Forever Altered (23 page)

Over
the next few weeks, life was pretty boring.  I tried to work with Alyssa
in lab a few times, but she just sent me crawling to the back of the
room.  She would disappear after class, so I couldn’t even walk with
her.  My texts were never returned.  One day I saw her coming out of
the laundry room.  Offering to carry the basket of clothes for her didn’t
even get me a response.  It was obvious she was in pain, but she didn’t
seem to care that I was suffering, too. 

Leah
would never tell me anything more after the night of the Halloween party. 
Sometimes Paige would throw me a bone.  She told me Alyssa pretty much
stayed in her apartment, mostly her room, only leaving to go to class. 
She wouldn’t say anything to her friends about me and if someone mentioned my
name she’d leave the room.  Paige stayed with her and Leah a few nights to
watch movies or whatever else girls do, but Alyssa refused to go out.  The
first two weekends of November, Alyssa went home.  Paige thought at least
one of the weekends she had stuff to do for the wedding that was coming up very
quickly, but she wasn’t sure why she went home the other one.  The third
weekend Leah took both Alyssa and Paige home to her house since she had to
babysit her brother again.  At least I knew she wasn’t out with other guys
while she was here at school.  Someone would have told me.  Knowing
she went home to do anything connected with her ex-boyfriend worried me. 
Alyssa didn’t want him anywhere near her and no one would be there to help keep
him away.  Unless of course, she changed her mind.

Tony
was working on trying to find out where Vicki was for me, but to no avail. 
Her parents had her hidden pretty well.  He even went as far as trying to
prove she violated her restraining order by calling me.  Nothing could be
done because she called from an untraceable phone.  I’m sure no one really
put much effort into this since she didn’t actually hurt anyone.  My mom
recently hired a private investigator to see what he could find out, but that
could take a while.  It was devastating to my mom knowing that she
encouraged me to date this girl who is now ruining my life.  She wouldn’t
believe me when I tried to tell her that it wasn’t her fault.

Now
there is only one week left until the wedding and I know nothing more than I
did a month ago.  My drinking has been getting worse over the last few
days and my roommates are getting sick of it.  The guys are just walking
in the apartment and I’m sitting on the couch flipping my phone over and over
on the table next to me.  Shane grabs it away from me and puts it in his
pocket.

“Give
me my phone, Shane,” I mutter holding my hand out.

“No. 
We’re going out.  Come on,” he says.

“You
don’t want my miserable ass going anywhere with you, so just give me my phone
and go ahead without me.”

“If
she hasn’t called or texted you in the last month, she’s not going to call or
text you in the next few hours.”  That hurt.  “You have five minutes
to clean yourself up or you are going like that,” he declares. 

“Where
are we going?” I ask not moving.

“Grabbing
something to eat, then we are going to the movies.  Leah is going, so you
know what will happen to you if you aren’t ready on time,” he tells me cleaning
up the beer bottles I left all over the table.

“Leah’s
going?”  I jump up.

“Alyssa
is not going, so don’t get excited.  Leah, Tyler, Erin, Mark, Julia, and
Tommy are all going with us.  Paige said she tried to get Alyssa to come
out, too, but she said no without any other explanation,” he clarifies.  I
don’t like that she will be in the building without any of us around. 
That is even more of a reason for me to be here, even if it’s just in case she
needs anything.   “Whatever you are thinking, forget it.  Let’s
go.  You can come into the land of the living for a few hours.”

The
girls did not seem thrilled that I am going out with them tonight.  It is
clearly because of me that their friend is not herself, so I’m not their
favorite person at the moment.  Paige is always sociable with me. 
That is most likely because of Troy and nothing really to do with me. 
“Don’t let Julia get to you,” Paige whispers after about the fifth remark from
her about Alyssa being home alone.  I just shake it off.  Julia’s
right.  Most of the time the girls didn’t even acknowledge me being there
which is fine. 

