Forever Altered (19 page)

Afterwards,
he holds me for a little while before asking me to take a shower with
him.  We finally leave the bed and I glance out of the huge picture window
that overlooks a huge open field outside.  “How come that is just open
space there?” I ask.

“My
mom purposely put this window here,” he says.  “That land is mine to build
on whenever, however I want.  She wants me to remember I’m always welcome
here.”

“And
she can keep an eye on you,” I tease.

“Exactly,”
he replies laughing.  “Come on.”  He pulls me to the bathroom. 
The shower is huge and has the best water pressure I’ve ever experienced, a
very important attribute to a girl with long, thick hair to wash.

The
hot water feels so good against my skin, I let out a tiny moan.  Instantly
Rocco’s body is pressed up against the back of mine.  “You are seriously
going to be the death of me.  I may actually die from having too much
sex.”

I
turn to look at him.  “You cannot possibly be ready after all night and
this morning,” I say seriously.

“Did
you not hear yourself moan like that?  Do you have any idea how many times
just hearing that almost sent me over the edge last night?”  Sure enough
evidence of just how ready he is to do this again is literally right between us
pressing against my abdomen.  He lifts me up putting my back against the
shower stall, I wrap my legs around his waist, and my hands are lost in his wet
hair.  His talented lips have me begging for him in an extremely short
period of time.  “Damn it.  I never even needed condoms at my house
up until yesterday.  I don’t have any in the fucking bathroom.”

“It’s
okay,” I say out of breath.  “I trust you and I’ve been on the pill for
years.”

“Sunshine,
I’ve never done it without one,” he starts to explain.

“I
know.  Neither have I.  That’s why it’s okay.” 

The
look of desire on my face must be what has him caving because I feel him slide
inside of me.  “Fuck!” he cries as my head falls back to hit the wall
behind me.  He never once has to adjust his hold on me as he pushes the
both of us closer to finishing.  Afterwards, my legs release from around
him and eventually reach the bottom of the stall.  I’m still shaking when
his hands are on the wall next to both sides of my head and he is staring at me
gasping for air.  “What the hell did you just do to me?” he asks me. 

I
shrug my shoulders.  “Just needed to make sure you know you’re mine.”

“Yeah
I am,” he agrees kissing me.  Over the next twenty minutes, we take turns
washing each other from head to toe.  We are entirely too exhausted for
anything else to happen.  Eventually, we get out of the shower and Rocco
sees we are running out of time before we are supposed to be downstairs. 
Both of us dress quickly and I pull my hair up then throw a little makeup on
looking somewhat presentable.

I
get the grand tour of the whole downstairs which ends in the dining room. 
Mrs. Lewis is just entering the room as well from the opposite side. 
“Good morning.  I hope you slept well.”  I pray my face has not
turned red in front of her.  If she only knew how little sleep I actually
got, she may kick me out of her house. 

“We
did, Mom.  Thank you,” Rocco answers for the both of us rubbing my
back.  He pulls a chair out for both me and his mother.  “Where’s
Max?” he asks her. 

“He
got called into the office, as usual.  I’m glad the two of you are here to
keep me company.”  An irritated look flickers in his eyes, but he doesn’t
say anything.  Someone emerges from the same door Rose came out of
carrying trays filled with entirely too much food.  They are placed on the
table and uncovered before the older lady disappears through the same door she
came in.  “Please, my dear, help yourself,” Rose offers.

I
nod before saying, “Your home is absolutely beautiful.  Thank you for
having me.”

“Consider
this an open invitation to return anytime.  So, what did you think of the
dinner last night?  I’m anxious to hear how much money the charity has
made, but that could take until the end of the day.”

“Everything
was perfect, as usual.  Unfortunately, Callie and Collin cornered us in
the kids room for a while, but Alyssa handled it quite well,” he chuckles.

“Ah,
the Sweeney twins will get you every time,” she laughs along with him. 
“Carla has her hands almost as full with the two of them as I did with you.”

