For Adriano (27 page)

CHAPTER 32

Camilla

The days after I receive the disturbing package containing Santino’s ear are just plain hectic. 

I’m partly living on cloud nine, allowing Adriano to do anything sexual to me at night while my love for him deepens with every second we spend together. On the other hand, our reunion is overshadowed by an impending goodbye. I’ve been withdrawing larger amounts of cash, and James asked me once what for. I lied and said clothes, but I’m building a buffer for when Adriano’s ready to leave. Although I
am
fearing running again, I’ll follow him anywhere. He’s opening up to me like he never did in the past. And the man behind the
Capo
that I’ve caught glimpses of here and there, appears more often around me. He’s caring for me without restricting me, yet he always seems to convince me to do whatever he wishes – something that doesn’t dawn on me until later on.

Then there are also moments when he’s a thousand miles away, plotting our escape from the Syndicate and planning our future together. He’s becoming tormented, and I also have my doubts sometimes. When I’m with Fallon, Alessa, Rosalia, or James, I realize that I will miss this family. But I’m still searching for who I am. Still processing everything that’s happened. However, I do know what I don’t want. I don’t want a life without Adriano. My desire to be with him always wins out. And he centers me.

I’ve had dinner with his family, and I’m not sure how he’ll ever leave them. But seeing that he’s willing to give them up for me solidifies that he loves me. He hasn’t spoken the words; nevertheless, his actions and protectiveness toward me speak louder than words. Even though he’s never said it, I feel most loved when I’m in his arms. A hole in my heart has been filled with a fixation to be with him forever.

 I did call James to get myself on that team, and I’m training for hours every morning and afternoon. It’s amazing how fast I’m seeing results, and the feeling of empowerment has only increased. Just when I’ve started to enjoy this lifestyle, it will be taken away. No, I’ll choose to leave this time. It will be my choice. 

The need to go with them to help Santino and rid myself of this never-ending guilt that’s haunting me is upsetting Adriano. 

Adriano comes home in the afternoon right when I’m blocking a blow from my instructor on the mat by the window. His presence distracts me, and they both rebuke me harshly when I’m taken down on my back on the mat. 

“Again, Camilla,” my instructor shouts. “Concentrate! Anticipate my next move.” 

Jumping up, I move around, countering and mirroring his steps. When he comes at me, I turn my back too late, and he catches my arm, twisting it around.

“Shit!” I yell, discouraged.

“You can go,” Adriano says to my instructor and empties his pockets on the bar before joining me on the mat. Standing in front of me in a casual stance, he raises both brows. “Again, Cam!”

“I’m tired!”

“You want to fight with us? Join us? Well, today’s Wednesday, so you only have a couple of days left to train. Then you better train until the end. Again!” he barks and pushes me too far, charging at me.

I bend forward a little and lift my knee, but he knows exactly what I’m going for and hooks his heel behind my foot, causing me to fall back and get the wind knocked out of me. 

He pins my wrists next to my head. “Listen to me. I don’t want you to die down there Saturday because of some guy you barely know and some sense of misplaced guilt you don’t need to feel. You have no idea how dangerous it will be. I’m pushing you for you. But also for me… I’m scared you’ll get hurt.”

 I suck oxygen into my lungs, and the distraught look I’m witnessing dissolves my annoyance. “I understand but—”

“No buts. What’s going to happen afterward?
You
and
I
are leaving. What’s going to happen to Santino?”

“I don’t know, but at least he’ll be out of there so that he’ll have a chance to rebuild a life too. And I won’t have to live with the fact that he died in there because of me,” I try to explain it one more time.

“You want to be part of the Mafia? You’re still too emotionally attached to people. And don’t you understand that with you there, I can’t concentrate?” 

“I get that, but I’m stronger physically, and I want to be there to help you. James says it’s okay. I’m going.” 

He’s off me swiftly, and I get up.

“Really?” he trails off in a derisive tone. “James said nothing of the sort. Don’t lie to me; I’ve warned you about that once before.”

“Okay, so he hasn’t confirmed it yet, but he wants to speak to me tomorrow. And honestly, I don’t know if you’ll help Santino or just kill him down there.”

He presses me against the window, a powerful hand on my throat. If he wanted to, he could snap my neck like a twig. “You would choose him over me?!” His eyes are huge, storming with anger.

“No! Never.” I place my hand on his jaw. “Calm down. What happened today? Why are you so on edge?”

He isn’t seeing my face; he’s looking straight through me. “Don’t forget where your loyalty lies – with me.” 

“You know where my loyalty lies. That’s why you let me get away with so much. Because in the end, you damn well know I’d follow you into Hell while you can’t even tell me that you love me.”

Breathing hard, he lets me go.

“What happened today?” I prompt again.

