Fourteen (17 page)

I noticed that the floor was filthy—along with the rest of the house—and had abandoned my homework to clean it. The phone hadn’t stopped ringing, and I’d eventually grabbed my iPod to drown out the annoying sound. I didn’t check the answering machine for fear that I wouldn’t be strong enough to not listen to the messages that may or may not have been there.

“Uh, Anna . . . what are you doing?”

“I’m cleaning. What does it look like I’m doing?” I snapped.

“Why?” he asked slowly.

“Well, if you haven’t noticed, the floor was dirty, and it needed to be cleaned. I’m going to vacuum the living room when I’m done here so I hope that you don’t have any shows you want to watch.”

“Anna, it’s Saturday.”

“I don’t know the stupid schedules!”

“No, that’s not . . . why are you cleaning the floor on a Saturday afternoon?”

“I’m grounded,” I snapped again. “What else would you propose I do?”

“Well . . . watch television?”

“Like there’s anything I’d be interested in.”

“Well then, how about you go talk to Evan?”

My eyes narrowed, and my heart thumped painfully in my chest.

“Why would I do that?” I asked through my teeth.

“Because he says he’s been standing outside for the past three hours.”

My eyes stung, and I grabbed my ear buds again, sticking them back in my ears and falling forward on my hands. “He can stand out there all night if he wants. I thought I wasn’t supposed to be alone with him anyway.”

“Well . . . you’re not technically alone with him so . . .” I jumped when he tugged an ear bud out, and I glared at him as he squatted on my
clean
floor with his
dirty
boots as I’d
specifically
asked him not to do. “He doesn’t look so hot.”

“I don’t
care
.”

“Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” I spat. “And nothing will ever be going on ever again. He can stand out there until bright and early Monday morning; I don’t care.”

“You were angry because I wouldn’t let you be alone with him, and now that I’m allowing it, you want nothing to do with him?”

“Yes.”

“Is this some teenage rebellion thing?”

“No, Dad, it’s not. Evan and I are over. Plain and fucking simple.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Get off my floor.”

“Go talk to Evan.”

“Why does it matter to you now? You wouldn’t listen to me the other day, and now you won’t leave me the hell alone when it comes to him? Would you make up your mind,
please
?”

“Did you get the flower and the disc?”

I glared at him again, the edges of my vision tinted red.

“Yes,” I said through my teeth. “Where’d you find them?”

“On the front step this morning when I left. Was it from him?”

“I’m not sure.” I stuck my nose in the air and grabbed the sponge from where I’d left it. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I really do.”

“I hope you can live with regrets, then.”

“I’ve got plenty of regrets, Dad,” I said, furiously rubbing at a scuffmark that had been imbedded into the floor for as long as I’d been alive.

“You’re willing to add another one to that list then?”

“Why should it matter?”

“My greatest regret was not telling your mother more often how much I loved her. We’d gotten into a pretty big fight that night. That’s why she was out driving around so late. Couldn’t stand the sight of me, she’d said.” I looked up at him, my jaw aching from how hard I had my teeth clenched together.

“I never thought that those words would be the last I’d ever say to her. I can’t change that now, but maybe if I’d just . . .” He sighed, and my heart broke a little more. I didn’t know that he’d been holding on to this guilt for so long.

“We were fighting over my golf clubs. It was such a foolish, trivial thing. She just wanted me to put them in the closet. I didn’t know what the big deal was. I could’ve prevented her from leaving the house that night if I’d only put them away like she’d asked.”

“Dad, this is nothing like that.”

“I met your mother in high school, and she was one of the two best things that had ever happened to me. You were the other.” He nodded toward the windows facing the front yard. “Go talk to him. The floor won’t go anywhere.”

I’d managed to briefly forget what had sparked this conversation in the first place, but felt the anger flare up once more when Evan was mentioned.

“Why are you pushing this so damn hard? Why are you suddenly giving me advice that I don’t want?”

“I’m your dad. That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?” I snorted, and he rolled his eyes. “I’m trying, Anna.”

“Everyone’s
trying
, but no one can actually just
do
what they said they’re going to. No one can just . . .
not
torture me and hurt me. No, the best I can ever get is
trying
.”

“It’s better than nothing, isn’t it?”

“At this point, no!” I exclaimed, throwing the sponge into the bucket of water as I sat back on my heels. “I’ve settled for the crappy end of the stick my entire life, and the one time I might
finally
be happy with something I didn’t think I’d ever get, it gets ripped away because
he’s
an asshole. So no, Dad, I don’t think
trying
is good enough anymore.”

