GABRIEL (Killer Book 2) (19 page)

“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

-John Webster

“Taylor, what is going on?” I laugh as she pushes me throughout the unknown location. My hands are out in front of me as I blindly trip over my own feet.

She giggles. “You’ll see, boss.”

I roll my eyes beneath the blindfold. “I hate surprises.”

“Shhh. We’re almost there.”

She gently grasps my shoulders and we stop. I smell food and hear whispers around me. I feel a gentle tug at the back of my head as Taylor unties the blindfold.

“Surprise!”

The multiple voices reverberate around the backyard. A wide smile sweeps over my face when I see my friends surrounding me.

White, twinkling lights are draped over the trees, and they reflect against the pool which has floating candles throughout it. Everyone is dressed to the nines as they approach me. Kisses sprinkle my cheeks and arms wrap around me, embracing me.

I do normally hate surprises, but this is just such a sweet gesture.

Once everyone greets me, they begin going off and mingling with each other. As they begin to fade into the outskirts of the party, I see my best friend with her hands held up as she spins. It’s her way of saying, “look what I did!”

I smile as I open my arms and walk into her embrace.

Gripping my shoulders, she pulls away and smiles at me. “Happy birthday.”
I rest a hand on her cheek. “Well played. I knew Taylor was about to explode. It’s so hard for her to keep a secret. Her bottled up excitement alone was making me antsy.”

“Well, I’m glad that she managed to keep her mouth shut.” Misty responds. “Come. Let’s drink and celebrate another year to thirty.”
I laugh. “Sheesh, don’t remind me!”

As the night goes on, everyone mellows out from the steady flow of alcohol and the occasional joint.

I watch as they sway and dance beneath the twinkling of the lights as the sexy melody of “West Coast” by Lana Del Rey streams through the mounted speakers. My blood feels warm as it courses through my veins. It feels good to see all of my friends. This life… I thought that I’d have to say goodbye forever when I was taken.

The thought is bittersweet. While I would have liked remaining oblivious to the terrible truth that my father disclosed, I still needed to know.

“That’s the guy.” Misty slurs as the points her index finger clumsily.

I laugh. “What guy?”
“Girly eyes.” She responds before taking a swig of her red wine.
Rolling my eyes, I look towards him. “He’s kind of got that Josh Hartnett thing going for him.”

She scoffs, “Are we talking Pearl Harbor Josh Hartnett, or Wicker Park Josh Hartnett.”

“No idea.” I giggle.

She holds her hand up. “Hey, I’m okay with any Josh Hartnett.”

Laughing, I point towards him. “Well, there’s your shot.”

“Yeah,” She responds, “I’m a free woman now after dumping that ass, Tod.”
I roll my eyes. “Didn’t he dump you… over text?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going to go talk to Mr. Hartnett. You good?”

I nod and smile as I watch her kick her heels off and sashay her way towards him.

Pulling the throw blanket tighter around me, I look down at my beer. It feels so good to have my friends together, though I still feel like the outsider as I sit on this bench on the edge of all the fun.

“Nice party.”

I smile as I continue to look down at my drink, preparing myself to let this man down easily.

“Look, I’m not-”

My breath hitches when I look up and see the green of his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper.

A smile tugs at his lips as he points across the pool. “I was invited.”

I look and see Misty smiling at me as she holds onto Girlie eye’s red tie.

Sighing, I look down at my lap. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why?”

My eyes snap to his, “You know why.”
He runs his hand over his cleanly shaven face, “I need to talk to you.”
I push the throw blanket from my shoulders as I stand. “There isn’t anything to talk about. Please, just let me recover. Just let me try and have a normal life.”

I turn and begin walking away when he grasps my arm. I refuse to look at him. I can’t.

“Dani, please. I really need to talk to you.”

Yanking my arm away, I whip around to face him. “Have you gone to see him?”

He frowns as he looks into my eyes.

