Flesh and Feathers (4 page)

We ate dinner, and the conversations were small with neither of us divulging too much information about one another. Yet, it was an intriguing atmosphere that I didn’t want to end.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked. I was assuming the hardwood square in the center of the room was set up as a dance floor, but no one was on it.
 

“No one’s really dancing.” I stated, hoping this would discourage him from asking again.

He pulled me to my feet, and in that instant an alluring sound began to play, and the words crooned were so tempting that I give in. Kale held out his hand and led me to the floor. My mind now roused by passion as he pressed his body to mine. My head barely met the middle of his chest, and I gazed up at him, transfixed on his eyes. The words of the song overwhelmed me with each provocative verse, as though they were meant for only me, and Kale was emanating an essence that consumed my body. I closed my eyes, feeling his hands. One was on the small of my back moving me slowly and gently in sync with him. He used the other to start at the corner of my eye and move down my cheek to my chin and then my collarbone, expanding his whole palm over it. I felt so tiny and fragile but safe and secure. “You’re beautiful,” he said, astonishing me.

I opened my eyes, and I could see of all the shades of blue that made his eyes so brilliant. They twisted and interlocked, creating the most vibrant color. He leaned towards me, and I felt my legs weak and wanting to give way. He held my gaze, and I wanted so badly to look away; this was not something I was ready for. Finally, his lips were within an inch of mine. I forced my eyes closed as he whispered, “Azaleigh.” He pressed his lips zealously to mine. With each supple kiss, my lips fell in perfect formation. A surge of heat rushed through me. His hands reached up cupping my jaw line on each side, holding me in place. His last kiss gently pulled at my top lip and softly let go. He lingered inches from my face. I stood there with my eyes closed. I was too petrified to open them. I felt his thumb brush across my cheek in reassurance. I couldn’t speak. I was afraid that my words would dissolve the moment, and I would never get it back again. But like all great things, the end was inevitable.
 

“It’s getting late. I should take you home.” His words broke the silence that I had not dared to break myself.

Chapter 3

Not Forever

T
he next several weeks I saw a lot of Kale, and at the end of every visit it was harder to say goodbye.
With every goodbye, we would hang on the word.

He had become an important part of my life. Everything felt right when we were together, and I didn’t want it to ever stop. It seemed strange, since I hadn’t known him that long, but the feeling I got when I was with him was like I had known him all my life; we were two halves of a whole. My mother always said I was a child with few wants; I was very much content with my life. I didn’t want Kale. I needed him. He had awoken something deep inside me that I didn’t even know existed. It was something that only he could reach, and when he wasn’t around, I could feel that part of me starving for his touch.

In the back of my mind, I worried. Kale was hard to figure out. He was very private and commented little on things. However, that was one of the things that attracted me to him. He was so mysterious.

Kale and I spent every possible moment together…, but it was the time we spent in my little apartment that was my favorite. It was relaxed, and I could let him hold me without any reservations. I still found myself doing most of the talking, but he was always eager to listen.

On nights I worked late, he would meet me afterwards and walk me home. It was overprotective, but I liked it. I would usually coax him in and make him stay with me until the early hours of the morning.

Tonight I was working until eight o’clock, which didn’t leave a lot of options for going out. I had talked Kale into a quiet evening at my place.

Walking into my apartment, I normally would have changed immediately into my sweat pants and ratty old tank top, but tonight I had high expectations and thought that they would not have set a romantic mood.

I put in a movie, poured a glass of wine, and plopped down on the couch opposite Kale, stretching my legs out so that my feet rested on his lap.

“Long day?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was on my feet all day, and they are killing me now.”

Kale placed his hands on my feet and began rubbing them. His hands were so warm and gentle. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and enjoy the relaxation of it.

I nudged his leg with my foot and grinned. “My legs hurt too.” I used a dramatic, pain-stricken voice.

He gingerly moved his hands over my ankles and up to my calves. Staring at him, I noticed how calm and relaxed he seemed. His blonde hair was combed back with a few pieces touching his brow. The movie was a non-existent background noise, and I wondered how far this moment would go. Possibilities started to invade my mind.
I was willing to take this further, but was he? Did I affect him the same way he affected me?
That’s when I knew I did. Pulling up my knee, he leaned down placing his lips against it. Neither one of us said anything. Cautiously, I got up and stood in front of him. Placing one knee on either side of his hips, I sat on his lap facing him. My index finger traced the lines of his face and then ran through his hair and over his ear.

All of this time, I had been worried, wondering how he felt about me, but, for some reason, I just knew. It was like it had been written in stone and without a doubt was real. The feeling overwhelmed me.

Leaning down, I kissed him. He kissed me in return, but I could feel him holding back. That frustrated me, although I wouldn’t show it. Instead, I paused in front of his mouth between each kiss. This seemed to work. I felt him lose the control he was so desperately hanging on to.

His hands slid up my thighs, then moved under my shirt and up my back. His hands were vast and swallowed my small frame. Still on my back, his hands made their way to the tops of my shoulders, gripping me with a force. He pressed down, pushing me hard against his lap. The thrust caused my body to slide forward to his waist.

I thought I would explode! I had never wanted anything or anyone so much in my life. It sounded like someone else talking when I spoke. “Quit holding back. You won’t break me,” I whispered. This seemed to provoke him. He turned us both, laying our bodies parallel on the couch. His body was twice the size of mine, and, even though he was holding himself back, his weight pressed me into the cushions. Slowing his kiss, he stopped to look at me. What he said next, I was not prepared for. “I have to leave.”

