Disguise yourself and bribe one of the hotel staff, any amount required, to get you into the room. Engage the room next to his, or above or below it, and go from window to window. A man in your plight should be able to scale a perpendicular wall of marble by force of will. Any normal will can overcome a mere difficulty; one made desperate by impending disaster should -“
The house phone buzzed. I took it and said, “Archie,” and Saul’s voice came:
‘All set.”
“Right. I’ll buzz you.” I hung up and gave Wolfe a nod, and he nodded back and sat up.
“I’m boring you,” he told Avery. “What you might have done is vinegar. What matters now is what you’re going to do, and to consider that realistically you must hear something.” He turned. “All right, Archie.”
I pushed the button, three short, and swiveled to face Avery. In a moment there was a faint whirring sound from a grill at the wall back of my desk, where the loudspeaker was, then a few little crackles, then other noises, not loud, which could have been from a restaurant where people were moving and eating and talking, and then my voice:
“The spaghetti here is something special. Better have some.”
After a slight pause another voice: ‘I’m not hungry.”
“The wine is special too.”
“I never drink during the day.”
“Neither do I usually, but this is a special occasion. How much did you bring?”
“I came out of curiosity. What kind of a trick is this?”
“Look, you’ll just waste your breath dodging. I saw you go in Kalmus’s house Wednesday and I saw you come out. Yesterday I asked -“
“What time did I go in'What time did I come out?”
As Wolfe had said, a book could be written on the varieties of conduct of men in a pickle. At the sound of the first words, mine, Avery frowned at me. When his own voice came, “I’m not hungry,” he twisted his neck to look around, right and then left. Then he clamped his teeth on his lip and sat frowning at me through my main spiel, and when he said, “That’s all tommyrot, every word of it,” he nodded in approval. But when I asked him did he enter that house at that time Wednesday and he said yes, he yawped, “That’s a lie!’ and bounced up and started for me. I was on my feet by the time he arrived, but he had no idea of slugging or choking, he had no idea at all, he was merely reacting. I sidestepped only because I wanted to hand something to Wolfe - the slip of paper - and he was in the way. Wolfe took it and read it while all that came from the grill was the background restaurant noise when I had been reading it, and he dropped it on his desk just as I dropped it on the table and said, “You could frame it.” Good timing. And Avery stopped reacting and acted. He lunged to get the slip of paper, but I beat him to it. I call your attention to Wolfe. If he had hung onto it he might have had the bother of warding off Avery, so he left it to me. More taking for granted. Avery grabbed my arm and I didn’t jerk loose, thinking the poor goof might as well have the satisfaction of that much personal contact. He was gripping me with both hands, but when I told him, or the speaker did, that Wolfe had him wrapped up and addressed straight to hell, which I admit was a little corny, he let go and stood, his jaw set, looking down at Wolfe. I stepped to the end of my desk and reached around to the switch and turned it off, and when I faced around Saul and Fred and Orrie were there, in a group at the door.
“I thought it best,” Wolfe told Avery, “to leave no loophole.” He motioned at the group. “You saw the man on the left, Mr. Panzer, here last evening. He had the tape recorder in the kitchen. The others, Mr. Durkin and Mr. Cather, were at nearby tables in the restaurant while you and Mr. Goodwin conversed. There’s no room for wriggling, doctor.”
Avery took a couple of uncertain steps toward the group and stopped. Wolfe said,
“Move aside, Saul. Don’t block the door - if he wishes to leave.”
Avery turned. “Five of you,” he said. “Five of you.” He came to the desk. “You said a tape recorder'It’s on a tape?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll give you one hundred thousand dollars for it. In cash. Tomorrow morning.
For the tape and that signed by Goodwin. You can’t prove anything, I know that,
but I don’t… All right. Tomorrow morning.”
Wolfe nodded. “You see'You tried to dicker with doom. Mr. Goodwin would have declined it, but you didn’t know that, and if you had gone ready to meet his terms it would have been ticklish business getting any admission from you for the record. Now I can decline with unconcern. You’re right, I can’t prove anything, but I can earn my fee, and I can demonstrate to my client that I have earned it - by letting Mr. Blount and his wife and daughter listen to that tape.”
