For the Love of Gracie (18 page)

He sobbed, "I'm sorry, Gracie. I'm so sorry." His hands moved and then stopped. I knew he was afraid to touch me again. 

I kissed his head and whispered, "You can hug me." 

He pulled me into an embrace. 

"I love you, Cam."

I was not sure how long we sat there and cried.  At one point, I sat against the wall with Cameron's head in my lap. 

He looked up at me and said, "I'm an asshat." He sat up. "I shouldn’t be lying here like a little bitch. I should be taking care of you." 

I laughed. "You always take care of me. It's my turn." 

He stood, helped me up, and pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry that I didn’t get there in time, Gracie." 

I sighed. "Stop it. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you'd blame yourself. Ash is right, it's Hudson who's to blame, not you or me." 

He nodded in agreement. 

I touched the scratches on his neck that had dried; luckily, they were superficial. "I'm sorry I scratched you. As if your poor face isn't battered enough."

He waved it off. "I plan on saying it was a sex injury." 

I chuckled and shook my head.

We walked downstairs hand in hand.

Ashton was in the kitchen cooking. Whatever it was, smelled amazing. My stomach growled loudly.

Cameron looked over and said, "When was the last time you ate?"

I shrugged, I honestly couldn’t remember.   Cameron sighed. "You need to take better care of yourself. Go in there and let that man take care of you. I'm going to rest on your couch for a few minutes, if you don’t mind." 

I kissed him. "Of course, go rest."

Ashton stood over the stove, stirring a pot of something. I
wound my arms around him, from behind, and felt his hand touch mine. "What are you cooking?" 

He replied, "Chicken Alfredo and garlic bread. I also made cherry cobbler for dessert." 

I moved and leaned my back against the counter, so I could see his face. "Is there anything you can't do?" 

His eyes drifted over, he smiled and said, "Nope, not really."   

I set the table for us. "Cameron said he would eat in a bit.  He wanted to give us some alone time."

Ashton fixed a huge plate of pasta and set it in front of me.  I looked up and asked, "This is your plate, right?" 

He chuckled. "No. You haven’t eaten in forever. I know you're starving, so eat up." 

I glanced down at the pasta and said, "I'll never eat all of this, besides I don’t want to get fat." 

Ash's eyebrows scrunched up. "Gracie, you don’t strike me as someone who worries about their weight. You've never been one to worry about eating in front of me either." 

The food smelled amazing.  All I could think about
was Hudson telling me he didn’t want me to get fat. I didn’t want to lose Ashton because of that either.

"I just want to remain attractive for you. Things are different now that we're dating." 

He set his plate down and sighed heavily. "Why would you gaining weight change how I feel? And I don't want things to be different. I like how we are together." 

I rolled my eyes. "It’s fine Ash. I used to be overweight, I know how guys looked at me." 

He set his fork down and leaned to the side. From his back pocket, he pulled out his wallet. "I'm not like those guys.  I don’t know what I have to do to make you see that, but maybe this will help." 

His hand covered something on the table as he slid it forward.

When he moved his hand, there was a picture underneath. It was Ashton, with his arms around a woman. She had golden blonde hair with tight curls. Her hips were wide, her thighs thick. She had a soft stomach that protruded slightly over the top of her jeans.

Ashton's hand was on her face, the look he was giving her made my stomach clench with jealousy. He had such love in his eyes.  She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, you could see that in his
gaze.

Her face was round, her body plump, at least a size twenty because this was the shape my body was a few years ago.  Through his eyes I could see how extremely gorgeous she was. 

"Is this Addy?" I asked. 

He nodded. "Yep, that's my Addy. I hope it doesn’t offend you that I carry her picture around." 

I placed my hand on his. "No, of course not. I'd never ask you to forget about her." 

He relaxed. "As you can see, she was beautiful. I never cared what size she was. When I met her, that's how she looked and that is how she stayed.   I'm attracted to women, any size, shape, or color." 

I smiled. "You said you fell in love with me at first sight. Wouldn’t that mean it was my body that attracted you?" 

He smirked. "I fell in love with Addy at first sight, too."

He placed his hand on mine "Love at first sight isn't really about someone's looks. It's more of a connection you feel to that person, instantly.  An attraction doesn't always have to be physical." 

"I didn’t mean to insinuate…Sorry. Will you tell me about meeting her?" I asked. 

He shoved a forkful of pasta in his mouth as he shook his head, no.

"Please, Ash?" 

He set his fork down again. "Why?" he asked, his voice choking a bit. 

"I'm interested in knowing about her."

"I haven’t talked about her. Not like that. Not since.." He stopped talking. 

I was so selfish.  I wanted to soothe myself by forcing him to talk about his pain and that wasn't fair. "It's ok, you don’t have to." 

Ashton stood up and cleared his plate. He walked to the deck door and went outside, shutting the door behind him. 

I went to the living room. Cameron was on the couch sleeping. The swelling had gone down on his face, his eye was a deep purple color. It hurt seeing him like this and knowing it was my fault. He was always funny about his hair getting messed up; I knew the bandage on his head was making him crazy. The doctor said the skull fracture was small and there shouldn’t be any permanent effects. I still worried something would pop up later or that it would affect his memories.  

I sat beside him and rested my hand on his chest.  He jerked awake, rubbing his eyes. "Gracie?" He shifted to lay on his side and patted the couch. I curled up in front of him and he wrapped his arms around me. "What's wrong?" 

I shrugged. "I wanted to check on you, that’s all." 

