Forever Blue (4 page)

Judah shrugged. "Whatever." He stood and looked around the room, pulling off his rugby uniform and dumping it on the floor, until he found some crumpled jeans, a tee shirt and his leather jacket discarded in a pile, and pulled them on. He didn't bother to clean the mud from his arms, or smooth back the hair that was dangling in his eyes. It wasn't Judah's style.

Cara's house was set in the middle of a paddock and surrounded by broken cars, thanks to her dad's auto shop which was situated in the large shed off to the side of the house. Her family moved to town when she was eleven, and my father hated it, claiming that their presence brought down the value of all the properties in the area. He had been petitioning for the house to be demolished before the Armistead's bought it.

Cara hated growing up in our small town. She hated that everyone knew her name, and that she couldn't take a step without someone having an opinion on which direction she was walking. But I liked it. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. In a city, I would be one among thousands. Here, everybody knew my name, and unlike Cara, I loved that. So Cara was excited when she left for boarding school. She was finally getting away from this town, this life that had her trapped. But when her mother's illness grew worse, she had to come back to the place she wanted to forget existed.

I guess that's why I kissed her when I did. She didn't give a damn. She lived the way she wanted and to hell with the consequences. She didn't care about grades or making some sports team. She wasn't consumed with how she looked, or what others thought of her. She was nothing like me.

We were at a party one weekend when it happened. Parties were common in my town. It was the last weekend before Cara left. She would be back each school holidays, but I guess I wasn't thinking about that. All I thought about was the way she offered her soft lips. The way she looked at me with complete adoration when she never looked at anyone like that. Judah knew she liked me. It had been the cause of many fights over the years. I never wanted to kiss her. I never wanted to take her away from him. It was a stupid thing I did.

I never told Judah about it. I knew it would break his heart.

Judah almost smiled when Cara bounded out of the house. Dressed simply in ripped jeans, a striped black and white singlet and a faded red jacket, she looked nothing like the girls I normally dated. My last girlfriend before her had been the type my parents approved of, pretty, and from a well-off family. Cara was neither of those things. But there was something about Cara that seemed to attract boys. Well, the Mitchell boys, anyway. I wound down the window and thumped the side of the car in greeting.

"Careful," Judah said. Even though the doors were rusted and the paint was patched across the body, the 1973 Ford Fairlane was his pride and joy. I suspected the only reason he let me drive was because we were picking Cara up and she loved his car almost as much as he did. I stepped on the accelerator and revved the engine, waving at her to hurry. Cara's little sister followed her out of the house and leaned against the post that held up the sagging porch, scowling so hard her face was barely recognisable.

"Hey Lana," I called out and waved. She didn't reply. She was too busy throwing daggered looks at her sister. They looked alike, both skinny with long hair, thick eyebrows and small faces which had the ability to clearly display what they were thinking. And in this case, Lana Armistead was pissed.

"Stay," Cara flung over her shoulder, much like she was talking to a dog. She turned and gave me a slow smile, a smile I hoped Judah didn't notice.

"So you come home to party and leave me to look after Mum?" Lana yelled after her. "I thought you came back to help."

"Yes, that's right," Cara said, yanking the door open and standing with her hand resting on the roof of the car. "I've come home from boarding school, which I loved, by the way, just to go to a lame party. It's one night Lana. Get over it."

"One night?" Lana replied, her voice rising in pitch. "It's been all fucking year!"

Cara groaned and plonked herself down on the back seat. "Language!" she scolded her sister out the open window, before leaning over and pecking us both on the cheek. Judah did his best to appear calm, though the colour flooded up his cheeks, and his eyes flicked to her reflection in the mirror. But Cara was searching for mine. A knot of guilt twisted in my gut as Judah reached forward and fiddled with the radio. I liked Cara, I really did. But I didn't love her like Judah did. She was just there.

Lana placed her hands on her hips and glared at her sister. "You swear," she retorted.

"I'm not fourteen," Cara replied and poked out her tongue which belied the comment.