I laugh as I shake my head, “I’ll never understand you, Gabriel. Why… why can’t you leave me alone? You took me from my life. You made me feel something, and then my fucking entire world crashed down around my head. I lost everything that I thought that I gained. For what?”

“Listen.” He growls as he grips my shoulders.

Shaking my head, I narrow my eyes at him. “No. You listen. I want to forget you. Alright? Leave. Me. Alone.”

I pull away from him and make my way up the stairs to the French doors when his words stop me in my tracks.
“It’s not true, Dani. I’m not… I’m not…”
I turn and descend the stairs slowly as I stare into his eyes. “What isn’t?”

His eyes never leave mine as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper.

“What is this?” I whisper, slowly unfolding it.

“The truth.” He rasps.

My eyes grow wide as I look over the paper before my gaze snaps back to his. “Is this a joke?”

He shakes his head. “No. Gabe Thibault… Antonio LeBlanc… whatever you want to call him, he isn’t your father. Dani, I’m not your brother.”

My heart is galloping in my chest as I look back over the words once more. “How?”

“I can only assume that your mother became pregnant with somebody else. He must have thought that you were his.”

The invisible walls begin to close around me as a hushed laugh escapes my lips and the tears rise to my eyes.

Life, you really had it out for me. I somehow got catapulted into a shitty existence… for what? At least when I believed that he was my father, it would have made more sense. It would have made sense that he was just some shitty, pathetic fucking man with not a paternal bone in his body. But now… now I have the knowledge that my actual
father
who could have been a real fucking father was out there all along. He probably didn’t even know that I existed.

A mother dead, a father missing and my rapist who raised me in prison. What are the chances?

And this man who stands before me, he is the same man that took me from my home – who I thought to have become my lover, who then became my brother – now, what is he to me? I had to shut him out of my mind, I had to cast him out of my heart.

For nothing.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I lock eyes with him and slowly tear the paper right down the center.

“Leave me alone. I never want to talk to you again.” I turn from his hurt eyes and make my way up the stairs.

I weep for hours, I eat ice-cream, I feel sorry for myself, I cry into one of my many glasses of wine.

I allow myself this. I allow it because I’ve never allowed myself to break and then piece myself back together. And that’s exactly what I need.

Because I’m damaged, and until I reconstruct my mind, I will never be okay again.

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.”

-Hippocrates

TWO WEEKS LATER

“How are you doing, Gabriel?” Dr. Gnosh asks as her kind eyes peer over her glasses. She no longer holds the pen and paper in her hands. Now, she’s just more like an old friend who I confide in.

I sigh as I lean back in my chair. “I think I’m okay.”

She smiles, causing the creases of her eyes to wrinkle. “Okay is good. There isn’t anything wrong with just okay.”
“I don’t know. Now that I know the truth, it seems that I’ve got to rediscover who I am. I’m having a hard time figuring that out.”

She nods. “How do you feel knowing where your father is and knowing that you’re the one who put him there?”

Shaking my head, I watch as the wind chime sways in the soft breeze. “I guess I really don’t know.” I pause. “I feel abandoned, in a sense. Not only did I lose the man that raised me. I lost my sister. I watched as he cooked her in a pan like she was nothing more than cattle. And my mother… I’m afraid that she’ll never be the same.”

“And what about Dani?” Dr. Gnosh says softly.

Sighing, I slump back into the chair. “She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“Do you think that it’s healthy to want to be with her?” She asks.

“No. I suppose not.” I respond quietly.

“You and Dani have both lived lives that most people cannot comprehend. In response, you’ve both internalized that you’re worthless and unlovable.” She pauses as she tilts her head, “You’ve both got to grow from all of this, together or not, you’ve both got to come to grips with reality. You both have lived a lie - no fault of your own.”
She leans forward. “She’ll come around. In the meantime, work on you. Decide who you want to be. How you want to be remembered when you’re long gone.”

“Thanks.” I say as my lips curl into a smile.