“Don’t
exaggerate, Mom.  I was never that bad.”  I giggle at him. 
“Really I wasn’t,” he defends himself.

“Whatever
you say, Son.”  She starts eating.  “Did you hear that Tony has
developed an interest in Carla?”

“What?” 
Rocco looks surprised.  “He’s like ten years older than her.”

“I
don’t think anything will ever come of it.  She has made it quite clear
she isn’t interested in dating anyone, let alone another cop.”

“I
saw them talking last night,” I say joining the conversation.

“When?”
Rocco wants to know.

“When
Carla came back to get the kids.  He was walking with her,” I tell
him. 

Rocco’s
phone starts ringing.  He pulls it out and looks at the screen. 
“Blocked?  Who the hell can this be?”  He answers it getting a look
from his mother.  “
Yo
.”  He drops his fork
on his plate causing a loud clang.  We both look over at him.  “How
the fuck did you get this number?” he shouts into the phone as he is walking
out of the room.  There is an uncomfortable silence in the room for
entirely too long. 

“So,
Alyssa, Rocco says you are from southern New Jersey?”  She is trying to
distract me. 

I
place my fork down as calmly as I can.  My stomach is suddenly so upset
over Rocco’s reaction to the caller that I’m afraid to eat anything else. 
“Um, yeah.  We are about fifteen minutes outside of Philadelphia.”  I
steal a quick peek in the direction Rocco went.  Who could have made him
so upset?

“Do
you plan on going back there after you graduate next year?”  She probably
wants to know if I’ll be stealing her son away from her. 

“I
guess that depends on where I’m able to find a job,” I say nervously. 
Where the hell did he go? 

“Since
Rocco will be spending Thanksgiving weekend with you,” she changes the subject,
“I was wondering if you would want to join us for our family vacation the week
after New Year’s.  We always go somewhere tropical to escape the winter
for a little bit.”

“Thank
you for inviting me, I’ll…” I start to say. 

“Let’s
go, Alyssa,” Rocco interrupts from behind me.  “We’re leaving right
now.” 

I turn
around to ask what’s wrong, but his mother speaks first, “Rocco, I need to
speak with you in the kitchen, please.”  He already has my bag in his
hand.

“Not
now,” he snaps at her.

“Rocco.”
 She stands up.  This is a woman who usually gets what she wants. 
She doesn’t like that her son is speaking to her the way he is.

“I
said not now, Mom!”  This time he’s yelling at her.  “Alyssa, let’s
go,” he repeats a little too harshly for me.  He left the room without
another word.

“Don’t
worry, Sweetheart.  It will be fine,” she whispers as she gives me a
hug.  Something tells me she knew who was on the phone.

I
catch up to Rocco as he’s walking down the stairs outside of the front
door.  A gentleman who I have not met is standing next to his car holding
the passenger side door open.

“Hey!”
I holler to his back.  When he doesn’t turn around, I yell it again and
stop following him.  He stops when he gets to the driver’s side.  “I
don’t know what I did to make you so upset, but your mom does not deserve to be
spoken to like that.  You should go apologize to her.”

“Alyssa,
will you just get in the fucking car?”  I’m not used to hearing him speak
to me like that, so it causes me to jump.  Rocco gets in his side and
slams the door.  I cannot help but wonder if he’d leave me here if I
didn’t do as he’s demanding.  My heart has started to crack a little, so I
don’t want to find out.  I walk down the steps to the man holding the door
open for me.  As I walk by him, he gives me a sympathetic nod then closes
the door for me. 

It’s
not until we are halfway back to school that I have found the nerve to open my
mouth.  “Could you please tell me what I did?”  I ask, but I cannot
look at him because my tears are just about ready to spill over.

“You
didn’t,” he starts but then pauses.  “Nothing.  Just let me drive,
please.”

I
don’t say anything else the rest of the way.  When he pulls into the
parking lot, he stops in front of our apartment building instead of parking the
car.  Rocco reaches back to grab my bag and drops it in my lap.  He
never says anything.  Just hands me my bag dismissing me.  The pain
in my chest doesn’t allow me to say anything else, protecting me from any other
harm he may cause.  I exit the car for what feels like the last
time.  He doesn’t even wait for me to round the car and get on the
sidewalk before he speeds away leaving campus once again.  Leaving me.

