Forbidden Drink (33 page)

I'm not really sure I can hide my thoughts, or temper them in fact. It's a wonder I have a filter between my brain and my mouth at all. My thoughts tumble and are chaotic and uncontrolled. If Michel is prepared to wade through that mess, then he can have at it, for all I care. I have nothing to hide. I just have trouble saying it, that's all.

He was laughing next me, pulling me close in his arms.

“I love your mind. It
is
messy. But beautiful. I could listen to your thoughts all day and never tire. Your dreams are somewhat interesting too.”

“My dreams?”

“You dream of children,
ma douce
. I did not know you felt so strongly for children.”

As a Nosferatin I cannot have children, it was another blow in amongst the multitude of
hits my body took when I found out what I was. The fact that I can't have children has nothing to do with Michel being a vampire, although that of course would be a problem, vampires can't father babies. But, the real reason is it's all in
my
genes. Had my parents have had a younger child, that child would have been able to procreate, to conceive a Nosferatin and further children, one to pass on the gene. But never me. I would never have children. I wondered if that was why Michel was so close to his vampires, the ones he had created.

“Of course, they are all my children. They are your family now too.”

But they weren't mine, were they? I would never create like he has.

I suddenly didn't feel like being held. He let me get up out of the bed and head to the shower. He didn't follow me immediately, maybe picking up on the feel of how much I just needed some space right now. Time to think. It wasn't until I was in the shower, hot water spraying over me, mixing with the the tears running down my cheeks, that he came to me. Stepping silently into the shower stall and wrapping me in his arms.

He didn't say a word, he just let me cry. I cried for Dillon, whom I had so wrongly misjudged, for the other vampires I knew not so well and not at all. For Bruno. For Rick. And last of all, always last of all, for me. For my fucked up, screwed up, messed up life. I allowed myself to wallow in it for a good few minutes in his arms and then I tucked it all up inside me and threw away the key.

Life sucked, but sometimes you just had to let it be.

I was glad Michel was there, he couldn't leave to attend business. Despite the rain earlier, the clouds had shifted and the sun had come out by the time we dressed and went downstairs. I was starved, hungrier than I had been for days, so I high tailed it to the kitchen. He followed me, picking up his tablet computer from the lounge on the way and opening up his cellphone to no doubt check in with his day time staff at
Sensations
. I had the feeling he was going to conduct business from the dining room table, but I didn't care, it felt normal, something so very normal. Human even.

Amisi had beaten us to the kitchen and had been playing the housewife, domesticated to the nth degree. Muffins and cookies freshly baked, the latter just coming out of the oven right now.

“You have got to be kidding me. Amisi, you cook?”

“Don't sound so surprised, Luce. It's relaxing, I always bake to soothe my nerves.”

I looked at her then, really looked at her. She seemed a little tired, worried even. Shit. I'd been a bad host and an even worse friend. I went straight over to her and threw my arms about her shoulders.

“I'm sorry,” I said against her ear. “I suck at being a friend.” And then started bloody crying again.

I could tell she was looking at Michel for guidance, she hadn't ever seen me break down before. I think she thought I was some super tough warrior princess or something. Truth is, I was a mess and getting more and more messier every day. I had really been tough on her and Nero. Nero especially, lashing out because I felt he was complicating my already extremely complicated life. But, it didn't need to be that way. I could let them in. Just like I could let Michel in.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Shame my mind doesn't agree.

I pulled away stiffly and swiped at my eyes. She smiled and turned me around to the table, taking me over to sit down next to Michel, who was watching me closely, making me feel even more like a pathetic wuss than I already did. God, I was just breaking down all over the place, wasn't I? He gave my hand a quick squeeze then started talking into his phone. Man, I hoped he hadn't gone silent on his caller while he watched me blubber all over the cook.

Amisi came back with a couple of blueberry muffins, still warm, oozing butter and plonked them down in front of me.

“I've been practising with the coffee machine, I think I've got it sorted now. You can be my first official guinea pig.” She danced back to the kitchen and started getting the bean hopper grinding.

I could get used to this. The muffins tasted as good as they smelt and I groaned softly as I swallowed my first mouthful. Michel's lips twitched at the corners as he tried to answer an unheard question down the other end of his line.

Am I distracting you?
I threw the thought at him, unnecessary probably, but I was making a point.

