Forever Baby (11 page)

“Can you tell me a little about her? What is the significance of your tattoo?”

His stare focuses on the star, his eyes full with emotion. “Well, my mom was amazing…like, the best mom in the world.” His lips press together into a sad smile. “All she ever wanted to be was a mom, and she made sure that I knew how much I was loved every day. She was always my biggest supporter and made me feel like I could do anything. While I was little, when she tucked me into bed at night, she used to tell me that she wished upon a star, and I came true. She said she thanked her lucky stars that she had been blessed with me. I got the star tattoo to remind me that even on my darkest days, I once had unconditional love and that I need to live a life that would make my mom proud. When you’re hurting, it’s so easy to give in to the darkness and become someone you don’t want to be. I don’t want that to happen to me. I admit that it’s like I’m living in the dark most of the time, and I’m just going through the motions, but at least, I haven’t lost myself completely to it. I could never do that to her.”

“She sounds wonderful, Andres.”

“She was. She was the best.” He smiles sadly and strokes the back of his hand against my cheek.

“Are you and your dad close?”

Andres’s body stiffens, and his calm, nostalgic expression instantly changes to hard coldness. His quick response lacks emotion. “No.” His whole demeanor has changed.

I’m cautious as I continue, “Why not?”

“I don’t like to talk about this stuff. It’s not pleasant, and I have spent the last eight years trying to avoid this type of conversation. Let’s just say that my dad hasn’t handled my mom’s death well, and because of that, we’re no longer close.”

“Okay, I understand. How should I act when I meet him?”

Andres rolls his eyes and lets out a quick laugh. “You won’t.”

“Um…okay,” I say, feeling uncomfortable from my presumption.

“It has nothing to do with you. You are wonderful, but you’ll never meet him. He’s not a part of my life that I want you to be involved with. Okay?” He gently grabs my chin and pulls my mouth to his for a quick sweet kiss.

“Okay,” I say, sensing that he’s done with this conversation.

We spend the rest of the afternoon snuggled together on my bed. We explore one another with our hands and our mouths, but our clothes stay on. We kiss until my lips are raw and throbbing with pleasing pain. At some point, we fall asleep while entwined together. It’s the best nap ever.

After dinner, we go to the movie theater. We see the new James Bond film, and although it’s in English, I try to read the Spanish subtitles instead. I give up halfway through because trying to focus on anything while Andres is rubbing his thumb across my hand is idiocy. I’m so consumed with Andres that I can barely see straight in his presence.

Each time we have been together this week, it has been impossible for me to keep my hands and mouth off him. Thankfully, he feels the same way. When he drops me off at my door, we have another intense, electrifying make-out session that leaves me breathless, frustrated, and wanting more. I need more.

On Friday, Nolan and I take our usual coffee break in between classes.

“Do you have plans tonight?”

“Yeah, we’re going to this new club, La Esquina. Do you want to come? It’ll be fun.”

“Sure. You know I’m always game for a good time,” he says.

“Great! Hey, have you heard from Abby? When is she coming to visit?”

“Two weeks from today.”

“Perfect. That’s when Cara is coming, too! We’ll have to take them out to all our favorite places.”

Nolan smiles at me as we walk back to class. Part of my heart hurts when we walk back, and I don’t know why. There is an awkwardness between Nolan and me. It’s nothing that I have ever experienced with him before. Our friendship has always been so flawless. I sense that Nolan is sad although he’s trying very hard to make everything seem normal. I know he misses me. He’s definitely seeing less of me now than he did at home, but I know he understands. I know he wants me to be happy, and it is rare that I’m so interested in someone new.

“Are you okay, Nolan? I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to spend as much time with you this week.”

“No need to apologize, Liv. You’re happy, so I’m happy. That’s all I want for my best friend. I’ll take you when I can get you and be thrilled,” he says, giving me an Oscar-worthy smile and squeezing my hand.

His eyes show a conflicting emotion, and it brings me a feeling of unease. I hold his hand tightly and lean my head on his arm.

La Esquina is another impressive club. It’s a tall building, and inside there are five levels. Standing on the ground floor, one can peer up through the center of the room and see the floors above. Each level is open to the center and has a metal railing spanning the level to allow people to look up or down toward other floors. There is not a set dance floor, so bodies are dancing everywhere among the rustic metal tables scattered throughout. The club is huge.

We get a table in the corner of the fourth floor. We order two bottles of Grey Goose with sodas. Nolan seems happy as he talks to the group we’re here with. He occasionally glances my way and smiles. There are a few people that I remember from the first night we went out to a club. I’m sitting between Nadia and Andres. Nadia chatters away, giving me details about different people passing by our table. She loves to gossip, and it always surprises me that she seems to know everything about everyone, especially in such a large city.

I find it impossible to focus on a word she says as all my senses are consumed with Andres. I’m keenly aware of the way he smells, and I fight the urge to lean in and inhale him. The combination of soap, fabric softener, and a faint musky scent invades my brain. It’s clean, manly, and sexy all at once. It’s intoxicating.

Andres leans over and whispers in my ear, “Have I told you that you are stunning tonight? It is making it difficult for me to think about anything other than getting you out of that dress.”

I catch my breath, and my skin stands at attention. I’m wearing my favorite short black dress with a low swooping back paired with red heels. Andres is rubbing his thumb along the small of my back at the base of my dress, and he has moved my hair to the side, so he can kiss my neck. My body is on fire, and I’m solely focusing on breathing.

I can feel Nolan’s stare on me, but I don’t direct my attention toward him. I want to stay lost in this erotic connection with Andres—or maybe I don’t want to see what Nolan’s face will disclose. I keep my eyes closed and lean into Andres’s shoulder, relishing the feeling of his hand on my back.