“No,” Avery said. “Never.”
“But yes. Of course.”
Avery’s jaw was working. “How much do you want?”
Wolfe shook his head. “My self-esteem is the hitch. Quite possibly you are of more value to the world, to the society I am a member of, than Matthew Blount.
If I held its interest paramount perhaps I should salvage you, but there’s my ego. Like most of my fellow-beings, I like myself too well. I’ll be insufferably smug as I sit and watch the Blount family listen to that tape. You had better go, doctor.”
“I’m not going. How much will you take'How much?”
“Confound it, go.”
“No! No! No!”
Wolfe turned. “Fred. Orrie. Archie and Saul have done a day’s work. You have been merely spectators. Take him out.”
They came, and, as they took his arms, Fred said gruffly, “Come on, what the hell.” I would like to be able to record that he jerked away and marched out,
but I’m reporting. He had to be propelled, and, as they hustled him to the door,
he squawked, and as soon as they were in the hall Saul shut the door. Wolfe growled at me, “Without dignity a man is not a man. Get Mr. Cramer.”
I thought it would have been more dignified to wait until Fred and Orrie returned to say he was out of the house, since he wouldn’t want Cramer until he came down from the plant rooms at six o’clock, so there was no rush, but I obeyed. And had a time of it. Some character at Homicide wasn’t going to relay me at all, even to Sergeant Stebbins, unless I told him everything about everything, and when he finally passed me on it was to Lieutenant Rowcliff. Of course that was a battle, and I won it only because I reminded him of an occasion a couple of years back when he had hung up on me and we had called the District Attorney, and Wolfe had given him something that Cramer would have liked to get first. So at last I got Cramer and gave Wolfe a nod, and he took his phone. I stayed on.
“This is Nero -“
“I know it is. I’m busy. What do you want?”
“You. Here at your earliest convenience. The man who killed Paul Jerin and Daniel Kalmus just left my house, and I -“
“Left your house?”
“Yes, and I -“
“Why did you let him go?”
You couldn’t beat that for a compliment. Not how do you know he killed them, or this or that, but why did you let him go.
“Because he was repugnant,” Wolfe said. “I put him out. I would like -“
“Who is he?”
“Confound it, stop interrupting. I would like to refer the matter to you. I have something here -“
“I want his name now!”
“No. When may I expect you?”
“You know damn well when you may expect me.” He hung up.
I looked at my watch. Twenty to three. It was hard to believe. Another rule in danger, and this time the strictest of all. For years it had been to the plant rooms at four on the dot, no matter what, every day except Sunday, and he couldn’t leave Cramer in the middle of the showdown. It had certainly got under his skin. As I swiveled to ask Fred and Orrie if any bones had been broken the phone rang, and I swiveled back and got it.
“Nero Wolfe’s office, Archie Good -“
“It’s Sally, Archie.”
“Good morning. I mean good afternoon. We miss you. I was going to ring you as soon as I could fit it in. I’ve been kind of busy.”
“Did you … was it…”
“I did and it was. Everything went according to plan. I’m glad to have met you and I want your autograph. If this is the first good thing you ever did you did it good. If you ever want a job as a blackmailer’s moll give me a ring.”
“But was it… did he…”
“He did exactly what he was expected to do. I’ll tell you all about it, words and music, but not now. Everything’s under control. Just sit tight for another twenty-four hours, maybe less. Of course say nothing to your mother - or to anyone.”
“Of course not. But can’t I … I could come…”
“Not now, we’re busy. If you can’t take it easy take it hard, but take it until I call you. Okay?”
“Okay.” She hung up.
Cramer, seated in the red leather chair, said, “Skip the buildup. What have you got?”
It was a family party, with Saul and Fred and Orrie in chairs lined up before Wolfe’s desk, with refreshments. Fred had bourbon and water, and Saul and Orrie and I were sharing a bottle of champagne. Wolfe had beer. Cramer had nothing,
though he had been invited.
