Full Measure [Mastering Holly Oaks] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (8 page)

“Oh, baby. We’re going to make you so happy. Thank you for being so brave, pet.” Jay gave her a gentle squeeze and graced her neck with a reverent kiss before pulling her away. “Sit with Master, pet. We’re just going to talk for a while. We have all the time in the world, honey. Just relax for us.”

She felt so relieved now that she had given them her answer. They would take care of the rest. They would tell her what they needed from her. It was easy to relax when she didn’t have to worry about being a disappointment. Mac opened his arms, and she cuddled into his lap. Jay took her hand, and they all settled in for a drink with James, Ry, and Kelly. Everyone was smiling at them. It was a weight off her shoulders to realize that these people, who meant so much to Mac and Jay, seemed genuinely happy for them.

“Do you have any questions yet, pet?” Mac murmured.

“Well, okay. I guess I have some. Why are some people kneeling for their Doms but we aren’t? Do you guys not do the kneeling thing? And how am I supposed to behave toward other Doms here?”

“Good questions. First we’ll go over club etiquette. It’s fairly standard to lower your eyes for other Doms. Some people think it’s disrespectful and a challenge of sorts to look a Dom in the eye. We don’t feel that way in regard to our subs, but while you’re here at the club, you should show deference to any unknown Dom. With time you’ll learn what’s acceptable with others we may socialize with. While we’re not in a scene, we all generally prefer our subs take part in our evening.

“You have to remember that most of these people aren’t involved in the lifestyle outside this club. Many don’t have permanent subs, or they restrict their play to the club. It’s common to delineate specific times or locations for play. That eliminates confusion for everyone. They know the rules are in place here and not at home, for instance. Since they don’t get to play often, they tend to use stricter protocols.”

He had Kat’s full attention. It was nice sitting in his lap and sipping on her wine, listening to him tell her about this world.

“As far as kneeling goes, generally Jay only kneels during a scene. Sometimes he will kneel to greet me at the end of the day or if there’s something important he wants to tell me. I know that if he’s kneeling, and we aren’t scening, that he needs me. It’s his way of telling me that for whatever reason, he needs his Master more than his partner. I will never let him down when he needs my strength. Whether you’re kneeling at my feet or hissing and spitting, kitten, I will never let you down, either.” She could handle this. He seemed so earnest. He really wanted her to know that she could rely on him to be what she needed when she needed it. Even if he couldn’t solve all her problems, she wouldn’t have to carry the burden of them alone anymore.

“Sometimes Jay will kneel at the table, but it’s for his benefit that he does this, and it’s very rare. I want you to do what’s comfortable for you when we’re not in a scene. I will never leave you to wonder if I expect your submission. If you need something from me, like Jay occasionally does, and we aren’t actively scening, you find a way that’s comfortable for you to let me know. Understand?”

“Well, not entirely. Jay, why do you sometimes kneel at the table? What did Mac mean when he said it was for you?” That part was definitely confusing for her.

Jay contemplated his answer for a minute. They weren’t just paying lip service. This was really serious for them. It gave them something emotionally, and she wanted to know what. She felt honored that they wanted to help her really understand.

“Well, sometimes when I’m stressed out or I feel emotionally overwhelmed, I find that submitting to Mac eases me in a way nothing ever has. For instance, I don’t often take cases for Mac’s company, only when they need a consult. That work isn’t really gratifying for me. I’ve found that working with the prosecutor’s office in Denver makes me feel like I’m contributing to the community.

“I don’t want a full-time job, but I do want to help. I take a second counsel role for two or three cases a year. The negative for me to that is how emotionally taxing the work can be. These cases often involve very violent crimes. Sometimes I get too attached to the victims or their families. It’s why I can’t do it full-time. When you’re around the worst of humanity and can’t separate, you can lose yourself. Worse, you can make mistakes.

“When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I like just kneeling for Master. Everyone knows that this is my time to disconnect from myself in a way. It’s almost like meditation. I regulate my breathing, and my only focus is my connection to Master. I actually achieve subspace in that way. I trust Master to ensure that no one will approach me, that he will, in a way, take my burdens for a few hours. I’m free. Free to just breathe, just be in the moment.

