Friends Forever (31 page)

It was a sunny afternoon in May and Izzie was leaving the kindergarten when she looked up and saw Sean standing there, watching her, in rough clothes, with a full beard, and leaning heavily on a cane. He had trouble walking as he approached, and she wouldn’t have admitted it to him, but it made her heart stop to look at him. They were the last two survivors of a universe that no longer existed, another planet that had vanished into thin air with the deaths of their friends.

“What brings you here?” she asked him as she walked over to him and gave him a hug. He looked stronger, and seemed powerful, even with the cane, and he had put on some weight since she saw him in Miami.

“I came home for a visit,” he said quietly, and his eyes were intense. “I wanted to see you, Izzie, and my parents.”

“Why? Me, I mean. What difference does it make? You’ll be dead soon anyway, just like the others.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said unhappily. “I made it through this time.” And even he was surprised. He had heard about Andy by then and was sad about it too. It was such a terrible
waste, he was such a terrific guy, with so much ahead of him. A great life, if he hadn’t ended it.

“Maybe you’ll make it through next time too,” she said, with a look that said she didn’t believe it, and didn’t want to hope for it anymore.

“Can we have a cup of coffee somewhere?” Sean asked her cautiously.

“Sure. You can come to my place.” She was about to say it was in walking distance, but it wasn’t for him with the cane. But he had brought his mother’s car, and he drove her there. He took his time getting up the stairs, and sat down in her living room and looked around. There were photographs of all of the Big Five, together, when they were kids, and several of him alone. He was touched. He wondered why there were more of him, and she saw the question in his eyes. “You’re the only one still alive,” she told him. She sat down next to him, and handed him a mug of coffee. He set it down carefully on a magazine so he didn’t stain her table, and looked her in the eyes.

“Izzie …” He started to say something to her, but he couldn’t finish it. Before either of them knew what had happened to them, he was kissing her and she was in his arms. She wasn’t sure if they were fighting each other or making love, or just trying to stay alive. She felt as though an uncontrollable force had taken possession of both of them, and every ounce of his being that he had used to survive was now being poured into her. He was stronger than she expected, and dragging his bad leg, he carried her into the bedroom, and nearly tore off her clothes while she pulled his off just as quickly. They were two desperate people, making love
with a passion she had never dreamed of, and she had never felt for him or anyone before. They were alive. They had survived. They needed each other desperately. They were suddenly two halves that made one whole, and they were both breathless when they finished, as she lay in his arms staring at him. She had always thought something like that might happen one day, but she was surprised anyway.

“What was that?” she asked him in a whisper. It was like being possessed. They were like two bodies with one soul.

“I’m not sure. I’m in love with you, Izzie. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I don’t know what to do. You’re the only thing that got me out of that jungle, dragging myself by my arms—the thought of seeing you again.” She lay next to him and looked at him with eyes that bored straight to his soul.

“Are you going back undercover again?” It was the only thing she wanted to know. Not if he loved her, but if he was going back. And he was always honest with her.

“Yes, I am,” he whispered back. “I have to.” She nodded and got out of bed as swiftly as she had entered it, and stood looking at him from across the room.

“Then get out of my bed. And my life. Forever. I never want to see you again. You can’t do this to me. I won’t let you. All the others took a piece of me with them. If you die,
when
you die—because you will if you go back—you’ll take the rest. I won’t let you. I’m taking my life back. You can do whatever you want, but you can’t come here, tell me you love me, make love to me, and then break my heart when you go back and they kill you next time. Get out!” Her face was hard as she said it, and he didn’t say a
word. He knew she meant it, he knew her better than anyone. He got out of her bed and put his clothes on, as she watched him. She was wearing a pink satin robe, and all he wanted was to make love to her again. Worse, she knew that she had found what she was looking for, the passion she had never been able to find about anything in her life. He was it. But her face showed nothing as he stopped in the doorway.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I had no right to do this. Take care of yourself, Izzie. I love you, but that’s beside the point.” She said nothing, but she burst into tears as soon as he left. She could hear him limping slowly down the stairs with his injured leg. She lay on her bed sobbing after he was gone. The last time she had seen him, she had thought it would be the final one, and now she felt that way again. She hated him for it. She had no idea how you killed nineteen years of loving someone. But he was a dead man, and she knew it.

