Frost on My Window (14 page)

I took a seat across from Sean. He expertly opened the wine bottle and filled the wine glasses I held in my hand. When I handed him a goblet, our fingers touched, and I looked at him. There was a moment of staring too long, a jolt, a shiver. I shook my head to cleanse myself of the dangerous thoughts.

“If you ever decide to give up singing, you should open a restaurant,” I joked after my second bite.

The salmon was delicious. It didn’t just smell great, it tasted great. Butter, herbs, lemon, and the crisp flakiness of the fish filled my mouth. I knew that if Sean opened a restaurant men would come for the good food and women would come just to look at the owner. Under the soft light, Sean was a bedtime fairy tale come to life, the prince in the castle, the perfect husband, the gallant knight.

“Funny you should mention that. I’ve been thinking a lot about the future now that the tour’s over.”

“Any ideas?”

“Not yet. Jason is talking about getting into film.”

“That might not be such a bad thing.”

“It is when you can’t act, Leah,” he replied after taking a bite of the salmon.

“You could take a class,” I suggested.

“I don’t think that’s a space I want to be in. I can’t act a way I don’t feel.” He shook his head. “Movies are all about pretending to be someone else. I have a hard time just being me.”

“Oh, well,” I sighed. “Looks like Tom Cruise will be able to sleep better knowing that his career’s safe.”

“Tom Cruise? You’re comparing me to Tom Cruise?” His tone was shocked.

I took a sip of wine and smiled. “Oh, sorry. How about Russell Crowe?”

“That’s worse, not better. I was thinking Tom Hanks. I always thought of myself as being the low-key type.”

I shook my head. “No, he’s too much the normal guy. You’re a rock star. Maybe Pierce Brosnan? He’s got an edge.”

“007?” He laughed heartily. “So that makes you which Bond girl?”

“Speaking of Bond girls…How’s Dalia doing?” I asked in an off-handed manner. I’d wanted to ask that question since Sean picked me up at the airport. No woman in her right mind would be okay with another woman spending time alone with her man. Hollywood stars might live in another world, but when it comes to relationships, they are just like your average person on the street.

“She’s on set in Canada, I think.”

“Is she coming to visit soon?” I asked. “I hope she doesn’t mind me using her stuff.”

Sean looked puzzled. “Her stuff?”

“The toiletries in the bathroom,” I explained.

“Leah, you’re the first person I’ve had here besides the decorator. You can use whatever you like.”

I almost dropped the heavy fork. Instead, I put it down slowly and took a long drink, savoring the warmth of the wine as it slipped down my throat. I couldn’t fight the giddy sensation his announcement had caused.

“So where’d you learn how to cook like that?” I asked after we’d cleared the table and placed the last plate into the dishwasher.

“My mom was a very forward-thinking Scotswoman. She and my Dad met at the University of Edinburgh,” he said.

I pulled up one of the barstools next to the island and watched as Sean operated the coffee/espresso maker. He placed two coffee-filled mugs, sugar, and cream on a wooden serving tray.

He continued, “They met at a pub late one Sunday night when all the restaurants were closed and the markets shut for the day. My dad was starving because he didn’t know how to cook and didn’t have any food back at his flat. Mom took pity on the poor man and took him home to her parents’.”

I followed Sean through the kitchen to the back of the house. We entered a sunken den. A forest green chenille loveseat sat in the corner facing a honey maple entertainment center. Simba lay curled contentedly in the middle of a multi panel gold and maroon Persian rug. I watched as Sean placed the tray on a side bar next to a small round table that held a checkers set.

I stood next to him and reached down to lift the small wooden checker set. I picked up my cup of coffee as Sean gestured for me to take a seat in the comfortable leather chair. “Don’t stop there, you’ve got to finish the story,” I urged.

Sean took the seat opposite me. “Well, Dad always told me that he fell in love with my mom when she invited him over to dinner, but couldn’t speak to her alone. So he resolved that he’d learn how to cook so he could impress her.”

I leaned forward, eager to hear the rest of the story. “Want to play a game of checkers?” he asked.

“Sean, the story. You have to finish the story first.”

“Where was I? Oh, Dad decided that he’d learn how to cook. So he invited my mom over for dinner one Sunday afternoon. He wanted to cook her a fancy meat pie but ended up burning it. My mom, being the smart woman she was, had come prepared. They ended up eating cold ham sandwiches.”

