Full Measure [Mastering Holly Oaks] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (19 page)

“Show me how much you love me,
now
!”

With his consent, Jay pressed his thumb to her clit and shouted out his release. Kat felt the waves of her own orgasm crash through her. It was pounding in her head and tearing through her body. She was shaking uncontrollably. Mac pumped three more times and slammed into Jay, grunting with the effort of his own climax. They both fell onto Kat. It didn’t matter, she couldn’t breathe anyway.

“Jesus H. Christ,” Jay whispered. “I don’t know about dinner tonight, Master. I might need IV fluids instead. Mac chuckled and peeled away from their slick bodies. “No, slave. You need food. In the shower, now.” Kat was actually glad they there wouldn’t be shower sex. They’d need all their strength just to hold her up.

Kat was still in the bathroom putting on the finishing touches to her makeup when Jay came in with a beautiful, deep-red silk sarong. “Let me wrap you, baby. You’re going to look incredible in this.” He was smiling at her with such tenderness. She simply lifted her arms and let him drape the silk around her waist.

“Please tell me I’m wearing more than this to the club. I know Mac wants me to get comfortable so I can scene in public sometimes, but I don’t know how I feel about my friggin’ tits bobbing around while we’re eating.”

Snorting out a laugh, Jay looked at her with mischief in his eyes. “You’ll be wearing more, honey. Just not much.”

“Great.”

Jay finished securing the sarong and went to retrieve a pair of earrings. As he started to suckle her breast, she realized that those weren’t earrings. Once her nipple was hard, he placed a gold ring with tiny emeralds on it around the tip of her areola. As Jay squeezed to secure it, she realized that the nipple ring would likely keep her erect all night without hurting her or cutting off her circulation. When she looked down, she saw the jewels cascaded under her nipple in a waterfall of beauty. It was actually a stunning sight. “Oh.” She gasped in surprise.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it? We really need to get these pierced.” He began on her other nipple as she smiled at him. He was such a breast man.

When he finished with the jewelry, he picked up a length of shimmery white gauze fabric. He slid it around the back of her neck and crossed it in front. He pulled the sides over her breasts and around her back, where he tied it off. She stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like the prized consort in a harem. She could see her nipples and the jewelry through the sheer fabric. Coupled with the amount of glowing skin and the silk of her sarong, she felt exotic and sensual.

“You look like a goddess, kitten,” Jay said as he smoothed his hands down her arms.

“I feel like one,” she replied in amazement.

Mac came into the bedroom with a wrap for her to wear and stopped short. “Jesus. I’m rethinking this, Jay. I might have to kill people when they see her.” His face broke out in a smile.

“No, Master. Let them look. Let them see how beautiful our pet is.”

* * * *

No one was allowed to hug her at the club, Mac insisted on enforcing a no-touching rule, but everyone gushed over their news about the engagement and the collaring. Kat was the most adorable shade of red. Mac might have to punch out Ryan if he didn’t stop eyeing her tits. Friends or no, those babies were off-limits. When Ryan realized he’d been caught staring, he gave him a look and said, “Well, honestly, Mac. They’re a bit mesmerizing, okay? I’ll stop, but you should seriously consider putting that wrap back on.” Yeah, he was definitely going to do that.

He had no problem with nudity in the club during a scene. It actually excited him to know people were watching him work over Jay. Perhaps it was Kat’s innocence and vulnerability that brought out the beast in him. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be exposing her in the same way he could with Jay. Jay enjoyed scening in the club, especially when he needed it for emotional release. The difference in environment helped him let go of the demons that built up within him. Kat didn’t need that. She was comfortable in their home, and he would keep most of her scenes there.

Just as he reached to the back of his chair to retrieve her wrap, Jay’s cell went off. His whole face shut down. Gone was the man full of happiness from a second ago. They only allowed cell phones for those members who needed to be available, like doctors. Unfortunately, Jay was included in that group. Lawyers needed to know when information became available. He looked to Mac for permission to take the call. He would never answer the phone or leave the table at the club without permission. Mac was sorely tempted to refuse. This night was too special for such an interruption, but he knew Jay would worry all night if he didn’t answer. Once Jay had permission, he left the table.