Shane
won’t hand over my phone and it is getting really irritating.  He keeps
saying he’ll give it back to me after the movie.  Throughout the whole
damn thing, I could only wonder if Alyssa’s okay.  Wonder what she is
doing.  Wonder if she is thinking about me the way I am thinking of
her.  Wonder if Tony or the private investigator is trying to get ahold of
me because they found out anything new.  Just as I am about to jump over
the seat and rip my phone out of Shane’s pocket, the movie ends.  We all
walk outside and I hold my hand out for it.  He’s shaking his head at me.

“It’s
snowing!” one of the girls screams from ahead of me as we are walking
outside. 

“Hey,
Rocco,” I hear someone call from behind me.  When I turn around Carla and
Tony are also walking out of the theater.  Guess my mom was right about
them.

“Hey. 
What’s up?” I greet them.

“How
are you holding up?” Tony asks me. 

“Not
so great.  Have you heard anything?” I question him.

“Sorry,
man.  Nothing.”  I can tell he feels bad.  “I really wish there
was something else I could do.”

“I
know.  It’s cool,” I say defeated.

 “Rocco,
I’m really sorry I didn’t know about you and Alyssa before I called her today,”
Carla says.  I knew that Alyssa had given Carla her number in case she
ever needed help with the kids.  Why would she call Alyssa, though? 
She must notice that I’m unsure what she is talking about.  “My babysitter
canceled on me at the last minute tonight.  The kids wanted me to call you
to see if you were free, but I didn’t get an answer.” 

I
glare at Shane who pulls my phone out of his pocket and hands it back to
me.  “That was my fault.  I’m sorry,” Shane says.  When I look
at my phone, I see the missed call.

“It’s
fine.  I was just going to cancel, but then gave Alyssa’s phone a try to
see if maybe you guys were together.  She was at the mall a few minutes
from my house and said she didn’t mind watching them.  I tried to tell her
it was no big deal for me to reschedule, but she insisted,” Carla tells me.

“Alyssa
went to the mall by herself?”  I looked at Leah and the girls.

Leah
says, “I don’t control everything she does, Rocco.  If the girl says she
wants to go out by herself, I can’t physically stop her.”

“Since
when?” I almost yell.  “You always tell her what to do and what not to
do.”

“She’s
been a little unreasonable lately.  I’m sure you can figure out why,” she
remarks.  I sigh.  Of course, this would be my fault one way or
another.  I run my hand through my hair.  Leah leaves with the rest
of them.  It’s just my roommates and Paige left standing there with Carla
and Tony.

“I’m
sorry, Rocco.  I didn’t mean to cause a problem.”  Carla looks upset.

“Alyssa
babysitting for you is not a problem at all, Carla.  She’s actually more
capable of taking care of your twins than I am.  I’m just upset she went
to the mall by herself.  There are a lot of crazy people over there,” I
explain. 

Carla
chuckles.  “That’s what I told her.”

It
occurs to me that it’s snowing.  “Shit.  Are you guys heading back to
your house now?” I ask Carla.

“Yeah,
why?” Tony wants to know. 

“Alyssa
doesn’t like to drive in the snow or at night.  Shane, can you take me
over there?  I’ll drive Alyssa back in her car,” I say.

“Do
you think she will agree to that?” Logan asks. 

“She
won’t have a choice.  I won’t have a ride back,” I smirk at him. 
“But seriously.  She doesn’t like driving in this shit.  I doubt she
will give me too much of a hard time.”

“Ride
with us,” Tony offers.  “I want to talk to you anyway.” 

“Is
that alright with you?” I ask Carla. 

“Of
course.  When Tony is done talking to you, I have some things to say to
you myself.  You might wish you walked by the time I’m finished, though,”
she says putting her hands on her hips.  It seems like something a mom
would do to her kids.  I almost laugh, but stop myself before she kicks my
ass.

I
follow Tony and Carla to his truck feeling bad my being there is essentially
ending their date early.  When I ask him about it, he says to shut up and
get the hell in.  Well, maybe not in such a nice way.

