Forget You (27 page)

“You need to eat something.” Cam set a plate
on the nightstand. He moved to sit at the edge of my bed, and laid
a hand on my bare arm. Stroking my skin, he leaned in and kissed my
temple. “You’re starting to worry me, Eva. Hell, you’re worrying us
all.”

Closing my eyes, I licked my bottom lip,
tasting the remnants of salty tears. I couldn’t look at him. I
couldn’t bear to see his worry for me reflected in his eyes, or
worse—the reflection of myself. I knew what I must look like, how
broken I must seem.

“I get it. I get what you’re feeling—how
completely wrecked and hollow it feels to lose someone close. You
know better than anyone that I get it, Eva, but you also know the
way you’re handling it isn’t healthy,” he whispered.

His words stung. They made something inside
of me snap and crackle to life. Opening my eyes, I locked on his
and said something I knew I would most likely regret, but I didn’t
care enough to force the words away.

“You have no room to talk. Don’t tell me my
way of handling this isn’t healthy. It’s sure as shit better than
the way you handled the death of your parents! At least I’m not
running around getting all fucked up on whatever I can find, and
sleeping with every person I come in contact with,” I said through
gritted teeth.

“Good, this is good. There’s some emotion
finally.” He smiled. “It’s good to see something, even if it is
anger directed toward me, shift through you.”

I situated my head against the crook of my
elbow again, and closed my eyes once more.

“I’m not hungry. Thank whoever cooked, but
tell them not to make anything else because it’s just a waste.” My
voice was devoid of any emotion. I’d purposely shut down again.

Shutting down was the only way to dull the
pain.

“Everyone is here. It’s eight o’clock at
night, Eva. We’ve all been waiting for hours to see if you would
join the world today,” he said, his hand continuing to stroke
against my forearm. “You have to come out at some point. You can’t
stay hidden in here forever. It’s been three days since you holed
up in here, Eva.”

Three days. That’s all the time that had
passed since I learned Sawyer was gone? It felt like an
eternity.

“Blaire and Jason’s wedding is tomorrow,” Cam
said, as though that should be enough to get me up and moving.

I loved Blaire and Jason, but how could I be
happy for them when my heart was shattered beyond repair?

“They’ll understand,” I muttered.

Even if they didn’t, I didn’t care. There was
no way I was going to that wedding to celebrate their union when
I’d just lost the only guy I had ever let myself truly fall for.
The only guy, if I thought hard enough, I could actually have
pictured myself marrying.

“You’re right. They will, but after this pain
lifts some—and it will, trust me—will you be able to forgive
yourself for missing their special day?” Cam asked.

I brushed his arm away, and pushed his knee,
hoping he would take a hint and leave. “When the hell did you get
so wise? Get out, Cam. I just want to sleep.”

“Fine, I’ll leave.” He chuckled. “But you
need to get your ass out of this room at some point tonight. I’ll
give you an hour to peel yourself from your bed, and get your
stinky ass in the shower by yourself. If you don’t, then I’m coming
in to get you myself.”

His slight chuckle, and the lighthearted lit
to his voice stabbed me through the heart.

“Stop it, Cam! Stop joking around! Stop
laughing! He’s gone! Sawyer’s gone, and no jokes or snarky things
you say can ever make that any better for me!” Sitting up, I shoved
him as hard as I could. He stumbled back, losing his balance for a
split-second before regaining it. “Nothing will make this better!
He’s gone! He was the one person I could have loved forever.” My
screams turned to sobs before I could contain them.

How could a person cry so much? How could
sadness bring such physical pain?

Cameron’s arms wrapped around me, and I
pounded my fists against his chest, but my blows held no weight
behind them. I was exhausted. Drained. Lifeless.

“Shh, baby, it’s okay. Let it all out,” Cam
coaxed. His tone was soothing and mellow. “It’s okay.”

“But it’s not. It never will be,” I insisted
through my sniffles. “The only way I will ever be okay again is if
I can figure out how to forget him.”

The bedroom door creaked open, and the soft
sound of Paige’s voice floated through my room. “Is she okay?”

I hated that word. Okay meant agreement or
acceptance, two things I would never feel in relation to Sawyer’s
death. Ever.