“What’s going on? And why are you wrapping me up like a mummy? Let me do that, it isn’t a towel, for God’s sake.” Kitten was slapping at his hands in dismay.

“I think the office is calling Jay. I’m sorry, baby, we may need to leave.” Mac was getting worried about Jay. He hadn’t asked for a session, but he needed it. He wasn’t sleeping well. Mac could see the stress building. He knew he would have to intervene if Jay didn’t approach him.

“I don’t mind. I’m exhausted.” Kitten was sitting in his lap and resting against his chest. When Jay finally came back to the table, he simply pulled out his chair and kneeled at Mac’s feet. Yes, things were getting bad. As Jay closed his eyes and lowered his head to start his deep-breathing exercises, kitten looked to him with worry in her eyes. There was nothing he could do tonight but show Jay they supported him. He placed a kiss to kitten’s nose and his hand on Jay’s head.

* * * *

Kat was struggling to stay in Mac’s lap. She desperately wanted to fall to the floor and wrap Jay in comfort, but she knew he needed to be left alone right now. She had gone into the office one day to use the Internet and saw the autopsy photos on Jay’s desk. They made her sick to her stomach. She couldn’t imagine how anyone could do that to another human being. Jay was immersed in that horror. She knew it weighed heavily on him and was taking its toll. She had never seen him kneel at the table. She prayed Mac could help him, because she didn’t know how.

After about an hour of subdued conversation and worried glances, Jay finally stood up. “I’d like to go home now, Master, if that’s okay.” God, he didn’t even sound like himself.

Mac put Kat on her feet and rose as well. “Of course, slave, it’s been a long day, and I think it’s time you and I had a conversation.” Mac’s voice turned from loving to severe. He was going to force the issue. Thank God. This was what Jay needed from him more than anything. She could see it in the relief on Jay’s face as he dropped his head. “Yes, Master. We do.”

* * * *

As soon as they got through the door at home, Mac told Jay to strip and wait for him in the library. He put his arm around Kat and started to lead her toward the stairs. She looked dead on her feet.

“Don’t look so worried, kitten. Jay will be okay,” he soothed.

“Mac, I’m part of this, I should be there for him. I need for him to be able to open up to me.”

Mac stopped and looked at her. He was worried that Jay may tone down the situation to ease kitten’s concerns, but she was right. They were a unit and needed to face all their problems as such. “You’re right. Jay’s going to have to learn not to shelter you. Okay, let’s go air this out.”

Jay had already started the fire in the library and was kneeling in front of Mac’s chair when they entered the room. “On the couch with kitten, slave.” Mac could see the slight flash of panic in Jay’s eyes, but he complied without pause. Kitten wrapped him in her embrace when he took his place next to her. Yes, perhaps kitten could help Mac take some of this pain for Jay. He had to be stern with him, but kitten could be his comfort.

“Slave, you have been holding in your pain for too long now. I know you grieve for that poor woman. I know you feel the weight of this prosecution, but I cannot allow it to destroy you. You need a release, to vent out all the stress.” Mac softened his tone and came to kneel in front of them.

“Jay, why have you not come to me? Baby, you’re not sleeping or eating well. You know it isn’t healthy. You can’t help her if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Jay looked so broken. “I didn’t want to scare kitten. I was afraid she would think it was too extreme,” he admitted with resignation.

Kitten looked confused. “Just tell me what’s going on. Jay, I love you. I see the pain you’re in. I don’t know how to help, but I know Mac does. I’ll understand,” she reassured him.

Jay took a deep breath and relaxed back into kitten. He took Mac’s hand and turned to look at her. “I have a problem allowing myself to process negative emotion. When I was growing up, I had an amazing family, but they were very calm and logical. I was the youngest child, and my parents were older. They didn’t use corporal punishment or anything. If you misbehaved, you were sent to time-out to ‘contemplate’ your action. If you cried over anything, you were sent to time-out so you could analyze your need to cry. They taught us that tears and tantrums never solved anything, so we weren’t allowed to behave that way.

