French Twist (20 page)

“Thank you for always taking such good care of me, my love.”

“It is my job now.  I take this responsibility very seriously.  Your happiness is of the utmost importance to me.”  His voice was very soft and sincere.

“And your happiness is very important to me.  If you want to be married in France, then we’ll have to have two weddings.  Besides, doing this will allow your mom to drive you nuts about one and mine to drive me nuts about the other.  Now that I think about it, there’s no way one wedding would have been able to contain the two of them.”

He laughed.  “We have very luckily averted disaster.”

“You got that right.”  I giggled.

“I really miss you, Syd.”

“I really miss you too, Bluey.”

“You sound exhausted.  Get some rest,
mon coeur
.  I will call you tomorrow.”

I didn’t want to let him go, but he was right.  I could barely keep my eyes open.  “Until tomorrow, then.  I love you, Bluey.”

“I love you too, Syd.  Dream of me.”  His voice was almost a whisper.

I sighed.  “I always do.  Goodnight.”

After I hung up with Louis, I laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling.  While I felt pretty satisfied with our plan to essentially have two weddings, I was a little freaked out by the idea of having to consult someone in most of my decisions from this day forward. Everything would now be about compromise, which meant neither one of us would actually get what we wanted anymore.  We would each have to give to a certain extent.  I have always been so focused on the joys of sharing my life with someone, I hadn’t thought about the drawbacks.  Kate had often told me marriage was a lot of work, but I merely thought she told me this to make me feel better for being alone.  Now I was starting to see that she was being honest with me.  This relationship was certainly going to be far from perfect, but I was starting to think this was how it was supposed to be...

Chapter Twenty-Five

The next four days dragged by at a snail’s pace.  I was so eager for Louis’ return, I could think of nothing else. It was easy enough for me to indulge my obsession over the weekend, but once I returned to work on Monday morning, life became more complicated. I sincerely hoped regular travel would not be part of Louis’ job. Otherwise, I might end up being out of one.

After what seemed like an eternity, Tuesday night arrived.  I had wanted to pick Louis up from the airport, but he insisted he get a car service since he would be leaving the airport around rush hour.  He knew traffic made me crazy, and due to the fact that his company paid for his travel to and from the airport, he thought it made perfect sense to keep me as happy as possible.

Little did he know that the crazy was already taking over my normally mild mannered personality.  Ever since he mentioned his mother initiating plans for a wedding in France, I had begun a slow descent into madness.  I had heard stories about issues with mother-in-laws, but I hadn’t even met her and already I felt a certain animosity towards her.  I knew this was totally irrational, but I was the BRIDE.  Didn’t she know
I
was the one to decide on all the important wedding details, like the LOCATION???

As you can see, I had already been possessed by the spirit of Bridezilla.  I was hoping Louis’ return would help to put the pieces of my sanity back together.  There was something about him which grounded me; forcing me to see the big picture instead of focusing on all the minutia.  I sat on the couch waiting for him to return from the airport and tried to clear my head.  I didn’t want our first encounter in two weeks to be tainted by my lunatic alter ego.

I heard his key in the lock and sprinted to the door.  He opened the door and I nearly knocked him to the ground.

He laughed.  “I am happy to see you too,
mon coeur
!”

I buried my head in his chest. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. Why didn’t you call me when you landed?”

He put down his bags and held my face in his hands.  “I wanted to surprise you.”  He grinned devilishly at me.  “And I have a very good idea of how much you missed me.  I have not felt whole for the last two weeks.”

Louis then drew me close to him and kissed me hungrily.  I felt like an electric current was passing through my body.  I started hastily unbuttoning his shirt and pulling him onto the couch.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable on the bed?”  Louis began to kiss his way down my body.

I unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down around his ankles. “No time.  I need you now.”

He grinned like a kid on Christmas and pulled me on top of him as he sat down on the couch.  It was a good thing we didn’t have roommates anymore, because they would have gotten quite a show over the next hour.

Louis and I lay wrapped around each other on the couch.  I was so warm and happy that I never wanted to move.  Then my stomach rumbled.  Hmmm.  I was going to have to do something about that.  I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten. I had been so focused on Louis’ return, I had forgotten to eat.  Wow.  That spoke volumes.  I had
never
forgotten to eat in my life.