“So how does this story relate to the wonderful gourmet dinner you just whipped up?”

“Mom didn’t want some crafty upper-class girl enticing me back to her apartment with promises of home-cooked meals.”

“So she taught you how to cook?” I guessed.

Sean nodded and set down his mug. “She made me peel the potatoes, chop onions, and marinate chicken.”

“I’m impressed,” I replied.

“Now can you play?”

“Can I play?” I tried to bluff and then looked into Sean’s serious face. “To be honest, I haven’t played checkers in years.”

“Then I promise to take it easy on you,” he laughed. “How about best two out of three? You first.”

I bit the outside of my lip and placed my finger on the black checker to make the first advance. “So I take it you’re really into checkers?” I asked.

“Dad loves checkers. Some fathers teach their kids baseball or basketball. He taught me checkers and football.”

“Football as in American or soccer?”

“Soccer. When it rained, we’d spend time after supper playing checkers,” Sean said after taking a jump. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to jump one of his checkers on my next move.

“Yes,” he sighed. “After my first fight at school, Dad sat me down and trounced me soundly at checkers. He taught me that the mind is a powerful thing.”

“We were all about playing cards in my family.” I smiled. “My mom can play a game of spades like nobody’s business. Pop, my dad, taught us all how to play poker.”

“Your dad taught you?”

I nodded and grimaced as he took advantage of a double jump and took two of my checkers. It was looking more and more like this wasn’t going to be my night to win. “Every Saturday, my pop and his friends got together at our house to play cards in the basement. After the games were over, Pop would let the kids sit down at the table and play. We used jelly beans as a substitute for chips.”

“So you’re a card shark? I’ll have to remember that.”

“So what’s on the schedule tomorrow?” I asked, hoping to distract him from seeing my very vulnerable positions.

“I thought we’d head out early, do a little off-road sight seeing, maybe hike a little ways.”

“Sounds good. How early is early?” I wanted some serious prep time. This sista might be in the middle of nowhere but I’d be damned if I was going to look bad.

“Seven o’clock.” Sean smiled as he moved his piece onto the last row. “Crown me.”

“Sneak,” I accused after crowning his checker and watching him take my last man.

“The woman’s a sore loser.”

“The competition isn’t over yet.”

“Spoken like a true fighter.”

“That’s right,” I nodded. I placed my hand over my mouth and faked a yawn. “Well, I’d better turn in since I have to wake up so early in the morning.”

“Come on, Leah. It’s only nine-thirty.”

“You know the saying: ‘Early to bed…’”

Sean didn’t look the least bit happy as I stood up and stretched. “Guess you’ll have to wait until tomorrow before I beat you,” I boasted.

“Leah, I won the first game.”

“It’s all about point of view. I’m not losing. I’m just about to make a comeback.” Truthfully, I couldn’t see a comeback in my future since he’d won the first game in less than ten minutes.

Sean let out a snort and stood up. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Not going to bed?” I put my hands behind my back and stretched.

“I’m going to go check on the horses before I turn in.” He picked up the still-full wine glass.

“Horses?”

“I keep three here at the ranch.”

“Who takes care of them when you’re not here?”

“There’s a private ranch about ten miles from here. They’re stabled there until I come to visit.”

“So the chef’s a cowboy.” I looked at Sean again. Each time I thought I had an idea about who he was I found out that there existed another undiscovered layer.

“Do you ride, Leah?”

I arched an eyebrow. “As in do I willingly subject myself to the possibility of death by climbing on the back of a horse?”

“I take it the answer is no.”

“You are truly a brilliant man. Rena convinced me to get on a horse once.”

“When was that?”

I smiled ruefully at the memory. “She wanted to show off in front of a group of musicians at a festival in Jamaica. So she challenged them to a race on the beach. Her horse got spooked and ran into mine. The next thing I knew I was flat on my back in the sand with an aching butt and dented pride.”

“I won’t let that happen to you.”

“That’s right.” I nodded. “Because there’s no way I’m getting on a horse.”

“Sweet dreams,” he said softly.

“Good night…and Sean, if your mission was to make me forget about the newspaper, it worked.”