Adriano clutches his hair; a clear sign that he’s stressed. “I spoke to Luca.”

“You mean you told him about us? What did he say?”

Uneasiness sets in. What if Luca has convinced Adriano to choose his
Capo
life instead of me? Whatever Luca said is obviously getting to him. He isn’t even trying to hide his absolute torment anymore. Luca’s made him doubt his decision. 

“He shares similar concerns. Do you truly understand what you’re giving up? That we’ll have a life where we’ll be on the run forever? James will never stop searching for you.” His palms cover my cheeks while he implores, “Do you get that?” 

“I do.”

“But wouldn’t you rather stay here? You’ve already accepted a Mafia life. You’re training and acting like James’s protégée.”

“Yes, I admit I would love to stay, but only if I get to be with you. I want to be with you more.” I rest my forehead against his. “Don’t let Luca change your mind.”

“I’m not. It’s just far more difficult than we thought. What about my family, Cam?”

“We can take them with us,” I offer.

“They don’t know about my Mafia life.” His voice is so soft that it pulls at my heartstrings.

“They’ll find out anyway when we run.”

“As much as I want them with me, I can’t. My mother is too sick to lead a life like that.” His hands slide away from my face. “If there were any other option, would you stay?”

“Yes,” I blurt and hurriedly add when he’s obviously startled by my reaction, “If I don’t have to sneak around and can be with you.” Where is his mind? He’s drowning in a million thoughts, floating away. “Does Luca have an alternative option for us?”

He shakes his head once. “Not a manageable option yet. Luca made me promise that we won’t take any action without informing him.”

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

“Can I tell Fallon about...us?”

“You haven’t already.” He poses it more as a statement than a question.

I ignore his comment. “Adriano, your reluctance to let me know what’s going on in your head is scaring me.”

“I don’t have an answer for you yet. I need to focus on Saturday first.” 

Rubbing my fingers down his jaw, I agree, “Okay. Then we first focus on getting through Saturday. And after that, we’ll talk to Luca together. I can see that he’s got you worried.”

In turn, it worries me that Adriano will pull away. Years of history with this man upsurges my doubt. But I trust his word. I must trust him.

He leaves for work again without saying anything else.

CHAPTER 33

Adriano

Conflicting emotions divide my thoughts. Deep down, I don’t want to give up my life as a
Capo
. I’ve worked so damn hard to secure this position, and Luca’s words hit me hard because he’s right; she’s infatuated, blinded by a love that’s only been set free for a few days. And that’s intensified our emotions amidst the problems.

My hesitancy lies in the fact that the longer we stay, the more attached she’ll become to her father and family. And that will conflict
her
mind; she doesn’t even realize that. I desperately want to strip Cam naked and bury myself inside her because of her devotion to me. In the week that she and I have grown closer, we’ve become more attached than we were in the months we were together in the past. And she’s not only a part of me; she’s scorched in my blood. I’m in love with Cam. I will never let her go; she belongs to me.

She lets me bend her in half in every position I choose in order to feel her body. And we’re learning to open up to each other, which is easy for me to do with her, since I trust her love for me. She’s the only person in this universe who has experienced all my sides: the
Capo
, the son, the friend, the lover. And she loves each and every part of me. I never have to pretend with her; she knows me – although I’m still not positive she comprehends the extent of my ruthlessness – and how I’ve lived. She knows I’m a killer. I do believe she’ll follow me anywhere. And I’m ready to take what I want; however, I realize now that I’m definitely not ready to give up my position of power.

Luca was correct in so many aspects; I’m being led by my dick. I’m not Prince Charming who’s going to sweep her off her feet. I’m offering a life of always being the target without having any substantial influence to protect us, and as a Mafia man, I know that’s a precarious predicament to be in.

And for the first time ever, I’m experiencing guilt, contrition for being selfish and wanting it all, but that is an emotion a
Capo
can’t afford to have.

A plan starts to construct in my mind, but it’s one that could blow up in my face and ruin many lives.

Losing Cam is not an option.

I want her with me, indefinitely.

I want my position of authority.

And I will take what I want.

***

When I return home that night, I’m confronted with the resentment of my current position as a
Capo
, yet I still want to maintain it, and it catapults me into action.

Cam’s upstairs when I enter my loft.

Hungry, I rummage through the fridge and settle on some chicken parmesan my mother left in a Tupperware container.

Well into the last bite, Cam comes down in my favorite outfit, panties and a tank. Well, perhaps not my
favorite
since that’s her naked body.

Before she gets a chance to speak, a knock sounds.

Our heads whip to the door, then to each other.

Bending to get my gun from the ankle holster, I throw my other arm up. “Go upstairs.”

“Adriano, it’s James,” his voice drifts from the other side of the door.