Rocco

I’ve
completely lost track of the time and how many shots of tequila I’ve had since
walking through the door.  There have been quite a few people who have
come and gone in the stools next to me, if that is any indication.  The
football games are not even capturing my attention today even with all of the
cheering in the background.  The only thing I can think of is how stupid I
was to take Sunshine to the event last night.  I should have known
somehow, someway my worst nightmare would have come true.  Now, the only
thing I can do is stay far, far away from my heart and soul.  From the
love of my life.  How the hell does someone stay away from the person who
makes them feel alive?  It’s the only way to protect her from the biggest
mistake of my life.  I down the two shots sitting in front of me then
reach for my beer.

“Hey,
Buddy.”  I hear my best friend’s sympathetic voice as he sits on the stool
next to me.  The bartender comes over holding up the bottle of tequila.
 My head nods and he fills up the shot glasses for me.  “How many of
those have you had?”  I shrug my shoulders.  “How come you aren’t
answering your phone?”

“Left
it in the car,” I say without looking up. 

“Want
to tell me what happened?”

“No.”

“Alright. 
Then I’ll tell you what happened to me today.”  Shane motions to the
bartender who pours him a beer.  After taking a sip or two, he
continues.  “I’m relaxing on the couch after working on this hard ass
project, which took me most of my Saturday night and this morning by the way,
when in strolls this beautiful, completely distraught girl looking for her
boyfriend who left her on the doorstep of her apartment building over three
hours ago.  Oh wait, he didn’t even wait until she made it to the sidewalk
let alone the damn doorstep.  How fucked up is that, right?  So, I
bring her in and get her to calm down long enough to tell me how after a great
night, whatever that means, he becomes a fucking lunatic and basically tosses
her out of his car like yesterday’s trash.  Any of this sound familiar?”

I
know Shane is purposely making it sound harsher than how she explained it to
him, but it’s still a swift kick to the abdomen and I almost lose all of the
tequila I’ve managed to drink this afternoon.  “You don’t understand,” I
mumble.

“I
don’t understand?  Are you fucking kidding me right now, Rocco?” 
He’s pissed at me, but I don’t give a shit.  “So Vicki found out you’re
dating someone and you just dismiss Alyssa?  Is that what you think she
deserves?  Did you even tell her about the psycho bitch?”

“No,
I didn’t and she doesn’t need to know,” I tell him.  He should really just
go the fuck away and leave me to wallow by myself.

“What
do you mean she doesn’t need to know?  Are you listening to
yourself?  To me?  Alyssa is a mess right now.  She thinks she
did something to make you act like this.  How could you just leave her
knowing she feels that way?”  His voice gets louder with every word he
says to me.  I’m not sure why he cares.  He’s never once said
anything to me about the way I am with girls before Alyssa came into my
life. 

“If
she knew about Vicki, she would say she didn’t care.  She wouldn’t take it
seriously and she sure as hell wouldn’t stay away from me.  That’s what I
need her to do right now.  I need her to hate me enough to
want
to
stay away because it’s going to be a bitch for me to stay away from her,” I say
slamming my glass on the bar.

“So
that’s it?  Alyssa doesn’t get a say in this?  You’re choosing Vicki
over her?”  The way he says that has me wanting to knock him off the
stool.

“I’m
not choosing Vicki.  I hate that fucking whore.  She told me on the
phone this morning how she saw the picture I posted on Facebook of me and
Alyssa last night.  I don’t even know how she did.  I have her ass
fucking blocked from seeing my shit.  Someone else must have showed
her.  She said if she heard the two of us were together ever again, she would…” 
I empty another shot glass.  “That she would find her.  That this
time, she wouldn’t stop with her car.  She is going to go after Alyssa.”

“She
threatened Alyssa directly,” he realizes.  “She isn’t going after you
anymore.”

