From The Ashes (The Knights of Mayhem Book 3) (2 page)

All the scenarios of what she’s asking me to do run through my head.  The number one thing breaking through all the others is that she’s asking me, an officer of the law, to help her dispose of a body.

“Well it sure as fuck isn’t like there’s a class at the academy on how to dispose of a fucking body.  I’m an officer of the law, not some two-bit thug that does this type of shit for a living.”

“I’d never shot anyone up before.”  She turns to me and I raise my brow, calling bullshit.  “I snorted, that’s it. That’s all I ever did, but Megan … damn. She was into some shit and Markus usually took care of it.”  She turns away, eyeing Megan’s body, then focuses back on me.  “I can’t believe that little girl out there is functioning.  I saw what Megan did when she was pregnant and for Caden to
be
Caden is a fucking act of God, Roman.”

I take a moment to let what she’s saying settle in, and I have to ask, “Did you overdose her on purpose?” 

“She didn’t deserve Caden. I’m not sorry for what I did, but I am sorry for what I did to Cal and Emily. I never knew that what I did would cause so much harm and heartache to everyone, and at the time, I didn’t care..” 

She begins to cry at her admission, and against my better judgment, I hold her to me, rubbing my hand over her hair.   “Stop crying. We’ll figure it out.”  I continue to hold her ‘til her sobs begin to subside, then I release her.  “Now, go tend to Caden and I’ll take care of this.” 

She looks up at me with mascara streaking down her cheeks.  “Are you sure? I can help,”  she says, seeming eager to get rid of any evidence Megan had ever existed, and I can’t say I blame her for it. 

“No, I’ve got it.”  I eye her skeptically. I know Hollis is a lot of things, and now knowing that she’s capable of murder has me reeling. I watch her leave the room and I turn around to look at the shit I’ve gotten myself into. 
Fuck
. And I’m always making fun of my brothers for stepping in it.  I think with this I’m going to take the award for dumbest fucker of a lifetime.

I realize there’s no use in being pissy about it now, so I get to work because this clusterfuck ain’t gonna fix itself.

Hollis

I sit at the foot of Caden’s bed, listening to the sounds of Roman getting rid of Megan’s body.  I slide up the bed to lie beside her, cradling her in my arms.  I’m not sure how to feel, or if I should be sorry for what I’d done to her disgusting excuse of a mother, but I can’t seem to bring myself to feel any remorse for my decision. I kiss Caden’s head and whisper into her beautiful blonde hair,  “I did it for you, Angel.” 

I close my eyes and think of Roman. He’s still just as gorgeous as ever with his strong jaw, perfect blond hair and blue eyes. I also remember a time when those eyes looked at me much more differently and I long for the chance to have them look at me that way again.  I never thought killing Megan would get me into the good graces of the group; they never much liked me anyway, but I didn’t do it for any of them. Nevertheless, I hope that Roman understands that I did it to keep Caden safe.

I haven’t been sleeping. I’ve been too afraid that if I did, Megan and Markus would take off with Caden and no one would ever find her.  I know I haven’t always done the right thing, but when they had shown up with Caden in tow, scared to death, I decided this was God’s way of telling me I’m not the person I once was, and saving Caden would be the most important thing I’d do in my life.