Seriously?
I thought to myself, but I refused to show my annoyance. I just acknowledged him by saying, “Okay.” If he wants to walk out of here in that condition, fine by me.

That’s exactly what he did.

I walked him to the door, not saying much. He kissed me on my forehead before leaving. After locking the door behind him, I went to my room and lay down in my bed. I replayed the scene in my mind, and I wondered what I had done wrong. I fell asleep, feeling self-conscious and hurt.

The next morning, I wasn’t really in the best of moods at work. Everyone asked me if I was okay. I hadn’t told anyone about Kale–mostly because it was the one thing I wanted to keep private. The other reason was if I told them that would mean I would have to share him–not literally of course
–
but it somehow seemed like he would no longer belong only to me. I am sure that didn’t make a lot of sense to most people, but that was just me.

I wondered to myself if Kale would show up after work today like he always did. This thought was popping in and out of my head all day, causing me to screw up a few orders. I could see Tannah’s bright red hair shaking back and forth every time I would come back with a plate of food that was wrong. Finally, on the last order I messed up, she grabbed me by my arm and dragged me back to the supply room.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Her motherly tone was stern.

“Nothing,” I refuted. “Just having an off day. Like you’ve never had one before?” After thinking about it, I couldn’t remember Tannah ever having an off day, and thankfully she didn’t try to justify the question.

Her green eyes squinted in suspicion. “Fine.” I was relieved that forfeiting was the route she had chosen. “But, let me tell you this. I am watching you.” So it was more like forfeiting with a small threat.
 

After my
talk
with Tannah, I watched the clock helplessly. I only had an hour left until I was out of there. When the clock hit eight on the nose, I sprinted for the door. I saw Tannah from the corner of my eye. She was using her index and middle fingers to point at her eyes and then at me. An obvious military maneuver to let me know she was watching–a little ridiculous if you ask me.

I walked out to the sidewalk, but no Kale. I was extremely disappointed. However, that feeling was quickly replaced by fear.
Did I go too far last night?
I thought he felt the same way, but I couldn’t be sure. Regardless of whatever happened, I didn’t want that to mess up what we had going on. I was crazy about him and couldn’t bear to think of my days not including him.

I walked the blocks that would lead me back to my apartment very slowly. I tried to think about what I could possibly do… alone. That was depressing so I tried to think happier thoughts like
tomorrow is going to be the warmest day of this month
‘or’
Wednesday I could go see a movie at the new theater
. Yeah, all of that worked for about two seconds because my thoughts would alter into
Kale loves the warm weather
‘or’
I wonder which movie he would want to go see
. Apparently, I had more issues than I thought.

Just then, I was awoken from my stupor by the honking of a very familiar, very hot, black sports car, and a very familiar, very hot Kale poked his head out of the door.

“Heyyyyyyy.” I said long and drawn out.

Kale jumped out and jogged to my side with a serious look on his face. “I’m sorry I was late. I got held up at work.”

“Wow, the bar keeps you hopping, huh?” I said, trying to keep the conversation light and casual.

“Yeah…, something like that,” he responded, still a little too seriously for my taste.

“Kale, it’s okay. You don’t have to walk me home every night.”
Even though I liked it!
I added as a mental note.

“Of course I do.” Again with the seriousness.

We began walking the blocks that would lead us back to my place, and then I thought of something. “Wait…. Are you just going to leave your car there?”

“Sure. I like to walk with you. Besides, the car will get us there too quickly.” He smiled, holding my hand as we walked. That’s the smile I loved so much.

“Sooooo, are we okay?” I asked, still unclear if last night put a strain on our relationship. I felt myself holding my breath as I waited for his response.

“Yes, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Because, last night, I thought… that… I’m not really sure what happened last night.” It came out all wrong, but I was banking on him being smart enough to figure it out without me having to spell it out.

“I had to leave. There was something I had to take care of.” He said matter-of-factly, and I was afraid to push the issue. So I chose to drop the subject.

Kale looked straight ahead as we walked. I tried to act like I was doing the same, but really I was peeking out of the corner of my eye at him. I was admiring his height and his broad shoulders. Kale was an extremely good-looking guy; he could have had any girl he wanted. Not to mention, he worked at a bar where ninety-five percent of the patrons who entered were beautiful women who were dressed to impress, but here he was with me, which didn’t make any sense whatsoever.

A slight breeze picked up, blowing the strands of hair that always seemed to circle his brow, and, as I followed the hair to the lining of his eyes, I saw a hint of worry in them–not enough to say something to him, but just enough for me to notice it was there.

We stretched out the city blocks but without a doubt made it to my apartment building. Kale walked me to the door, and, as I opened it and stepped in, he stood at the doorway.

“Aren’t you coming in?” I asked. He just stood there, not saying a word.

“Is that a,
No
?” I asked, not hiding my frustration.

“I have somewhere to be,” he said with that stupid matter-of-fact voice again

That’s all it took. I lost my cool… or something like that. “You know what? I don’t get you. You act like I can’t walk myself home from work because I need protecting. You take me out acting like I’m your girlfriend and the only person you can think about…. Then you come here and… do what you do–you know what I’m talking about.
(I was thinking of how to say make me want to have sex with you, but that would have been blunt and pathetic).
And now you act like this and like you did last night. You know what? Fine! If that’s how it’s going to be, then leave.”
(I am sure that didn’t come out any better.)
I followed up by slamming the door in his face.
  

I laid my back against the door and butted my head against it a few times. Then I thought about how that was the most ridiculous overreaction that I had ever seen done by anyone.