“I’m sorry that your life has been so terrible for you,” he said dryly, standing and brushing his hands on his jeans. “Let me know when you need me to sign the loan papers for your school, all right? Maybe I can do that right, huh?”

I screamed in frustration and hopped up from the floor, ripping my ear buds out of my ears and yanking my iPod from my pocket. I threw it haphazardly onto the table by the door and ran up the stairs, scrubbing my eyes as I made it into my bedroom. I grabbed the disc still sitting on my computer desk and slapped it back into the case before I ran back down the stairs, swallowing the hiccups and tears that were building in my throat.

“Where are you going?” my dad demanded.

“I’m going to talk to him, Dad!” I yelled, hating the way my voice was shaking. “Since you seem to think he’s the second coming of Christ and all!”

“Very funny, Anna.”

I pulled open the door and stalked out onto the porch as Evan scrambled up from his seated position on the driveway in front of his car. I sniffled against my better judgment as I made my way down the steps and stopped at the bottom. The anger I’d felt a second ago disappeared and was replaced with defeat and acceptance.

“Anna, listen to me—”

“I have absolutely no desire to hear anything you have to say,” I interrupted, walking down the steps to meet him. “I don’t care what you want because it no longer matters to me.”

“You’re not—”

“I don’t care anymore, Evan. You’ve made your point, and your social experiment is over.”

“Anna, it’s not like that!” he exclaimed. “That wasn’t me!”

“Yes, it was.” I laughed sarcastically. “Unless you have a long-lost twin brother, I’m pretty positive that was you.”

“Please, let me explain!”

“No.” I placed the case against his chest and nearly flinched when he trapped my hand with his. “We’re stuck together for human physiology, but I’m done with you when it comes to everything else.”

“You’re not giving me a chance.”

“I
gave
you a chance, and this is what I got for it. I’m done. Get off my property.”

“Anna, please listen to me!”

“Leave me
alone
.”

I slid my hand out and turned back to the house. I felt a suspicious ache in my chest as I climbed the stairs.

“I’m sorry!” he yelled. “Anna, I’m sorry!”

“So am I! Now leave.”

I slipped back into the house and sucked in a shaky breath, closing my eyes.

“That’s not quite what I was talking about,” my dad insisted from the kitchen.

“Get off my floor,” I said, opening my eyes and walking back into the kitchen. “I have work to do.”

“Whatever he did,” he said, leaning over and pulling back the lace curtains on the kitchen windows. “He wants to make it right.”

“Shut
up
, Dad.”

“Just look, Anna.”

“Will you get off my floor then?”

“I’ll even leave the house if you want me to.”

I stalked to his side, yanking the curtain from him and looking out. My face fell as I saw Evan hunched over the steering wheel in his car, his hands clasped tightly on the dashboard in front of him.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said, silently cursing when my voice cracked. “I’m done with him.”

I turned away from the window, pressing my lips together as I sank back to my knees, rolled up my sleeves, and stuck my hand back into the soapy bucket.

“All right,” he finally said, and I heard him walk around me. “Why are there eighteen messages on the machine?”

I didn’t want to think about the messages and voicemails on my cell phone. Fortunately, I didn’t even know where it was or if it was charged.

“I don’t care and don’t you
dare
listen to them when I’m within hearing distance.”

“You can’t avoid him forever.”

“Why the sudden interest in my life, Dad?” I asked, sitting back on my heels. “Why now?”

“There’s always been an interest, but relationships are something that I can help you with. You should listen to what he has to say.”

“I already know what he’s going to say.”

“You can read minds now? I wasn’t aware.”

I glared at him.

“I thought you said that you’d leave,” I said through my teeth.

He held his hands up at his sides, palms facing me.

“I’m going, I’m going.”

“Mm-hm.” I dropped back to my hands and searched for the sponge in the bucket. “I won’t be going anywhere.”

“If he’s still out there when I get back, I’m inviting him inside.”

I looked up at him through a curtain of hair as I slapped the sponge on the floor with a wet smack.

“You do that,” I said, my voice low.

“I mean it. If you feel anything for him—”

“I feel
nothing
for him.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Why not?”

“You don’t get on your hands and knees to scrub floors, Anna. You use the mop and you do it maybe once a month when you think of it.”

“Well, maybe if you—”

“I’m not complaining!” he exclaimed. “I’m happy that you think of it at all. I’m just pointing out that it’s not something that you do on a regular basis.”

“
Why
are you pointing it out?”

“Because you say you don’t feel anything for him, but you’re not facing whatever happened.”

“I’m not . . . go already,” I demanded, motioning toward the door. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“You’ll have to face it sooner rather than later.”