“Looks
that way.”

“You
should call the cops.  Tony would help you with this.  Why are you
letting this girl ruin your life?  Ruin Alyssa’s life?  She has even
more of a right to know.  How can she protect herself if she doesn’t know
someone is threatening her?  Damn it, Rocco.  If you aren’t going to protect
her, let her fucking protect herself!” he yells at me.  Other patrons keep
glancing at the two of us. 

“I
am protecting her by staying away.  As long as I am nowhere near her,
Vicki will stay away.”

“You’re
taking her word on that?  If she knows what Alyssa looks like, what is
keeping her from going after her anyway?  If she really wants to hurt you,
Rocco, she will go after Alyssa.”  His confidence has me second guessing
my decision momentarily.

“I
don’t have any other choice,” is all I have left to say. 

We
sit there in silence for a while.  Shane finishes his beer.  “Let’s
go.  I’m going to drive you home.”

“Don’t
bother,” I mumble. 

“Yeah,
well, if you want to break all of the promises you made to Alyssa, that’s on
you.  I’m keeping the promise I made to her by making sure your pathetic
fucking ass gets back safely.  If she didn’t insist on me promising her, I
would gladly leave you here.  Now get the fuck up and let’s go!” he shouts
slamming money on the counter.  

I
close out my tab and follow Shane outside.  In the time I’ve been in the
bar, the clouds have moved in and it’s pouring.  A good representation of
how the sun will never shine for me again.  Shane is holding his hand out
for my keys.  Eventually, I get them out of my pocket and throw them to
him.  “Where is your car?” I ask looking around the parking lot.

“Troy
dropped me off,” he snaps then stops before getting in the driver’s side of my
car.  “Let me just say for the record, you are one stupid mother fucker
for throwing this thing you have with Alyssa away.  I really hope you wake
up tomorrow and realize what a prick you’ve been and go begging on your hands
and knees to her.  Not that you deserve her forgiveness.  Just that
she should get to witness you doing it.”  He finishes his rant and gets in
my car slamming the door.  Shane doesn’t talk to me the whole ride back to
school.  Actually, he doesn’t talk to me for the next few days.

I
totally slept through Monday morning, which was just fine with me because then I
missed Cell Bio with Alyssa.  There was no way my heart would be able to
take seeing her and not be able to wrap my arms around her.  The ache that
has been radiating through me over how much I miss my Sunshine forces me to
stay in bed skipping the rest of my classes for the day.  Whatever. 
Wasn’t the first time. 
Some time
in the late
afternoon, I strolled out to the kitchen.  Shane and Logan were playing
Call of Duty or some shit.  Logan asked how I was doing, but Shane never
even acknowledged me.  I ended up grabbing two beers and went back to my
room without answering Logan.  Later that night when Shane came in from
the class he has with Alyssa, I wanted to ask him how she was doing. 
There was no point because he wouldn’t tell me anyway. 

The
next day went a little better because I knew we never ran into each other on
Tuesdays unless we did it purposely.  My three roommates went out
somewhere that night, but they didn’t invite me.  I really didn’t give a
shit though because I wouldn’t have left my room anyway.  I spent the
whole night trying to decide if I should go to lab or not the next
morning.  Cell Bio is a mandatory class for my major, so I cannot keep
blowing it off.  I would still like to graduate in May.  If this
class was offered during the Spring Semester, I would drop it and just start
all over again in January.  I decided I would go to lab, but I wouldn’t
work with Alyssa.  She was just going to have to learn how to do this shit
on her own. 

Since
she is usually late to lab, there wasn’t much to stress over.  There was
plenty of time for me to get in and return to my seat in the back of the
room.  I never even looked up when she came in.  At one point I could
have sworn it felt like she was staring right at me, but it could have been my
imagination.  Much to my surprise, she ended up finishing the lab before I
did.  Dr. Willis called her to his desk as she cleaned up, but I couldn’t
hear what they were talking about.  She took off right after that. 
Why did my heart break even more over the fact that she didn’t even try to talk
to me?  That was what I wanted, right?  I wanted her to stay
away.  She never came to me crying.  She never came begging to know
why I was mistreating her.  She never even yelled at me for being a
dickhead.  No drama.  Nothing. 

