Forgiven (28 page)

“It’s not all of a sudden, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. It was only last night that I realized that I’m ready to do it,” she answered.

“Okay, baby, but are you sure you want to do this now? This is permanent, I just don’t want you to regret it later.”

“I’m not going to regret it. I think you’ll understand when you see what I am getting,” she tried to reassure me.

I still didn’t think this was a good idea, but it was her choice. “Well, it’s up to you, baby, but for the record, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Why not? You have tattoos, aren’t you being a little hypocritical?” she accused.

Maybe I was being a hypocrite, but I just didn’t want her to regret it later. But even worse than that I didn’t want to see her in pain.

She stepped closer to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Please, come in with me. I need to do this, but I also need your support.”

I couldn’t deny her when she was like this and she knew it. “Alright let’s go,” I said apprehensively, pulling on the handle and holding the door open for her.

The guy at the counter was more than ready for her. She had obviously been there before because he had her sketch already done, but she wouldn’t let me see it. He asked her to take of her shirt and take a seat in his chair. She had a tank top on, for which I was grateful—I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of him having a good look at her in only her bra.

She moved into the room and sat backwards on the chair. I knew she didn’t want me to see what she was getting, I sat so that I was facing her. She looked so nervous that I had to make sure one more time that she was ready. “Baby, are you sure you want to do this?” I asked cautiously.

“I’m positive,” she assured me.

I took both of her hands in mine, watching her eyes. “Why do you look so nervous then?”

“Because, I think this is going to hurt.” She flinched as she spoke.

I almost laughed. “Baby, I
know
this is going to hurt. But I’ll stay with you the entire time. Besides, after a little bit you’ll become numb to it.”

That promise was harder than I thought it would be. Watching her cringe as the needle touched her back was terrible. I hated seeing her in pain, and it took everything I had not to get up and knock the tattoo gun out of the tattooist’s hand. I found myself fidgeting in my seat every time she winced.

After about an hour and a half, the gun finally turned off, and I took my first deep breath since she’d stopped in front of the building. She got up to look in the mirror, and when she turned around I caught a quick glimpse of the butterfly now etched into her back. She turned her back to the large mirror and used the hand held one she was given to see her new tattoo.

I held my breath as she studied it in the mirror, hoping like hell she didn’t regret it now that it was complete. I saw the tears form in her eyes but I held myself back from saying anything. Instead I went up to her and wrapped her in my arms. “What’s wrong baby?”

She sniffed, oh shit this was going to be bad. “Nothing…it’s beautiful.”

Wait…what? “You like it?”

She smiled up at me. “I love it.”

“Well then turn around and let me see it properly.” I suggested.

She slowly turned around so I could get a proper look. I slowly traced my finger around the area on her upper back, deciding that this was the sexiest thing I had ever seen on a woman. It was an intricate butterfly, but instead of a body a single word was written there. When I looked closer I realized what it said.

Forgiven.

I had a feeling I knew why she had chosen it, but I didn’t want to ask her about it there in case she got upset. The tattooist covered the butterfly and I followed him to the counter while Angie pulled her shirt back on.

I quickly paid the bill before she came around the corner. She walked up to the counter. “How much do I owe?”

I took her hand, leading her out of the shop. “Nothing baby, it’s taken care of.”

Her eyes opened wide and once we got out on the street she stopped walking and turned to face me. “You didn’t have to do that.”

I pulled her in close. “No I didn’t, but I wanted to.”

She looked up at me with love in her eyes. “Thank you.”

Hang on…
love in her eyes
? Did she feel the same way about me that I felt about her? Either way, I was going to find out when I took her back to my place. We walked slowly back to the car, hand in hand. It was the most incredible feeling, to know this girl was mine. My parents absolutely adored her and I was finally happy. I’d never imagined this would happen to me.

We made it back to the garage and I held her door open for her. She gingerly sat back against the seat. I knew it probably burned, but she didn’t complain. I had an idea. It was still nice out, so I pulled over into Stewart Park.

She looked over at me confused. “What are we doing here?”

“I have something to tell you, and I thought that this would be the perfect place,” I explained.

I got out of the car the same time as she did and taking her hand, we walked down to the water. There were benches set up all along the edge, and I knew that this was the perfect place to tell her how I felt. I’d never told a woman I that I loved them before, and I wanted to make sure that I did it right.

We sat down and I looked over at her—she looked nervous again. Shit, I was nervous as hell too. Before I said anything, I wanted to know more about her tattoo. “Why did you choose that design for your tattoo?”

She took a deep breath. “Last night I realized that, through all of this, I’ve never dealt with my emotions. I’ve always talked about forgiveness and letting things go, but that’s not what I was doing.”

I winced at the memory of her sobbing in my arms, but then my phone started ringing. I pulled it out and hit ignore—whoever it was would leave a message if it was important.

“Do you need to get that?” she asked puzzled.

“No, what you have to say is more important,” I replied.

“Where was I? Oh right, well last night brought all of that into perspective for me. I automatically assumed your reasons for not telling me about your family were bad.” She paused. “Never once did I assume you were protecting me, because that has never happened to me before.” Taking a deep breath she continued. “Last night I finally mourned the loss of my childhood, but I also realized that I can’t live in the past anymore—I have to live for today. So, long story short, I got the tattoo to remind me to live for today, and forgive what has happened in the past.”