Cameron never answered her. He didn’t need
to; the muffled sounds of my cries were surely enough.

* * * *

Sunlight streamed through my bedroom window,
bright and dazzling. I rolled over in bed, and covered my face with
my blankets. Movement from in my apartment somewhere caught my
attention. Jesus, was Cam never going to leave me now?

Footsteps shuffled down the hall, and then my
bedroom door swung open, the knob hitting the wall behind it.
Flinging my blankets down, I locked eyes with Cameron. He was
standing there in flannel pajama bottoms and a gray T-shirt with
his arms folded over his chest, and a smile on his face.

“This is the day, sweet cheeks. Your ass is
either getting up all by yourself, or I’m dragging you out of that
bed, and throwing you over my shoulder.” He turned and walked away
before I could utter a word of dispute. “You have ten minutes,
sunshine.”

“I’m going to laugh when she comes out here
and slaps you silly.” Paige’s voice drifted to my ears.

“In order for her to manage that, she has to
get out of bed,” Cam said.

I was totally feeling the love/hate thing for
him already today. God, he was one cocky SOB.

Huffing, I slipped my blankets all the way
off and swung my feet over the side of the bed. The scent of coffee
wafted to my nose. It was my favorite—pumpkin spice. Hanging my
head back, I forced myself up and headed down the hall.

“Hey! You’re up!” Paige nearly shrieked when
she saw me round the corner.

With my lips still pressed together, I headed
straight to the coffee. The sight of the machine nearly made me
break all over again. Sawyer had gotten me the gift for Christmas.
I poured myself a cup, and then dumped the rest down the sink.
After unplugging the machine from the wall, I opened the cabinet at
my feet, and crammed it inside. No one said a word about my crazed
action, and I was glad. Pouring my creamer into my cup, I grabbed a
spoon and stirred.

“What time was the wedding again?” I asked.
“I think I need a shower.”

Cameron laughed, but Paige stared at me with
wide eyes of worry.

“Two,” she answered slowly.

Sipping my scolding coffee, I leaned against
the counter without meeting anyone’s eyes. I would go to Blaire and
Jason’s wedding, not only because Cameron had been right when he’d
said I would never forgive myself for not being with them on their
special day, but also because it was a distraction. I’d decided
late in the night that distractions were going to be what got me
through this. They would be what made me forget.

After I finished my coffee and ate a
blueberry muffin I’d found wrapped in tinfoil on my counter, I
hopped in the shower to wash away the tears that had salted the
skin of my face for the last four days. When I got out, I pulled on
the pale yellow dress Blaire had picked out for all of her
bridesmaids to wear. A soft knock came at the bathroom door just as
I was wondering what I should do with my hair.

“If you’re seriously going to the wedding, we
have an appointment to get our hair and stuff done in about twenty
minutes,” Paige said. Her voice held as much sympathy as her eyes
had earlier, and I hated her for it.

If I was done feeling sorry for myself, then
she needed to be too. Everyone did.

“Fine, thanks,” I bit out, knowing I sounded
like a raging bitch, but not caring.

* * * *

Throughout the entire fiasco of getting
primed and ready for the wedding, I barely said more than two words
to anyone. However, I did manage to plaster a forced smile on my
face. By the time we arrived at Jason and Blaire’s house, the smile
had become real, and I’d somehow managed to loosen up.

Yes, I’d lost someone only days ago, but
today I was celebrating something special with my closest friends
and their families. My loss would not tarnish their love on this
day; I’d decided that once I saw Blaire’s vibrantly shining, happy
face.

Standing in the kitchen, I stared out at the
back deck, where the ceremony would take place. Everyone looked
frozen solid, but happy. It was the dead of winter, but the sun was
still shining, and giving everyone a slight amount of warmth. There
was a gentle breeze, which swept through the women’s hair and
ruffled their dresses. This day was spectacular for a wedding,
regardless of the temperature.

“Are you ready to freeze?” Mindy asked from
behind me.

During all of my hoopla, I’m nearly forgotten
about inviting her as my plus one. That day seemed like a lifetime
away already.

“Yeah, I am,” I insisted. “I don’t think it’s
too cold out there.”