Upon hearing James, she turns on the top step.

“Put on some clothes!” I whisper-shout and set my weapon on the bar to open the door.

“I need to talk to Cam.” James peeks over my shoulder, and I let him in.

“She’s upstairs. I just got home.”

Discomfort sets in, and silence descends like a dark cloud until it’s broken by Cam’s presence.

James speaks before she’s even reached the bottom step. “Camilla, I have good news. You can come stay with me.”

Where’s this coming from? I just saw him a couple of hours ago, and he didn’t mention anything about taking her.

Her footsteps falter, and she freezes.

Don’t look at me, Cam.

Don’t ask questions.

Remember what we’re teaching you; never show your emotions.

And to my astonishment, she says, “Okay, I’ll get my bag.”

Nonchalantly, I take the fork with perspiring hands and barely taste the last bite of chicken. “What’s changed?”

“I have more guards now. And... I felt regret for not protecting her myself. Did she mention anything to you about how she might be disappointed that she didn’t get to stay with Alessa and Rosalia?” he asks, seemingly genuine.

This man’s had decades of training in the Mafia. It’s impossible to determine whether he’s being honest or simply wants her away from me. I’m inclined to believe the latter.

“No.”

A new level of what I can only describe as pure misery overcomes me when she returns, dressed and with an overnight bag, and is about to leave.

“Shall we go?” James doesn’t wait for an answer and touches the door handle. “I’m sure Adriano’s tired.”

I am. And Adriano wants to fucking sleep with her in his bed!

“We’ll see you tomorrow at the house.” Again, his is tone is bland, and I’m not convinced he doesn’t actually know about us.

“Thanks for letting me crash.” Tears pool in Cam’s eyes, making me want to lick them away, but she blinks her sorrow back before James witnesses it.

Only one quick glance that’s filled with a thousand words we don’t get to speak.

I dip my chin, and she’s gone.

The vast emptiness of the room crashes down on me. A whirlwind of emotions clash, and everything from the last few days gushes out.

Rolling my neck, I grip my gun and eye it. Then I smash the butt on the counter over and over again until I’m out of breath, shattering the rock-hard granite surface, thousands of tiny splinters covering the bar, while my rage searches for an outlet. I launch my handgun against the fridge, denting it before the weapon clangs to the floor.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye, not now and not earlier. This afternoon, I left without a word because I was organizing my thoughts. Cam might have perceived my hesitancy as second thoughts about us, and I need to rectify that. I can’t message or call her now, because James is probably sitting next to her in the car, so I wait, since I sense that she’ll contact me the moment she’s alone.

The wait is the longest two hours of my fucking life.

Eventually, my phone in my hand notifies me of a message.

It took them forever to leave me. I’m in my room now. Can I call you?

As much as I want to hear her voice, James will be listening.

No calls, Cam. Only texts, and delete them right away. I didn’t know he was planning to take you. How did he act toward you?

Okay. I’ll delete them. He acted normal, maybe a little too nice, but I get the feeling that’s more because he wanted his family together. I eavesdropped on them, and Alessa badgered him into having me with them too, which is nice, but it sucks because I miss you! I don’t think he knows anything about us; he didn’t mention you at all.

I grin because she’s such a shameless eavesdropper. Her words soothe the tension in my muscles, but I need her to be extra observant.

Cam, I’m proud of how you hid your emotions. Don’t forget that James is a master actor. He can blindside us at any moment. Be careful, promise me that.

Send. And I shoot her another one.

I miss you too. It’s too quiet without you prancing around.

And again, I add another text because I can’t help it.

It’s too quiet without you screaming my name when I fuck you with my cock.

Well, it only took you ten seconds to make this convo sexual. Don’t make me horny with my father in the next room; that’s just disturbing.

I’m glad she’s teasing; she’s showing me how resilient she is.

My phone vibrates with another incoming message from her.

This bed is so cold.

Soon you’ll be in my warm bed again, my love. Patience is a virtue.

One I don’t have. I want your cock when you say stuff like ‘my love’.

I groan around a smile.

I promise to make you come in some way when we see one another tomorrow. Be careful. Go to sleep.

You better! I’ll be careful. You too. Night.

I type ‘I love you’ but erase it because I need to see her face when I say it to her.

Sleep tight.

And within a text message exchange of five minutes, she manages to relax me and make me miss her even more at the same time.

In my master suite, I strip down to my boxers and crawl into bed, plotting while glaring at my ceiling.

Time is money. Time is life or death.

I’m taking back the power that’s been stripped from me. I’m taking her back.

My longing for her both weakens and fortifies me. She’s my Achilles heel. She’s the reason I’m about to shake up the underworld. There’s only one way out now. No one takes my girl from me.