Wolfe put his glass down and licked his lips. “It’s a preamble, Mr. Cramer, not a buildup. It’s necessary, and it will be brief. You may recollect an event that occurred four years ago in Piotti’s restaurant on Thirteenth Street.”
“I do. Sergeant Stebbins in the kitchen with Goodwin, with earphones.”
“Yes. A similar event took place there today, with variations. Mr. Panzer was in the kitchen, with a tape recorder instead of earphones. Mr. Durkin and Mr.
Cather were in the restaurant, at separate tables. At still another table was Mr. Goodwin, alone, and the bowl of hideous artificial flowers on that table contained a microphone. He had an appointment with Dr Victor Avery. Shortly before one o’clock Dr Avery entered the restaurant, went to the table where Mr.
Goodwin was, and sat, and Mr. Piotti notified Mr. Panzer in the kitchen, and he started the tape recorder. You are now going to hear the playback. Have I described the circumstances sufficiently?”
“Yes.”
“Have you any questions?”
“I’ll hear it first.”
Wolfe turned. “All right, Saul.” Saul got up and left, taking a glass of champagne along. The speaker was already on. In a moment came the crackles and background noises, and then my voice:
“The spaghetti here is something special. Better have some.”
There was no point in watching Cramer; he would sit with his eyes on Wolfe, his lips tight and his eyes narrowed, no matter what he heard. It was more interesting to watch Fred and Orrie, who hadn’t heard it and knew next to nothing about it. They had turned on their chairs to face the grill. Fred assumed a deadpan, but broke into a broad grin when I told Avery to ring the DA’s office. Orrie cocked his head critically, to judge a colleague’s performance, and he glanced at me off and on to show that he appreciated the fine points. He smiled and nodded approvingly when I pried it out of Avery that he had entered the house, and he pursed his lips when I told Avery that Wolfe had him wrapped up and addressed straight to hell. Just jealous because he knew such a fine line was out of his class-followed by my exit line, ‘Do you prefer hell or are you coming?’ Curtain.
Cramer pulled his feet back, not to get up. “By God,” he said hoarsely. “Did he come'Here?”
“Yes. After he had heard the recording he offered me one hundred thousand dollars in cash, in the hearing of these four men, for the tape and the statement signed by Mr. Goodwin … Give it to him, Archie.”
I got the slip of paper from my pocket and went and handed it over. Cramer read it and looked up. This is in his handwriting?”
“I don’t know. Presumably.”
He read it again, folded it, and stuck it in his pocket. “I have known you to pull some awful fancy ones. How fancy is this?”
“If by “fancy” you mean specious, not at all. Knowing that Dr Avery was twice a murderer, I determined to establish it. Since it was impossible -“
“When did you know it'Did you know it when - ‘ Cramer chopped it and got up and made for me, and, knowing what he wanted, I left my chair and he sat. While he took the phone and dialed I helped myself to some champagne, and by the time I had the bottle back in the ice he had Sergeant Stebbins.
“Purley'I’m at Wolfe’s. Get Dr Victor Avery and bring him in and keep him until I get there. Go yourself. Don’t stop for a warrant. Take him as a material witness in the Kalmus murder, and I mean take him. I want him there when I come - half an hour, maybe more.”
He stood, gave me as sour a look as he had ever favored me with, returned to the red leather chair, gave Wolfe the same look if not worse, and said, “And when I go you and Goodwin are going with me. Who do you two baboons think you are'
Goodwin told a barefaced lie and it’s in his signed statement, and yesterday morning you told me I was better acquainted with all the circumstances surrounding the death of Kalmus than you were. How you expect to get away with -
damn you, don’t sit there with that curl on your lip! I’ll wipe that off'
“I’ll save you the trouble,” Wolfe said, no hard feeling. “Mr. Goodwin lied to Dr Avery, not to you. He didn’t have that house under surveillance Wednesday. As he told you, he arrived there shortly after ten o’clock, accompanied by Miss Blount, so he couldn’t have seen the murderer enter or leave. We gulled Dr Avery. Since it was impossible -“
That interruption wasn’t by Cramer. Saul had entered with another bottle of champagne. Stopping three steps in and seeing that Wolfe was giving him the floor, he came and got the extra glass and filled it and handed it to Cramer,
refilled Orrie’s and mine and his own, put the bottle in the bucket, and sat.