I reached up and brushed a piece of wayward hair behind her ear. “You are truly an amazing person, Angelina Powers.”

She smiled at me. “There’s something else I want to tell you too.”

My phone started ringing, and once again I hit
ignore
. “And what is that?”

“Are you sure you don’t need to answer that?” She looked concerned.

“I’m positive, they can leave a voicemail if it’s important. No more stalling…what did you want to tell me.”

She was wringing her hands like she always did when she was nervous, so I reached over and covered them with one of mine. She looked up at me and took a deep breath. “I love you, Caleb.”

At first he looked shocked, but then his lips spread into a beautiful smile that didn’t stop until it reached his eyes. Unfortunately his phone started ringing again.
Ugh, that was annoying.

He pulled it out and was going to hit ignore. “Whoever it is will just keep calling. Just answer it so they’ll leave us alone.” I suggested.

He sighed, “Fine, but this better be good.” He lifted the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

He listened for a second and the look on his face changed instantly. He looked panicked, but then he arranged his features into a blank stare. What was going on? After about thirty seconds, Caleb hung up the phone and just stared at me.

“I can’t do this,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Is everything okay?” I asked putting my hand on his, but he pulled away like I’d burned him.

He shook his head. “No, we need to go.”

Maybe he didn’t want to hear my feelings yet? He quickly stood up, making his way towards the car. I watched him for a few seconds before it registered that he was leaving me there. I ran to catch up with him, still trying to get his attention, but he flung open his car door and got in. I felt like I’d ruined everything. How could I be so stupid? Pulling the door open, I gingerly sat down in the seat, hoping that Caleb would eventually talk to me. I realized that wasn’t going to be the case when he threw the car into gear and sped off down the street the second I buckled my seatbelt.

I turned my head to look at him, and saw that every muscle in his body was taut. “Caleb, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

He didn’t answer me, instead he pressed down harder on the gas pedal. How could I be so stupid? I was still expecting to go back to his house, thinking maybe we could talk about this. So I was surprised when he pulled up into the parking lot of my apartment. What were we doing
here
? My heart was breaking a little more each second. When he got out of the car without saying anything, it took everything I had to hold myself together. I tried once more to get him to talk to me as I followed him to the door of my apartment. “Caleb…Caleb!” I called to him.

He stopped in front of my door, and hung his head. I finally reached him. He looked up at me and the sadness had returned to his eyes. No, No, No!

“No,” I whispered.

“Angie, I can’t do this anymore,” he stated, his tone void of all emotion.

I felt like my heart was being ripped out. “Caleb please don’t do this I’ll take it back,” I begged as the tears formed in my eyes.

“You told me you love me, but I can’t let you do this. We’re not good for each other,” he said without looking at me.

“Look at me,” I pleaded, but still he avoided my gaze. “LOOK AT ME,” I screamed, the tears falling down my face unchecked. When he finally looked up, I saw the answer in his eyes and I dropped to my knees. “You promised me,” I sobbed.

“I know…I’m sorry.” With that he turned and walked away from me.

I couldn’t move from the ground. I sat back on my heels, put my head in my hands and wept. I told him I loved him…and he walked away from me. I’m not sure how long I sat there before Emily came flying out the front door and pulled me into her arms.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here,” she soothed.

I turned into her arms. “Oh Em, why?”

She continued to stroke my hair. “I don’t know sweetie. I just don’t know.”

“I love him,” I sobbed.

“I know you do,” she whispered.

We sat there for a while longer as I continued to sob. Emily pulled back to look at me. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

I wasn’t much help as she practically lifted me from the ground. I tried to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. We finally made it to my room and I just sunk down onto the bed and continued to cry. Emily sat down, and tried to comfort me..

“How could he? I told him I loved him…he
promised
me,” I muttered between sobs.

Emily leaned her head on my shoulder. “Oh sweetie, I wish I could take your pain away,” she sympathized. “Let’s get you changed so that you can lie down.”

She pulled my shirt over my head. I wasn’t much help—my body was dead weight.

Emily gasped. “Oh my God! What the hell happened to your back?”

I had completely forgotten about the bandage covering my tattoo. I just shook my head because I couldn’t speak past the lump in my throat. He had been so sweet, holding my hands through the pain…what happened? I reached over my shoulder and pulled at the tape holding the bandage on. I tugged until it came off in my hands.

“Shit, you got a
tattoo
?!” Emily screeched.

I burst into tears again. “He sat with me the whole time…I shouldn’t have told him.” I bawled, shaking my head back and forth.

Emily hugged my head to her stomach. “Did they give you anything to put on this?”

I nodded. “It’s in my purse.”

She dug through my purse until she found the ointment from the tattooist. She pulled my tank top over my head and gently put some on my back. She pulled an old t-shirt over my head before making me stand up so that she could get my jeans off. Once she finished helping me get changed I lay down in bed and continued to cry.

In the last few weeks I had made Caleb my whole world. It happened so quickly, and I’d thought that we were meant for each other. I never saw this coming…he introduced me to his parents for crying out loud! I shouldn’t have told him…then everything would be fine. Emily slipped into the bed behind me as I continued to cry myself to sleep.