After
going a few miles, Carla looks over at Tony saying, “If you don’t say whatever
it is you need to tell him, you’re going to miss out.  I have plenty to
say.”  He grins at her and reaches over for her hand.  She hesitantly
takes his and it makes me wonder if it’s because I’m here or she’s nervous
around him.

Tony
looks at me in the rearview mirror while he says, “Looks like you got yourself
in some big trouble.  I’m so glad I’m not you right now.”  His
attention is back on the road in front of us.  “Rocco, why are you and
Alyssa not together?”  Sounds like a simple question, but he
continues.  “Does this truthfully only have to do with Vicki or are you
using it as an excuse to go back to being the guy who screws around?”

“Tony!”
Carla cries.

“I’m
not beating around the bush here, Carla.  The ride isn’t long
enough.  Besides, it’s the truth.  He knows it.”

“I
understand why you would ask that, but it really only has to do with
Vicki.  If something happened to Alyssa because of her, how could I live
with myself?”  I want him to know where I’m coming from.

“I
get it, Rocco, but you cannot live like that,” he says.

“You
sound like Shane,” I mumble putting my head against the headrest and watching
the cars go by out the side window. 

“Do
you love her?” Tony asks checking my reaction in the mirror.

“More
than anything,” I answer without thinking.

“Now
tell me again, why are you two not together?”

“I
told you, if something…” I start but he cuts me off.

“That’s
a bullshit answer, Rocco,” he practically jumps down my throat and slams his
hand on the steering wheel.  He’s going to go with the bad cop
routine.  “You have to stop letting other people dictate your life. 
This girl actually loves you for who you are, damn it.  She doesn’t give a
shit about the ridiculous amount of money you have.  She knows how you’ve
been in the past and she still tolerates your ass.  Do you think you are
going to find someone else?  Someone better?  You cannot just let her
walk away because of this.  If you want my opinion, which you probably
don’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway.  You breaking up with Alyssa was
the worst thing you could have possibly done.  Not only is she walking
around without you, without the one person who could actually protect her if
there ever was a problem, but you’ve given Vicki proof that she still controls
you like a fucking puppet.  If your dad was still here, he would be kicking
your ass over this,” he says finishing his rant.  Then he adds, “That’s it
isn’t it?” 

“What?”
I ask trying to swallow.  He’s figured out what I’ve been trying to keep
from myself.

“This
is about your dad.”  Carla looks over at him, but he keeps glimpsing between
me and the road.  “You’re afraid that because you couldn’t save your dad,
you won’t be able to save Alyssa.”  Hearing someone say it out loud to me
is agonizing.  “Rocco, you were seven years old.  It wasn’t your job
to save him.  It was his job as a father to save you and that is exactly
what he did.  If he had the chance to do it all over again, he’d do the
same damn thing.  You were the only thing he loved more than life itself.”
 It’s very rare I talk about my dad with anyone who knew him. 
Perhaps this is the reason why.  Tony knew my dad better than
anyone.  They were partners for a long time, so they spent more time
together than most people spend with their spouses.  This guy spent more
time with my dad than I ever had the chance to.

“How
could I have screwed up so bad?” I say thinking about the huge mistake I
made. 

“You’re
male.  It can’t be helped,” Carla says looking over her seat at me
winking.  “What you do to fix it is what matters the most.”

“I
think it might be too late.  Alyssa hasn’t even looked at me, let alone
spoken two words to me in over a month.”  I can barely get the words out
thinking about the day I watched her in the park.  Since then, she has
done things and acted certain ways that have made me believe she might still
have feelings for me, but mostly she appears to hate me. 

“If
she came to you right now and said ‘take me back,’ what would you do?” 
Carla asks.  “Would you take her back or would you continue on this quest
to try and keep her hidden from Vicki?”     

“She
wouldn’t do that.  I really think she’s over me.”

“Stupid,
stupid boy,” Carla whispers.  Tony chuckles.  “I shouldn’t tell you
anything.  You should have to figure this out on your own, but she’s
definitely not over you, Rocco.  As a matter of fact, she is nowhere close
to being over you.”