“I don’t have to think about the parents of a little girl who was murdered. I don’t have to worry that I missed something and a criminal will walk. I don’t see the pictures of the crime scene in my head. It’s like I’m finally able to feel peace. Even if Master doesn’t say a word, I feel his touch and know that I’ll be okay because the love of this man will hold me safe. It’s an inadequate way to describe it, I guess, but it’s the most freeing experience.” Jay looked sheepish, and his voice was starting to crack.

“No, Jay. I think that was the most wonderful explanation for anything I’ve ever heard. You have a beautiful soul.” Kat could feel a stream of tears roll down her face for this amazing man. He had so much emotion for one so strong. She realized that this wasn’t going to be a game for her in any way. She was falling in love with these men.

Jay released her hand to cup her face. He tilted his head until his forehead rested on hers. “Thank you, sugar.” He rubbed his nose to hers. Though it was such a simple show of affection, it was more powerful than she could have dreamed. Then he pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. This was not about sex, this was about love.

It took Kat a moment to gather herself. She realized that because of the very nature of a D/s relationship, trust, honesty, truly connecting to your partner, she was learning more about these two men than she had learned about Mark after years of commitment. This wasn’t about handcuffs and spankings. They may be a tool, but the real foundation to all of this was truly meeting another’s needs. Understanding them. It was beautiful.

“I think I’m starting to understand the psychology here, and I know it will take time to find my place, but I have one more question. Just a curiosity, really.”

Mac nuzzled the top of her head and quietly chuckled. “Pet, you can ask anything you want.”

“Subspace. I’ve researched a little about it. I thought a sub reached subspace when their brain released endorphins in reaction to pain? But Jay said he can get there just from kneeling and breathing. That doesn’t make sense. And will I ever get there if I don’t like pain?” She really wanted to know what that felt like, but she
really
didn’t like pain. Can we say conundrum?

“Ah, pet, I love how inquisitive you are,” Mac said with a smile. “Your research was partly right. Subspace is like a natural high. When the brain is flooded with endorphins, you feel floaty, a bit out of yourself, not much unlike some chemical highs. Often, a sub will get there during a scene through pain. The brain does release endorphins in response to painful stimuli. There are some people who achieve this in other ways, though. People who practice yoga, meditation, or deep breathing sometimes find they experience what we call subspace. Jay can get there either way. I’ve even seen subs go under from bondage alone. I’m not saying everyone can experience it, but I’ll do my damnedest to get you to fly, pet.”

Well, okay then. Enough said.

For the next two hours they talked at the table. Sometimes the conversation was serious, often just flirtatious and fun. Kat remained in Mac’s lap, and Jay sat close, always touching her in some way. Her breathing accelerated when Jay slipped his hand from her knee up the inside of her thigh. Jesus. The heat she felt from him was amazing. She stared in his eyes as he started to alternate between gentle squeezes on her thigh and long strokes up and down. He practically had his hand up her dress, and she could care less. In fact, she spread her legs under the tablecloth a bit wider, because if he didn’t touch her soon, she might die.

Mac had one arm around her stomach, his hand resting on her hip. His thumb was painting circles over the silk of her dress. The other hand came up to ghost over her collarbone. When he started to slide down the center of her cleavage, he pressed a kiss to the pulse point at her neck. Holy God. She no longer noticed anyone else in the room. She was breathing heavy and her breasts started to swell. When Mac sucked on her neck, she felt him move his hand over to cup her breast. Her nipples were so hard they were aching. She jumped a little when his thumb started to circle her areola. She couldn’t help the little moan that escaped. Everything felt tight. She could actually feel the muscles in her pussy clench in search of something to squeeze. Her cream had long since soaked her panties.

“I want to take you to a private room, pet. This is the only time I’ll ask permission.” Mac’s voice was low and husky. His pupils were dilated, and his eyes had turned the deepest blue.