She turned her ticket to Japan into one for India, with a departure date in mid-June. She was going to travel for a month or two. And she had signed her contract for the coming school year, but she had told them it would be her last. She was applying to graduate school, maybe in Europe. Other than her family, there was nothing keeping her here anymore. All her friends were gone.

She was looking forward to her trip, and had been reading about all the wonders of India. She was going to rent a car and travel around by herself. She wasn’t afraid to do it.

The last day in kindergarten was always a big event. The children
would be entering first grade in September, and Wendy and Izzie had prepared them well. These were their last baby days before they entered a more grown-up world. Izzie hated to say goodbye to them and she hugged them all, especially Dana and Daphne, as they left on the last day. She had given each child a book, and written something special in it to every one of them. She still had the book that Miss June had given her on the last day of kindergarten, a dog-eared copy of
Goodnight Moon
.

She and Wendy took their time tidying up after the children left. There was always a moment of nostalgia when the school year ended, and a feeling of new beginnings in the fall.

“Well, we did it,” Wendy said, smiling at her. “Another year.” She wondered if the next one would really be Izzie’s last, or if she would get hooked as she had. For Wendy, it always felt like watching baby sparrows hatch and eventually take flight, but Izzie wasn’t sure. There were other things she wanted to do, like her trip to India that summer. The truth was that other than her father and Jennifer, all the ties that kept her in San Francisco had been severed. She felt like it was time for her to go, take flight herself, and find the passion that her mother had spoken of. Sean had almost been it, and could have been, but not with the choices he had made. She had heard from Connie that he had left two weeks before, and was in Washington, doing therapy for his leg, and waiting to be shipped out again in a few months. She wished him well, but she didn’t want to be part of his world anymore. It had been hard walking away from him, and sending him away, knowing how much they loved each other. Their afternoon in bed had told them both that. But she knew she had to, and she had no regrets.

She wanted Sean and the pain he would have brought her out of her life. She felt sorry for his parents.

“Send me a postcard from India,” Wendy said as they hugged each other.

“I’ll do better than that.” Izzie smiled at her. She liked working with her. She was a nice woman, and the two years she had spent in the kindergarten had been good for her. She had grown up herself. “I’ll bring you back a sari.” She had a whole shopping list of things she wanted to find there—her peace of mind more than anything else. It was going to be a healing trip for her.

After she left Wendy, Izzie walked back to her apartment. She unlocked the outer door, and was just about to go upstairs when she saw him, off to the side, under a tree, in jeans and a camouflage jacket. He had the cane, but he wasn’t leaning on it. His beard was trimmed, and she could see he’d had a haircut. It was Sean. She looked at him, but she didn’t invite him to come in, and he walked slowly toward her.

“I’m back,” he said once he was standing next to her.

“So I see,” she said quietly. “I asked you not to come to see me again.” Her eyes told him she had meant it, and he looked wounded, but he couldn’t blame her. She didn’t look furious with him, just gone. Possibly forever. His disappearance from her life was what she wanted and he didn’t. She felt as though her survival depended on it.

“I just wanted to tell you something, in person, not over the phone, aside from the fact that I love you, which may be irrelevant at this point.” He had a terrifying feeling it was, from the look in
her eyes. “I’m back. I’m coming home. You were right about my parents. It’s too much for them. The business is too hard for my father to handle on his own now. They never said a word to me, they didn’t ask me for anything, but I think I’ve done enough. We made a real difference this time. It damn near killed me, but it was worth it. We broke one of the most dangerous drug rings in Colombia. Their leaders are dead, we crippled them. There are others, but I can’t get them all. I know that now. It’s time for me to come home. I resigned from the Bureau two days ago. I just wanted you to know that. In case it makes a difference.”

