Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2)
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Authors: NJ Flatman
Forbidden
(An Addicted to You Novel- Book 2)
NJ Flatman
www.agoodgirldirtymind.com
Copyright © 2015 by NJ Flatman
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, email the author, addressed “Attention: Permissions Request,” at the address below.
NJ Flatman:
[email protected]
Printed in the United States of America
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover design by Leddy Harper (http://leddyharper.com)
Author photograph by NJ Flatman (Hashtag Selfie)
Forbidden
Book 2 in the Addicted to You Series
Even when love is Forbidden…. it can still be all that you need
Spencer Phillips has forbidden love in his life. Living with the memories of family disaster, bad choices and a love lost; he has no desire to repeat the heartache and pain that it’s guaranteed to bring.
Even when it comes in the form of Avery Bradfield.
Regardless of how good things seem to be between them, and often in spite of it, Spencer is determined that love only brings disaster and destruction. It’s a fate he isn’t willing to tempt again.
Until the day he learns he has really lost her.
When his biggest fear becomes reality, Spencer must face his own demons and accept that some addictions in life are permanent. As he finds out, sometimes what is most forbidden is the same thing that you just can’t live without.
Join Avery Bradfield and Spencer Phillips as they venture through a love that tests their limits, pushes them through their fears and shows them that sometimes addiction takes on many forms.
Forbidden is Book 2 of the Addicted to You Series
Consumed:
Book 1 (Released June 5, 2015)
Obsessed
: Book 3
(Coming October 2015)
Addicted
:
Book 4
(Coming December 2015)
Bound
:
Book 5
(Coming February 2016)
Dedicated to my Grandma.
You believed in me during those times that no one else did. I wish I could sit at the table and tell you all about this. I know you’d be proud— and I hope you’d have never read it. Haha!
Love you .
Acknowledgements
This is the part where I acknowledge everyone that has helped to make this possible. But there’s never enough room or the right words. I’ll still give it a go.
When I wrote Consumed I had no fucking idea what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to write— so I did. If anyone had told me what kind of shit I was diving into I might have run scared lol. But thankfully I didn’t and instead I watched this world unfold in front of me. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing— but I’m getting closer.
Thank you to the Indie community and the many authors that have befriended me, helped me and honestly just made this more fun. A few select authors have gone above and beyond to guide me, offer their assistance and help me to get going. Bloggers— especially one or two — have helped out and sometimes gone above what was ever hoped for to help with success. I’m sorry I’m not naming names- but I’d never want anyone to feel left out.
I’d like to thank my amazingly awesome and organized PA Chloe Meyer who made it possible to actually finish this book by the deadline. She took me on TWO days before the release of Consumed even though my answer to everything was “Umm, yea I’ve got that around here somewhere”. She has not only almost gotten me organized— she has tackled my mess of a to-do list and let me relax and write. The part I love.
Thanks to the readers and others that have joined me at parties and takeovers and let me have a little excitement with talks of drinks, hot guys and even one direction concerts.
Thanks to the beta readers, reviewers, those who have shared my stuff and everyone that bought Consumed. I hope Spencer’s story doesn’t disappoint.
My daughter Madison— again— has had to take a back seat to Spencer and Avery. Hope she doesn’t resent them later ;) I love you girl!
And thank you to the in person, real life friends who still hang around— all two of you ;) — and take my mind out of the stories for a while. Thanks for the tips and support and ideas that you share, but mostly for the laughs and beer and movies.
As always— thanks to everyone that’s broken my heart— and those that have healed it. Without you— there’d be no story to tell.
<3 Jenni
Prologue
Hello.
I’m Spencer and I’m a fuck-up.
I know. Sounds like an intro at one of those stupid ass 12 step programs, right? If they had one for fuck-ups, I’d be the damn leader.
It’s just what I do.
Don’t ask why, I dunno the answer. Everyone else sure as hell seems to though. I’ve heard it all. It’s not my fault. It’s the shit I’ve been through. It’s not who I am. It’s what I’ve seen and dealt with. I was pushed into it. I can change. It can be better. I just have to want it. It will get easier.
