For Better or For Worse (3 page)

Lucy

The next day I couldn’t
even focus at work, that damn Grant had my mind completely gone to
the point where I couldn’t get anything done. I have always prided
myself on being a hard worker ever since I started my internship at
the prominent fashion magazine Elite. After graduating from NYU, I
was blessed with the opportunity to work for such a prestigious
magazine as assistant editor. Knowing that there were plenty people
who would kill to have my spot I had been determined to prove
myself to New York’s Fashion world. Now that I had worked my way up
to one of the top positions in the corporation there was nothing
that could stop me now…or so I thought. I took a deep breath and an
Advil to calm my nerves, at the job I may have been dressed like
Vivica Fox in
Two can Play that
Game
, but I was surely feeling like Halle
Berry in
Losing Isaiah
. I looked at my newly built office; it was decked out with a
maple desk, chairs, and recent covers of Elite and all the
accomplishments I had made on my journey to the top.
Long time coming
, I
thought. I closed my eyes and relived the horror of last night. I
didn’t understand why Grant couldn’t see we were not ready for
children. I had too much I wanted to do with my life right now; I
guess there was just no getting through that thick ass head of his.
I sighed in my chair.

“
Hey girl, are you ok?” I
didn’t have to open my eyes to know whose cheerful voice entered my
thoughts. Megan Collins had been a coworker and friend of mine for
years. We met during our first interview with Elite for our college
internships, of course the vibe between us was competitive for
black women on the rise, but when we both received the call back
for the job we became like soul sistas at the local beauty shop
ever since. “Oh I’m fine Meg. I just got a lot on my mind.” “What
too much work?” She said pulling up a seat. “I feel you girl, they
are working us like a sweat shop out here. Now I know how those
little Asian children in the factories feel.” I chuckled at her
comment and rested my eyes on her pretty clover green ones that
matched her office dress. Megan was a very thin and beautiful
biracial woman with incredible bone structure, straight brown and
blonde hair, light olive skin and legs to die for.

Meg easily could have been
a model for Elite, but some people don’t take well to the
spotlight. “It’s not the work load…” I said sighing again in
frustration. “It’s Grant.” She looked at me confused. “What? Is
there Trouble in paradise already? Well damn that was fast.” I
shook my head. “No….Yes….I don’t know.” I slouched back down in my
chair while Meg took my hands into her own and gave me that
mamas here for you baby look
. “Tell me what’s wrong?” she asked. I took a deep breath and
began to unravel. “Grant wants to have a baby.” “Well that’s
great.” She said with cheerful glee until she saw my dull
expression and froze her face. “It is great right?” I stood up and
straightened out my business attire in the full length mirror
behind my door.

“
Listen, I want kids…in
the future. I’m talking way into the future. Like c’mon we have
only been married for a year, I just became assistant editor and
work is already kicking my ass. I can’t handle a child right now,
who the hell do I look like wonder woman. I’m not ready for this.”
I plopped down back into my chair while Meg trying to quell me on
the situation. “Alright… calm down…. calm down. Now have you tried
telling him this?” “Ha…” I looked at her and scoffed. “He doesn’t
hear me. He hears what he wants to hear and that is me telling him
no.” Meg tilted her head back as if she were dizzy from trying to
decipher all this information I was laying on her. I almost offered
her an Advil… I had already taken three today. “Oprah, I don’t know
how you do it.” I heard her mumble. “Ok honey listen, you two have
to sit down and talk to each other. That is the only way you’re
going to reach some sort of compromise.” I rolled my eyes and took
a sip of my latte knowing good and damn well there was no
compromising with Grant Smith, he for sure was not a compromising
man.