For all the years I’ve been away from Roman, I’ve seen more than most women should see in a lifetime.  I’ve endured physical pain, handed out by Markus, and I took it. I felt it was my punishment for all the terrible things I’d done.  Although my hand was forced, I was still the one who supplied the information. There would be no chance I’d ever be forgiven by them, and I can accept that; or at least, I hope I can.

~~~~~~

I don’t know what wakes me, but when I open my eyes, I see Roman standing by the bed, looking down at Caden and I. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed, shaking off my sleep-induced haze before standing. I’m not sure how long I’d been asleep, but by the looks of Roman—dirt stained and sweaty—he must have finished the job.  I go to take a step towards him, “Thank you, Roman,” but his brows furrow, causing me to take a step back.  His coldness sets a chill through the air, showing his indifferent to me. 

“I didn’t do it for you.  I’ve gotta get back.”  His words and attitude hit me like a brick. He’s not going to take me with him.

“You have to take me too,”  I yell, hoping he hears the fear in my voice.

“Why the fuck would I do that?  I did what you asked and now I’m taking Caden home, to her family.” 

“He’ll kill me, Roman. Please, you can’t just leave me here.”  I search his face, hoping he still has some feelings left for me. I’d even take pity at this point, and I hate being pitied.

“Maybe it’s what you deserve, Hollis, after all the shit you’ve caused.”  That’s when I realize that anything he’d ever felt for me before was long gone. Stupid me for being a fucking drug addict.

“Roman, if you’ve ever felt anything for me, you have to take me with you. You have no idea what he’ll do to me.”  I am not above dropping to my knees and begging at this point.

He stops and I can see he’s considering it. “Anywhere I can drop you between here and there?”

“You know I have zero family, Roman.” 

“I can’t take you back with me. The damage you’ve caused … Leo would put a bullet in your head out of sheer principle.”

I take a deep breath and step away from him, knowing the words he speaks are true. Leo would do it and not even blink, not to mention what the others would do to me if they got to me first. 

“I don’t care. I would gladly suffer my fate at the hands of your friends than at the hands of Markus. At least they will do it with good reason and I can accept that. If you can imagine all the horrid things someone can do to a woman, then you’ll know that that is what will happen to me if you leave me here. Do you hate me so much that you would let me die that way?”

Roman

I watched pure fear grip her. She’s serious about how Markus would kill her, of that I have no doubt.  Leo would be pissed, but he would never go as far as shooting her. Cowboy, on the other hand, is a different story all together. 

Hollis comes back down the stairs with a bag over each shoulder and stops when she sees the look on my face.  “What?” 

“I need a change of clothes. From what I remember, Markus was about my size,”  I say as I begin to peel the dirty shirt over my head.

“Um … yeah, let me …”  she trails off. I look up to see her eyes fixed on me.

“What? It’s not like you haven’t seen me before,”  I say while kicking off my boots and unbuckling my belt. “Can you focus and go grab me some damn clothes.” 

She sets her bags down and runs back up the stairs like she’s trying to get away from me. After a few minutes pass, she returns, holding a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  “They’re not as nice as the ones you just took off, but these will have to do.”

I hand her the dirty clothes.  “They’ll do fine. Get a bag and put these in it, and do
not
let me forget it.”  I say before walking into the small bathroom, closing the door behind me.  I turn the water on, hoping it runs hot so I can wash some of the grime and disgrace off.  After doing what I can with what I’ve got, I step out to a patiently waiting Hollis who’s been joined by a sleepy Caden.

“Look who’s awake. I told her we’re going on a road trip with Uncle Roman.”

I walk over and pick her up, watching her rub her beautiful blue eyes, still groggy from sleep.  “That’s right, Boo. You ready to go home?”  Once the words leave my mouth, the urgency to get the fuck out of here hits me. I look at Hollis,  “Get your stuff while I get her to the truck.”