My knuckles feel raw as they pound into the punching bag.

I’ve been spending even more time in my gym to help even out my emotions. Rather than beating my back bloody, I beat the bag instead. It helps chase away the demons that I’ve been force-fed over the years.

I stop abruptly when I hear my phone.

“This is Gabriel.”

“Yes, Mr. Smith, I’m sorry to be calling past five, but your mother is absolutely inconsolable. She wants to see you.”

I walk down the same hall where I walked not too long ago when I was trying to understand my mind.

Approaching the desk, I smile. “I’m here to see my mother, Amelia Smith.”

The nurse smiles as she retrieves her clipboard. “Yes, I spoke with you earlier. Come right this way.”
I walk quickly to keep up with the nurse as we pass several meandering patients. Finally, we stop and I peer inside the padded room.

My mother’s hair is a matted mess as she paces back and forth, clawing at the leather walls.

I shake my head, and look into the nurse’s sad eyes.

“She is suffering greatly. She’s been diagnosed with severe PTSD. She has flashbacks twenty to thirty times a day, and they throw her into violent fits of rage.” The nurse says softly.

“She was asking for me?” I whisper, and the nurse nods.

“She has asked for you daily, Mr. Smith. I got clearance from Dr. Branson to call you. He thought it’d be a good idea.”

I nod as she unlocks the door and opens it slightly.

“Mom.” I whisper as I stand in the doorway.

A sob escapes her as her eyes lock onto mine. “My son.” She wails as she flings herself into my arms.

“I know.” I say, kissing the top of her head.

Then, her hands wrap around my throat as she begins thrashing around. I wince as her fingernails sink into the tissue of my neck, and I manage to push her away as nurses and guards shuffle into the small space to restrain her.

I stumble backwards as they shove a needle into her neck before injecting its contents.

“You’re not my son! You’re evil! The devil!” She shrieks and she writhes around on the floor as they hold her down.

I’m startled when I see Dr. Branson appear beside me. “Give her time.” He says softly as he rests a hand on my shoulder.

“Will she get better?” I ask.

He shakes his head slowly. “She’s sick, Gabriel. Her mind has been turned inside out. I will try. It may take extensive therapy, but I will try and get your mother back.”

I stand with my hands in my pockets as I look out into the blue sky. The clouds are scattered across the sky, and the sun is beginning to descend in the horizon, casting a purple hue.

“Hey.” I hear, and my heart begins racing in my chest.

I would recognize her voice anywhere. It’s branded forever in my mind, and when I turn to face her, she’s even more beautiful than I remember.

“Hey.” I murmur as I slowly approach her.

Her hair moves in the light breeze. She’s wearing a red sundress with white flowers, making her milky skin even more perfectly pristine.

Sky blue is all that I can see as I get closer. Her lips curl into a smile, they are so close to mine as I stand before her.

“Don’t tell me you were planning on jumping.” She says, tilting her head.

I shake my head slowly. “Never.”

“Good.” She responds. “Because I’m afraid that I’d have to jump with you, and I’m not ready to go so soon.”

I reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before running my thumb over her cheek. “Why do I always have such a hard time believing that you’re real?”
She shrugs, “What is real, anyway? You, me… we could be figments of the imagination.”

Titling my head, I place my hands on each of her cheeks. “So tell me, is this real?”

Tears rise to her eyes as she places her hands over my. “This is as real as it gets. You and me, we’re the real deal.”

“Can I kiss you?” I whisper, and she smiles.

“I don’t know. Can you?”

I pull her close as I wrap my fingers in her hair. My mouth covers hers, and I drown in the taste of her sweet lips. Once again I have my arms around the woman that made me feel for the first time.

Pulling away, I press my forehead against hers. “I fucking love you, Dani. I can’t live a day without you, never again. Never again will you leave my side.”

Her eyes find mine as she wraps her arms around my neck. “Never again, Mr. Smith.”