It
took me a while to pull myself together and finish the lab.  Afterwards, I
went to the gym for a few hours.  Then I still didn’t want to go back to
my room, so I got in my car and drove around.  I finally ate something for
the first time in a couple of days.  On my way back, something made me
remember how Alyssa had class with Ryan.  It was too late for me to make
it back in time to get there.  I tried to call Shane, but he wasn’t
answering his phone.  Probably because he knew it was me.  I had no
choice but to leave him a voicemail.  Maybe he would check it.  I
also texted him to see if he could make sure she was okay.  No
response.  I called Logan, but he didn’t answer either.  I don’t know
how many accidents I almost got into on the way back to campus, but I needed to
make sure she was okay.  If Ryan touched even a hair on her pretty little
head, there would be no holding me back.  Then I had to figure out how the
hell was I going to find out how she was without knocking on her door and asking. 

When
I parked my car on the side of the building we both lived on, the blinds to her
apartment were open.  Even though it made me a total stalker, I walked up
to her living room window and peered in.  I caught a glimpse of her
talking to whomever was sitting on the couch.  She didn’t appear to be
upset.  She looked tired and worn out, but not upset from what I could
tell.  She looked absolutely beautiful.  I stood there watching her
until she disappeared into her room closing the door.  She was going to
bed.  The blinds were already pulled in her room, but I could see the
light for a few more minutes before it was turned out.

Eventually,
I made it back to my room only to find all three of my roommates sitting around
watching TV.  Paige was laying on the couch in Troy’s lap while he stroked
her hair making me
miss
Alyssa even more.  “Hey,
Rocco.  There is extra pizza in the refrigerator if you want it,” Paige
said without looking up. 

“Couldn’t
either of you answer your phones?”  I directed it to Shane mostly. 
He checked his pockets and figured out he didn’t have his phone on him. 

“Why? 
What’s up?” he asked reluctantly looking back at the TV. 

“I
needed someone to check on Alyssa.  I was on my way back to school when I
remembered she had class with Ryan tonight or I would have done it myself,” I
explained.            

“I
don’t think you have a right to know anymore,” he snapped.  “But, she was
just chatting with Paige about ten minutes ago.  Was she okay, Paige?”

“She’s
fine,” Paige responded with a sigh.  She got up from the couch and went
into Troy and Logan’s room closing the door.  Troy followed behind her but
only after giving me a sideways glance and a shake of his head. 

“Guess
I’m not the only one who thinks that you are a rotten bastard.”  This time
Shane didn’t even bother looking in my direction. 

I
left him and Logan to watch whatever the hell it was they were watching and
went to my room.  As I lay in my bed, thoughts of how this time last week,
I had the most beautiful girl here with me.  We watched a movie, well, she
watched a movie with the guys while I watched her.  Everything about her
fascinates me.  The way her eyes light up when she laughs.  How she
brightens up a whole room just by being in it.  How for just a few short
weeks she made me feel like I was the luckiest guy in the whole damned
world.  I had to stop doing this to myself.  Her safety has to be my
main priority right now.  I thought that if I could stop thinking about
her, it would make everything so much easier.

The
following day wasn’t any easier with Alyssa or my friends.  Still no
reaction from her in Cell Bio, even when Carrie very loudly announced that I
was once again a free man and more than ready to give it to any girl who was
interested.  Of course, she volunteered in front of the whole class. 

“Did
everyone hear that Rocco Matthews is single again?  I hear he is more than
willing to make up for all the time he wasted with you know who,” she
said.  “How about tonight you come to my room and I help you forget all
about what’s troubling you right now?”  I wanted to scoop Alyssa up and
carry her away from the horrible bitch.  The shit Carrie was saying would
definitely be bothering her.  It was bad enough I had to protect her from
Vicki.