“Please, Sir.” She didn’t even know what she was asking for. She needed something but couldn’t find the words. She had never felt like this. Not even when she tried to play with herself. Her body had never reacted this way.

“Slave, let’s enjoy our pet.”

Mac didn’t even help her to stand. He just scooped her up and carried her across the room. No one had picked her up since she was a kid. She felt a moment’s panic, thinking he might break his back or drop her. She relaxed into him as soon as she realized that he wasn’t having any difficulty with her weight. He was so big he made her feel delicate. She definitely liked that feeling.

Jay opened the door to a room painted a lovely shade of lavender. There was a massage table in the center and a huge rocking chair in the corner. Both were covered in supple black leather. She heard music, a subtle jazz, but not the sounds of the main room outside.

“This is one of the few private rooms on this floor , pet. It’s completely soundproofed, and we won’t be disturbed. I want you to remove your panties and sit on the table for me. Let us take care of you.

“You’ve awed me with your trust. I’m so proud of you. Your questions in the last two days have shown me that you truly want to give our relationship the serious effort we’d hoped for. I always reward my subs when they please me, pet. You have definitely pleased me.”

Oh, thank God! She really wanted that fucking reward. If they wanted to take care of her first, she was not about to stop them. She needed to see what they could make her feel. Kat practically ripped her panties off and hopped on the table.
Eager, much?

Mac approached her and ran his hands up her arms to the straps of her halter top. “I want to see these lovely breasts. I’ve been imagining them all damn night.” He looked her in the eye as he started to untie the silk. She instinctively raised her hands to stop the dress from falling down. Some of her excitement began to wane.

“Stop. This is my body, pet. You will not hide what is mine. We’ll work on that, but for tonight Jay and I are going to help you. Stay still. I want to play with this beautiful body. You take what I give you.”

“Okay.” She squeaked. “I mean, okay, Sir.” She was losing it a little. This always fucking happened. She got so nervous during sex that the minute it started, she just wanted to hurry up and get it done. She felt a little resigned now. That amazing feeling was rapidly slipping away, and she was mentally preparing herself to endure like always.

Mac huffed out a laugh. “Yes, pet, you’ll just have to hang on I suppose,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll try to make this painless. But I will do what I want and, unless you safeword, you have no say.”

“Slave, I liked it better when our pet was flushed with arousal instead of anxiety. Why don’t you get to work on getting us back there.”

“With pleasure, Master.”

“Lay back, pet. Give me your hands.” He was all authority now. He was using his Dom voice. She lay back against the cool leather and reached out her hands to him. He took both in one hand and brought them up over her head. Mac applied just enough pressure to make her feel helpless but not hurt her wrists. The leather was warming against her back, and he was staring at her while Jay moved to the other side and slid her top down to her waist.

They both sucked in air as soon as her breasts were revealed.

“Jesus, that’s a gorgeous sight.” Mac breathed.

“Master?” Jay was actually whining a little.

“Yes, slave, worship those breasts. Show pet how much you want her.”

Oh
. Their reaction to her body was so incredible. Had anyone ever complimented her breasts before? Nope. She liked that they seemed so pleased. She liked it a lot.

Mac was watching as Jay started at the top of her neck and slowly caressed his way down. It was like he was learning her, really imprinting her feel. He kept his hands to the outside of her breasts and continued down her ribs to her waist. He stopped there and leaned over her. She heard him breathe “kitten” right before she felt his hot mouth under her ear. Fuck, since when was that a hot spot? She never knew. His mouth followed the trail of his hands in openmouthed kisses, and she broke out in goose bumps. Her nipples perked right back up, and that ache she thought was gone for the night was back with a vengeance.

“There we go, pet,” Mac rumbled with approval.

Jay started to work his way back up her stomach to her breasts. She was writhing in anticipation. She felt Mac increase the pressure on her wrists, reminding her to stay still, and that just ramped her up more. She rubbed her legs together as Jay started to nuzzle the underside of her left breast.

“No, pet. Spread those pretty thighs now, or I will tie them down. You don’t seek your own pleasure. It’s mine to give.”

Sweet baby Jesus.