From The Ashes (The Knights of Mayhem Book 3) (10 page)

“I would really like to see her too.  I’ve missed her, even if you don’t believe me.”

“I do believe you. Caden hasn’t been able to stop talking about all the fun you two had while she was on
‘
vacatio
n
.’”  His voice is even but his eyes can’t hold back the storm raging inside of him.

My eyes dart up at the word.  “It’s what I used to pacify her when she started to beg for you and Emily.  I told her she was on vacation and Ems and Daddy would want her to enjoy every minute of it while she was with me.  It worked for a while, until Megan started her stupid shit again.”  I know it isn’t the whole truth, but it feels good to tell him a bit of my side of the story.

“I don’t think I’ll ever ask you what went on at that house. I’m not sure I want to know.  I’m afraid it would make me track Megan down and kill her.”  I swallow the big lump in my throat. You can check that off your bucket list, Calvin, because it’s already been done, and you’re welcome. 

I look away, trying to get my emotions under control and wash them off my face.  “Here’s the deal. I’ll make sure you’re accepted back by everyone, but only if you keep what only the two of us know to yourself.”

My skin prickles at his words and for the first time in a long time, the light at the end of the tunnel is beaming with hope for me.  Yes, it’s a shitty way to go about it, but from where I’m sitting, it’s the only way.  It’s my means to an end.  I begin to agree, but he holds up his finger to stop me.

“But know this, Hollis. If you utter one word, I will put you in the ground. You understand me?”  His face has turned hard and I see no other way around this than to agree.  I’ve kept it this long, I can keep it forever if it means I’m accepted into the fold.

“Yes, I do, but it’s never crossed my mind to tell anyone.  It isn’t my information to share—never was.  I can’t help what Megan did to you or him, but I know that Caden doesn’t need to suffer for it.  I promise you I will never say a word to him about anything.” 

He stands, adjusting something at his back. I nearly swallow my tongue when it hits me what it is. “Good, then I’ll make sure you and Roman can come home today.”  His indifference at our deal chills me even more so than the shock of seeing him sitting here in the first place.

“Can I ask you one question that’s been eating at me for a long time now?”

He stops and turns to me, holding up his index finger.  “One.”

I wring my hands and organize my thoughts.  “Why?”

“Why what?”

“How could you just stand by and let her do drugs when she was pregnant?  You did nothing to stop her from hurting the child she was carrying.”  I stand and close the space between us, but I don’t get too close. Not within arm’s reach, at least.

He takes a deep breath and I know there’s a ninety percent chance he isn’t going to answer my question.  “What the fuck was I supposed to do, chain her to the bed?”  He shifts on his feet.  “Look, I didn’t like it—I fucking hated it—even knowing the damage she was doing.  But all truths be told, you know as well as I do there wasn’t a damn thing I could’ve done to keep her from doing it.”

“And that’s what you tell yourself? That you couldn’t do anything?”  The words slip out and I forget for a second who I’m talking to.

He takes a step in my direction, gritting his teeth.  “I live with the fact every day, knowing I could’ve done more, but now it’s just a past regret.  I was a dumbass for not trying harder with her, yet we both know it wouldn’t have done a damn bit of good.”

He turns to go, but I grab his arm to stop him.  “Can you give us a few more days so I can be with him alone a little longer?”

He finally turns to look at me, his blue eyes cold.  “Whatever. Take all the time you want. I really don’t give a shit when
you
come back.”  He tugs at his arm, but I don’t let go. “You can let me go now, Hollis.”

And for the first time I feel the need to grovel.  “Calvin, please know that I’m sorry for what’s happened.”

“Stop, I don’t want to hear a half-ass apology because you’re desperate, and don’t call me Calvin.”  He jerks his arm free and walks to the door.

“Yes, I am desperate, but not the kind you keep charging me with.  It’s the desperation of a person who wants to prove themselves to a bunch of people who have always hated them. I’ve faced and accepted the shit I’ve done. If you will remember, it has literally smacked me in the face.  I didn’t flinch, Cowboy, I fought back.”

“And there are things behind why she did what she did that has us where we are now, all of us.”  Roman slams the front door behind him, rushing past Cowboy to me, eyeing me up and down.  “You okay?”

“Yes.”

He turns, pushing me behind him to face a waiting Cowboy.  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

I can feel his eyes on me.  “I came to talk to you and Hollis here kept me company ‘til you got back.”

“It didn’t sound like you came to talk to me.”  Roman turns around to look at me with pleading eyes.