I left the den and found my way back upstairs to my room. A half an hour later after changing into my pajamas and finishing my nightly ablutions, I found Simba lying curled on the chaise next to the window. He opened his eyes and let out a yawn showing his sharp teeth as I crossed the room. The quarter moon was bright that night. After getting ready for bed, I rolled up the shade, making room for Simba to jump onto the windowsill.

The pale glow of the outside lights illuminated the rock walkway from the backyard to the barn. I could just make out Sean’s profile in the night. Instead of waving as he walked back towards the house, I pulled back from the window. Something in me just wanted to watch him move. He had one of those slow, distinctive walks. As he entered the house and the lights went dark, I curled up in bed thinking that some lucky woman was going to get that man. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t help wishing that woman would be me.

Chapter 15

“Just because my dad couldn’t cook doesn’t mean he didn’t keep trying. Sunday morning was Dad’s day in the kitchen. My mother figured out that he could make the best waffles in the world,” Sean said before taking a bite.

As I cut into the large Belgian waffle topped with berries and syrup, I wanted to thank the man. I had met Sean’s father only once, accidentally. As I was leaving Sean’s place after an evening of pillow fights and ice cream, I met his father at the door. Mr. Andrews had just gotten back in town from shooting a documentary in Canada. I remembered the look of mild surprise on the face of the man with the silver hair and round glasses. He asked no questions, though, just accepted my presence in his only son’s life.

“What do you think?” Sean asked after taking a bite.

I savored the rich, sweet taste of butter and maple syrup. “I could definitely get used to this,” I said after taking a sip of coffee.

“Don’t forget to eat your fruit,” he pointed out.

I looked over at the bowl of strawberries, sliced cantaloupe, honeydew and kiwi. “Sean,” I said dramatically, “I forgive you for waking me up at this ridiculous time in the morning. You don’t have to bribe me with food.”

“Just want to make sure you’ve got the proper nutrients.”

“Hey, I eat right.”

“You’re getting too skinny.”

I choked on a sip of orange juice. When my coughing fit ended, I looked up to see Sean’s concerned face close to mine. “I’m okay,” I managed to get out between breaths.

“Are you really all right?”

“Fine. Went down the wrong way.”

“You probably eat bagels every day.”

“Hey, I’m in New York. You have to eat bagels. Just so you know, I switch sometimes and eat a bowl of Raisin Bran,” I said proudly.

He rolled his eyes and took a bite. “You need a keeper, Leah,” he admonished. “A bagel for breakfast? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“My vitamins are the most important meal of the day. Besides, who has time to cook in the morning?”

“You could get up a little earlier.”

I remembered the three reasons that kept me from cooking breakfast and ticked them off on my fingers. “First, I already get up too early. Second, I go to the gym before work. Third, and most important, I value my sleep. Actually, I love to sleep.” I smiled. Sean sighed and shook his head. I wasn’t discouraged; I could see the amusement in those green eyes.

“You need a keeper,” he repeated, flashing his dimple my way.

“That would imply that there’s someone out there to take on that responsibility, and, at the moment, I can’t see anyone volunteering for that kind of mission.”

I pushed back the chair and picked up my dishes.

“You make it sound like a dangerous thing.”

“That’s because it is,” I teased, knowing that I was one of the most laid-back sistas on the planet.

“You’re harmless,” he stated.

I leaned against the countertop as he placed the plates and glasses in the dishwasher. I made sure that Sean was facing me when I looked him up and down as though I were sizing up an opponent.

“Want to make a bet?” I was cocky, having won my fair share of pillow fights in the past.

“Okay. I pick the game,” he answered, holding the dishtowel.

“Go for it,” I responded and immediately regretted it after seeing the smug grin on his face.

“Checkers again tonight. We’ll start even. Best of three games wins.”

“Damn,” I swore under my breath. I walked right into that one. “Not fair,” I protested as Sean bent down to fill Simba’s empty bowl.

“You made the challenge.”

“What’re the stakes?” Sean rarely played any game unless he had something to lose. Which made the game all the more interesting and winning all the sweeter.

“If I win you go horseback riding with me tomorrow morning,” he stated.

“Well, you might want to pack up those waffle irons of yours because when you lose, you’ll need them to cook breakfast for both Rena and me for two months.”

“Those are fighting words.”

“I know.” I grinned before turning to go upstairs.

We managed to leave the ranch at a quarter to seven. Yawning, I buckled my seatbelt and stared out the window at the vast landscape and listened to the crunch of the tires.