Louis raised his eyebrows.  “It has been more than two hours since you last ate, hasn’t it?”

I kissed him on the nose.  “I had much more important things on my mind than food.”

He smirked.  “Very few things are more important to you than food.  I am humbled to make the list.”

I swatted him in the back of the head.  “You suck!”

He ran his hand up my thigh.  “Maybe later...if you are lucky.”

I swatted him again.

He raised his hands in surrender.  “I am fairly hungry myself.  Shall we get dressed and go get something to eat?”

I thought it over.  “OK.  Do you want to go to Charlie’s?”

Louis wrinkled his nose.  “I am so tired of eating out.  Do you mind if we go to the grocery store?”  He kissed my neck and started working his way down.  “That way we can return to more important things much sooner.”

I felt my whole body beginning to melt.  I gasped.  “If you want to eat any time soon, you will cease and desist,
Monsieur
Durand.  Otherwise, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.”

He chuckled.  “You win.  Let us get dressed.”  He helped me up off the couch and we quickly put on all necessary clothing.

As we drove to the grocery store, I thought about how lucky I was.  Louis had only been back in the country for a few hours and already I felt my sanity returning.  I was sure we would be able to work out our wedding details (times two) without a problem.  I sighed contentedly.

Louis smiled.  “You seem to be in a good mood.”

I put my hand on his knee.  “Being around you always puts me in a good mood.”

“I promise to put you in an even better mood when we get back to the apartment.”  He laughed darkly.

Louis parked the car and we walked into the store.  As we walked through the aisles, I realized we needed a lot more than a few things.  I had been so busy with work, I had eaten most of my meals out and hadn’t stocked the house with much of anything.  By the time we were done, the cart was brimming with food.

While we were unloading the cart onto the conveyor belt, Louis remembered one last item.  I continued to load our groceries as he ran to retrieve whatever item it was he couldn’t live without.  I was so tired, I wasn’t even looking at the items as I put them down.  I reached into the cart and felt something soft wrapped in plastic.  It slipped out of my hands as I tried to pick it up, so I glanced over to see what it was.  I carefully studied the item in question.  Wait.  Are those? I read the label.  Oh God.  I’m holding a package of pigs’ feet.  Did Louis put these in the cart?  Did someone else put this in our cart as a joke?  Gross!

I was still standing there contemplating the possibilities when Louis returned.

“I see you found my pigs feet.”  He was laughing uncontrollably.

I regarded him suspiciously.  “Were you playing a joke on me?”

He was gasping for breath.  “No, my grandmother used to make these for me as a child.  I love them!”

Comprehension slowly dawned on me.  “So you’re enjoying the fact that I’m a closed-minded American who freaked out when she found animal hooves in her cart?”

He nodded.  “Precisely.”

I shook my head at him.  “You really do suck.”  I paused.  “And not in a good way.”

That sent him into further fits of hysterical laughter.  The cashier was not amused. I smiled apologetically at her and quickly paid our bill.

When we got home, Louis prepared his cherished pigs feet and made me promise to try them.  I almost balked, but then I remembered I would have years of trying new and exotic foods ahead of me.  I may as well jump in now.  I was certainly not going to be known as the ugly American who only eats hamburgers and macaroni and cheese.

The taste was...interesting.  I don’t think I would voluntarily eat pig’s feet again, but I did at least taste them.  I was going to have to be more adventurous in all aspects of my life if I were going to be
Madame
Louis Durand.  (Little did I know there would be a seemingly endless array of “delicacies” coming my way in the next year.  I would be served frog’s legs, snails, kangaroo, cow intestines and calf brains.  I will have you know I tried everything but the brains.  I have to draw the line somewhere.)

When the next morning arrived, I was filled with sadness that Louis and I would be separated again so soon.  But reality is reality and money must be earned.  I had just gotten out of the shower when an enormous cloud of cologne permeated the bathroom.  I started to cough.  What happened?  Did the bottle explode in his suitcase?

I quickly toweled myself off and opened the bathroom door.  The scent was so strong, it brought tears to my eyes.

“Louis?”  I couldn’t stop coughing.

He came into the bedroom.  “Are you alright,
mon coeur
?”

