Friends Forever (15 page)

Izzie stayed and talked to Sean again after the others left. “Are you going to be okay when you go away to school?” She was worried about him, more than she was willing to admit. His parents
looked terrible, but in some ways Sean looked worse. He had dark circles under his eyes and said he couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about his brother and what must have happened when he died. It was driving him insane.

“Yeah, I guess I will,” he answered Izzie, but he didn’t sound convinced.

“You have to be now, for your parents’ sake,” she pointed out to him. “You’re all they have left.” It was a heavy burden for him. For her and Andy, as only children, it was the situation they’d been in all their lives. But their parents had had only children by choice. In Sean’s case, he was an only surviving son, which was considerably worse and more complicated. His parents would miss Kevin for the rest of their lives, and Sean knew he had to make it up to them somehow. It was all he could think of late at night. “Are you sure you still want to go east? You could transfer to UCLA, and then you’d be closer to them.” But he just shook his head. Now he really wanted to leave. He couldn’t stand it here anymore, knowing that Kevin wasn’t in his room and never would be again, and hearing his parents cry all the time. All he wanted to do now was get out. Izzie understood. It was hard even for her now being in his house, and she wasn’t living there.

They spent the next two weeks hanging out together after work, but Sean stopped drinking at least. The only one who drank from the flask now was Billy, and he seemed to be drinking less too. He knew he had to get serious about school.

He was the first to leave, in early August. He had to start practice three weeks before school started. Gabby left San Francisco the weekend after he did, to look for an apartment in L.A. with her
mom. Before they all left, the five friends had dinner together one night, and then went out to the beach. They promised to call each other often, and they were going to come home for Thanksgiving, but after being together every day for thirteen years, it seemed aeons away. And they all promised to go see Billy play at USC.

Izzie went to Gabby’s house the morning she was to leave. They had breakfast together. And Izzie noticed that Michelle seemed thinner again, but she didn’t say anything about it. She figured they all knew, and Michelle was clearly struggling with her eating disorder. Izzie wondered if Gabby not being there would make it better or worse. It was hard living in Gabby’s shadow, no matter how much the two sisters loved each other.

She and Michelle stood on the sidewalk and waved as Gabby and her mother drove away, and they were both crying. Her mother was driving a van, and Gabby was taking half her wardrobe and her most precious possessions for the apartment they were hoping to find. Gabby wanted to rent a place in West Hollywood. She had been looking for furnished rentals online, and there were three they wanted to see. She was sad but excited as they drove away, and Izzie went back inside and talked to Michelle for a while. She was going into junior year and was nervous about it. And after that Izzie went to see Andy. She wanted to spend time with him before he left too.

And after seeing Andy, Izzie went back to visit Sean. His mother was cleaning out closets, and she cried every time she came across Kevin’s stuff. It had only been two months. The house felt like a tomb, and Connie treated Kevin’s room like a shrine. Nothing in it had been touched.

Andy was the next to leave. His father was flying to Boston with him, and he was planning to live in a dorm. He saw Sean and Izzie the night before he left, and he texted Izzie right before he got on the plane:
“Be good. I’ll miss you. Love, A.”

Fortunately Izzie and Sean were both leaving San Francisco on the same day. Neither of them wanted to be left behind. It would have been too hard.

Izzie had to have dinner with her father the night before she left, but she went to say goodbye to Sean after dinner, and his mom gave her a big hug.

“You take care of yourself in L.A.,” she said with a serious look. “Be careful. I want to see you all back here for Thanksgiving in one piece. And don’t give your heart away the first day.”

“There’s no chance of that,” Izzie said, and laughed. “I’ll be too busy with school.”