I’m elated and up on my feet within a second when Andres asks me to dance. I spot an empty space at the far end of the room, and I start to beeline toward it before Andres grabs my arm and pulls me against him. We’re closer to our group than I want to be, but that thought is completely lost when his mouth meets mine. In that moment, we are again two bodies moving together without thought or inhibition. I am tuned in only to the feelings of his tongue in my mouth and the warmth of his body against mine. Tingling sensations linger where his hands are touching me.
Oh my God, he is such a great dancer
. It is quite possibly the sexiest thing about him. It doesn’t feel like dancing. It is something so much more intimate. I’m unsure of how long we’ve been dancing because the rest of the world has fallen away.

He whispers, “Let’s get out of here.”

I get immediate chills. All I can offer in response is a nod. I try to regain my equilibrium from our raw, sexual, overpowering dance, and I motion to the restrooms.

Andres nods, and I take off in the direction of the restroom. I take a few minutes to compose myself, noticing my flushed skin. My chest and cheeks are a deep red from my anticipation. My hair is slightly damp with sweat at the nape of my neck. Taking the hair tie from my wrist, I whip my hair into a ponytail. I reapply my lip gloss before returning to the packed club.

I stop abruptly, bracing myself against a wooden pillar, when I see him. He is standing exactly where I left him, where moments ago we were dancing with heated passion. He is still dancing while his hands grasp firmly to moving hips, his lips grazing an ear as he speaks into it. The hips belong to a girl who is throwing her head back in exaggerated laughter to whatever Andres just said. I watch while she recovers from the forced laugh and brings her lips to his ear. I see her lips moving in conversation while her hands work over his back. I’m unaware I am crying until I taste the saltiness of the tears streaming down my face.

I am not familiar with who this girl is—not that it matters anyway. His hands are on her, and she isn’t me. I didn’t expect a serious commitment. I’d told him as much, but shit, we came here together tonight. I expected to leave with him. This week had been beyond incredible in so many ways, and the majority of it could be attributed to Andres. In my haze of hormones and giddiness, I forgot that both he and Nadia had told me that he is someone who doesn’t do commitment. I wanted to believe that I was different. I’m not special though, and I feel foolish.

It’s only been a week, and I shouldn’t care as much as I do, but I fell, and I fell fast. Andres made it easy to do. I thought I felt something more than casual, something great.
How could I have been so wrong?
My wish for what Andres and I could have been shatters. I bring my fingers to my temples, rubbing circles, as my humiliation sets in. Then, my humiliation makes way for anger, so much anger.
At myself? At Andres? Both. Definitely both.

Raising my stare to Andres again, I see the girl’s hand running up and down his bicep. I have to get out of here as my panic increases. I scan the room until I see our table. Nolan is talking with Nadia, and as if he can feel my stare, he raises his eyes to meet mine from across the room. His smile fades as he looks at me with concern. I watch as he says something to Nadia, and then he makes his way over to me. I’m still bracing myself against the pillar, my knees locked and holding me upright.

“Oh my God. What is it, Liv?” Nolan asks with sincere worry in his voice.

“I just want to go,” I choke out in a raspy voice that’s heavy with tears.

Nolan motions toward the others. “Okay, let me go—”

“Now, Nolan. Right now.” I don’t want anyone else to see me. I want to go immediately.

“Okay, babe, we’ll go.” He swoops me up into his arms and heads toward the stairway to our right.

I bury my face in his shoulder, wishing for this night to be over. We exit the building, and the air is noticeably cooler than inside.

“Where do you want to go?” Nolan asks.

“Not to my house.”

“Mine?”

“Sure,” I answer as Nolan hails a cab.

Once we are situated in the back of the cab, Nolan says, “You really should let Nadia know that you left. She will be worried.”

I think about it for a minute as I stare out the window. I know Nolan is right, so I grab my cell phone out of my purse and type a text to her.

Me: Wasn’t feeling well. Heading to Nolan’s. Be back tomorrow.

I shut off my cell before throwing it back into my purse. Nolan is silently observing me, giving me the time I need to process all the thoughts running through my head.

We arrive at Nolan’s and enter the dark apartment. His roommate, Pedro, must still be out when we arrive to the small two-bedroom space they share. Nolan leads me to the bathroom. Once alone, I opt for a hot shower, scalding my skin. I brace my hands against the shower wall, letting the water hit my skin. I need to wash away the smells of the night—the sweat and lingering scent of Andres where his body and lips touched me. I can still sense his lips on me, the side of my neck and lips burning from the memory of his touch.
What was I thinking? Did I really think that involving myself with Andres was a good idea?

I wrap the towel around my body and make my way down the hall toward Nolan’s room. I scan the floor for killer centipedes, and I can’t help the smile that graces my face as Nolan’s story plays in my head.

When I get into Nolan’s room, he hands me one of his T-shirts and a pair of boxers. “I’m going to take a quick shower.” He kisses my forehead before leaving the room.

I am lying in Nolan’s bed when he comes back. He shuts off the light and climbs in behind me, wrapping his arm around me. My dejection slowly abates with the familiarity of Nolan wrapped around me. He is my sweet Nolan, who I trust, and he has never hurt me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

“He was dancing with another girl, and I freaked out.”

“Maybe she was a friend?”

“No. The way they were dancing suggested that it was more.” I pause. “I feel like an idiot. I don’t know why I even started liking him. I knew how he was.”

“Has he tried to contact you? Maybe you should talk to him and clear the air?” Nolan suggests with little conviction.

“I turned off my phone, so I don’t know. I am going to have to be around him for the rest of the summer, so I’m sure we will talk at some point, but I don’t feel like talking to him right now.”