Flirting With Chaos (8 page)

“Thanks for understanding.” I trailed behind him. We took our time.

“Did Kaden see me run off?” I asked.

“Yeah, but he played it off and started singing to the audience.” Jude seized my hand as we got in front of two separate pathways of stairs. “Let’s take this set of steps. They lead to the farther end of the roof. I used to come up here when I had bad head trips and you weren’t here to calm me down.”

Jude talked some more. I drowned his words out as I breathed in and out, struggling to get that night out of my head—the crying from Mom, the scent of Dad’s blood, and the stench of alcohol on his breath.
Leave me alone. Just fucking leave me alone.
I paused on one of the steps and tightened my grip on the handrail. Tears spilled from my eyes.

Jude drew me into him, lifted me up, and carried me the rest of the way. “Relax, Rain. Nothing is happening right now. No one is here but you and me. Say that for me, Rain.”

To block away the dark thoughts, I remembered the other ones I’d created in my head, one where Mom had prevailed.

Dad’s body weighed down on me. It was hard to breathe or for him to hear my screams. Even though I cried out, my shrieks were muffled into his chest. My throat burned. I scratched at Dad’s skin. We struggled for the gun. So much blood coated it. The metal slipped past our fingers.

“Rainy, baby. Come back to me.” Jude carted me forward.

“I’m here.” I swallowed down the scream that lodged in my throat and closed my eyes.

“Who’s here, Rain?”

“Just you and me.”

“And where are you?”

“At some club on South Beach named the Circus.”

“And are you safe?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you safe?” He pushed through the door and got us outside on the roof, moving quickly as if someone had been chasing us.

A cool breeze hit my skin. The night sounds of South Beach filled my ears—cars honking and speeding off, the rumble of engines, music drifting from clubs, people chatting or yelling out in delight.

“Why are you safe, Rainy?”

“Because you’re with me.” I buried my face into his shoulder.

“How do you feel?”

“Better.”

He hugged me hard and lowered me to my feet. “If you want to go, let’s go. I don’t give a fuck about spending time with anyone tonight but you.”

“No way.” I combed my fingers through my hair. “I’ll be fine soon.”

He’d done so much. I had to stay.

“I just need to take a breather, and then I’m going back to get a drink.”

“No drinking. You already took E.” He guided me down on the ground to sit next to him. “I told Dad not to play anything from the damn
After the Storm
album.”

I waved him away. “It makes sense he would play that song. He doesn’t know, so it’s not his fault. I can’t believe I still can’t hear that song without…having a meltdown.”

“It wasn’t a meltdown. You were just taken by surprise.”

A Hispanic man in a suit stepped out. “Mr. Everett, is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Could you bring us up two glasses of water?” He glanced at me. “Do you want anything else?”

“Wine.”

“No alcohol, remember? You already took E.”

“Then just the water. That should be perfect.”

The man disappeared behind the door. Jude grabbed my hand, lifted me up, and guided me several feet near the edge of the roof. A railing surrounded the space, but still my nerves remained jittery.

“Come on and check out this view,” Jude said.

I sat down on the ground. He got directly behind me, spread his legs open, and placed me right between them as he wrapped my body in a bear hug.

He nuzzled the back of my neck. “Focus on how amazing our city looks.”

South Beach glittered. Luxury hotels pierced the air and glowed in illuminating blues, pinks, and greens. Below, many strolled the streets in an eclectic fashion show typical of the city. That was the number one thing that I loved about Miami. Everybody fit in. All belonged. Some women walked in high heels. Others ambled by in flip-flops. Everything from bikinis to expensive dresses, torn shirts to high fashion suits, draped the people walking by. Dreadlocked hippies ambled toward designer suit-wearing guys with clean-cut hair and pricey shoes.

Salsa music and Reggaeton dominated the air waves as people drove through, blasting their music. So many scents rode the breeze—grilled fish and perfume, to weed smoke and the salty scent of the sea. I breathed it all in deep into my core and focused only on that moment, that instance where nothing else surrounded me but Jude’s arms and our city.

I exhaled. “Thank you.”

Jude ran his fingers through my curls. “I love your hair like this.”

“I did it for you.”

“Really? Why?”

I rolled my eyes. “To smooth you over so much so you could be excited about the idea of taking my virginity.”

He chuckled. “Is that why you wore that sexy, tight dress?”

“Yes.”

“And you say I’m ridiculous. You thought you had to do your hair a certain way and put on some designer dress to get my attention?”

Horns beeped below.

“I was nervous.”

Jude rested his hands on my shoulders and kneaded his fingertips into all the areas of built up tension. My skin tingled all over. A wave of calm poured over me.

“I’m starting to feel better.” I inhaled and my heart sped up. “I mean, really, really better.”

“The pill is doing its magic.”

I stretched my arms. “Maybe.”

He laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“There was nothing to be nervous about. You didn’t have to style your hair like this or sport a tiny dress. I would do anything for you, Rain, but making love to you isn’t really going to be some huge sacrifice. I’ve thought about it…sometimes.”

“Really?”

“I’m a man and you’re a woman. Of course I’ve thought about it. Especially when you let me sleep next to you in your room in Sarasota.”

“Now, that’s going to be awkward the next time you come up.”

“Things may be weird regardless after we make love, but I—”

“We’re not doing anything. I’m really serious.” I looked over my shoulder. “I don’t think you should take my virginity.”

“Why?” He frowned and had the nerve to actually appear hurt.

“I decided that I was being rash tonight.”