***

Lucy/ 1995

We sat in the back of his
1973 Cadillac; I remembered how badly I wanted taste Grants lips
before and now I was getting all I could stand tonight. After a
month of talking on the phone about anything and everything Grant
and I had finally got around to going out on a couple dates. We
were finding it hard to stay away from one another given the
magnanimous attraction we felt. After enjoying a nice romantic
comedy at the movies and picking up some ice cream from a nearby
parlor. I sat in his lap practically swallowing his tongue while
his hands roamed under my skirt. The Tupac song that was playing
through the stereo had the whole car vibrating to the beat. The
seclusion of the car made me feel like we were in our own little
world just me and him. Although Grant and I were slobbering each
other down right now, I wasn’t intending on giving it up yet…no
matter how fine he looked tonight. I sat in the backseat with Grant
trying to hold on to my top for dear life, because he was damn near
ripping it off. I could tell by his wondering hands that he seemed
to have other plans for us. I could feel him pulling and tearing at
my panties. “Slow down baby.”

I barely got out while he
continued to ravage me. Grant must have not heard me because he
kept grabbing my ass, feeling my breast; I thought I was going to
explode in passion if I didn’t do something quick, fast, and in a
hurry. “Grant stop.” I asked trying to pry his huge hands off me.
He kept kissing me and touching like I wasn’t even speaking, my
neck and chest were wet from all of his kisses. “Grant…please.” I
tried to ease out of his lap but his hand on my hip kept me firmly
in place…I didn’t like that. Out of sheer panic I scratched and
clawed my way off of him until we were on opposite sides of the car
trying to catch our breath. He looked at me like he was completely
aggravated by my actions. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He
spoke so roughly.

I looked at him like he was
crazy. “What’s wrong with me? I was telling you to stop and you
weren’t listening.” Grant sucked his teeth and chuckled like
something was amusing to him. “Stop for what? I thought we both
were into it.” Yeah I was into it, when he came to pick me up for
the movie he was looking so good in that blue polo shirt and jeans,
I could barely look him in the eye. So it wasn’t a problem when he
suggested that we go somewhere more secluded after the movie. We
went to Young’s Park a very popular place that was very private at
night and a few innocent kisses turned into a whole something else
completely unexpected. I took a breath and tried to regain my
composure. “Look Grant… I like you but this is just our third date.
I’m not trying to get into all this so soon.” He rolled his eyes
and straightened out his shirt. “That’s such a joke… You want this
just as bad as I do, all this playing hard to get is getting on my
nerves. Shit, if I knew I had to work this hard I would have took
some other ho out.”

I felt like he knocked the
wind out of me but wouldn’t dare let him know it. I couldn’t
believe he was talking to me like this and I was extremely hurt.
When I felt tears stinging at my eyes I knew it was time to make my
exit. I nodded my head and buttoned up my shirt. “Ok…If that’s how
you feel let me get the hell out of your way.” I stepped out of the
car and pulled down my skirt and began to walk home. I didn’t get
far before I realized I didn’t know where the hell I was going and
it’s not like I could call anyone because I left my phone in that
assholes car.
Damn
, I thought.
How the hell did this
happen? Just because a man flips out a few dollars for dinner and a
movie he thinks he’s got the golden ticket to the chocolate
factory…Damn, damn, damn.
I was having a
Florida Evans moment from
Good
Times
and fought the urge to cry. I made
it to the next street corner when I felt a hand touch my shoulder;
I jumped in fear for my life.

“
What the hell are you
doing sneaking up on me like that?” I yelled. Grant eased back not
meaning to scare me. “Relax… I just came to get you.” I rolled my
eyes at him and twisted my neck at me. “Get me for what, don’t you
have plenty of other hos lining up to get at you?” He softened his
tone and he put on those puppy dog eyes that made him look like he
was begging.

“I didn’t mean
that?”

“
But you said that.” I
scowled.

“But I didn’t mean it.”
Grant made his eyes plead at me….damn I did know how he did that.
It got me every time, that must be a handed down family trick to
get women. “I should have never talked to you like that Lucy, I’m
sorry.” I nodded refusing to look at those dark sexy eyes that made
me get in the back of his car in the first place.