Lana crossed her arms and glared at Cara with an expression that left nothing to the imagination. "What time will you be home?"

Cara leaned forward and groaned in my ear. "Just get me out of here. I forgot what an annoying little bitch she is."

I gave Lana a weak, apologetic smile and pulled out onto the driveway, flinging Cara back in her seat as she let out a whoop of laughter.

She stuck her head out the window, the rush of wind whipping her hair around her face, and yelled back down the driveway. "I'll be home whatever fucking time I want!"

Chapter Six

Lennon

The next day dawned bright and clear with just a hint of frost in the shade outside my window. I loved that window. It ran from floor to ceiling, and when I lay on my bed, it created the perfect frame for the landscape. The trees that dotted the street lined up perfectly to block the houses and all I could see were the swaying branches, a tiny peek of the lake, the mountains and the sky. It was perfect.

As usual, I spent way too long in the shower, dreading when I would have to step out of the hot water and face the day. Finally, I dragged myself out, slipped on my dressing gown, wrapped a towel around my wet hair, and tried not to think of Judah. I didn't like to think of myself as the type to swoon over a boy, so thinking about him seemed like a betrayal of my personality. Or, at least, the personality I liked to think I had. But I couldn't get him out of my mind.

I made a sandwich from the leftovers from yesterday's non-lunch and stuffed an apple and a drink bottle into my school bag. The car I had ended up with was an old, beaten-up hatchback covered in faded and patched red paint. Sienna had promptly named it Elmo. It took a couple of turns before the engine chugged to life.

Sienna was waiting at the school gate, scowling at the black smoke that came from Elmo's exhaust. Somehow, she managed to make our maroon and grey school uniform look great. Her tie was loosely looped around her neck and her white shirt buttoned low. She was all curves where I was straight lines. I loved her for it and despised her because of it.

"Hey you." She looked up as I crossed the concrete entrance. She finished typing on her phone and slipped it into her bag. "How's it going, big sis?" She grinned wickedly.

"Don't remind me."

"That bad? How'd your mum take it?" She looped her arm through mine and we walked up the steps.

"Better than I thought she would. Mind you, neither of us has had that much time to process."

I pushed open the heavy wooden doors to be greeted by the chaos that was school. Some students rushed down the hall, others hung in the corners, looking out from under the hair falling in their eyes. Sienna smiled and waved, greeting her admirers like a star walking the red carpet. I followed in her wake, though we walked side by side. We reached our lockers and Sienna pulled out a couple of books, and shoved her bag into the small space before slamming the locker shut and leaning back against the wall as I organised my stuff.

"I've got to go to the baby shower." I pulled out my books, arranged them into the order I would need for the day, then shut the locker door. "It will be such fun!" I mocked Melinda's voice and clapped my hands.

"I thought you liked her?" Sienna studied her nails, frowning.

"I do, mostly, sort of. It's just, I feel like I can't like her too much, or take an interest in the baby because of Mum." Sienna had lost interest, so I changed the conversation to her favourite subject. "Your hair looks good by the way."

Normally straight, her thick, chocolate-brown hair was curled at the tips, causing it to fall in luscious waves to her shoulders. She flicked a stray strand. "Thanks! It took me hours. I had to get up at, like, six. How'd you get yours so long? Mine never seems to get much longer than this." She held up the ends of her hair.

"It's called being too lazy and too cheap to go to the hairdresser." I looked down at my own long but drab hair and wondered what Sienna saw. We were alike, but opposites; same height, same age, but in her presence I faded into the background.  I sighed involuntarily. "You get up to much over the weekend?"

Sienna took off on a rambling description of how her parents had gone out last night and some of Phoenix's friends came over. I listened to how rude and crass they were, how Sienna felt like an underpaid babysitter and how her parents took advantage of her, as we walked to our first class. 'Listened' may not have been the right word. I heard the words that came out of her mouth, I just didn't absorb any of them. I was too busy looking for Judah. I'm not sure why I wanted to find him again, it annoyed me that I was even thinking of him, but I told myself I was curious, nothing more. It would be good to have more than one friend in the school, especially since that only friend was also my cousin.

