Forever Is Over (71 page)

All this was going around in my head, when Richie suddenly started
breathing like a Doctor had a stethoscope to his chest. On his second
deep exhale, he came out with,

“
I
’
m going to have to stop.
”

The first thing I thought was that he must have
“
come
”
. Maybe,
during all the passionate kissing and fondling, he had got himself over
excited, overheating and then completely refusing to do any further
work like a car engine in a traffic jam.

‘
This is going to be embarrassing
’
, I remember thinking,
‘
especially
for Richie!
’

I opened my eyes and thought I had best keep my own frustrations
under wraps.

“
What
’
s the matter?
”
I asked.
“
It feels wrong.
”
Richie replied.

What did he mean? Did he mean his big
‘
attention seeker
’
felt
wrong? It had certainly looked alright before! I had never really seen
a male
‘
attention seeker
’
in its proudest form before. I had felt a few in
the darkness, but I had only seen my brother
’
s at bath time when we
were really little and I certainly had no recollection of it looking like
Richie
’
s just had!

Is that what he meant by
‘
it felt wrong
’
or did he mean, as I suspected
he did, that it
‘
felt wrong
’
, as he was still obsessing about Kelly and
therefore rolling around my Mum and Dad
’
s lounge naked did not seem
like the best laid plan.

‘
Come on Richie!
’
I thought.
‘
This is my best ever chance of losing
my virginity, don
’
t bloody ruin it! You just don
’
t understand how much I need to lose my virginity to you!
’

“
It
’
s only a lay!
”
I said as if I was ever so laid back about the whole
thing! I wasn
’
t! This was a momentous occasion for me, or at least it could
have been, if Richie had not backed out! Why was this happening? Boys
always said that it was alright for girls, we could just have sex whenever
we wanted it, we just had to make ourselves available. How much more
available could I be? I was laying naked on the floor with my legs as
wide apart as a labouring mother in stirrups! I started to feel humiliated
and within seconds I felt so small that Thumbelina would have loomed
large over me.

Richie
’
s next two sentences confirmed my virginity was to remain
intact.

“
Amy, it
’
s not just a lay to me. It feels like I am cheating on Kelly.
”

             
At this point, I could have thrown a wobbly, accused Richie of
unnecessarily stringing me along, but I was still clinging to the hope
that once he got over Kelly, Richie might still want to be with me, so I just remained all sweetness and light. I had had too much to drink in
Ormskirk though, which resulted in the
‘
think before speaking
’
switch in my brain turning itself off.

My first
‘
faux pas
’
was to pretty much say to Richie that although
he had not wanted to nail me there and then, if he ever wanted to, he
could just come around and do it.
I
’
m sure I did not put it quite as tactlessly as that, but I remember standing there cringing thinking,

‘
Amy, you are just making yourself look like a desperate slut! You
should be playing hard to get, not
“
Open All Hours!
”
’

             
My second
‘
faux pas
’
was saying m
y drunken mutterings too loud.
As Richie was all dressed and ready to go home, I was looking at him
and thinking
‘
This Man Is Gorgeous!
’
, I must be the only girl in the
world who could manage to get both myself and Richie naked and still
not have sex. Then, I thought,

‘
Hang on a minute! Maybe not! Jemma did that too! Back at the
Birch
’
s party! I think she managed to g
et further than me, but Richie
still fled before everything got going! What was it Jemma called him
again?

Dracula Dick? No, that wasn
’
t right.

Fucking Frankenstein? No.

GOT IT!

“
Phantom Fucker!
”

Problem was, when I said the right answer I meant to just mumble it to myself but I
’
ve always struggled to gauge my decibels one I have
had a drink and through drunken excitement that I still had an active
brain, I must have mumbled it far too loud.

Richie, who at this point was heading for the door, swivelled around
with an offended look on his face and asked me what I had just said.
I think he thought I was insulting him, as he probably only heard the
word
‘
fucker
’
, but I was just delighted to have remembered Jemma
’
s
nickname for the man who had crept into her room that night at the
Birch
’
s. Jemma had never been 100% sure it was Richie, but after this
I would have bet my mortgage on it, if I had not lived at my parents at
the time!