“
Listen I’m not doing
anything with anybody I don’t want to. So if that’s all you are
looking for you need to go back to your car.” I said face stern and
arms folded like a drill sergeant…the army would be proud. He
smiled at the attitude I was giving him and kept his eyes focused
on me to wear me down. “If that’s all I wanted I would have been
left. You say you don’t want to get into anything physical that’s
fine. I’ll respect that.” I gave him a look that said
I don’t believe you.
He
threw up his hands as if he was surrendering. “Woman look, if I
wasn’t interested would I be chasing your ass down through Young’s
park in the middle of night? C’mon” My face eased but I still held
up my guard and eyed him roughly…I was never one to give in so
easy.

“
Ok…Ok let’s chalk this up
to one bad night and go from there.” I finally suggested. He nodded
and motioned for me to follow him back to his car and when I did
not move he looked at me puzzled. “What’s the problem?” He asked. I
stood there arms still folded looking at him strangely. “No… you
can go home, I’ll call myself a cab and maybe I will call you
later.” I said hoping he would try and convince me to come with
him. Grant looked at me and shook his head. “Girl if you don’t come
get in this damn car I know something. I’m not about to baby you.
That’s your problem now princess you’re too spoiled.” He scolded me
playfully. I couldn’t help but laugh as we began to walk back to
the car.

He pulled on my still
folded arm wanting to hold my hand, I refused. I was still hurt and
wanted to make him suffer a little longer. “Girl stop playing. I
thought you forgave me?” Grant said still tugging at me. “I did
forgive you but I’m still not over it.” He pulled me closer to him
and kissed my cheek slow and soft. “You over it yet...” He
whispered. I felt that hot friction that I always felt when he
touched me began to resurface, being that my defenses were down I
didn’t know if I could shake it off so easily. “No.” My shaky voice
lied. He placed another kiss on that spot between my ear and neck
and let it linger as his tongue brushed across it. “You over it
now?” He said again. That trembling was starting to happen and I
was finding hard to walk. Grant seeing that he had melted the
iceberg between us pulled my mouth to his and explored it like
Christopher Columbus with his tongue. I didn’t resist when he
slowly but surely grabbed and caressed my behind in this tight
skirt. I managed to pull away from him and rested my head on his
chest. When I finally caught my breath I looked up at him. “Ok, now
I’m over it.”

***

I smiled and cherished
those early moments of our life, just wishing I could feel that way
again. Meg pulled me into her arms and hugged me. “I know it won’t
be easy girl but it has to be done.” She grabbed her purse and
headed for the door. “If it’s any consolation just think of all the
fun you are going to have making up for lost time. Woooh….I’m
getting uneasy just thinking it about it.” She said fanning
herself. I laughed at her craziness. “What would I do without you?”
She smiled sweetly. “Discuss all your issues with your divorce
lawyer.” I think we both got a kick out of that joke. I sat back
down at my desk feeling better than before, she was right I’m going
to sit Grant down and weigh all of our options and hope and pray we
reach a happy medium…and if not his ass could continue to sleep on
the couch.

Grant

“
Right there hit... c’mon
kick, kick.” Frank yelled at the 60’inch TV. As a last minute
invite over to his house, Frank and I watched the MMA fight that
was playing on PPV. It was not as if I hadn’t come over to Frank’s
house before to hang out, but not every day for the past week. I
think I was starting to tip him off that there were problems at
home. “Look at this guy, he is whooping his ass. Get him.” He
screamed at the television. Frank Carnac and I were on the same
welding team, and surprisingly we turned out to be very good
friends. He was very slim man, pale skinned with jet black hair and
eyes to match, he was a little messy but he always meant well. I
chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Man you really into this stuff
huh?”

He looked at me and
smirked. “Like you’re not… So, you ready to talk yet?” I pretended
like I didn’t know what he was referring to and sipped on my beer.
“Bout what?” He laughed at my obvious denial. “You know what...
whatever problem you and Lucy are having?” I shook my head. “My
wife and I are cool.” Ok I lied, but I don’t have to tell him
everything, as far as he was concerned Lucy and I were fine and
everything was great…even if it was not true. Frank sat his beer on
the table next to the couch.