“Well, I don’t have to do it right now, do I?” I began scrubbing at the scuffmark again. “I’m sure I’ll be done by the time you get home.”

“Think about it, Anna.”

I grunted and listened as he finally walked out of the house. I heard him speaking to Evan and ground my teeth together, furiously scrubbing at the mark on the floor.

Why wouldn’t it come out already?

I listened carefully for the door on his truck close, listened even harder when he pulled out of the driveway and drove off. I looked down at the scuffmark I’d been agonizing over for the majority of the day and leaned back on my heels again. I looked around at the half-cleaned floor and grabbed the sponge, once again throwing it into the bucket before I grabbed the handle and stood up. I cleaned up the rest of my bright idea, freezing when I heard footsteps on the porch. I ran up the stairs and into my room. I threw my dirty clothes off before diving into my bed in just my underwear and bra, pulling my pillow over my head and willing sleep to come.

I didn’t want to deal with anything anymore.

He was on my doorstep Sunday morning, and I made my dad answer it when he knocked. I hid like a coward at the top of the stairs, listening to their mixed voices, but not really hearing a word as I sat ready to bolt into my room if my dad let him in.

I couldn’t deal with Evan just yet. I was working myself up to Monday morning, and for the life of me, I failed to understand why he was trying so hard, unless his plans had been ruined and he had more in store. None of it made any sense, and I hated the way he seemed to be so intent on making any of this right.

The other part that was confusing was that he’d alienated all of his friends—at least, I thought he had. Maybe that was all part of the joke, too. They had to make it look as authentic as possible so that I’d actually believe all his crap to begin with.

Ugh, I was so
stupid
. I should’ve known better—I’d been around them my entire life. Why I thought Evan Drake would be able to change because of things that I said and did was laughable, and I should’ve known something wasn’t right.
I should’ve known.

I snapped back to the present when I heard the front door close, tensing and listening carefully for an extra set of footsteps.

“Anna, he’s gone!” my dad yelled up to me.

“Really?”

“I promise you that he’s gone.”

I got up, smoothing down my shirt as I walked down the stairs, stopping when my dad stepped in front of me. He thrust a white envelope in front of my face, my name written on it in Evan’s undeniably neat handwriting.

“Throw it out,” I said, my voice low as I stared at the way he’d curled the end of the
A
.

“Open it.”

“I mean it.”

“So do I,” my dad said easily.

“I have no reason to—”

“You didn’t see him, Anna. I don’t think he’s slept.”

“Good.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“He’s caused me plenty of sleepless nights. He owes me a few,” I spat bitterly.

“You’re being immature.”

“I’m eighteen; I’m supposed to be.”

“You’ve never been like this before.”

“Things change. People change.”

He merely raised an eyebrow at me, and I glared at him. I hadn’t told him anything about what had happened, and I was surprised that he’d seemed to catch on. For a man who hadn’t taken notice of what was going on in my life, he sure seemed to know a lot.

He shook the envelope in my face again, and I snatched it out of his hand, stalking into the kitchen. I had it held over the trashcan, staring down at the remains of our breakfast as I fingered the edges.

“I don’t know what you feel for him, Anna,” my dad said from the doorway of the kitchen, “but it’s obviously the same thing he feels for you. Open it.”

“I can’t.” My voice cracked and I closed my eyes. “Whatever is in this will
not
make what he said all right.”

“It might not,” he agreed. “There are two things that can happen here: either that will explain everything or it’ll explain nothing. You’re too young for so many regrets, and if I know you like I think I do, throwing that envelope away and not knowing what may or may not be in there will follow you around and drive you crazy.”

“Dad, you don’t—”

“I know the way he looked when I opened the door. I know the way you looked when you woke up this morning. Neither of you is very excited about this new development.”

“He could be putting on an act, Dad! Don’t you
get
that?” I exclaimed, turning to face him and pointing at him with the envelope. “He could be pretending because he just wants to hurt me some more!”

“That’s not what I saw this morning, Anna. I saw something very close to heartbreak on his face, and if he can feel that way over losing my daughter, I have to give him some respect because he
knows
what he’s lost!”

“I can’t do this,” I said, walking over to him. “I have homework to do.”

“All right.” He moved out of my way.

I stomped back up the stairs and into my room, throwing the envelope down on my computer desk as if it had bitten me. I placed my hands over my throat, stared at the envelope until I couldn’t take it anymore, and turned away.

Not right now.