Like I said, I’ve heard it all. But you know what? Not a damn bit of it helped. It’s kinda like being at a funeral or something and everyone is telling the family how the person’s in a better place or the grief will pass. I’ve even heard ‘em say that soon they won’t miss ‘em anymore.
Pardon me while I say…what the fuck?
So yea, I know I’m a fuck-up. I’ve always known it. I’m not telling you so you pity me or try and help me. I don’t want it or need it. And besides, it won’t fucking work.
It just is.
I spent years blaming my parents. They were shitty. I’m not gonna try and deny that. Best thing they ever did for me and my brother Kevin was send us to live with our Aunt Dee. She may not have been our mom, but she was the damned closest we had. And she did right by us.
She tried like hell to make us okay again. She couldn’t. She couldn’t make the pain go away. She couldn’t take away the scars that never heal. She loved us. It just wasn’t enough.
You can’t blame your parents forever though. Jamie taught me that. She was the only person besides Aunt Dee to ever love me. And damn did I love her. But it wasn’t enough either. I fucked up. I made the wrong choices. I destroyed it. I wouldn’t let her save me.
Kev thinks I should be angry at Jamie. Hate her and Jason both. He was my best friend. But thing is, I’m the one that caused it. They were just helping each other deal with me. I don’t hate ‘em.
If I wasn’t a fuck-up then they wouldn’t have found with each other what they were missing with me. It was her words as she said her good-bye that stuck with me. Changed me.
‘ It’s not your parents fault forever Spencer,’ she had told me with tears in her eyes. ‘At some point they stop being the cause of your pain and you take over’
Can’t argue with that, right? Guess in her own painful way, Jamie saved me after all. Somewhat anyway.
I changed after that. Not sure it’s what people wanted though. But that’s because they don’t see me. They see what I want ‘em to see. They see the attractive guy that smiles and makes ‘em feel good. The face and body.
They don’t see the fuck up underneath. They don’t see the pull that I fight each and every minute. The pain that I feel all the time. I try and hide all that. Mostly I just try and avoid.
Sometimes I think Kev has the right idea. I envy his ability to just not give a fuck. Sometimes. He goes through life not giving a damn who he hurts and never feeling the pain when someone hurts him. Like Ma.
Me, I’m like Pops. Avoid and ignore. If it doesn’t exist, then I won’t feel it. That’s the theory. When Jamie left, I secluded myself. Took me a long damn time to even hang out with friends. I didn’t wanna go through the same thing again. But life gets a lil too lonely on your own.
Trevor and Stu were about the only ones that I spent much time with. They didn’t seem to care that I had secrets in my life. They never asked about ‘em. And most days they didn’t bug me about women and shit like that. Didn’t seem to matter much if I wanted one or not, long as I didn’t halt their attempts.
I was finally content. Making peace with my past. Enjoying life just a lil. Accepting what was and what wouldn’t be. I was okay.
Until that day.
Trevor and his never-ending libido drug me to some damn barbecue party in search of a chick he had his eye on. It was the last place on earth I had wanted to be.
I hated parties. I hated being social. I hated being social at parties with people I didn’t know.
It was at that party that I’d come face to face with everything that was missing. And rather than stick to my plans, I’d get drawn in.
I should’ve avoided her. I should’ve walked the other way. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have the power. From the moment I first saw Avery, I couldn’t stay away. She was the drug I couldn’t get enough of. I had to have her.
She caught my eye and captured my soul. The one person who saw through to the demons inside and loved me anyway. The person I needed to be able to breathe.
It was forbidden to me. Love. Closeness. Need. Pain. I’d forbidden it in my life. And yet there I was. Unable to stop.
And as I always did, I fucked it up.
If I had any hopes of fixing this one, and I did because I couldn’t live without her, it was gonna take something big. I was gonna have to let her save me.
I just didn’t know if I had it in me. As much as I needed her, I wasn’t sure I could trust myself. After all, we are what we are. But I damn sure had to try.
Everything I ever did was to protect her. I’d do anything to protect her. But as it turns out, the one thing I couldn’t protect her from was me.
Avery was gone.
I would have to face my hell. Conquer my demons. And bring her home to me. Because without her, I was nothing.
I’m Spencer, I’m a fuck-up, and this is my story.