At lunch, we took our food out into the courtyard and ate, enjoying the sunshine even though the breeze was cold. Sienna lay back on the steps, her face tipped to the sun and her hair trailing out behind like an auburn bridal train. A few students risked admiring glances, and even though she knew it, she didn't pay them any attention. Even though they had never dated, Sienna only had eyes for one person.

"Did you see him?" I asked.

She didn't need to ask who I was talking about and shook her head. "I'm over it. He's not my type, anyway."

I raised my eyebrows before taking a bite of my apple.

"I am," she insisted. "How was the cemetery thingy?" She squinted as she popped a grape into her mouth.

"It was strange." I shrugged. "Good, I guess. Well, you know, as good as it could be."

The courtyard was crowded. Most students took the option of eating outside as it was the last taste of warm weather. Sleeves and pants were rolled up and skirts hoisted higher as people exposed their limbs to the sun, but Judah was nowhere to be seen.

"I met a boy," I said after a while.

"At the cemetery?" Sienna groaned.

"It wasn't like that."

She opened one eye. "Was he cute?"

"I don't know, I guess so," I lied. "He just looked so sad." I'm not sure why I didn't tell her who he was. I wanted to know more about him, but I also wanted to keep him to myself. When he looked at me, he really saw me, but if he saw me next to Sienna, I was afraid I would turn invisible.

"Yeah, I heard being at a cemetery kind of does that to people." Sienna smirked.

I shoved the last bite of my sandwich into my mouth and lay beside her, closing myself off to the rest of the world until the bell rang.

I'm not sure if we would have been friends had I been given the choice, but Sienna never gave me a choice. I was her best friend. Period. And really, it wasn't so bad to be entertained by the drama that was her life, like the story of her romance with Ross. It had always been Ross for Sienna, but he wasn't the type she thought she should be attracted to. He was loutish and didn't bend to her every whim like other boys, so their relationship consisted of a constant tug of war.

"You want to come to watch the game after school?" she asked.

"The game?" Sienna was a vicious hockey player, but her games were on Wednesdays, the whole reason I made Wednesdays my mid-week Grams cup of tea catch up.

Sienna rolled her eyes. "Rugby."

The school was obsessed with rugby. The entire student population turned out to watch the mid-week practice games. The entire town came to watch the weekend games. I groaned. "I've got to wash my hair."

Sienna stood and dusted her skirt before holding her hands out. "You're coming." She pulled me to my feet. "If you want to meet a decent boy who doesn't hang out at the cemetery, you've got to at least try to come to something social."

"Who said I wanted to meet anyone?" I called out to her, but she was already walking back up the steps to school.

Sienna dragged me to the rugby field as soon as the bell rang. The boys were already there, dressed in maroon and grey, stretching and running on the spot, their breath clouding the air. Sienna stared at a boy with curly blond hair and an unbelievably adorable smile. He waved, and she turned away.

"Not even a wave?" I asked.

"I told you, I'm over him." But then she waved daintily at the blond boy with the tips of her fingers, her smile heavy with flirtation.

"Why don't you just ask him out and avoid all this on again off again, are we dating, do we even like each other, stuff you have going on?"

Sienna frowned dramatically. "You really know nothing."

It was then that I noticed a boy walking out of the changing room, headgear swinging at his side, shoulders hunched, head bowed. It was Judah. "Him." I knocked shoulders with Sienna. "Who is he?" I already knew who he was, I just wanted to hear Sienna tell me her version, no doubt it would be filled with a lot more drama than the stories I had heard.

That," Sienna's eyes narrowed, "is Judah Mitchell." She turned to look at me sharply. "Please do not tell me he's cemetery boy."

I nodded and Sienna grabbed me by the shoulders. "Do not get involved with him. Ever. He's bad news. Don't even glance in his direction."