I made some lame excuse to Richie about it being a private joke
between Jemma and I, which he did not appear to believe for a second,
but we made some awkward, forced conversation before he finally left.

As soon as Richie headed home, I closed the door and slumped
onto the floor like an exhausted marathon runner, one step beyond the
finishing line. I knew every time I saw Richie from that day forth, he would not just think,
‘
Lovely girl Amy
’
, he would think,
‘
Lovely girl Amy, I
’
ve seen her boobs and fluffy bits
’
, which was just
the most embarrassing thought!

As I lay on the floor, tearfully slapping the hall tiles with my fists,
my Dad must have come down the stairs to see what all the commotion
was about. Being face down horizontal, I wasn
’
t aware of his presence,
so I am not sure how long he witnessed my theatrical outburst for, but by
the time he spoke, he had sat himself down, halfway down the stairs.

“
Has that boy done something to upset you, Amy?
”

It was more a case of what he had not done rather than had done,
but there was no way I was going to tell Dad that. Still horizontal,
looking like a drunken swimmer in an empty pool, I looked up at Dad. I knew how stupid I must look, so pulled myself up and dusted myself
off. Being found fornicating in the lounge with Richie would probably
only have been slightly more embarrassing.

“
It
’
s not Richie, Dad, it
’
s me.
”

“
What
’
s you?
”

“
I
’
ve done something to upset myself. I keep chasing a dream and
somehow I keep managing to turn it into a nightmare.
”

“
How do you mean, love?
”

“
I fall for lads that are out of my reach, Dad. The one
’
s that everyone
wants. Why would someone like Richie want to
‘
go out
’
with someone
like me? He
’
s out of my league? I need to start looking for someone at
my own level.
”

“
And what do you consider to be your level, Amy?
”

“
Average
”
.

Dad smiled. That knowing smile that parents do, which says
‘
you
’
re
so young!
’

“
Amy, in life, don
’
t ever just
‘
make do
’
. Now I
’
m not saying don
’
t
compromise, because you will have to do that in life, but keep chasing
dreams, because one day they will come true.
”

“
That
’
s not how it feels right now, Dad.
”

Having managed to compose myself temporarily, I was now staving
off tears again.

“
Amy, you will have heard the saying
‘
you have to kiss a lot of frogs
before you find your prince
’
.
”

“
Of course I have!
”

“
Well, that
’
s probably how you feel right now, that
’
s there
’
s a
horribly long journey for you before you meet Mr. Right, but that is not
necessarily true. I found my princess, your mother, very early in my adult
life. She was my first real girlfriend. We started
‘
courting
’
when we were
only seventeen. We met at
“
The Cavern Club
”
in Liverpool, one night
at a Rory Storm & The Hurricanes gig. Their drummer, Ringo Starr,
ended up in
“
The Beatles.
”

I had heard this story a million times before.

“
I know, Dad. You had to borrow a shilling off Mum to get home
and Mum always says it
’
s the best shilling she ever spent and you say
that was the dearest loan in the history of banking as you borrowed a
shilling and it cost you a fortune!
”

“
That
’
s right love, but the point is, I did not kiss a lot of frogs and
you may not have to either. Your prince may be just around the corner or
it may be you don
’
t find him for a while yet, but I
’
ll tell you something,
Amy, you certainly don
’
t need to drop your standards, because which
ever young man ends up marrying you, will be the luckiest man alive
You are beautiful, Amy, inside and out, and there aren
’
t that many
people in life, who are that blessed. There is no-one less average than
you.
”

I headed upstairs to bed, kissing my Dad on the way up and giving
him an almighty hug. I didn
’
t believe a word he said, it was just
‘
Dad
speak
’
, but the reason that I pretty much remember every word he said,
was because he turned out to be right!

The following afternoon, the phone rang. Mum and Dad had taken
Daisy to Formby beach for a run around the sand dunes. My Mum had
already had a quiet word with me that morning about leaving knickers
around the house, as Daisy had apparently found a pair somewhere and
Dad had had to pull them from the back of her throat as she had been
choking! Martin was out too, at some geek convention, so I answered.