Frostbitten: The Complete Series (18 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
COURAGOUS INTENT

Andrew tried watching one of those “exciting” HBO programs once. He couldn’t even finish a single episode.

Andrew stared at the menu, not actually reading the options. He was completely zoned out, remembering his glory days abroad—his days adventuring the vast oceans.

The image of Brittany kept popping into his head. He couldn’t shake the thought of how happy he would be with her. Andrew became depressed thinking about a life without her—a life without travelling—the life of boredom that he had to look forward to.

“Are you ready to order, sir?” the barista asked Andrew, pulling him out of his tired daydream.

“Um, yeah—Sorry,” he said as he stepped forward. He looked quickly through his options, and then ended up ordering a plain, black coffee.

The barista handed him his drink. He turned around, and sat down at a small table by a window.

It was as if whatever prime mover was in the sky had a sense of humour—teasing Andrew with the most incredible life he could ever experience, and then tossing him back into reality. He could almost hear God’s voice, laughing at him every time he watched a late night infomercial, explaining “how much you will love your brand new hole puncher!” or “how to make your mornings exciting with soy coffee creamer!”.

It was as if Andrew had gone his whole life eating cheap canned lobster and then one day someone gave him a taste of a two hundred dollar, fresh Newfoundland lobster. But before he could finish the lobster, they switched it back out with the old canned crap. The canned stuff was fine, until he’d gotten a taste for the real deal. Suddenly, that canned stuff tasted like bargain isle cat food.

All Andrew wanted was that excitement—that sense of adventure he once had.

And right then and there, both of Andrew’s conundrums seemed to merge together. Across the street, sitting at the window of the local library was Brittany, sipping a warm drink and reading her class assigned book. The moment Andrew’s eyes fell upon her, his heart skipped a beat—the same way it did that moment the blue whale emerged next to his boat during the storm off of the Fiji coast.

He watched her sitting peacefully in the library—the first time he’d ever seen her in her element. She wasn’t adjusting her breasts in her push-up bra, or checking her makeup with the little mirror in her purse. She was simply relaxed, sitting and enjoying a warm drink and a book.

Andrew could still hear his aunt’s voice in the back of his head. “Have you heard of this online dating thing?” her nasally voice reverberated through his brain.

Maybe it was time to try something new—an adventure unlike any he’d ever experienced. Maybe it was time to take the plunge, and ask Brittany out on a date. The very idea sent his heart rate soaring. His mind raced as it cycled rapidly through all the possible outcomes.

What if she said no? What if she laughed at him? What if she said yes because she felt bad for him? If she did say yes—how could Andrew possibly know that it wasn’t out of pity? What if she said yes and was excited about it? Then there would be the expectation of an amazing first date. What did people even do on first dates?

His heart was somehow beating even faster than it had when he encountered that gigantic whale in The South Pacific Ocean. It was beating faster than when he left Puri, India to travel the world by himself.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and then took a deep breath, pushing away the cloud of thoughts and concerns. He stood up from his seat and made his way over to the library. He jogged across the street, and then made his way towards the door. The closer her got, the more nervous he became. The moment was quickly becoming a blur.

“Am I actually going through with this?” he asked himself as he stopped at the library door to consider his actions. He held the door open for a little old lady while he waited for his brain to let him in on what was the next sensible move. As he continued to think, he held the door open for yet another little old lady.

Then, he bit his tongue and went inside. He could see Brittany from across the library. With a temporary burst of confidence, he started to walk towards her.

His mind repeated the phrase, “You’ve got this, Andrew. You’ve got this, Andrew. You’ve got this, Andrew,” over and over again.

He could see the back of Brittany’s beautiful brown hair as she flipped the page of her novel. As he drew closer, the sweet smell of her elegant perfume wafted up his nose.

And then, when he was within five feet of the beauty, he turned down one of the library isles and started to walk away.

He’d failed. He’d chickened out.

He was upset with himself, slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asked himself.

Andrew paced up and down the library isles, trying to build up the confidence for a second try. He muttered encouraging things to himself, picking up the speed of his pacing. He closed his eyes, trying to channel a sense of confidence. Eyes closed, he punched the air, like a boxer preparing for a fight. He thought that, maybe he just needed to get his blood flowing.

“Excuse me sir, is everything okay?” the librarian quietly asked.

Andrew opened his eyes and looked over at the librarian. She was standing at the end of the isle, keeping her distance from the possible insane young man.

“Yeah—Why?” Andrew asked.

“You’re scaring our customers away from French Fiction.”

“Oh—Sorry. I was just—trying to decide between two books.”

The librarian stared at Andrew for a moment in silence. “If you could sit and decide quietly, that would be appreciated.”

“Okay—Thank you,” Andrew said.

The librarian slowly walked away, keeping her eye on Andrew.

“I leave a white and turbid wake; pale waters, paler cheeks, where'er I sail. The envious billows sidelong swell to whelm my track; let them; but first I pass.”

—HERMAN MELVILLE, MOBY DICK

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
MISSED THE BOAT

Kane, with his school stuff, made his way back to the library where he’d dropped Brittany off. He pulled the Mustang up to the curb and looked towards the library window. His eyes immediately found her, sitting in a cosy corner next to the window, with her cup of hot chocolate from the café across the street. She had a sort of luring glow about her.

Kane got out of the car and went into the library. Brittany turned and smiled at him as he approached her little table. She carefully adjusted her hair and straightened her back.

“You came,” Brittany said.