Always,
he answered, his hand running up my thigh under the table. I just smiled in response. I could literally see the relief seep into his eyes. It made me pause. He was worried about me too. He rang off his call quickly and closed his phone, looking me in the eyes. He didn't say anything, just held my gaze.

“I'm fine,” I said to the unasked question.

He just looked at me. What did he want me to say? To do? I looked away first and tried to concentrate on my muffin, just wanting to cry all over again. Shit! What was wrong with me?

Amisi brought my coffee over and I could only hope that my regular fix of caffeine would jolt me out of the blues. It was good, she'd done well. I still felt like crap.

“This is great, Amisi.” I'm sure my voice sounded believable, it was the way Michel just watched me that probably gave me away.

“What's wrong, Luce?” she asked softly.

Oh, I so could not do this right now. You know how it is, when all you want to do is cry and someone shows you care and concern, it just makes it even harder not to let the plumbing loose. I swallowed past a huge lump in my throat and tried to chase it with scalding coffee. Not a good combination, but who cares, it gave me something to do.

Amisi turned to Michel and said, surprisingly, “Would you give us a moment please?”

He didn't say a word, just stood up from the table, taking his tablet and touching my shoulder, then walked into the lounge.

“He'll be able to hear everything, Amisi. It's useless sending him into the next room, he's a bloody vampire.”

“But he won't see you. He watches you with such attention, such care, it suffocates you.”

I let a huff of air out. Sometimes it did suffocate me, sometimes I clung to it. Right now? Yeah, I could probably do with the space.

She was silent for a while, just sipping her own coffee. Finally, she broached whatever topic had been bugging her mind.

“
Luce, it's OK to be upset. I know that sounds... clichéd, contrived even, but you know what, I have no fucking idea how you do what you do.” I just gawked at her. Amisi is a lady, she never swears. Hell, Nero was gonna love me when I sent her home with a potty mouth. “You have so much pressure on you, to do so much... stuff, we don't even know yet what stuff, but you're expected to do it. And on top of that, well, then there's... Rick.” She sighed. “Look, I don't want to make you feel worse by talking about it, but I want you to know, you are entitled to lose it, every now and then. Why don't you just let today be that day? We're all here. Erika's downstairs gyming it - you know how committed she is to that room - and I'm here and Michel's here, we'll all look after you. We'll help you pick up the pieces afterwards. Just... just don't be so hard on yourself. Crying is not a weakness. Letting us see
you
is not a weakness. You're tough, Lucinda, one of the toughest and most extraordinary Nosferatins I have ever met. And, I have met a few.” She smiled then, knowing that her little Nosferatin community in Egypt was unusual. Normally we don't get to meet that many of our kind. There's just so few of us left now. “So, what's it gonna be? Eat your muffin, cry into your coffee, do what ever you need to do, but don't hide it. Let it out. It'll be OK.”

I rubbed my face in my hands.
Let it out?
I felt like crying before, but now, for some inexplicable reason, I felt all dried up, not a tear to spare. Call my bluff and look what happens.

She got up and went to rinse out her cup at the sink and put the muffins and cookies into containers. I couldn't help thinking she was trying to fatten me up, who else was going to eat those things, the vampires? Hell no, just her and me. We might as well throw in a tub of
Kapiti Ice Cream
as well, for good measure. Erika will have to make some space for me down in her favourite room because I was gonna have to work this lot off if Amisi kept at it.

Arghh! OK. So I was feeling bad about all the death and destruction around me, it was natural, I suppose. Amisi was right, I've got a shit-load of responsibilities and a compass that only seldom works, I'm flying pretty much blind here. Nero does his best and don't get me wrong, without him I would be well and truly lost, but on the whole, it's all down to me.

Sanguis Vitam Cupitor
.

Prohibitum Bibere
.

Lux Lucis Tribuo
.

Me.

I scratched my head and had another bite of muffin. God damn they were good, the girl could cook, shame she has to join with a vampire, those skills aren't top of their mating list. Not that they all had to fall head over heels for their kindred like me. I guess she could have a loved one on the side, a human who enjoyed blueberry muffins.

Ah shit. Of course she couldn't. She'll be immortal, they won't. Fuck this life sucks!

I had my head in both my hands, my elbows on the table top, when Michel came back in.

He took hold of one of my hands and gently pulled me up from the chair, his other hand brushing my hair out of my eyes.

