Oh, yes, Mr. Wagner,’” she mimicked. Stepping closer to Lila, she screamed, “You humiliated me,” and swung her open hand across Lila’s face. Lila fell against the puppets. She was stunned, both by the blow and by the words.

“Mummie,” she sobbed, “what did I do wrong? I remembered the words when you forgot, Mummie. And I was good, wasn’t I? Mr. Wagner said so.” Lila was confused.

“Shut up, you little traitor. I didn’t forget my lines. I never do.” Lila saw the spit spray from her mother’s mouth as she yelled. “You deliberately stole my song.” Theresa grabbed a handful of Lila’s hair and pulled her toward her. Lila, sobbing, pleaded with her mother to tell her what she had done wrong.

“Everyone was laughing at me, you little brat. You couldn’t wait to humiliate me, could you? You must really hate me, to deliberately steal the scene, making me look like a fool.” She was screaming, in a frenzy. “I’ll never be able to get a contract now, because
you
fucked it up. Wagner would have asked me if it wasn’t for you.”

Theresa picked up the two dummies and shook them in Lila’s face. “Are you trying to take their place on television? Do you think you can make their money?” Mummie didn’t wait for an answer. “No, you can’t, and you never will. Just remember this,
I
got the talent. Not
you
, Lila.
Me
.” Her mother swung a hand at her face again, but Lila pulled away with a sudden effort.

Lila shrank back into the corner of the room. Her mother, breathless, paused. Then she brushed her hair out of her face, and her breath came more slowly. She went to the vanity mirror and fussed with her hair, patted down her gown. “I’m going to return to my guests now. I’m going to look those people in the eyes and pretend that my daughter didn’t humiliate me in my own home. You’re to stay in your room until I tell you you can come out. And I want you to think about how you’ve ruined my career tonight.”

Then Theresa had turned and left the room, a doll in each arm, shutting the door behind her with a crash. Lila had slumped to the floor and let the tears flow. What did I do? What happened?

She wasn’t sure of anything, except that she would never sing again.

And since that night, Lila never had. There was something else about that night, though. It was the first time Lila had known it was the Puppet Mistress who had made the mistakes, not her. But still, she was punished. I did it
right
, Lila had told herself after her sobs subsided. They
liked
me. They applauded. The audience liked
me
, not Theresa O’Donnell. Mr. Wagner liked
me
. And despite her burning cheek, despite her tearing eyes, that had felt very, very good.