Cramer, who had accepted the glass without knowing it, spilled a little on his pants, glared at the glass in his hand as if demanding how it got there, moved it to his mouth, drained it in three gulps, and put it down on the stand.
He sent the glare at Wolfe. “I don’t believe it,” he said. “To make me swallow it, try telling me how you knew Avery had entered that house if Goodwin hadn’t seen him. And knew he had killed Jerin. Let’s hear you.”
Wolfe nodded. “That’s the point, of course. It’s complicated.”
“I’ll bet it is. I’ll try to understand it. Well?”
Wolfe leaned back. “It was an inference, not a conclusion from demonstrable evidence, for I had none. The inference had three legs. First, Blount had not killed Jerin. As you know, I had previously made that assumption, and the murder of Kalmus established it. Second, Jerin had not been killed by one of the messengers - Hausman, Yerkes, Farrow. I have already apologized to myself for my preposterous pretense that that was possible; I now apologize to you. With Jerin sitting there, the tray at his elbow, and with other messengers entering momentarily?”
He jerked a hand to brush it off. “Pfui. Third, only Avery was left. He had had an opportunity, as good as Blount’s if not better; he had made a concoction,
ostensibly mustard water, and administered it to Jerin. It was credible that he had had a motive; as recorded on that tape, Mr. Goodwin told him that he had had no malice for Jerin, his purpose was to destroy Blount. That can’t be -“
“Why did he want to destroy Blount?”
“Because he wanted Blount’s wife. That can’t be established, since the only evidence for it is inside him, but neither can it be impeached. I presume you have spoken with Mrs. Blount?”
“Yes. Several times.”
“Is it credible that she might provoke an appetite unwittingly?”
“Hell yes.”
“Then motive is at least plausible. But granted opportunity and motive, two questions remain: why was Jerin taken ill so conveniently before Avery was called in to attend him, and why, again so conveniently, did Avery have arsenic on his person'Indeed, it was not until the answers to those two questions were supplied by Mr. Goodwin, after his conversation with Mr. Blount at the prison yesterday, that my attention was on Dr Avery at all. There’s a third question,
did Dr Avery know in advance that Jerin would be taken ill, but that’s merely a part of the second one, and the answer is that he could have and almost certainly did. Kalmus had told him. That was what -“
“Come on,” Cramer cut in. “Goodwin got that from Blount. He’s in jail for murder. He’s your client. He’s not mine.”
“I’ll come to that. I’m telling you why I hit on Avery. That was what made Kalmus suspect him, and he made the mistake of undertaking to deal with him tete-a-tete - a mistake that cost him his life.” Wolfe turned a palm up. “So there it was. When Mr. Goodwin reported on his talk with Mr. Blount, I was satisfied that Avery was the man, but I had no scrap of evidence and no hope of getting any. I say I was satisfied, but satisfaction isn’t certainty, and only certainty would do. I decided to test it and made elaborate arrangements. I asked Mrs. Blount to get all of them here last evening - all of those involved,
including Dr Avery - and, when they were assembled, I announced that I had discharged Mr. Goodwin, who was not present, and that I was withdrawing from the case. I returned to Miss Blount the fee she had paid me. She was privy to the plan. I told them that I had discharged Mr. Goodwin for dereliction of duty;
that he had had Kalmus’s house under surveillance Wednesday evening and had deserted his post for an hour or more, and so had failed to see the murderer enter and leave.”
“They don’t know Goodwin,” Cramer muttered, and I raised a brow at him.
“They do now,” Wolfe said, “or I should say Avery does. From a hotel room he telephoned Avery, told him he had been discharged and why, told him he had not deserted his post, gave him to understand that he had seen him enter and leave Kalmus’s house Wednesday evening, and told him to bring one hundred thousand dollars to a rendezvous at Piotti’s restaurant. Of course Avery’s reaction settled it. If, innocent or guilty, he had disdained the challenge, I would have been through. May I digress?”