“You’re going to have every boy in L.A. after you, if they have eyes in their heads.” Izzie had never felt as pretty as Gabby, and none of her guy friends had ever mentioned her looks. She never thought about it herself. They were just friends. Her mother had never taught her all the tricks that Judy taught Gabby, to look sexy for a boy. And no one had gone shopping with Izzie in years. She just took all her same old school stuff to L.A. Her father hadn’t even thought of it, and she didn’t want to ask. She had enough. But Connie had been shipping things to the dorm for Sean for weeks—sheets, towels, a pillow, bathroom supplies, two posters, a bedspread, a rug. She had gotten him all new stuff, just as she had for Kevin when he went to Santa Cruz. And this was a much bigger deal, since Sean was going so far away. His parents were
dreading what it would be like when he was gone. Connie had told Mike a few days before that they would just have to pretend that both boys were away at school. And she had promised to help Marilyn with the twins, which she thought would be fun. They were an incredible amount of work. Marilyn said she had forgotten how much energy it took. She was beginning to feel old and said she never caught up. And she was doing everything times two.

Connie and Mike flew to Washington with Sean, to get him settled and set him up. The O’Haras flew back the next day on a late flight, and dreaded entering the silent house.

Jeff drove Izzie to L.A. and spent a whole day setting up her sound system and computer, and a small fridge in her dorm room at UCLA. She had a roommate who seemed nice and had sent her an e-mail before she got there. Her parents were there too, and when Jeff left, the two girls went to look for the cafeteria together, since they were on the same meal plan. And she called Gabby, who loved her new apartment. They’d found one on Alta Loma off Sunset. Izzie went to see it that weekend, and it looked very grown-up to her. It was in a building with a doorman and a pool. The furniture was basic, but Gabby had put some of her own things around. And they’d shopped a little and added to it.

“Wow, you’re already living like a movie star,” Izzie teased her, and Gabby said Billy came by every night, from his dorm at USC. She said he was going to move in with her next year, when he could leave the dorms, and her parents thought it was okay. Gabby’s apartment was about ten times the size of Izzie’s room at the dorm.

Her father had given her a car, a black Land Rover from his dealership, and it looked beautiful and new. All Izzie had brought to UCLA was a bicycle to use at school. Her father hadn’t given her a car, and couldn’t afford to, and her mother thought she was too young to own one. So she was planning to get around off campus by cab and public transportation.

Judy and the girls always had nice cars, thanks to Gabby’s father and the dealership he owned. Michelle had just gotten a Land Rover that year when she turned sixteen. And Izzie would have been jealous of Gabby’s new car if she didn’t love her so much.

Izzie came by to visit her the next day too. Her roommate was busy with her friends at school, and Gabby’s apartment was going to be a great place to hang out, when she had nothing else to do. Billy was going to be at practice a lot of the time, and he wouldn’t be able to get out every night during football season. So the girls were planning to spend time together whenever Gabby was free, and Izzie could do her homework there. It was exciting to be away from their parents and anyone else’s rules. It felt so grown-up.

Sean texted Izzie from Washington, D.C., that night. He said the campus at GW was cool, and he had already started classes. He said he hadn’t heard from Andy, and Izzie hadn’t either. He was busy moving into the dorm and getting situated, as they all were. Gabby had appointments to get an agent. She was going to sign up at a modeling agency, if they’d have her, and Izzie was sure they would. She was a gorgeous girl. And she was going to take acting classes once she got settled, so she could do commercials, and eventually a screen test for feature films.

The next day Izzie registered for classes, which was a lengthy
process. She had come to school a little earlier than she needed to, to consult with her adviser, and figure out what classes she needed to take. Coming down early also gave her more time to spend with Gabby. After meeting with her adviser, Izzie signed up for philosophy, psychology, a basic math class that was a requirement, and art history, which was an introductory course. And she could tell from reading the syllabuses of her classes that it was going to be a lot of work. She looked around as she got familiar with the campus. People were friendly, and the students had a familiar look. The school had a big-city feel to it, unlike San Francisco, which was a small town. And she liked what she saw. At times she felt lonely for her old friends—it was the first time since kindergarten that she’d be going to school without them. But at least she had Gabby and Billy nearby, and as she got acquainted with her new city, she felt a confidence she’d never felt before, and thought to herself,
Okay, world! Here I come!
Izzie was off and running.