“So where are we headed?”

“I’ve been wanting to explore this little spot about thirty minutes north of here. There’s an old road I want to check out and then we can just do a little hiking.”

“What’s your definition of a little?’

“A mile or two.”

“You have got to be kidding. I’m a city girl, remember?”

“Come on. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I left it back at the ranch with Simba.”

“You’ll be fine. Just think of this as a trip to the gym.”

“Sean.” I pointed to the passing desert scenery as he sped down the highway. “The gym has air conditioning, first aid kits, and entertainment. This isn’t even close.” I yawned.

Sean reached over with his right hand and pulled my makeshift ponytail. I’d planned to wake up and make myself look at least halfway decent this morning. But I didn’t hear the alarm clock. That morning I’d woken to the sensation of Sean dropping Simba on my stomach. He’d had the nerve to laugh as I let out a screech.

“Just lie back and take a nap,” Sean said. “I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“There” turned out to be the middle of nowhere. I jumped out of the Jeep into the early sun of a desert morning. The air was just beginning to warm as we set out. Sean carried a backpack with food and water and I got to hold the camera. We followed a narrow path between the rocks. I stopped and caught my breath.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

I could only nod my head. A tall cactus looked beautiful in the early sunlight. Then I glanced down and screamed.

“What the hell?” Sean asked.

I had run behind him and, shivering, pointed towards the rock I’d been standing next to.

“There…it’s over there.”

I watched as he laughed and bent to pick it up.

“It’s just a lizard.”

He held the tiny, scaly thing comfortably in the palm of this hand. “He’s just waiting for more sunlight to start his day.”

“Well then, why don’t you just put him back and let’s move on before he wakes up.”

“You’re not afraid of a little lizard, are you?”

“No. I just don’t believe in associating with the wildlife.”

We reached a small clearing about two hours later. Thank God for the hiking boots I’d borrowed from Rena’s closet. My feet were the only things that felt halfway dry. Perspiration had turned to profuse sweat about an hour earlier, and even the made-for-a-man antiperspirant I’d put on this morning wasn’t strong enough.

“Break time,” Sean announced, putting down his backpack.

“Thank you.”

“This is supposed to be fun.”

I gave Sean a tight smile before collapsing to the ground. Promptly removing my cap, I used my handkerchief to wipe at the sweat streaming down my face.

“It’s hot, Sean.”

“We’ll head back after a break. Water?” he asked.

“Please.” Lukewarm bottled water never tasted so good. I splashed a little on my face and took a deep breathe and promptly regretted it as the dust made me sneeze.

“Bless you.”

“Thanks.”

“How do you feel?”

I flexed my ankle and felt a spurt of pain run up the back of my leg.

“Like I’m a surprise contestant on a survival show.”

“That’s good, right?” he asked with a smile.

“I hate those shows.” I ruined the effect by laughing. “No, really, I’m enjoying this. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this far away from civilization.”

“It humbles a person. That’s one of the reasons I come out here,” he said.

“It’s so big, I feel dwarfed here,” I commented, scanning the horizon. I saw little movement except the occasional shadow of a vulture in the distance. Phantom waves of distant, nonexistent water rippled spookily beneath a sapphire sky.

That night, after driving back and taking showers, we ate outside on the veranda. The daytime heat had quickly disappeared to be replaced with the evening coolness. We sat sipping glasses of iced tea and eating large chicken Caesar salads. I realized that the friendship Sean and I shared was no longer black and white but had subtle, curious shades of gray.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” I murmured, tilting my head back. The darkening sky revealed clusters of bright stars in the desert sky.

“Yes, it’s a beautiful sight,” Sean agreed. I lowered my gaze to see that Sean was looking at me.

“You really can’t see the stars well in New York,” I added.

Sean pointed. “That large collection over there is Ursa Major, which is better known as Big Bear.”

“And the rest?”

“Don’t know. We could find out after our games of checkers.”

“Come on. We’re really not going to spend this wonderful evening playing checkers.”

I just didn’t want to lose that bet. The thought of getting on the horse Sean had shown me after we’d gotten back from hiking scared the hell out of me. Cloud might have a nice name but I could have sworn that horse was giving me a look that said, “I’m just waiting for you.”