“Are you aloud to have drinks in here?” Kane asked.

“No—But I figured I’ve done worse things today, so to hell with it.” Brittany smiled.

Kane sat down. On the table, Brittany had her binder out, with half of an assignment written. Next to it, she had her copy of the assigned Dickens book, as well as another book that she’d been reading for her own enjoyment—Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov.

“This class is such a mess,” Brittany said.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything is just so rushed—like he’s cramming too much into each day.”

“Yeah—it’s pretty dense.”

“I mean, with all of this homework, you’d think this was a masters program.”

Kane laughed.

“Anyway—Do you want me to run you through the chapters?”

“That’s okay—I’ll just skim them quickly.”

“It’s not really the kind of book you can just skim,” Brittany said. “You’ll miss the theme that Fenner is looking for.”

“Resurrection?”

Brittany looked at Kane curiously for a moment. “Yeah, how did you know?”

“Dr. Manette is released from prison—He’s resurrected from prison—a living death,” Kane said. “Mr. Lorry says ‘he was called back to life’.”

Brittany looked silently at Kane for another moment. “I thought you said you forgot to read the chapters.”

“I did.”

“But you can quote the book?”

“Well, I read it years ago. I could use a refresher though.”

Brittany stared at Kane for a moment, perplexed. “You didn’t strike me as the Dickens type.”

Kane smiled. “I guess there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know about me.”

“Well excuse me for judging a book by its cover. In that case, maybe you’ll come in handy after all.”

Kane smiled as Brittany continued to write her assignment.

“I’m going to use that quote too—that’s a good one,” Brittany said with a smile.

“That Connor guy…” Kane said. “You like him?”

Brittany looked up at Kane. She thought for a moment. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kane said.

“I like him—yeah. He seemed charming, confident—handsome.”

Kane looked into Brittany’s eyes as she spoke.

“But classic Brittany—it turns out he’s just another insensitive asshole—Completely oblivious to the real world around him.”

“What do you mean?”

“That Hanna girl. I mean—Sure, maybe I was oblivious to think I had a chance. But he used me.” Brittany laughed awkwardly. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

Kane smiled at Brittany. “Well if you ask me, you deserve better than Connor. There’s something loose in that kid’s brain.”

Brittany smiled at Kane. “Thanks,” she said.

“You knew Hanna before this class, right?”

“Yeah—we went to the same school.”

“What do you know about her?” Kane asked.

Brittany’s expression dropped. “Don’t bother—She’s a psychopath.”

Kane laughed. “No, no—That’s not what I meant. I’m not interested in Hanna.”

“Oh,” Brittany said as joy slowly returned to her face.

“She’s definitely not my type,” Kane said.

Brittany looked down at her paper and continued to write. “What is your type?” she asked casually.

Kane smiled while he thought about it. The silence brought Brittany’s attention back up to Kane. She looked at him for a moment, waiting for his answer.

“Someone who isn’t afraid,” Kane said.

“What do you mean?”

“Someone who isn’t afraid of who they are,” Kane said. “Someone who knows who they are, and embraces it. Someone open, who doesn’t hide.”

“What about you?” Brittany asked.

“Me?”

“Do you know who you are? Are you open?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you embrace it?”

“Yeah.”

“So tell me—who are you?”

Kane thought for a moment—Brittany rhetoric made a strong point. Kane was guilty of hiding parts of himself, just like anyone else.

“I guess I’m just a guy who wants to help people,” Kane generalized.

The lights in the library began to flicker. For a moment, the power went out.

“That’s getting old fast,” Brittany said as she looked up at the waning lights.

The power came back on again.

“Can I borrow a piece of paper?” Kane asked.

“Three thousand dollars and you can’t afford your own piece of paper?” Brittany asked as she ripped a sheet out from her binder.

Kane laughed. “It just seems counterintuitive to exchange paper for paper,” Kane joked.

“In that case, why not just write the assignment out on twenty dollar bills? I’m sure Mr. Fenner would appreciate it.”

Kane smiled. “Maybe that’s the trick to getting him to loosen up a bit.”

“Let’s take a picture.”

“What?”

“A picture. Let’s take a picture,” Brittany said, pulling out her camera phone. She stood up and walked around the table. She crouched down to one knee and held the camera out with her arm.

“Why?” Kane asked.

“Because I like pictures—c’mon.”

Kane looked towards the lens of the camera.

“Smile,” Brittany said.

Kane smiled, and Brittany snapped the photo. She turned the phone around to inspect the photo. Kane was blinking awkwardly. Brittany laughed. “Cute,” she said.

“That’s a terrible photo,” Kane said. “Let’s take another.”

“No—that’s against the rules.”

“The rules?”

“You can’t retake a photo—then it would be a fake memory. You would make adjustments based off of this picture and suddenly it wouldn’t be genuine. This is the photo—this is the memory.” Brittany admired the awkward picture.

Kane looked at Brittany with a curious smile.

Then, she noticed a familiar face walking towards the library’s front door.

“Andrew?” Brittany called out.

Andrew turned and looked at Brittany. “Oh—Hey,” he said, pretending he didn’t know that she was there.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was just—looking for a book. Couldn’t find it... I’ll see you guys at school,” Andrew said. There was a stagnant disappointment in his voice.

“You can come sit with us until class,” Brittany said.

“Oh no—That’s okay. Thanks though,” Andrew said, forcing a smile.

Awkwardly, he left the library, and continued to wander the streets alone.