I lay my hand on his arm and smile.  “He did. He was letting me know how good Caden is and how happy she is to be home,” I say, sweeping my eyes in Cowboy’s direction, letting him know I take my promises to heart.

“Damn, brother, sorry. I’m just a little on edge.”  Roman smiles as he walks over to Cowboy, offering him his hand.

He accepts and pulls him into a hug, slapping him on the back. “Not a problem, brother. You wanna step outside so we can talk?”  Cowboy asks as he separates himself from Roman.

“You okay in here?”  Roman turns his concerned eyes to me and I can tell he’s seeing through our veil of lies.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. You two go on.  I’ll be putting the groceries away.”  I point to the bags he’d dropped on the floor when he entered.  He kisses the top of my head and I melt into him.  I don’t know what soul searching trip he went on while he was gone, but I’m loving the results.

He separates from me and follows Cowboy, who tips his hat to me as he exits before Roman.  I turn, letting out a long breath. Bracing my shoulder against the small fridge, I swallow what I’ve just agreed to and sort through the facts of what he’s tasked me with. It’s probably best for all of us as a whole, but on the other hand, I’d promised Roman no more secrets or lies, and what did I do the first time I was pressed? I agreed to lie to him again.  I punch the fridge and grit my teeth while I shake my hand, cussing as the pain courses through my bones.

This isn’t normal, our relationship.  Can you call it that, a relationship?  Before it was more along the lines of fuck me, get me a drink, I need some blow, party some more before finally passing out. 

But it’s different now, it’s more, let me lie and hold you because I feel like I’m gonna lose you. I don’t think I’ll know how to do this, but I plan on giving it everything I got.

Chapter Nine

Roman

I follow Cowboy out onto the porch, closing the door and securing it behind me.  “What the fuck are you really doing here?”

He huffs.  “Just making sure she hasn’t killed you.”

I scoff at his statement. How little these people know of her.  They’d never even tried to get to know her.  Hell, all but one had fucked her and never bothered to get to know what kind of person she really was. “No, I’m fine. She isn’t the monster we all thought her to be.”

He turns on me, backing me into the wall and getting in my face for the second time in as many days.  “Yes she is. Need I remind you of what she’s done to my family?”

I push him off me.  “No, you don’t, and might I remind you that the sorry piece of shit you had a kid with and her fucking brother was just as much involved, if not more than she was?”

“What are you saying, she was merely a spectator?”

“No, what I’m saying is she did what she had to do to keep us safe.”

He laughs at my comment.  “Us safe?  And how is that?”

I run my fingers through my hair, debating if I should tell him. If I did, would it be a sob story of a desperate man trying to win back favor from his pack for his woman?

“I’m waiting?”  Cal’s gruff voice brings me back.

“Markus. He found out who and what we were and threatened to put a price on our heads if she didn’t help.”  I pause, letting that part sink in. When I see that he’s digested it just fine, I continue.  “She only helped because that was the only way Markus would back off of us.  But she swears she never knew what the plans were or who was going to get hurt.”

He drags in a ragged breath and looks up at me with a sickened look in his eyes.  “Emily?”

I just nod.  “Yes.” 

“Is that what she told you?”  He leans against the front fender of my truck.

“Yeah, when I went to get Caden.  Seems like she took really good care of Boo.”  I hope to hell that didn’t sound too desperate.

He kicks off my fender, coming face to face with me.  “If she was so
concerned
about Caden and her safety, why did she wait for so long to contact you?”

I step back, getting a hold on the anger beginning to boil my blood.  “You didn’t see it, the house where they were.  Shit. It didn’t have a TV, phone, anything.  I didn’t even look in the cabinets to see if there was food or not.  It was below standard, so I’m pretty sure she wasn’t relaxing in the lap of luxury.”  I shake my head and lay my arms on the hood of my truck, looking out over the lake.  The sun is high in the sky and the heat from it cuts through the chill of the air like a knife.  “She also said she never had access to a phone. She was practically his prisoner too.”

“Are you so sure she didn’t want to be?”  He narrows his eyes at me.

“I would like to believe she’s telling the truth.  I need for her to be.”  I’m regretting how weak those last words sounded coming out.

“How can you just give in and forgive her … act like she didn’t do a fucking thing?”

“Why did you think that Emily was the same girl she used to be when she came back?”

“That’s different, Roman, and you know it.” 

“How so?  Tell me ‘cause I’d like to know how you found it in you to forgive her after all the shit she dragged you through.”

“She never attempted to murder anyone.”