"He doesn't look it." He looked sad, a little lonely, but certainly not bad news. When I thought of bad news, I thought of tattoos and piercings, not hunched eyebrows and hesitant smiles.

Sienna shook me and I couldn't help but grin at her seriousness. "He killed a girl."

I admit it shook me a little, but Sienna was known for her embellishment of facts. I had been expecting her to say he was a player, a boy who kept girls on a string to tug and play with whenever he felt like it, or maybe he had a problem with drinking like a lot of kids did in this town.

"That's just a rumour, isn't it? He can't have killed someone, as in killed dead. And I thought it was supposed to be his brother?"

"Is there another type of killed that I'm not aware of?" Sienna pulled me away from the others gathered on the side line just as the whistle blew and the ball was kicked into the air. "Killed, as in killed dead, and his brother not long after."

"Ruben." It wasn't a question. I thought of the grave, the name etched in the stone, and the way Judah sat on top of it, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "What happened?"

"No one knows for sure." She was distracted by the game. Her gaze kept flicking back to where Ross was running towards the try line. Her eyes grew wider as he fought off tackle after tackle. "Run!" She jumped up and down on the spot, the heels of her shoes digging into the damp ground. "Run, run, run!" She was screaming now, as was everyone, apart from me.

I tugged at her arm. "You can't just tell me he killed someone and leave it hanging."

She looked at me, distracted, before shoving her fingers into her mouth and loudly whistling as Ross placed the ball under the posts, well clear of any defenders. Judah walked sullenly down the field, away from the other players.

"Sienna," I groaned, frustrated.

"Fine." She turned after blowing Ross a kiss, but he was too busy getting thumped on the back by his teammates to notice. "Yes, killed as in killed dead. They couldn't make it stick, but it was Judah, everyone knows it, and then he and Ruben were in the car when it went over the cliff. Judah survived. Ruben didn't. And Judah had alcohol in his system. Clear enough for you? He's bad news. Ross was his best friend."

"Ross was Judah's best friend?"

"No." She sighed. "His brother's, Ruben's."

The game started again. Judah stood to the side and waited for the ball to come to him. When it did, he ran it up the field and went to ground once tackled. Each tackle was hard, harder than it seemed they tackled the rest of the players, but the coach never pulled them up, even though they were both our school teams, the first fifteen against the second.

When Ross got the ball again, he broke through the defence line and ran up the field, leaving all the other players in his wake, save one. Judah was close on his heels, gaining even. The spectators went silent. His teammates held their breath as Ross ran just out of Judah's reach, until Judah threw himself to the ground and wrapped his arms around Ross's legs. Ross slammed to the grass. The impact reverberated through the ground. Ross scrambled to his feet, threw the ball down, and stormed towards Judah, still lying on the grass. Even from a distance, I could tell Judah knew what was coming. He covered his face, but it was too late. Ross slammed his fist into Judah and blood poured from his nose. The other players came running, and soon both sides were nothing but a muddle of fists and feet. The whistle blew repeatedly, but there was little anyone could do to stop it. The coaches finally managed to peel the boys off the pile, one by one, until there were only two remaining. Someone dragged Ross to his feet. His breath came out in puffs. He wiped angrily at his nose and then spat on Judah still lying on the ground, hands covering his head. As soon as the crowd backed off a little, Judah got to his feet, scowling under the mop of hair pressed over his head with the pressure of the headgear. He walked off the field without even a backwards look at the other players, mud smeared over his uniform. He glanced my way before heading to the changing rooms, but he looked right through me. My invisibility cloak was heavy, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was Sienna who put it on my shoulders.

She turned to me, eyes lifted expectantly. "See? Bad news."

I wanted to point out that it wasn't Judah that threw the punch, it wasn't Judah who drew blood, but I knew it was pointless. He was guilty in her eyes, so why didn't I believe it? Why couldn't I reconcile this boy with the one I had met at the cemetery?