“You’re never rash. You think shit through for weeks and months. Knowing you, I bet you had a chart listing out the good and bad possibilities of us hooking up.”

He was right, but I had no intention of telling him so.

“What changed your mind?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You’re full of it. My dad got in your head.”

“No. It really wasn’t him. I think it was more your whole…seeing my apple bag and just taking it all in stride as if it was no big deal and then running upstairs.”

“What was I supposed to do? Jump up and down and bust out a couple of back flips?”

“Not the point.” I looked in any direction except his. That anxiety from earlier tonight returned.
Why does this make me so nervous?
The whole point of doing it with Jude was so I’d be comfortable and feel safe.

He moved in even closer so that his body pressed on my back. “Give me another chance. Earlier tonight, you hoped I would be your first. I really did feel honored. I was just caught way off guard, so I fronted a little and rushed upstairs. But when I got to the top, I leaned back against my door and had to catch my breath. I couldn’t fucking believe it.”

I blushed and chewed the inside of my cheek. “You didn’t seem shocked.”

“I was more than shocked. I was rattled and shoved off my game. I’m obsessed now. I have to be your first. Asking me to do it made my fucking year, Rain.”

“You’re never going to let this go, are you?”

“I’ll leave you alone tonight, but tomorrow or the day after that, you have to give me a chance to change your mind.” He twirled my hair around his finger.

“Just say what you have to say now.”

“Okay.” He cleared his throat, scooted back, and sat beside me. “You would never regret me being your first because I understand you. I know what happened long ago, so I’d take my time and not pressure you. If you threw up, I would help you clean it up and wait with you weeks later to try it again.”

So far, so good.

“I’d do all the girly things you would want—candles, mood music—and make sure the whole ambience is pleasing to your desires.”

I snorted.

“Sure, keep laughing, but I’d spoil the hell out of you. You’re my Rainy.” He gathered up my hair and tossed it over my other shoulder. “I would take my time and go so slow so you could feel every push and pull within you, each lick, and every caress. I’d set your skin on fire.”

He leaned into me and sucked on my neck a little, nibbling and tenderly biting it in between sucking. Heat expanded over me. I bit my lip. He could have laid me down right there, and I would’ve spread my legs for him.

“Let me be your first.”

After catching my breath, I gave him a half smile. “Why are you so adamant about this?”

“I love the idea of being your first and knowing no one else will have tasted you but me.”

“There will eventually be others.”

He smirked. “Will there?”

I hit his back. “Yes.”

“You would only crave me.” He shrugged.

“Oh God! Just when I figured you were being serious.”

“I am serious about your virginity. You opened up the whole situation with the apple bag.” He raised his voice an octave and mimicked me. “Here, Jude. Look at my cute little apple. Please, oh, please take a bite.”

“I don’t sound like that.” I giggled.

A small plane flew over so close that the roof vibrated under us as it soared high above. I lifted my face and watched the plane as it rose higher and higher into the dark sky and then finally disappeared.

“That was wonderful.” I grinned.

Jude raised his eyebrows. “You mean the airplane?”

I nodded.

“Yep. You’re feeling the E now.”

“This feels good.” My whole body relaxed. The world seemed clearer and distant all at once. The only thing that seemed odd was that my lungs felt heavy and my teeth rattled a little. At least, it felt that way.

“Don’t listen to my dad.” Jude interrupted my thoughts. “I mean, you do deserve the best man out there, but I’m not that bad of a guy.”

I frowned. “Of course not. I think he’s more saying that our friendship would change.”

“It won’t.”

“It could.”

“Never.” He targeted me with his gaze. “We both love each other, right?”

We’d never said it out loud, at least not in a big declaration of love, but it was always understood. Any time I needed him, he was there, and the same went for me. Love bridged between us and was unbreakable through any strife or storm.

“Yes.” I bobbed my head. “We love each other.”

“Then go back to what you were thinking about, before you entered my house with that sweet little apple.”

“Stop saying that.”

“I can’t help it.” He licked his lips. “I bet it’s so juicy.”

“Okay. Enough with the apple comments.”

“I’m going to slice your ripe fruit open and drink—”

“You’re killing me.”

“Shit. You’re killing
me
. Ever since I got that bag, I’ve been having steamy thoughts in my head. I can barely even remember that blow job earlier from Vicky.”

I cringed. “Please don’t remind me of that. It’s freaking strange how open with sex and women you and your dad are.”

A blond waitress arrived with two glasses of water. “Will you need anything else, Mr. Everett?”

“No. We’re fine.” He handed me my glass. After she left, Jude raised his in the air. “Should we toast to the great feasting of your apple?”

“No. I refuse to toast to that.” I raised my glass and clinked it against his. “To two friends sharing a special night together. That’s hopefully vomit and hysteria free.”

“So you’re saying yes?” He kept the glass in the air without taking a sip.

I looked away to hide my blush. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

I nodded.

“Okay, but we can’t do it tonight. I want this to be really romantic for you, all Romeo and Juliet.”

“You’re not going to start screaming sonnets outside my bedroom window, are you?”

He winked. “I just might.”

Chapter 6

The Beat and Rhythm

J
UDE
D
RAGGED
M
E
O
UT
to the dance floor downstairs, which was odd on so many levels. He hated dancing around crowds. People gawked and pointed at him. Men held their cell phones up and recorded his movements. Women “coincidentally” bumped into him and rubbed their bodies against him any chance they could. But he knew I loved to dance, and so he donned a fuzzy Bart Simpson hat and purple heart-shaped sunglasses, snatched up my hand, and towed me to a floor soaked in colored light.