FORBIDDEN (30 page)

Great. I’d never live this down now. Clay and Ethan sat chuckling to themselves, as I leaned back in frustration. “I need a date to go to the dance and watch Hannah.”

“Take Reina,” Ethan offered. “She’s a fox, and it’ll make Hannah jealous.”

Unfortunately, it seemed like the only option. I had no desire to go with some random human. At least Reina could help step in if something happened. “Yeah,” I said reluctantly. “That’s going to be a blast.”

“I’ll be there as a chaperone,” Clay added. “That way there’s three of us in the vicinity. Nothing is going to get past three Guardians.”

“And I’ll be busy stalking a crazed Hunter bent on becoming the first nice one of her kind around Ohio,” Ethan sighed, slapping a sarcastic smile on his face. “This Saturday should be a real blast.”

I groaned as I knocked on the door of Reina’s house. This wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it seemed like the only viable option I had. Her smile was radiant as she opened the door. “Levi! What do I owe this special visit?”

“Don’t get too excited, Reina. I’m not here because I want to be.”

She rolled her eyes as she gestured for me to come in. “You’re not too smooth with the ladies, Levi. You make Ethan look downright suave.”

“Whatever. I’m new to this mess. Anyway, I’m here about Hannah.”

Reina groaned and smirked. “I should have known. Human girl giving you fits?”

I didn’t want to give her any more information than needed. “I need a date to homecoming. You’re a girl.”

“That’s an insightful observation. I would have expected that from Ethan, though. Not much going for you yet that makes me want to say yes.”

“I need a date to homecoming so I can keep an eye on Hannah. You’re a Guardian. I’m transitioning. Clay will be there posing as a chaperone. Just do it. You’re supposed to be overseeing my transition, anyway. Isn’t this in your job description or something?”

Reina walked down the grandiose hall she’d created inside the small farmhouse. With me opting to be a vagabond, she made the house to her liking instead of mine. I couldn’t say I blamed her. She eyed me up and down. “Please tell me you won’t be wearing those jeans and that hoodie.”

I rolled my eyes. She knew I’d do whatever she wanted, so long as she said yes. What a cheater. “What would you like me to wear, Reina?”

“A tux. And I expect dinner.”

“Fine. Any other demands?”

“Not at the moment. That’s subject to change. Where’s your little Guard friend going to be for this event?”

I bit back the mean things that could have been said. She hadn’t exactly been around since Clay showed up. There wasn’t much she could complain about with Ethan; he’d done more for Hannah and I than her. “Ethan will be keeping an eye on Angie.”

She nodded. “Probably a good idea. What about Owen?”

“That’s why we want as many Guardians there as possible. Just in case.”

Reina nodded, then winked. “Fine. I’ll go along with your plan, but don’t think I don’t notice that you only come around when you need help. You’ll make a girl feel like she’s being used.”

I hugged her in spite of myself. “Thanks, Reina. Just keep yourself under some kind of control, okay?”

She smiled mischievously. “Some kind of control. That’s all I can promise. Pick me up at seven.”

“Deal.”

I turned to leave, but she called out before I reached the door. “What are you doing the rest of the week?”

“Trying to convince Hannah to go to homecoming with me.”

Reina laughed. “That’s bad form, ditching your date after solidifying plans.”

I groaned. “So I’ve heard.”

The rest of the day went by without much of an ordeal, but I left Hannah to her own devices for the evening. She seemed morose, but I was determined to let her sort her affections out by herself. There was no need to get into a contest with Justin. She’d figure out what she wanted in due time. I could only hope she’d decide she wanted me.

Clay sat by me against the base of their house. “Taking the low route tonight, Levi?”

“Don’t feel like letting her see me right now.”

He patted me on the back. “You can learn to control that. She can see you because you feel so strongly for her, but if you work at it, you’ll be able to remain invisible even to her.”

“I might take you up on the lessons if you’re offering.”

He chuckled, looking up into the night sky. “I’ll wait to offer until after homecoming.”

“Where’s Ethan tonight?”

“Chasing after Angie, of course. That boy does have a good heart in there.”

Ethan’s heart had never been in question for me, it’s just I’d decided he’d packed it away a long time ago. Hearing someone talk about him like he might be capable of compassion was strange. I just nodded.

Clay looked at me sideways. “What, you thought you were the only one Hannah affected? Ethan’s changed quite a bit since he met her too, I’d say.”

I didn’t know how I felt about that. A sudden possessiveness washed over me. “Hannah’s my Call.”

“I know that,” Clay agreed, “I’m just saying, her purity doesn’t just affect you. I’d be curious to see what happened if she touched him.”

The conversation was going somewhere I just didn’t have the energy to go, so I stood up and began to walk away. Clay stood with me, determined to not leave me alone. “Levi, you need to take care of her like a Call. If more is meant to be, it will be. Just get through this week and see what happens on Saturday. It’s only three days away.”

“Yeah.”

“Ethan is capable of being good. Encourage him like you used to.”

“Sure.”