“Should it?” She looked at him coldly. She was still angry at him, for what he had put them through in his long stints undercover. She knew his parents had forgiven him, but she hadn’t. He had a lot to make up for. “Do you think you can be happy without all that?” she asked him honestly, and he thought about it. They both knew he was addicted to the excitement and the danger.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll miss the thrill of it, I have to be honest about that. I had a passion for it. But there are other kinds of passion that in the end matter more. I gave what I thought I had to. Now the rest belongs to me, or whoever wants it … like you, for instance,” he said in a whisper, “if you want me. I love you, Izzie … even more than I loved working undercover and hunting down drug dealers. I never knew that till I did it. All I thought about when I was down there, was coming back to you and having a life together.” She looked at him hard, trying to decide if he meant it, and if he could do it. He had come from a long way, in his heart, to find her. And what he was saying made a difference,
a big one. It was all she had ever wanted, and now she knew it. She had known it when he came back the last time. He was her passion, and what had been missing from her life.

She nodded, after listening to him, and didn’t answer. There was too much to say to him, rushing over her in waves. “Do you want to come up?” was all she said, and then she smiled at him, and he followed her up the stairs. He was afraid to even reach out and touch her for fear she would evaporate in his fingers, like a mirage.

She started to put the coffee on, and then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, with the same passion that had burned between them the last time they had seen each other and had exploded out of control. The same thing happened this time, and the fire that had been dormant but had kept them alive for so long ignited and joined them to each other. They were one flame made of two people, with a love that had endured all the challenges and tragedies of life. But they were still standing, still alive, and still whole. They lay in bed afterward, breathless in each other’s arms. Sean smiled when he looked at her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She always had been to him, and she was his now. She rolled over on one elbow and looked at him, with the same smile he had fallen in love with the day he met her in kindergarten. He was a happy man as he lay watching her, and she gently leaned over and kissed him, and said the words he had been waiting for: “Welcome home.”

BETRAYAL • HOTEL VENDÔME • HAPPY BIRTHDAY • 44 CHARLES STREET • LEGACY • FAMILY TIES • BIG GIRL • SOUTHERN LIGHTS • MATTERS OF THE HEART • ONE DAY AT A TIME • A GOOD WOMAN • ROGUE • HONOR THYSELF • AMAZING GRACE • BUNGALOW 2
• SISTERS • H.R.H. • COMING OUT • THE HOUSE • TOXIC BACHELORS • MIRACLE • IMPOSSIBLE • ECHOES • SECOND CHANCE • RANSOM • SAFE HARBOUR • JOHNNY ANGEL • DATING GAME • ANSWERED PRAYERS • SUNSET IN ST. TROPEZ • THE COTTAGE • THE KISS • LEAP OF FAITH • LONE EAGLE • JOURNEY • THE HOUSE ON HOPE STREET • THE WEDDING • IRRESISTIBLE FORCES • GRANNY DAN • BITTERSWEET • MIRROR IMAGE • HIS BRIGHT LIGHT:
The Story of Nick Traina
• THE KLONE AND I • THE LONG ROAD HOME • THE GHOST • SPECIAL DELIVERY • THE RANCH • SILENT HONOR • MALICE • FIVE DAYS IN PARIS • LIGHTNING • WINGS • THE GIFT • ACCIDENT • VANISHED • MIXED BLESSINGS • JEWELS • NO GREATER LOVE • HEARTBEAT • MESSAGE FROM NAM • DADDY • STAR • ZOYA • KALEIDOSCOPE • FINE THINGS • WANDERLUST • SECRETS • FAMILY ALBUM • FULL CIRCLE • CHANGES • THURSTON HOUSE • CROSSINGS • ONCE IN A LIFETIME • A PERFECT STRANGER • REMEMBRANCE • PALOMINO • LOVE: POEMS • THE RING • LOVING • TO LOVE AGAIN • SUMMER’S END • SEASON OF PASSION • THE PROMISE • NOW AND FOREVER • PASSION’S PROMISE • GOING HOME

DANIELLE STEEL has been hailed as one of the world’s most popular authors, with over 600 million copies of her novels sold. Her many international best sellers include
Betrayal, Hotel Vendôme
,
Happy Birthday
,
44 Charles Street
,
Legacy
,
Family Ties
, and other highly acclaimed novels. She is also the author of
His Bright Light
, the story of her son Nick Traina’s life and death. Visit the Danielle Steel website at
daniellesteel.com
.