I waited until the last possible second to go inside the school. I’d sat in my car in the farthest corner of the parking lot, watching everyone walk inside, chatting, laughing, and completely unafraid to pass through the double doors. I kept my head down when I made it inside, my stomach in knots, feeling like I was going to spontaneously combust at any moment as I shoved my things into my locker. I grabbed my human physiology book and made it into the classroom as the second bell rang, my eyes trained on the floor as I made it over to my table. Evan was already there, and I could feel his eyes on me as I sat down. Looking straight ahead, I noticed that Steve’s head wasn’t in my way as it usually was. I felt a small sense of relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with him today as well.

“Anna,” Evan whispered when everyone was seated and Mr. Streeter had started roll call.

I ignored him, grinding my teeth as I grabbed my pen and played with it nervously. I managed to call out a shaky
here
when my name was called before tapping the end of the pen against my notebook and wiggling in my seat.

“Did you see them?” he said, when I didn’t say anything.

I shifted uncomfortably, trying to concentrate on anything but what he was saying.

“Anna,
please
,” he begged.

“See
what
? Pictures of me in some humiliating pose plastered in the hallway? No, I didn’t,” I snapped in a whisper, still fidgeting with my pen as Mr. Streeter finally started the lesson I wouldn’t be paying attention to.

“You didn’t open it.”

“Open what?”

“Did your Dad give it to you? He said he would.”

I closed my eyes and did my best to block him out.

That stupid envelope had been taunting me ever since my dad gave it to me. I’d tried my best not to think about it, but that hadn’t worked. It didn’t help seeing Evan in person, either.

“I got it,” I finally whispered back.

“Why didn’t you open it?”

“I had things to do.”

“Anna, I’m
sorry
. You have to let me explain.”

“I don’t have to let you do
anything
, Evan. You won. Give it up. Whatever else you had planned, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to keep playing this game.”

“There is no game and I didn’t win. There was nothing to win. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I lost it all!”

“Drake! Weller!”

We both looked up to find Mr. Streeter staring at us along with the rest of the class.

Huh. Guess we raised our voices a bit.

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled, hunching his shoulders.

I said my apologies as well and flipped open my notebook, the pen still held tightly in my hand as I tried to focus on the words the teacher had written on the blackboard.

The rest of the class passed without incident until Mr. Streeter gave us ten minutes before the bell rang as free time, reminding us that the science fair was this Saturday.

“Will you come over tonight?” he asked, his eyes trained on the books piled in front of him. “We need to get everything for our project worked out.”

He was right and I hated it. We still had a lot of work to do and barely any time to do it.

“I’ll call my dad during lunch,” I said.

“Thanks.” He played with the edges of his notebook.

“Will you ever talk to me again?” he whispered.

I almost faltered, the tone of his voice nearly breaking my heart, but I sucked in a deep breath, staring hard down at my books. “I’m talking to you now.”

“About anything else but the project?”

I shrugged, rubbing my thumb on the binding of my textbook. “I don’t know.”

“Please just let me—”

“No, Evan.”

“Anna, please—”

“Stop it,” I whispered, my eyes watering as I committed the doodles on the cover of my book to memory.

“That was from a party about three weeks ago—”

“Stop it, Evan.”

“I didn’t know you then, Anna. It doesn’t make it right, but—”

“Evan,
stop
.”

Thankfully, the bell rang, and I think I was the first one up and out of my chair, practically running to the door and not caring whom I knocked over on my way there.

I should’ve stayed home.

I pulled up behind Evan as he parked in his driveway and placed my hands in my lap.

It had been one hell of a confusing day, and I just wanted it over with. No one had said a word to me today—aside from Vince and Christina who had told me that they’d left the party almost as soon as they’d arrived—when I’d finally showed up in the cafeteria after calling my father who agreed to let me go because he was all about Evan these days.

I had never gone through a school day where no one had made any kind of comment to me, and I wasn’t entirely sure what to do about it. There was a lot of staring and a few snickers that only made me speed up my pace as I walked by. I’d managed to avoid Kyle and Ashley, not entirely sure if they’d want to talk to me anyway but wanting to cover all of my bases while I could.

I was mentally exhausted, and the last thing I really wanted to do was sit in Evan’s house with him as we worked on this stupid science fair project that started this whole damn mess.

A few more months, Anna, and you’re gone. You won’t see him, and you won’t have to deal with any more of this crap. You can start over and things will be better. You’ll make them better.

I grabbed my bag and pushed open the door. I got out and met him at the front of my car, and he offered me a weak smile before walking toward the house. I followed behind him, and he held the door open for me. He took off his shoes and hung his keys on a rack by the door. Figuring it was okay, I took off my shoes as well and checked to see if my socks were clean.