Forced: A Bad Boy Billionaire Romance (The Blackthorn Brothers Book 1) (13 page)

I never should have said anything. And yet, he had every right to know if we were going to get married. “If you don’t want to go through with the wedding…I’ll totally understand. I’ll speak to my father and find some way to get him to still help you with your family.”

“Wren…” He cupped my cheek and nuzzled me, his cheek rough against mine before he caught my mouth in a whisper of a kiss. “I meant it when I said that I love you. But I fucking failed you, and if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, you have my word that I’ll do right by you. No one will ever hurt you again.”

I knew it wasn’t his fault. He’d just been the easiest target for my anger. “I know I was angry with you, but…I was wrong to blame you for all my problems. Any sane person would have walked away long before you did, and you didn’t know about Steven and what he’d done—nor did you know he’d come back once you were gone.”

If anything, I should have been grateful for the reprieve I’d been given while I was seeing Ash. Somehow Steven knew that if he’d continued his abuse while I was with Ash, Ash would eventually figure it out—and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Ash would have murdered him.

He cupped my cheek as he took me in, but his eyes were filled with so much pain, so much worry, I regretted telling him any of it, even if it felt like a weight had finally lifted off my chest. “You should have told me, Wren.”

“He threatened to kill you if I said anything. And I just couldn’t risk it.” Losing Ash would have been just one more tragedy in this nightmare, and that more than anything would have broken me.

“That bastard. He manipulated you in every possible way, Wren—and he should have been stopped.” Ash’s jaw clenched and he was all but vibrating with his anger—and I swore, I’d never seen anyone so angry before. “And…it was constant, wasn’t it?”

I wanted to lie to him, wanted to tell him that it was just a handful of times, but I couldn’t deny the truth now that I’d finally admitted to someone what I’d been through. “Whenever he thought he could get away with it. With my dad always working late or away on business and his mom usually too drunk or passed out with sleeping pills to know what was happening or to care, he had plenty of opportunity to play his sadistic games.”

“And that’s why…you need things a little rough?” He couldn’t even look at me as he asked me. And it killed me.

I felt so embarrassed…so dirty…like all those things Steven said about me were true. “I know it’s fucked up, but…I think that everything he put me through somehow screwed me up…screwed up how I’m now wired. Because now…I hate myself anytime I allow myself any pleasure, even though I’m desperate for it. And so I guess…I feel like I need it to be forced upon me…so that I don’t have to be responsible for giving in to it. Or maybe it’s that I need things rough but in an environment that I know is safe for me…so that I know I’ll be okay.”

I knew it didn’t make any sense. And I knew that I was a complete mess. But I didn’t know how to change it. I didn’t know how to leave my past behind and move beyond it. And even if I could lock away my memories—and I’d tried damn hard to do just that—it still didn’t change the way my body and mind reacted to sex and intimacy.

“Fucking hell, Wren…” Ash shook his head, his brow furrowed with worry, as he took my hand in his. “I’m sorry he put you through such hell, but…whatever you need…I don’t want you second-guessing yourself, or wondering what I’ll think. I just want to make you happy—and I want to be here for you. No matter what it takes.”

“What if it’s always like this?” It wasn’t as though I hadn’t tried to change, but when it came down to it, it always played out the same way, with my fucked-up head and traitorous body making me feel like a freak.

“So what if it is, little bird?” He brought my hand to his lips, and then knotted our fingers together, his green eyes soft and kind. “Everyone has things they like and dislike—especially when it comes to sex—and this is no different. And though I get that all of this stems from a bad place, maybe what you need to do is embrace it, or make it your own…take back your sexuality so he no longer has any part of it.”

“And you’re okay with my messed-up needs…and you don’t think I’m totally screwed up in the head?” I hated that he might think I was crazy, and couldn’t keep my tears from falling.

“I’d walk through a mile of shattered glass if that was what you needed, Wren.”

I spent the night in Ash’s arms, with him simply holding me tight. Nothing more, even though I desperately wanted him with every fiber of my being. Yet, despite my hunger for him, I slept well for the first time in decades, even if part of me was worried that he wouldn’t be able to look at me without seeing the hell Steven put me through. In the end, I trusted Ash enough to know that he’d find a way past it all.

“I need to see my family and let them know we’re getting married, since the wedding is in three days.” He toweled off his wet hair, his naked body still dappled with water, and his long cock nothing but a rock-hard distraction. “Everyone would love to see you.”

I couldn’t imagine that being the truth, since I had no doubt his entire family likely thought I was some sort of unstable psychotic bitch after our breakup, since it had
not
gone well. “I don’t know, Ash. I doubt they’re too happy about you marrying me. And I still don’t have a dress.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, love. When I told them of my deal with your dad, they were worried that we were getting hitched for the wrong reasons. But that’s why I want you to come with me. So they can see how happy you make me.”

“Do I really?” It kind of caught me off guard. I knew he loved me, but I figured that was because of our past. To know that I actually made him happy, despite everything we’d been through? It only made me love him all the more.

“You do—more than anything. And things between us are now different than how they were when we were first together. A lot’s changed since then—not only between us, but with who we now are as adults.” With an arm around my waist, Ash pulled me to him so his erection was trapped teasingly between us. “And it means everything that you trusted me with your secrets, despite how hard it was for you. Because honesty and trust are everything, love.”

“I suppose it’d be good for them to see us together, now that everything’s good between us. Things were so crazy when we were younger. Though, in the meantime, I can think of a few more ways to make you happy.” I reached down between us and stroked his cock, the feel of it like soft silk over hard steel, his mouth covering mine in a hungry kiss.

But then he was pulling my hand away with a groan as he broke from our kiss. “You’re trying to distract me, babe, and it’s not going to work.”