I was slowly getting control of my breathing.  “What. Is That. Smell?”

He seemed confused.  “Smell?  Oh!  I put on a bit of cologne.”

As I have said on numerous occasions, I found Louis’ usual scent to be intoxicating.  This was...
overbearing
.

“Did you buy a new cologne when you were in France?”  And was it industrial strength?

“No.  I just bought a new bottle of my cologne.  I was almost out of it before I left.  Good timing, no?”

I nodded weakly.  “Indeed.”

“Are you sure that you are alright,
mon coeur
?”  He appeared concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine.  I was a little surprised by the, um, strength of the scent.”

He smiled ruefully.  “I remember Jean telling me I used it a little too liberally.  I think I was happy to not have to ration it anymore.  I probably went a little overboard.”

I put my hand on the side of his face and suddenly concluded this was a bad idea.  I had just coated my hand in the high octane scent.

“I love your cologne.  I just think a little goes a long way.”

He chuckled.  “You will have to enforce a limit of sprays.”

That was exactly what I had been thinking.  “Good idea!  How about a maximum of three?”

He regarded me skeptically.  “We will give it a try tomorrow.  I may need four to achieve the full power of my manly scent.”  He broke into a grin.

I narrowed my eyes at him.  “You no longer have any need to attract anyone with your ‘manly scent’.”

Louis threw his head back and laughed.  “I love you so much, Syd.”

I carefully gave him a kiss good-bye.  I didn’t want to transfer any more of his cologne to my face.  “I love you too.”

For the next couple of days, I had to carefully monitor Louis’ cologne use.  He finally agreed three sprays would be sufficient, since he was no longer available for the ladies.  I knew the people in his office would thank me for making his scent less
overpowering
.  As a member of a Human Resources department, I had had more than my share of discussions with employees regarding the appropriate amount of cologne/perfume to wear in an office environment.  Not a fun discussion to have, but way easier than the dreaded body odor discussion.

Unfortunately for me, that evening was my turn to be the source of a scent
faux pas
.  Louis and I were sitting on the couch after dinner enjoying some mind numbing TV when I felt some rumbling in my abdomen.  Uh oh.  I had been able to hide the fact that I fart from Louis for the duration of our relationship, though once we started living together it had become much more complicated.  I had made more than a few spontaneous trips to the balcony for “a breath of fresh air.”  No doubt, Louis was on to me, but I wasn’t ready to give up the illusion yet.

I started to extract myself from the couch for a trip to the balcony, when Louis tugged on my hand. 

“Where are you going,
mon coeur
?  You are so snuggly.  I do not want you to get up.”  He tried to pull me back onto the couch.

I laughed nervously.  “I need a little air.  I’ll be right back.”  I tried to pull my hand away.

He refused to release my hand while eyeing me suspiciously.  “Is that truly what this is about?”  He was trying hard not to smile.

As I was about to answer him, a foreign sound escaped my body.  I had finally farted in front of Louis.  I blushed profusely from the humiliation.  And I haven’t even told you the worst part.  It was smelly, loud and, oddly enough, musical.  That’s right!  It came out as a high pitched note which I find hard to describe.  It almost sounded like, “Plew!”

Louis laughed so hard that he fell off the couch.  He had tears of laughter streaming down his face.  I just stood there watching him, completely torn between laughing with him and being annoyed with him.  I finally joined him on the floor and started to laugh.  Every couple of minutes he would stop laughing, look at me and sing, “Plew!”  Then he would start laughing all over again.  I decided my days of hiding farts from him were over.  Although I doubt he would find it this funny every time.

The next morning, I woke up sincerely hoping Louis was not going to be on another “Plew!” kick today.  Last night was more than enough for me.  I groggily walked into the bathroom, stood in front of the bathroom mirror, rubbed my eyes and screamed.  Who the hell was the strange man in my bathroom?  I quickly searched the bathroom for something I could hit him with when I heard Louis’ voice.

“Are you OK, Syd?”  What? Where did he come from?  More importantly, what happened to the man in the bathroom?

I slowly focused on Louis’ face.  Something was very wrong.  Oh crap!  He had shaved off all his facial hair!  He looked like a completely different person.  It was then that my sleep addled brain comprehended,
he
was the man I had seen in the mirror.