“It’s the middle of winter and they chose to
have the ceremony on a dock over a lake.” She eyed me. “Yeah, it’s
pretty chilly.”

“Well, at least the sun is shining. It could
be worse, right?” As soon as the words left my lips, I recognized
their truth. Things could always be worse. I knew this with a
certainty now.

“True, very true.” Mindy smiled. “I’ll see
you out there. I’m going to go chat up the best man.”

My eyes shifted to the guy she was talking
about. I knew his name. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I
couldn’t remember it. He’d been Jason’s roommate in Tennessee.
Cameron stepped to my side suddenly. He was dressed in a black suit
and a tie, carrying a glass of something in his hand.

“It’s cold as shit out there, but they sure
did spruce the place up nicely,” he said.

It was small talk. That’s all anyone was
having with me. They were all tiptoeing around my feelings, and
carefully wording the things they said. Jason’s mother kept
glancing at me every few seconds as though she were waiting for me
to fall apart any moment.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be here,” I insisted.

“Why would you say that? Blaire is freaking
over the moon that you are.”

“I feel like I’m the elephant in the
room.”

Cam handed me his drink. “Here, have a drink
and relax. You’re right where you need to be.”

Normally, I wouldn’t drink when I was down,
but damn it, I needed anything I could to help me appear happier
right now. I didn’t want to be the damper on Blaire and Jason’s day
by being here, but I didn’t want to leave and have that cramp
everything all to hell as well. I was supposed to be in the
wedding. If I didn’t walk with Jason’s other friend, Matt, then who
would?

I gripped the glass and downed the contents.
It burned like a mother, but it woke me up too.

“Now you’re ready,” Cam insisted. “Let’s have
some fun.”

That was exactly what I planned to do. This
was all part of my “forget Sawyer” plan, because when you forget
something—or in this case someone—there was no way anything about
them could hurt you anymore.

SAWYER

A warm hand touched my forehead. I didn’t
open my eyes though. I knew by now that, when I did, it wouldn’t be
whom I wanted to see most. It wouldn’t be Eva.

The soft voice that had become familiar to me
over the last few days broke out into a haunting melody. This was
one thing I’d learned about the woman caring for me; she enjoyed
singing. She would come into the makeshift room I stayed in, and
swipe a damp cloth over my head and around the ear she continued to
monitor, singing softly. Even though I couldn’t understand a word
she was saying, her voice was comforting and beautiful.

Opening my eyes, I glanced at her. She was
older, maybe in her late thirties, with dark hair twisted up on her
head. Her eyes were the color of chocolate, rich and dark. Her skin
a smooth brown without a single imperfection I could see. When she
finished changing the bandage on my ear, I slowly sat up in bed.
She pushed my shoulders, just like all the previous times when I’d
attempted to get out of bed, until I was forced back down. This
woman was adamant that I stay lying down, only sitting when I was
drinking or eating.

I couldn’t sit here anymore though. I needed
to know where I was. I needed to find out what had happened to the
rest of my unit. I needed to go home.

“I can’t.” I gripped her hand in mine, and
gently pushed it away as I continued in my efforts to sit up. “I
need to go home.”

The room spun as I moved to sit up fully.
Damn it, I had hoped this sensation would be gone by now. The woman
sat back, and stared at me. I knew she more than likely didn’t
understand a word I said, but it didn’t stop me from trying
again.

“Where am I?” I asked. My words were muffled
to my own ears.

My hand came up to press against my head, in
an effort to stop the damn spinning. It didn’t work. What was wrong
with me? It was as though I’d been drugged and the crap wouldn’t
wear off. I moved my feet to the end of the mattress, and the
dizzying sensation grew worse. The woman’s hand reached out to
press against my shoulder. It was another effort to make me lie
back down.

I shook my head, and the dizzying sensation
lurched to new heights. “I can’t. I need to go. I have to let
someone know where I am.”

My efforts to stand did not set well with my
stomach, and as soon as I forced myself halfway from the bed, the
spinning sensation intensified, and I vomited on the floor. The
woman’s hands came back to my shoulders; she pushed me gently back
onto the bed. This time I didn’t fight her. Something I couldn’t
understand passed from her lips. I figured it was probably
something along the lines of a sympathetic I told you so.