“Ma.” I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek, trying not to step on the pack of excited dogs swarming us, and then turned to Wren with a smile. “You remember Wren…”

“Indeed I do.” My mother’s Irish lilt filled the air as she pulled Wren into her arms for a hug. “It’s so nice to see you again, dear.”

Wren gave her a genuine smile, even though it was clear she was nervous. “It’s nice to be back.”

I knew there was no point in delaying the matter, and if there was a problem, I wanted to get it out of the way. “I know this is really sudden, but… We’re getting married this Saturday, and we’d love for everyone to be there, despite the short notice.”

She looked at the two of us in that way that only mothers can, with both love and understanding, all while cutting right to the chase. “If it’s what the two of you really want, and you’re not being pressured into it because of circumstances, then I’m truly happy for you both. But…you have me worried that there are factors other than love that are driving this union.”

Of course she’d be worried, especially when our relationship had been so volatile before. But things were different now. “Ma…that may have been the case to start with, but I do love Wren.”

Wren took my hand in hers, and gave my mother a small smile. “And I love Ash.”

My mother managed a smile, though it was clear she was still worried about both of us. “Then I’m truly happy for you both. Have you talked to your brothers? Though it might be too short a notice for Conor to catch a flight from Dublin.”

I’d have to call Conor, though Paige had just recently had a baby, and it’d be completely understandable if he didn’t want to leave them for a thirteen-hour flight. “I’ll give him a ring and see if he can make it. And I’ll call you with the details once we know where we’re having this.”

“If it’s not too large a gathering, you could have it at the distillery.” My mom gave us an easy smile. “The views there are gorgeous, and there’s plenty of space, both indoors and out, depending on what you prefer.”

“That’d be perfect. And if you could pull some strings with the caterers you know, that would be great. I don’t think we’ll be expecting more than twenty-five people.” My family would make up the bulk of the guest list, and given that it was such short notice, it was doubtful there’d be many others who’d be able to make it. Which was perfectly fine by me. I’d prefer to keep this wedding as a small and personal affair, instead of anything over-the-top. “We should go, but I’ll keep you updated.”

I gave her a kiss good-bye on her cheek, and then she hugged Wren and welcomed her to the family before we headed out. And though I hadn’t expected her to protest this wedding, I was relieved she didn’t voice her concerns beyond making sure this was what we wanted. Wren had been nervous enough to begin with. And after all she’d been through, I didn’t want her to have to stress about anything else.

I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

She shook her head no, giving me a hesitant smile. “I’d forgotten how nice she always was to me.”

“I know my family is large and crazy, but they’ll soon be your family too, and they’ll always have your back, little bird.” I needed her to know that she was no longer alone. Her family life had clearly been difficult, but with her dad’s illness, she was losing the only true family she had left.

“But…they know you’re getting blackmailed into this.” She let out a weary sigh, still looking far too worried.

“Wren…they know you had nothing to do with that—and they also know that you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.” I pulled her into my arms as we stopped at my car, and pinned her against the car door. “We’re getting married—and the last thing I want is for you to be stressing yourself out when you shouldn’t have a care in the world. I don’t want you worrying about any of this. Am I making myself clear?”

She nodded and leaned into me, pressing her lips against mine in a kiss. “I suppose I should thank you then for kidnapping me.”

“Damn straight.” I couldn’t help but laugh, relieved that we’d made such a turnaround. “Come on, love.”

We hopped in and buckled up as I pulled out and drove us down the winding roads, aiming us for home when Wren laid a hand on my arm. “Do you mind dropping me off at my dad’s? I’ve got a lot of my stuff stashed over there, and could do with a few more things since I only packed a small bag. I also want to grab my old car, so you don’t have to drive me around.”

“Sure. I’m happy to drop you off, though I don’t mind driving you, love.” That said, I didn’t want her to feel like a prisoner, and knew it’d be good for her to be able to do her own thing, especially once I eventually got back to work.

I dropped Wren off at her father’s place, with plans to meet back at my place for dinner, and then decided to swing by my brother’s place. I’d decided to ask Finn to be my best man, though it was hard to pick when I had five brothers. But as we sat down with a nice cold beer like we’d done a hundred times before, I had no reservations. “So…I’m getting married on Saturday, and I want you to be my best man.”

“Yeah, man. Of course.” Finn grinned at me, looking genuinely happy as he took a swig of his beer, not looking terribly surprised since my whole family knew I’d cut a deal with Turner. “Thank fuck Conor’s all the way in Ireland, or I know he’d be your first choice.”

I shrugged, giving him an easy smile. “I’ve had a few extra years with Conor.”

“This wedding…” His grin slipped away, reminding me that he might be a few years younger than me, but he took things seriously. “This is the deal you struck with Turner to keep our family safe, isn’t it? And you’re okay with it?”

“Yeah, it’s the deal I struck with Turner, but things with Wren are different from the way they’d been. We’re doing really well, and the truth is…I still love her. Maybe more so now.”
Fuck…I hated opening up like this.
But I didn’t want Finn worrying about me or thinking that I was getting married simply to keep everyone from harm, even if that was how this all started.

“Look…I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that we all failed you—failed Dad. I swear, I busted my ass to figure out who was behind the attack, and I kept hitting one wall after another. I’d follow the evidence down one road, and then I’d hit a dead end, and the next set of evidence would point in a totally different direction.” Finn shook his head, frustration lining his face and darkening his eyes. “I swear, it felt like someone was fucking with us.”

“None of it’s your fault, Finn. We all worked damn hard to figure out who landed Dad in the hospital and then murdered him.” It was all so fucked up. And none of it made sense—just like Finn said. “But I can’t risk anyone else getting hurt—or worse. And marrying Wren…it’s a good thing.”

“Yeah? Then I’m fucking happy for you, man.”