“Neither did Hollis. She just did what she thought was right to keep us safe.”

“Man, you can't just jump headfirst back into this.”  Cowboy rolls his eyes at me.  “You dipshit. You’ve already ponied up, haven’t you?” 

I shrug my shoulders.  “Well, you know …”

“Holy shit. How many times?”

“Twice.” 

“Already?”  I laugh at the astonished look he has on his face.

“What? I couldn’t help myself.”  I point my finger at him.  “Don’t give me any shit. You were panting like a dog in heat when Emily got back into town.”

He smiles at me.  “Fucker, no I wasn’t. I waited.”

“Only because she made you.”

He shakes his head, laughing with me.  “Damn man, you could show a little self-control.” 

“What exactly are you saying?” 

“I’m saying you should take a step back and keep your head about you for the time being.”  I can hear the thump his finger makes as he pounds it against his temple.   “I know how much you loved her and how it fucking broke you when she left.”  I glance up at him confused.  I thought I had done a great job acting nonchalant about her departure. I guess I didn’t act as good as I thought I had.  “I can't shake this nagging feeling she’s up to something. I guess with her history, it feels like her intentions aren’t as pure as she’s lead you to believe.”  He stops talking and I let his words sink in. They certainly bruise my ego a bit.

“Yeah, and I can’t shake this nagging feeling she’s telling the truth.”   I stop and look at him.  “She’s different. I don’t know what it is, but she is.”

He takes a deep breath and releases it, making his nostrils flare.  “I can’t forget.  It replays over and over in my mind, me pulling up on my bike and seeing her car.”  He steps back, shaking his head.  “Did she know?”

“Again, no she didn’t. I promise you.”

“You promise me? Do you really have that much faith in her?”

Faith?  That word holds a lot of weight now more than ever.  “I do, and I know it’s a lot to ask for you to have it too.”

“If you say so. I trust you, brother.”  He comes up beside me.  “I always loved it up here—so quiet and calm. After Emily left, all those times I would disappear, this is where I would come.”

“We knew where you were,”  I laugh as if he could go anywhere without us knowing.  “And I can see why. When all that shit went down at the clubhouse, this was the first place I thought of.” 

“Sorry about that.”  We fall silent for a while, just watching the slight waves lap at the shore.  “I’ll see what I can do about the others.  I’m not sure there’s anything I can do, but I will try for you, brother, but will you do me a favor?”

I sigh.  “What?”

“Listen to my words and take them to heart. Watch your ass with her.”

I drag in a long, deep breath, building up the courage to tell him what I think might tip the scales.  “There’s something else.”

“Oh hell, what now?”

“We may have a bigger problem with Markus.” 

“I figured as much with her running away with Caden.”

“Not just that.”  Getting these words out is proving to be harder than I thought.

“What the fuck else has she done?”  His face is stern again.  I stall as much as I can, trying to figure out just how to put it.  I know he never loved her, but she is the mother of his child.  I can’t say that I mind, even though she and I had hooked up a few times. I’d never connected with her, just fucked her.

“Well, spit it out for Christ’s sake.”

“She killed Megan.”  I pause, watching him have to force his mouth closed.  “And I got rid of the body for her.”

He takes off his hat and slaps his leg.  “Holy shit.”

“Yeah man, I know.” 

“You big fucking idiot.  What did you do with her?”

“I put her out in the woods behind the house.”  I shrug.  “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Fuck. Markus is going to lose his mind, and we’re the first ones he’s going to come looking for.  You two just put us back on his radar. If this shit turns south, I’m gonna kick your ass before he kills us all.”   He looks around, scanning the woods for something.  “Well, he doesn’t know about this place … at least I don’t think he does.  You can have tonight, then you should probably get your asses back to town where we can protect you.”

“Agreed, but what about everybody else? You know they aren’t gonna want her around.” 

He starts for his truck, but turns back, holding his hands out to each side of him.  “I guess I’m going to have to tell them, you dumbass.”  He rests his hands on his hips and walks back towards me.  “You’re a fucking cop. If this gets out, you could lose your badge, your job, and most likely your damn freedom.”

He’s telling me things I’d thought about already.  “Hold off on telling the rest.  Bright side, Megan’s dead. She killed her for you.”

“You lied to us.”

“I didn’t lie, I omitted.  There’s a difference.”

“And now you’re asking me to do the same?  See what she’s doing?  She already has you playing her game.”  Shit, he’s right. I am, but I don’t care.  He ducks his head, trying to hide the guilt he’s feeling at being relieved.  “Do I want to know how?”