He squeezed me gently. "I'm good, baby girl. I'll be back to my sexy self in no time, don’t worry."

I smiled. Cameron always made me feel good. 

"Why are you here, when you should be with that hot hunk of man?" 

I didn’t answer him. 

His voice grew stern. "Gracie, tell me you didn’t screw this up." 

Ashton answered for me, "She didn’t." 

I looked up to see he was propped against the entryway. He smiled at me. "Come join me on the porch. I have a story to tell you."

He put his hand out. I placed my hand in his and let him lead me outside. 

"I'm sorry I flipped out a bit, I want you to know about her, though. She's a big part of my history," he said. 

I leaned up against him as he told me their story.

"Addison and I met in high school. She was my high school sweetheart. It was the first day of Junior year. She walked into my math class. I didn’t notice her at first. Then she sat down in the seat in front of me. She smelled like sugar cookies. I told her that and her face scrunched in pain. She assumed I was making comments about her weight, I discovered later. I hadn’t even noticed it.  She ignored me, after she called me a jerk under her breath.”

"I saw her later, crying under the stairwell. I sat beside her, handing her a tissue. She refused to take it from me. She turned and told me that she didn’t need more comments to make her feel bad about herself. I genuinely didn’t have a clue what she meant. I glanced over her body and asked what there is to feel bad about. She narrowed her eyes at me in anger. I said to her, 'I like the way you smell. It may not have been the best line, but pretty girls make me nervous.' She smiled and asked, 'You think I'm pretty?' I nodded and she blushed.  I asked her to go to the first school dance with me that year so I could make it up to her."

Watching him talk about her was difficult. His face lit up with every memory. Ashton had loved this woman with everything he was. I'd never felt love like that before I met him. 

He closed his eyes and smiled. 

"When I went to pick her up for the dance, she looked amazing. She had a black dress on, that dipped somewhat low in the front, with a flowing skirt. She wore tall black heels that made her legs look so sexy. Her hair was pushed back off her face with a glittery headband. When she saw me look her over, it made her eyes light up. I couldn’t help myself, I leaned forward and kissed her before she even invited me inside. It was my first real kiss and it was fantastic." 

His eyes opened, he turned to face me. "Sorry. I seemed to have gotten lost in my thoughts." 

I moved my arm to the back of the swing. "I can see how much you still love her."

Ashton's hand reached for my face, I closed my eyes at the contact. "I love you, Gracie. Addy will always be a part of me though. She was my first everything, I can’t change that part of my past." 

That's when something hit me, "Is she the only person you've been with?" 

He exhaled. "She died three years ago. We had been together for six years and I thought I’d spend my life with her. I had a lot of things to deal with other than dating. Besides, no one interested me after she died, until that night I met you."

He lifted a strand of my hair, letting it slide between his fingers.  "She would approve of me moving on with you. I've never forgiven myself for what happened to her and I have moments where I breakdown.  You can't let that make you feel as though my feelings for you don’t matter." 

"I understand." I said. "That night that you picked me up from work?" I didn’t have to clarify my question. 

He answered with, "That was the anniversary of her death." 

His eyes left mine as he asked, "Why did you think Cam was Hudson earlier? What caused you to hide in the closet?" 

I squirmed in my seat. "I thought I heard Hudson singing." 

Ashton turned to me. "Singing what?" 

My hand moved a piece of hair behind my ear, a nervous habit I had. "
Far from home
. It was a heavy metal song that he used to sing all the time." 

Ashton's face paled. "Damn, Gracie."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. "I had no clue. That was me. The song was playing in the car. I walked upstairs to let Angel know I was back. I was singing that song when I passed by your room."

He moved closer to me. "I wanted to fix you something to eat and asked Cameron to check on you.  A few minutes later I heard you screaming. I made it to you just in time to see you scratch the hell out of Cam. He didn’t have a clue what he had done or what was wrong with you."

His hand moved and stopped. "Is this okay?" he asked softly.

I didn’t answer. 

He placed his arm on the back of the swing, instead. I moved myself in to the crook of his arm, reached up, and pulled it around me. He relaxed as he kissed my forehead. 

"Did people make fun of Addison for her weight?" I asked, wanting to get away from the subject of me. 

"They did, before we started dating." His hand ran up and down my arm. 

"Were you Mr. popular or something?" 

He chuckled. "Not exactly. I wasn't very outgoing in high school. I had hit my growth spurt by the time we met, though. Would you say anything negative to someone when they were walking down the hall with me?" 

He had a point. He was over six feet tall and a bit intimidating to look at. "I'm glad you and Addison were together. She was lucky to have found a guy like you who was good to her and helped her self-confidence, instead of tearing it down." 

He stiffened in response to my words. "I'm sorry I didn’t say anything sooner in order to be that for you. I thought I was doing the right thing." 

I sat up. "You were. It’s my fault. I saw the signs early on, but I ignored them." 

He placed his palm against my cheek. "I'm not trying to push, but damn, Gracie, I want to kiss you so bad right now." 

I stood up. 

He added, "I'm sorry, I.." 

I didn’t let him finish. I straddled his waist on the swing. His hands moved to my hips as I lowered my head to meet his mouth. He kissed me softly, letting me tell him, with the actions of my lips, how far I wanted to go.

My tongue slipped through the seam of his lips and I moaned when his tongue moved against mine. His hands tightened around my waist, pulling me against him. I kept my hands pressed to his face as our mouths did what our bodies couldn’t, at the moment. 

Chapter Twelve