Sean laughed as he picked up the dishes.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

“Well, I’ve been looking forward to kicking back with a video and some ice cream.”

“You wouldn’t be trying to weasel out of our bet, would you?”

“Me? Never.” I tried my best to sound upset but it came out flat. “I’m just not in a hurry to damage your pride. But if you want…” My voice trailed off.

“What I want is you for you to feed me ice cream after I win,” he said.

I placed my hands on my hips. “Hold up. Don’t you mean that you’ll be feeding me ice cream after you lose?”

* * *

I lost the bet, but I sure as hell didn’t feed Sean ice cream as he sat there smug with victory.

“Now I remember why I swore off gambling,” I muttered to myself after we’d been riding for about thirty minutes. I reached up and adjusted the wide-brimmed hat on my head.

As the dust flew into my face and my rear end went up and down, I vowed never to play anything with Sean again. Soon he drew to a stop and I reined in my horse, staring at the desert landscape.

“Okay, cowboy, what are those?” I asked, pointing to the flowers atop the cactus. I found it unbelievable that such loveliness could exist in a desert.

“Prickly pear, beaver tail, and barrel cacti. Those blooms to the left are scatterings of poppies and wildflowers,” Sean answered.

“And those?” I pointed to the objects along the trail that were shimmering pinks, golds, oranges, and reds. Larger things sported light green, bright green, orange and yellow colors.

“Rocks,” he laughed while swinging down from his saddle.

“Rocks don’t come in crayon colors, Sean,” I said breezily.

“That’s fungus
on
the rocks.”

“Oh.”

“Ready for lunch?”

“Yes,” I answered, surprised to find my stomach growling. But as I swung my leg over the side of the horse and tried to stand up, the word pain took on a new meaning.

“Need help?”

I turned to find Sean smiling at me. I would have killed him right then and there if I could have moved. My legs felt like jelly, and I thought of just collapsing on the ground until I spotted a hairy spider making its way towards my feet.

“I’m fine,” I managed to get out through gritted teeth.
Pride goeth before a fall.
I wasn’t about to make a fool out of myself even if we were in the middle of nowhere with no one watching. So I straightened up and leaned a little on Cloud until I got my strength back.

After tying up the horses, Sean and I rolled out the light cotton blanket under the shadow of a tall saguaro cactus. As we sat back and ate in the silence, Sean pointed out the desert wildlife.

“Leah, turn around slowly.”

I eyed the mysterious smile on his face before complying. There, just ten feet away, stood little jackrabbits. They sniffed the air for but a second before hopping away and disappearing into the desert.

Lunch continued to be a learning session. Under Sean’s direction, I learned to be still and observant. Little things suddenly didn’t look so harmless. What I thought was a leaf turned out to be a horned lizard. A cute bird turned out to be a rabbit-eating hawk. I watched butterflies flit from cactus to cactus, slow-moving beetles, lizards, moths. It seemed that we’d picked the most happening spot in the desert to have lunch.

Much later after we’d eaten lunch, Sean relaxed and opened up. “Music for me has become more of an escape. It’s that place I can go to get away.”

I looked over at Sean and finally asked a question that had been on my mind since arriving at the ranch.

“How did you find this place?”

“Pete shipped me here after the accident,” Sean replied.

“You never talk about what happened,” I said.

“Right after Mom died everything took off with the group. Pete arranged for a world tour. There was always one more city or one more show before I’d allow myself to grieve. I couldn’t handle it, so I turned to alcohol. I drank before going on stage and I picked up the bottle when I got off.”

“The press never mentioned that you were drinking that night,” I commented.

“I hadn’t started. I got home that night to find that Pete and Danny had emptied the entire contents of my bar into the toilet. I went ballistic and before they could stop me I was out the door. I practically ran that family’s car off the road.”

Sean rubbed his temple. “Pete pulled some strings to make it look like a weather-related accident, then locked me up in a house about thirty miles from here.”

“How long?”

“Four weeks.”

“Cold turkey?” I asked.

He nodded and closed his eyes. “And afterward I avoided alcohol for the most part. I’d only allowed myself a glass of wine until the night we met.”

“Did you drive home that morning?” I asked. My throat went dry at the thought that Sean could have put himself in harm’s way.

“No way,” he laughed. “I felt like absolute hell. Jerrod dumped me into one of his guest rooms until I could walk again.”