“Thriller or Action Adventure?” He cocked his head to the side. “Maybe a Romantic Comedy?”
Please say no, please say no.

I smiled, despite myself. “Action Adventure.”

“I have just the thing,
ma douce
.”

He led me by the hand into the lounge, which had been transformed into a movie theatre. I stared at him in wonder. When had he done this? The sofas and seats had been arranged like a cinema, in rows and behind each other. The ones behind on plinths, so they were higher and in between each seat a large container of popcorn and a giant
Coca Cola
Cup with straw. A huge - and I mean huge - screen had been lowered ready for viewing, the lights were dim, it was just a matter of getting settled and starting the film. It was awesome.

He took me over to the two seater sofa, slap bang in the middle of the front row and let me sit down. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I don't care if the crowd in the back sees me smooching with my gal.” I just shook my head at him and watched him go to the
Blu-Ray
player and slip a disc into the mechanism.

He returned with the remote and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, grabbing a blanket and throwing it over our legs. He handed me my
Coke
and Popcorn and smiled.

“Ready?”

“What about the others?”

“You want them to share our movie night?”

I shrugged. It seemed a bit mean to turf them out of the lounge and besides, I'd seen he'd put out popcorn and
Coke
for Amisi.

He winked and called, “Amisi, film's about to start.”

Just as she came in, so did Erika. No doubt receiving her summons via telepathy. They both plonked down behind us and someone, I'm betting Erika, threw popcorn at our heads. The lights dimmed and Michel hit play on the remote.

What's the movie?
I threw the thought at him.

I thought it rather fitting. Plus it has Mickey Rourke in it, I've always liked Mickey Rourke.

Okaay. I watched patiently as the start up credits and ads went by and finally was rewarded with the title.

Immortals.

Ha ha!

I could feel him silently laughing next to me, he thought it was a great joke.

As soon as the credits had finished and the opening scene started he was nibbling my ear.

You're not watching,
I chastised in my mind.

Yes I am.

Not the movie, Michel.

What movie?

I brushed him off me as the the first
god
appeared on screen, all bronzed body and absolutely over the top but delicious muscles, curly black hair. I have a thing for dark hair. They build those gods well in Hollywood.

Should I be jealous?
He was now licking my neck, nibbling my throat.

Michel! Erika and Amisi are behind us, they can see everything you are doing.

Amisi is too intrigued with Zeus to notice us and Erika knows better than to be voyeuristic. Your virtue is safe.

His hand had slipped under my T-Shirt and was now rubbing my nipples hard.

What if I want to watch the movie
?

Watch it, my dear, never mind me.

Never mind him. I couldn't help it I started laughing.

Oh do not stop, ma douce. Your laughter does wonders for your breasts.
His head dipped down my chest and started nuzzling in between my breasts which had now definitely stopped heaving with silent laughter.

I battered him away and made him sit upright.

You're no fun!
he threw at me, but let me watch the movie unhindered, for about five minutes or so. Then started nibbling my ear again. His tongue slipped in my ear making me curl up and cringe, but I couldn't stop laughing.

He was laughing too, trying not to make a sound and had returned to watching the movie. I had absolutely no idea what Zeus was talking about or who the hell Theseus was. Damn, I might have liked this movie.

We could retire. Let the girls enjoy the movie without the side show,
Michel said in my mind without looking at me.

I thought you said they weren't paying any attention to us.

It's hard not to notice you, ma douce. You are delicious.

And there goes the nibbling again. Oh, and the hand, but this time much, much lower.

Michel!

Yes?

Oh for the love of...
Stop, you're embarrassing me.

But you want it, ma douce, I can smell your desire.

I cringed.
That means Erika can too.

Hmm mm. Your point?
The hand had now managed to find its way under my panties and a solitary finger was working some naughty magic making me forget my point, hell forget the entire room for a moment. What film. Oh dear God, he was going to make me come.

No. No. No, Michel.

Yes. Yes. Yes, ma douce. Come for me, right here, in this room, you can do it, they won't know.

Yes they would. I was sure they would, but he was sitting with his arm around my shoulder, his head resting against mine, watching the movie, that's all Amisi would have been able to see. His arms weren't moving, he was making no sound. Erika could probably tell what was up, but she's a vampire, this would have seemed quite acceptable behaviour to her, nothing unusual and certainly wouldn't have distracted from the film.