Cramer grunted. “You always do.”
“It’s relevant but not material. I believe he would have disdained it if he had had nothing to fear but the law. He knew there was no conclusive evidence against him and that the prospect of getting any was remote; his having been seen entering and leaving the house wouldn’t convict him of murder, even if Mr.
Goodwin’s word were credited. There could have been no motive for him to kill Kalmus unless he had killed Jerin, and the possibility of getting proof that he had killed Jerin was more than remote, it was nonexistent. His compelling dread was not of the law, it was of Mrs. Blount. Would she believe Mr. Goodwin'Or,
more to the point, would she disbelieve him'If she merely doubted, his purpose was defeated. It was not to be borne. He made the appointment with Mr. Goodwin and kept it. You have heard the result.”
Wolfe folded his arms. “That’s all, Mr. Cramer. You could legally get that tape by a court order, but I won’t stand on formality. Take it, with the understanding that I may arrange for Mr. and Mrs. Blount to hear it should that be necessary. Will Mr. Blount be released today or must he wait until tomorrow?”
“Like hell it’s all!” Cramer was trying not to explode. “We can’t keep Blount, I give you that, and you’re damn right I’ll take the tape, and you heard me tell Stebbins to get Avery, but when I get him what have I got'As you said yourself,
not a scrap of evidence. You got information that identified a murderer, and what did you do with it?”
“Nonsense.” Wolfe was curt. “Just now you contemned that information as coming from a man in jail for murder and my client. Am I obliged to disclose information entrusted to me by a client for investigation in his interest?”
“It’s not a -“
“I want an answer. Am I?”
“No. But you are now. You trap a murderer, and you let him listen to that tape,
and you let him go, before you call me. Now you’re obliged to give me the information, and I want it. What made Jerin sick'Was it in the chocolate'Who put it in'How did Avery know he would get sick'What did Kalmus know'Exactly what did Blount tell Goodwin'Well?”
Wolfe turned. “Archie. What was your commitment to Mr. Blount?”
I admit I was slightly keyed. I seldom drink champagne when on duty, to prevent dereliction. “Everything he told me,” I said, “was in absolute confidence. There was no Bible handy, so I crossed my heart. If you pass it on to a cop, even an inspector, I’m sunk. Possibly Saul and Fred and Orrie combined can fill my shoes.”
Wolfe turned to Cramer. “Mr. Goodwin is tipsy. But his commitment extends to me.
I suggest that before you release Mr. Blount you ask him to give you the information he gave Mr. Goodwin, in confidence of course, and probably he will oblige you. You know very well -“
The phone rang, and I swiveled and got it.
After the first two words of my phone formula a deep gritty voice interrupted,
“I want Inspector Cramer,” and I turned and told him, “For you. Stebbins.”
In writing these reports I try not to give the impression that I think I can see through solid doors or around corners. If I had a hunch at a certain point, as I do now and then, I usually omit it because I can’t expect you to take my word for it. But if Wolfe can break his rules I can break mine, and here goes one.
When I handed Cramer the receiver I knew what he was going to hear. I didn’t suspect, I knew. I suppose Purley’s interrupting me, his tone of voice, his not asking if Cramer was there but just saying he wanted him - anyway, I knew, and I was even surer when Cramer said practically nothing, just listened, with only a couple of growls and a couple of questions, So it was no surprise when he cradled the phone and wheeled to Wolfe and croaked, “Damn you and your lousy tricks! Goddam you!”
“Mr. Cramer, if you -“
“Don’t Mister me! You think you’re a - I don’t know what you think you are, but I know what I know you are! Avery stuck a gun in his mouth and blew the top of his head off. Go ahead and collect your fee. That will satisfy you, won’t it'
Are you satisfied?’ He hit the desk with his fist. “Are you?”
Wolfe turned his head to look at the wall clock. Quarter past four. He would be late for his date with the orchids.
“Yes,” he said politely, “I’m satisfied. You will be too when you cool off. You have been delivered from the ignominy of convicting an innocent man, and from the embarrassment of arresting a guilty man who couldn’t be convicted.”