T
he silence in the house was much worse than Connie had expected. She and Mike sat alone and miserable every night, with nothing to say to each other. There were no other voices, no one came and went all day. All the parents of the kids who had left were feeling the emptiness of it, but it was much worse for Mike and Connie, after Kevin’s death. And the killer had not been found. There had been an investigation, but the police had admitted they had no idea who had done it, no witnesses had come forward, so there would be no justice in the death of Kevin O’Hara, which made it that much worse. And it tore Connie’s heart out to see her husband come home with a vacant look in his eyes every night. Mike O’Hara looked like a broken man, and Connie felt that way herself. They were getting through the days, but barely more than that. Every hour was a struggle.

Connie went over to visit Marilyn often, and loved playing with the babies, who were three months old now and totally responsive. They smiled and laughed and cooed. But no matter how
much fun she had holding them, or helping Marilyn take care of them, sooner or later Connie had to go home to her empty house, and she said it was killing her, and she had no idea how to make it better. There was no road map for what had happened or manual for how to get through it. All she and Mike could do was live it day by day, and hour by hour.

She called Sean often in Washington, and talking to him helped a little, but he could hear how sad she was whenever they spoke on the phone. Usually they exchanged e-mails, but Connie couldn’t restrain herself and called him daily at the slightest excuse, until he asked her to cut down on the calls. They always caught him at a bad time, e-mail was better. But Connie missed hearing his voice so she called anyway. Mike was more stoic about it, but Connie admitted to Marilyn that she was in agony most of the time over Kevin’s death. And she inquired frequently how Billy was doing at USC. Marilyn said so far so good. He said the practices were grueling but he was learning a lot, and he loved the coach.

“At least he’s learning more about football. I’m not sure what else he’s doing. Probably nothing,” Marilyn said with a rueful look. “And he’s with Gabby a lot,” she added, which was no surprise to them.

Gabby had already been booked for her first modeling job, through her new agent, and she called home, all excited about it.

It made both women sad that all the kids were scattered. They had known it was coming, but now it was real.

Marilyn admitted sheepishly one day that she had forgotten they would grow up. And at least she still had Brian at home. He had just gone into eighth grade and discovered girls. It was like
starting over, watching him with all his crushes. Marilyn commented that ever since she’d married Jack, Brian had had someone to play with, and a man to talk to. She confirmed to Connie that he was a really good guy. He was great with the twins too, and helped her all the time. She couldn’t have managed them without him. She never heard from Larry anymore, now that Billy was gone. He never even tried to see Brian, who, fortunately, had bonded with Jack.

All the kids seemed to be settling into their various colleges in September. And it was October when Judy realized that Michelle’s anorexia was slipping out of control again. She got a call from Michelle’s counselor at Atwood, who was worried about her, and she started outpatient treatment and therapy, as she had before. It was an insidious disease. Judy was shocked when they weighed her. She hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten, since Michelle always wore loose clothes. She was taller than her sister, and she weighed ninety pounds at five feet nine. This time at her evaluation, they recommended to Judy and Adam that she be hospitalized and treated as an inpatient, until she gained some weight. They were afraid of the strain on her heart, and they wanted her to do group therapy on a daily basis with other girls with eating disorders. When they got home from the meeting, Judy cried and called Connie and Marilyn to tell them. No one was surprised, and she and Adam reluctantly put her in the inpatient program, in spite of Michelle’s protests. She threatened to run away, but she didn’t. She had to take a leave of absence from school, and they wanted her there for six weeks until Thanksgiving, and then they would reevaluate her. Judy felt like an utter failure when she realized
how sick her daughter was, in spite of the help she’d had before.

In the first group therapy session that included parents, Michelle had said that all her parents cared about was her older sister. Both her parents had cried and said it wasn’t true. They loved her too. And there were other stories in the group just like hers. Connie and Marilyn didn’t say it to Judy, but they both agreed that the only way Michelle could get her mother’s attention was by starving, and now finally she was the focus of their world, not Gabby, who was doing so well in L.A. Although it pained her, Judy realized that Michelle was benefiting from being in the hospital, and she already looked better than she had at home.