“For my brothers and sister, that apparently worked just fine. They were older when my parents adopted this method of parenting. But a toddler can’t logically work their way through their anger and frustration, especially sadness. I was denied the only tool I had at the time to express those emotions.

“When Mac first realized that I had trouble responding to the stress of my job, he had me see a psychologist. She helped me understand that at a very young age, I learned to internalize those feelings and form a mental block that prevented me from expressing them. I learned not to cry or act out, because that’s what I thought my parents wanted. I never learned how to process the emotions.

“When I was about twelve, my grandmother died. I had no way to cope with the sadness, the feeling of loss and helplessness. I took off on my bike after the funeral and got into a really bad accident. The pain wasn’t extreme, but it forced me to cry. By the time my parents found me, I had been crying for an hour. When I calmed down, I felt better than I had in a long time. Like I could breathe again. The psychologist said that it’s actually fairly common. I couldn’t cry over her death because my mind wouldn’t allow me to vent my pain, but the physical pain forced a break in that barrier so I could finally get it all out.

“She said that there are people who cut themselves to feel pain because emotionally, they don’t know how to. Some people misdirect aggression because they can’t focus on the proper source. There are all kinds of coping mechanisms out there. I coped by internalizing. But as Mac noticed, the stress of that takes a toll on my mental and physical health.

“I use the breathing exercises to help me release the stress, but sometimes it isn’t enough. I need the physical pain to break loose all emotional turmoil. I wish I could have been more successful with the techniques that the psychologist suggested. He won’t admit it, but I know how hard it is for Mac to have to take me to that extreme. I know he suffers right along with me. But a session with him has been the only way for me to find release. And I can trust Mac to know how far to push. To get me where I need to go in a safe way. It may seem like he’s hurting me, but you’ve seen my body. I have no scars. Mac never even breaks the skin. And the way I feel afterward is indescribable. I can breathe again. I can focus again.”

Mac watched as kitten processed all of Jay’s words. He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when she cupped Jay’s face with tenderness. “Jay, I love you. I trust Mac to know what you need. We handle things differently than what we’re taught is socially acceptable. I don’t care. To me, this is actually healthier than using medication to dull your emotions. There are a million negative coping mechanisms you could have chosen. Instead, you let a man who loves you take care of you and protect you at the same time. Let him help you. Let me comfort you. We are always going to be here to pull you out of your pain if you let us, Jay.”

The tension lines around Jay’s eyes eased a bit. “Thank you for understanding, kitten. You constantly amaze me, baby.” Jay gripped Mac’s hand more firmly. “Master, I need a session,” he admitted.

“Tomorrow, slave. Thank you for having the courage to ask for help. I’ll always provide what you need.” Mac rose up to kiss Jay and hug him tight.

The next morning Kat headed to work, being careful not to press her friggin’ thighs together. She finally figured out that Mac had used a cane to mark her. There was a nice-size welt on her inner thigh. It’d be gone in a few days, but she’d definitely feel his touch till then.
Mission accomplished, Master.
She kind of wished it was more painful. It might take her mind off the session for Jay later. Her heart ached for him. She really hoped Mac could help him tonight. He needed a clear head for his work as badly as his heart needed to unload some of its burden.

Her stomach dropped when she pulled into her space and Ryan was standing there waiting for her. God, what now? She slowly got out of her car. He looked really upset. She was starting to get close to Ryan. She didn’t like to see him uneasy, and she was getting the distinct feeling it had to do with her. If Suzy tried another of her scare tactics and pissed off her bosses, she was going to take Kelly’s offer to teach her how to use a cat-o’-nine.

“What’s up, Ry?” she inquired tentatively.

“You need to come into the office. We received a package today that you need to see. James is on the phone with Mac right now to get him over here.” Shit. That didn’t sound good. Ryan turned toward the clinic, and Kat dragged her feet behind him.

When she got into the office, a red-faced James was sitting at his desk holding a folder. He was pissed. He didn’t even say anything, just handed the folder over to her.