She freezes.  “You’re not going to leave me, are you?”  My eyes take in her scared, yet beautiful face and a hint of guilt hits me.

“No, I’ll be out there waiting.”  I take Caden and head out to the truck I had retrieved earlier from the woods and parked out front.  As soon as she turns to go, I’m already rushing for my truck.  I sit Caden in the seat next to me and buckle her in, start the engine, then speed down the driveway, leaving Hollis behind to whatever fate Markus deems her worthy of. 

I glance up into my mirror to see her rush out the door, screaming for me, and I have to look away. I can’t stomach the fact that I’m leaving her there to die, so I try to put it out of my mind and keep my eyes trained on the road ahead of me. I wasn’t going let myself feel guilty.  I mean yes, I had let her think I was going to bring her with us, but I never intended to do so. She deserves what she gets.  I can’t allow my past feelings to cloud my judgment, even if it goes against my oath to defend and protect, not to mention my morals as a man. 

“Why did we leave Aunt Hollis?”  Caden’s angelic voice breaks through my internal debate.

“Because, Boo. I came for you, not Aunt Hollis. She has to stay.”

“If that mean man comes back, he’ll hurt her.” 

“What mean man … Markus?” I guide the truck to the side of the road and stop. “Have you seen this man hurt her?”

“Yes, that’s his name.  I wasn’t supposed to, but I snuck out of my room one night and he was pulling her hair and hitting her really hard. I know he was because she was crying.”   It worries me how Caden speaks of Markus beating Hollis with such detachment.

“Caden, look at me.”  She turns her head in my direction with such innocence in her eyes.  “Does he hit her like this,”  I pat my cheek with an open hand,  “or like this?”  I ball up my fist and act like I’m punching my cheek.

She balls up her little fist and presses it to her cheek.  “Like this, and he pulls her hair.  He even holds her down.”  This kid is breaking my heart.

“He holds her down while he does it?”  I’m sickened by the things she’s seen. 

“So see, Uncle Roman? We have to bring her with us. He’s really mean to her, and I hate that he makes her cry.”  She holds her little hands out to either side of her; her eyes big and swimming with unshed tears.

I run my hand through my hair and look out the back window at the road behind us. 
Damn
.  Of all the fucked up situations I get myself into, and granted, there are a lot, this has got to be one for the record books. 

My brothers are going to kill me and the women are going to trip balls if I show up with Hollis.  What she did, meddling in their lives the way she did is unforgivable.  And even though I think she deserves whatever Markus does to her, it’s not in me to stand by when I know a woman is being hurt, even one like Hollis.  

So, against my better judgment, I turn in my seat and put the truck in drive and turn around, heading back to Hollis.

~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later, I pull up to a dark house. She’s cut all the lights.

“Stay put, Caden. I’ll be right back, okay?”  I lean over and kiss the top of her little head.

“Okay, Uncle Roman.”  She hugs a teddy bear she’s been holding tight to her chest.  “Everybody is going to be so happy to see us, aren’t they.”

“Yes, Boo, they are.”  I jump out of the truck, locking the doors behind me.  Running up the steps, I jerk open the front door and yell out,  “Hollis?” 

“You left me here to die,”  her voice comes out of the dark.

I take a deep breath.  “I did.”  I turn to my left, facing the direction her voice came from. 

“You lied to me.”  She sounds almost shocked at the thought.

“Ditto.”   I cross my arms over my chest.  “But I came back, so get your shit and let’s go.”

“Oh, thank you so much, kind sir.”  She hasn’t lost her knack for sarcasm.

I throw my hands up in the air.  “Fine! Be a bitch and stay. I’ve got no problem leaving you here to your fate. I don’t give a shit if you come, but make up your mind now ‘cause I gotta get Caden home to her family.”  I turn for the door the turn back.  I’m putting my ass on the line for her against a dangerous drug ring and my brothers.  I’ve even jeopardized my career and freedom for her ungrateful ass.  “Get the fuck up, Hollis, and get it in the truck before I do it for you.”

“When did you become such an asshole?”  she screams as she stands.  She slaps me in the chest with the bag containing my dirty clothes.