“Quit acting like a hormonal teen. You don’t have hormones, you’re dead,” teased Clay.

I whirled around to face him. “Do you not think I’m aware of that? Do you not think I know Hannah would have been better off with a human like Justin every day? What if I hadn’t interfered? These are things I think about all the time.”

“Then you would still be a hardened Guard, debating your place in the world. You wouldn’t have uncovered the twisted desires of the Fallen and you wouldn’t have pushed Ethan to question his motives as a Guard,” Clay said quietly. “You’ve changed the course of many things by saving her, Levi. Don’t question your motives. Your intentions are pure. You wouldn’t have transitioned if they weren’t.”

That wasn’t exactly what I had been expecting to hear. I just nodded, but then the frustration of the day got to me. “I don’t want to go to her school and see her near that guy.”

“Then don’t,” Clay said simply. “Take the rest of the week off. See how Saturday goes, like I said before.”

It was solid advice from the only solid person I seemed to have. He lifted his head to the sky. “Get out of here. I’ll watch Hannah like my own. You need a break.”

He didn’t need to tell me twice. In a flash I was gone. There was no drive to go anywhere in particular, just the drive to get away from here.

I didn’t realize where I’d gone until her grave was in front of me. Dropping to my knees in the little cemetery outside Rochester, New York, praying hands were etched above my mother’s name.
Anna Elizabeth Fields, Loving Wife & Mother
. The words ate at whatever was left of my soul.

Tears dropped from my eyes. In astonishment, I touched the wet places on the cement. How could I cry? How was that possible? It was physically impossible. I had no working heart, lungs, anything. What I could sense and feel was only what I was permitted. Was I permitted to cry? It’d never happened before now.

I kneeled there in silence, tears flowing. My fingers traced the carved stone, and I felt the cool grooves in the marble. Dirt and grime came away on my fingertips. I hadn’t visited Mom’s gravesite in a long time. I felt like such a failure. I failed my mom. I failed my Call. A solitary tear fell and splashed on the base of the tombstone.

This was not where I imagined myself ending up. Here I was, a Guard transitioning, and I was crying. Guys weren’t supposed to cry. Guards really weren’t supposed to cry. This wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. Nothing but sorrow filled me. “I’m so sorry, Mom. This wasn’t what I meant to happen.”

How could I make up for all the wrong in my life? Was Hannah my chance for redemption? It seemed more and more that way. But how could I continually keep her safe? Humans weren’t meant to last forever. Who was I to fight with fate and keep her here longer?

All the questions I had kept bottled up came out in a rush as I spoke to the praying hands on my mother’s tombstone. There was no way to know how long I’d been there, but when the sun began to rise for a second time, I knew it was time to get back to Hannah. It was Thursday now. I’d ignored my duties long enough.

I needed to be the Guardian that I was transitioning into and keep Hannah safe. That was my job. I was breaking the rules by even entertaining thoughts of being with her. We were worlds apart. It was unfair to think she’d want me. It was time to accept my role as her Guardian. I was better off alone. I wasn’t the one for her.

Sighing, I stood and kissed the top of Mom’s grave. “I love you,” I whispered as I ran my fingers along the top of the tombstone once more before taking off. It was time to take care of business. Owen needed to be stopped before he could cause more harm. Once he was out of the picture, I’d return to being just a flicker of cloud over Hannah’s shoulder on a sunny day. I’d let her live her human life, however long it would be with danger out of the way.

It’s what she deserved, and it’s what I was called to do.

Clay didn’t question me when I returned Thursday afternoon. He simply put an envelope in my hands. “You’ve got mail,” he said, “You good for a while so I can check in with Ethan?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

He smiled and took off, leaving me alone on Hannah’s roof with the envelope. Where’d it come from? I turned it over and opened it.

Levi,
Hannah had written in her perfect cursive,
I’m really sorry about what happened. Please don’t stay away. I miss you. The window is open whenever you want to come back.

What the heck was I supposed to do with that? She was the one who didn’t want to go to homecoming with me. I did notice she didn’t say she’d called off her date with Justin, though. Obviously she wasn’t too torn up.

It was hard to turn off the desire to go the short distance to her window.
The window is open
, she’d written. I peeked over the edge of the roof to see the sheer, cream-colored curtains swaying gently in the breeze. It was October. That couldn’t make her room warm.

I sat with my legs dangling off the rooftop as I thought about the situation. Hadn’t I just decided she was better off without me? The sun set with me sitting like a stone figure rooted to the spot. Clay was still gone, no doubt trying to keep Angie out of trouble. It seemed like between keeping Hannah alive and keeping everyone around Angie alive, we had our hands full. It all came back to the Fallen and the twisted rules they followed. It wasn’t even their fault when it came down to it; they were simply following orders. The one in charge kept a tight leash on them… and on the Guards. I used to be one of them. Ethan still was. Just thinking about it made a fire lick my insides that I hadn’t felt before.

When the stars came out in full force, I looked down to Hannah’s window once more. The blinds still danced in the light breeze. She must be asleep by now. I chanced it and hopped down to her ledge.