“She overdosed her, said she’d been out of her mind and was getting worse with Caden.”  I prop my foot up on my step side, hooking my thumbs in my pockets.  “I didn’t think when she called and told me she had Caden. I just took off.”

“Well, did it ever cross your mind there might have been things in the house that would’ve helped with the case, Roman?”

“Not really, no, and I don’t think so.  It would’ve ended up just getting Hollis in trouble. Look, I’m sorry about Megan.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about Megan, it’s the rest of us.  Markus finding that house empty is what I’m worried about.”  He starts back to his truck.  “I’ll call ya later, dipshit.”

I watch him pull out of the drive and disappear through the tree line.  I feel a newfound reason, hope maybe, that Hollis and I can actually be a couple like the rest of them.

~~~~~~

I stand out in the sun for a little while, going over the things I’m going to say to her when I head back in.  I glance up at the window over the kitchen sink to see her looking at me.  Her smile is soft and I can read the uncertainty on her face.  I go back over the warning Cowboy had given me about jumping right back in, and he was right. But I’ll be damned if being around her again didn’t feel just as right now as it had back then.

I go back inside, no longer able to put off what we need to do.  She’s leaning against the counter when I walk in, drying her hands on a towel.  “So, tell me what he really wanted.”

“Not much, just the usual.”  She fidgets under my stare as I turn the chair backwards to straddle it. “So what did he say?

“You tell me then I’ll tell you.”  I look up at her and smile.

“Are you five? He didn’t say anything to me except for the generalized cordials.”  She’s getting flustered. Her neck is turning red and she’s gone back over to the counter.

“You’re lying to me,”  I bite out. “Son-of-a-bitch, Hollis, you promised!”  I scream at her.  She shies away from my outburst.  “Because he wouldn’t just sit in here with you waiting for me.”

“I swear, Roman. That’s all he wanted and he did just sit in here with me.” Her eyes go glassy and threaten to burst with tears before she turns away from me.  “You want some lunch?” she sniffles and wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“Don’t change the subject.”  I watch her head sag and her shoulders slump, making my heart sink. She is lying. 

“What does it matter if he said something to me or not? All I’m thankful for is the fact he didn’t slit my throat.”  Her words come out sounding indifferent.  I guess they would, seeing as how I woke her up with a gun to her head.  She turns to me a little more composed.

“You have a point there, I guess.”  I feel the anger slowly subside as I stand and go to her.  She looks up at me through her lashes as I lean in and kiss her cheek.  “Sorry I yelled. It isn’t productive and it gets us nowhere.  I’ll take your word for it … for now.”  I take her face and look down into her chocolate brown eyes, still glassy from her tears.  “Stop crying, please.”

“I hate it when you yell. You’re so loud.”  She smiles up at me, exposing her perfect set of pearly whites.

“That is the whole point of yelling, babe.”  I kiss her again, hoping to patch up the hole I had ripped with my fucking insecurities. “And yeah, some food would be good.”  She nods. “You want me to help?”

“No, I’ve got it.”  She gives me a sexy smile.

“Says you.”  She acts offended before popping my leg with the towel she’s holding.  “Aw shit. That hurt, Hollis.”  I complain as the sound of her laughter fills the room.  I can’t help but smile at the sound.  “We need to talk about things.” 

“I know. I guess now is the best time. I’ve got nowhere to be.”  Her smile is simple and breaks my heart.  She’s telling the truth. She has nowhere to go and then Cowboy’s question rings true through my head.  She did want to be his prisoner, only because I guess a prison is better than being homeless.

“I’ve thought a lot about what you did, then and now.”  The clanking and movement in the kitchen stops.  I look up to see her looking at me, scared out of her mind.  I stand to go to her.  “Hollis, get that look off your face. It’s nothing bad, I promise.”  I back her into the counter, resting my hands on her hips.  “I think I want this, again.”  And there I go, trampling all over my intentions of taking this whole thing slow, but fuck it.

“Me too,”  her voice is soft.

“It’s the others I’m worried about. Cowboy said he was going to talk to them, hopefully make them see sense.  It’s not going to be easy, but I think if it’s coming from Cowboy, telling them to ease up, it might work.”  I lift my finger to tilt her head and eyes up to me.  “Beautiful, I have so missed you.”  She lays her head on my chest, tucking herself into me.  “Oh, and I told him about Megan.”  I feel her turn to stone in my arms.  “Don’t worry. He seemed fine with it all, he really did.”