“When you decided to use me to fuck over my friends.”  I turn for the door,  “So if you’re coming with me, you might wanna jump down off that fucking high horse you seem to have perched yourself on and follow me.”  I don’t bother waiting. I can hear her footsteps running behind me.

Chapter Two

Roman

I pull to a stop outside the clubhouse and rub my tired eyes.  I feel like I haven’t slept in days.  We’d made a few stops for gas and food; it was apparent that neither Hollis, nor Caden, looked to have been eating well so I made sure they were full before finally getting back, just as the sun started to break above the horizon.

Caden is in the back seat of my truck asleep and Hollis had drifted off beside me in the passenger seat about an hour ago.  I turn to her, taking her in. She looks so different from the woman she was then — the one who had left me all those years ago. 

Not only can I see her looks have changed, but her heart and intentions seem to have as well … on the surface they have, at least.  But it doesn’t matter. My loyalty lies within those four walls sitting in front of me and the people they contain. 

I gently touch her thigh, waking her.  She bolts up in the seat, her eyes darting wildly around the parking lot.  “We’re here?”  She sounds almost panicked.

I have yet to remove my hand from her thigh. It feels too good to be touching her again.  She notices and I feel the muscles that were tensed in her leg ease with the gesture.

“I’ve been thinking about how I’m gonna do this.  We can’t tell them about Megan yet.  We’ll just say you called ‘cause you knew Caden needed to get out of there and for that, I brought you back as a thank you,”  I sigh. How do I always get myself into shit like this when it comes to this woman?  “I’m gonna take Caden in and try to settle everyone down so I can explain it all, including you. I’ll let you know when you can come in.”

I go to remove my hand but she catches it mid-air and pulls it to her cheek.  “Thank you so much for what you did. I know it was a lot to ask.”

I let it linger there for a second too long before I remove it from her soft skin with a jerk. “Yeah, don’t thank me yet.” I turn to Caden who’s woken up with eyes wide with excitement.  “You ready to go surprise Daddy?”

“Yes,”  she giggles while digging at the buckle holding her in the seat.

“I’ll get it, Boo,”  I say. Once she’s free, she bounds across the seat, encircling my neck. I stand there, taking it all in. It finally hits me that it’s felt like she’s been gone forever.  I can’t imagine how Cowboy and Emily felt or the weight they were carrying around.  I kiss her little cheek. “Let’s go in, baby.”

I look at Hollis, who’s been watching our exchange. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”  I close the door and take a deep breath before heading into the packed clubhouse, carrying what’s equivalent to the Holy Grail in my arms. 

My entrance barely garners a glance from the rowdy crowd already gathered around the bar.  “Let them notice us first,”  I whisper to an eager Caden who has her tiny hands clasped together at the sight of her daddy.

A female gasp makes me jerk around to see Avery coming from the hallway. Her hands cover her mouth and her eyes erupt into tears.  Her reaction has all the others looking at her, thinking there’s something wrong with her. It makes sense since she’s extremely pregnant, that everyone starts to make a mad dash towards her, but Leo’s there first. 

“What the hell’s wrong? Did your water break … are you in pain?”  He yells nervously as his hands hold her large belly. She smacks him off . “No, you dipshit, look!”  She points to me and Caden standing quietly, just inside the door. 

It’s like everyone is moving in slow motion. Their eyes follow her finger and for a few brief seconds—complete silence.

Cowboy catches Emily, whose legs give out from under her as she breaks down into screams of disbelief and joy.  “Go on. Go to them, Boo.”  She takes off running into the two sets of arms that’ve been lost without her for over a month. 

The joy of seeing their happy reunion is suddenly replaced with dread when I see  Leo storming across the room towards me.  “How the hell—” 

“Let’s talk.”  I cut him off and begin walking towards the meeting room, hoping he’ll follow without argument.  I’m thankful he does, along with Dalton, Eno, and Beeker. 

I wait for them all to file in before closing the door behind us. I turn to see three curious and one set of angry eyes on me, so I put distance between us, just in case someone decides to take a swing at me. “I got a phone call today. It was—” screaming from outside the door grabs our attention, making us all break out into a run.

We all stop dead once we get inside the clubhouse, where we find Piper holding Hollis by the arm.  “Look at the trash I found out in the parking lot.”  She shoves a somber Hollis who falls to her knees in the middle of the now forming circle. 

I rush to help her up, warding everyone off.  “Let me explain—” 

“You helped her?” Eno yells while pushing me from behind, nearly knocking us both back to the floor. 

I shove him back.  “Let me explain!”  I scream. 

“What the fuck, man?”  Dalton shoves me back into Leo who turns me into the wall, holding me there with a forearm to the throat, cutting off my air.  I shove at his arm, trying to get him to turn me loose.

Avery braves Leo’s temper by laying her hand on his arm.  “Give him a chance to explain. This is Roman. He brought Caden home to us, so you can at least give him a chance to speak.” Hearing her reasoning, Leo backs away, letting me go. 

Avery looks away and eyes Hollis for the first time, and you can see it in her eyes that she’s already heard the story.  She turns to me, “I don’t think you have much time, so hurry.”

I reach over and pull Hollis behind me.  “She called the garage earlier today. It’s the first time I’ve heard from her in years, saying she needed help.” Eno scoffs.  “I fucking hung up, asshole.” He flips me off and I roll my eyes. What a dick. “But she called back and said she had Caden and needed to get her away from Megan.” I see movement over Dalton’s shoulder as Emily and Cowboy move closer so they can hear the story too.  Emily is holding Caden and Cowboy is holding them both. 

Hollis stops me.  “Let me finish … it’s my mess.”  I watch as she rights her spine and steps out into a room full of people that hate her and begins to tell her story.  “I used Caden as a bargaining chip to get Roman to come and get me.”  

I watch as Emily hands Caden off to Cowboy as Hollis continues.  No one else notices as she makes her way through the crowd.  “Markus and Megan showed up with Caden about four weeks ago.  I’ve been clean for years, but Megan…”  She stops to look at me so I give her a slight nod, telling her to go ahead with our story.  “Megan has been so messed up; always strung out when Markus would bring her there. She didn’t even know Caden was around.  It had gotten to the point where I knew Caden needed to be back where she belonged before something awful could happen to her.”

“That is such a crock of shit,”  Piper screams, lunging around Dalton to get to Hollis again.  He barely gets a hold of her before she strikes.

“Damn it, Piper. Get a hold of yourself,”  he demands.

“Oh, come on! You cannot tell me you’re actually listening to this bullshit.”  She looks around the room at all the faces staring back at her. “Great. If you could all see past the dazzle of Caden being home—which I am extremely grateful for—but have you all lost your fucking minds? Have you forgotten what she did, especially to you, Emily?” 

“So you knew where she’s been this whole time?”  Emily asks as she pushes through the others and comes face to face with Hollis.

“Yes. We were out in the country. It would have taken hours to walk to town since I had no vehicle, and there was no way for me to get in touch with anyone until today when I found Megan drugged out and dead to the world. I was able to get her phone and I called here.” I’m not happy with her play on words about Megan, but I can see she’s defeated; she’s been broken down. She’s not the woman I fell in love with all those years ago.

“But you’ve taken care of her this whole time too?”  Emily asks with no emotion in her voice.

“Yes, I did my best. I kept her away from everyone and I made sure she stayed safe,”  Hollis answers.

It happens so fast. Emily draws her hand back and slaps Hollis across the face with so much force, it knocks her sideways, then immediately, Emily drags her into a hug.  After a moment, Emily steps away, letting go of Hollis, “This doesn’t mean I forgive you. I don’t know if I ever could, but thank you for taking care of her. I mean that.” 

Emily’s actions, needless to say, have left the group speechless. Cowboy says nothing to Hollis as the three leave without saying a word.

~~~~~~

It took me more time than I would’ve liked and a promise of coming back to the clubhouse to get me and Hollis out of there without bodily harm.  I hadn’t said a word since then and neither had she, but now in the truck, just the two of us, she speaks. “Thank you for protecting me back there.” Why couldn’t she just keep her mouth shut? 

There are a million things I want and need to say to her, but the only thing that comes out is, “You’re welcome,”  I sigh. “You should know what you did for Caden is only going to carry you in their good graces for so long.”  Yes, I’m being an ass to her—it’s a defense mechanism. It’s easier to be an ass than to act like a lovesick fool.  “I think it would be best if we don’t speak to each other right now.” 

I’m reeling from relief that we got Caden back, healthy and whole, but I can’t let go of the anger I have for Hollis. I hated her for leaving me, and seeing her again after all these years, I still hate her for the hold she still has on me. 

I can’t forget the past.  I know I’ll have to let her go again, send her away, at most, because I’ll never be able to justify the need I have for her to stay.

“What are we going to do if he comes after me?”  She’s never been one to listen.

“We’ll worry about it if and when it ever happens.”  My tone is clipped and short, hoping she gets the hint that I don’t want to talk. 

“Oh … okay.”

She doesn’t speak again for the rest of the trip, which I’m thankful for. I pull into my garage and close the door behind me, planning on drawing out my return trip to the clubhouse for as long as I can.  I cut the engine, propping my arms up on the steering wheel, training my eyes on the wall of shit I have hanging in front of me. 

“Listen, I don’t know how this is going to work, so don’t get your hopes up is all I gotta say.”  I open the door and head for the inside and a shower.  I can still smell the stink of decomposition on me and I’m afraid I’ll never get the smell out of my nose. I hope like hell no one at the clubhouse noticed. With everything else going on, I don’t think anyone even thought about how bad I smelled.

I cross over to my stainless steel fridge, taking out a bottle of water and chugging it down.  Hollis steps just inside the doorway, looking around like she’s at a loss as for what she should do. She’d never been here. I bought this place around the same time all the rest of the guys decided that living away from each other was a good plan. I mean, what grown ass men live in a shop with each other? It was time to move the fuck out and only use it when needed.

I look back at Hollis standing there and realize that her leaving me was probably the best thing she could’ve ever done for me, but I don’t think a “thank you for leaving” is the right thing to say. I like her silence right now, so I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.

Hollis

I stand inside the doorway, not sure what to do.  I always feel out of place, no matter where I am.  I’m a nobody. Hell, I could fall off the face of this earth and there would be nobody to hear my screams, or bother to listen if they did as I fell into nothingness.

Roman doesn’t seem to hold anything for me like he once did— only a small amount of gratitude I didn’t let Megan kill Caden—and the fact I had taken care of her, so I stand with my arms wrapped around waist. They’re the only things holding me together these days, and the only things that’ve held me in weeks.  Markus hasn’t so much as looked at me when he’s been home. The last time I saw him was when he dropped off the dope for me to keep Megan calm and even. 

I was in such a bad place when I left. I wanted what Markus offered, and that was drugs. I chose a life with him, so I let him use and abuse me any way he wanted to. At first I was so messed up it didn’t bother me. I had become so used to his ways that when I finally got myself clean, I stayed, thinking he was what I deserved. I had even accepted that life, but then I called Roman and it was like a different world—a different life—was possible again. I didn’t realize how many good memories I had repressed as they came flooding back to me.  He was a good man and he was the best one I had ever had, yet I threw him away for a ten-dollar high and a quick fuck behind the strip club.

Drugs make you do the most horrific things. They wreck the best things in life without promising the hope of ever getting them back, and here I stand, looking at the best thing that had ever happened to me with no hope of ever getting him back. 

“You lied to them for me.”

“I didn’t lie for you,” his tone is sharp and it cuts right through my soul,  “I omitted. There’s a difference, so don’t be flattered.”

I get it. I’d gotten his friends hurt, nearly killed, and I see no way to make up for it, so I turn for the door to leave. I need to find my own way again. I’m no stranger to it, but it’s been a long time. It should be like riding a bike, right? Now that I’m away from that house and Markus, I can go and get lost anywhere, but it’s got to be now.